Being Married is Hard

I suppose some day we might look back and laugh at how a seemingly innocuous comment about where to put away the dishes resulted in my husband packing a bag and running away. (He didn't make it one entire night but I don't know why yet - I haven't talked to him). I've felt for a while now that I don't think I can really express any negativity to him. When I disagree with him, he just gets so cranky like he just doesn't want to believe that there is someone who doesn't want to do things his way. But he doesn't see it as "his way", he sees it as the "right way" and if I disagree, it's because I'm wrong. He seems to forget that there a hundred little things that I do around the house to accommodate "his way". These are things that I don't care about (like how to arrange the groceries in the refrigerator or where to put my smelly running shoes) but I do them anyway because seeing little things out of order, as it were, puts him in such a foul mood. I feel like I am being helpful by trying not to stress him out and I am going out of my way to remember all the little things that he likes; since I don't care one way or the other most of the time, it's really no problem for me. However, if I do speak up on something (like where to put the bowls) I apparently spark some kind of rage that makes him storm out of the house. The irony is that he can't understand why no one around here wants to be honest with him about how they feel. Why would we when he gets so mad? I don't feel any physical threat or anything like that but I would prefer not to have him growling and scowling all day over trivial matters.

After he left yesterday, I wasn't even upset. I've gotten to the point that I'm just numb. I used to get myself all wound up trying to figure out how to makes things better and trying to talk to him but at this point, I'm just exhausted. He seems determined to be upset.

I still imagine us getting old together. I'm just not sure how we are going to get there.