January Jonesing for Snark? (Derp Thread 68)
 

TEN NINE EIGHT SEVEN SIX FIVE FOUR THREE TO ONE

*pop*

Should auld acquaintance blah blah blah pretend you know the words! And blah blah of kindness yet what the fuck is a lang syne!!!!


Happy New Years Gweebos. You need a new thread.

I LOVE YOU MANARLARrlarllll...

The song's Scots title may be translated into standard English as "old long since", or more idiomatically, "long long ago", "days gone by" or "old times". Consequently, "For auld lang syne", as it appears in the first line of the chorus, might be loosely translated as "for (the sake of) old times".

Cheers!

The Scottish, it Burns!

Our board's most erudite eructator, everyone!

As always, the Baker boys come out to defend her honor.

http://giraffeboard.com/showpost.php...postcount=1066
http://giraffeboard.com/showpost.php...postcount=1067

SHUT UP. You suck.

Oh shut up.

Jonathan Chance is really Ducati's sock! :jaw:

Allow me to endorse my learned colleagues and add: Bollock off (as I believe they say in Britain). :gtfo:

That's enough. One week in the hole.

Happy New Year.

Yikes. I just took a piss into the hole. Didn't know anyone was down there. Sorry.

"Bollock off"? Nah, never heard of it. "Fuck Off You Caaaahnt!" is rather more appropriate when using The Queen's English...

That sounds like a super-hero description.

The Erudite Eructor!

Fair enough. Shame though, I quite liked the sound of it.

It sounds like a fifties Soviet politician to me...

"Stick it up yer bollocks", a physiologically improbable insult made famous by the soccer player Roy Keane is a quite nice phrase.

Oh, you mean Politburo member Ivan Arsenich Sobolikov? Always had his hands down his pants, that one.

nm

Aww, ain't that cute. It called me one of 'the Baker boys'. I feel so special.

Yes, but are you faaaabulous? ;)

Yes. Here's me in the elevator.

My cat, Puddin', used to love that movie. My copy was subtitled in Japanese, though, not Spanish, like this one. I miss that cat.

Lacunae Matata was offered a perfume sample.

Yes, faced with the slap/lawsuit/prosecution trifecta, Macy's forcibly ejected their own saleswoman and begged Lacunae Xmas-stick's forgiveness. If only we could all stand up to such bullies so!

When I read this, my first thought was: did Broomie change her username?

Never noticed Lacunae before, and I don't know how I missed her. WHAT attracts these people to the Derp?

I also found her story of how, because she's such a "cool mom," she's able to talk young people out of getting tattoos. The first sentence tells you what you're in for:

Yeah, right.

Also in that thread: nearwildheaven makes laundry detergent better and cheaper at home, and GrumpyBunny is able to avoid the perfume-sprayers at Macy's by threatening to set them on fire.

Those scent-sprayers can be aggressive, but I have never had them actually spray me or my wife; they always ASK. They can be in your face about asking, but they do ask. I'm going to guess this is one of those things where, even though I'm a middle-aged man with loads of experience and I have never actually witnessed this very common experience, it is in fact a very common experience and nobody is heightening the truth to emphasize their own suffering or exaggerate the injustice.

Mister Rik: how do I girl? need answer fast!

I like how he takes pains to point out that she's neither 15 nor his cousin. Score! :science:

They ask nowadays, but I can vouch that back say, pre-1990, maybe, aggressive perfume/cologne people were very prevalent. And say, pre-1980, maybe, they were ubiquitous. In a few cases that I remember, they didn't even ask.

That said, I haven't had anything but polite offers ("Pardon me sir, would you like to try such-and-such") and they won't push.

It really did used to be common back when, but not for the last 25 years or so. I suspect that the people bitching about this are also the people who complain that people who smoke in theaters ruined their movie-going experience.

It was probably Broomie who offered the sample. And Lacunae Matata is evil for not buying that shit, since, of course, if you won't buy from the poor person, it's your fault Broomie is poor.

Monty: Thai Royals are teh evul because...um...they're not doing enough. Or doing too much. And the king can't prevent revolutions so...there.!
septimus: What? Cite? and...what???
Monty: U R A poopyhead. That's your cite


I'm not paying that much attention to the actual debate, so if septimus is also being cray-cray, then call it a tardfight. But so far, what I've read is Monty being mad at stuff and septimus saying ":confused::confused:"

You mean the kinds of people who have asthma or allergies or just don't want to smell like somebody else's ashtray? The assholes.

If you're being ironic and I'm missing it from lack of sleep last night, consider me hurr-durred :rebo:, but I meant the kinds of people who don't get that smoking in theaters has been banned pretty much nation-wide since about 1980.

ETA--I just looked and...oops. It's not a nationwide ban. So...amend that last line to say "I suspect that the people bitching about this are also the people who complain about stuff that was banned 30 years ago ruined their current experience."

Got it. Smoking in theaters has been banned pretty much my whole life, mostly because it was a fire hazard. I thought you were talking about people who complained in the first place. To me that's one of the most sensible places to disallow smoking, along with airplanes. (And I used to smoke, and wished both of those places allowed it.)

I can vouch too that hardcore perfumes and scented crap can give people a migraine, although in my case, it's usually only when it's REALLY strong. (And let's face is, there are people who don't understand the concept of "less is more")

(I remember unwisely going into a candle shop where they made their own scented candles. THAT was a big mistake. I left there reeking of probably every scent you could possibly think of. I had to take a shower and I had a blinding headache. Ugh.)

I hate cologne and perfume. The guys at the gym drench themselves in body spray. I don't have an allergic reaction or get a headache, but jebus. It's annoying. It's like talking on your cell phone at the theater. Knock it the fuck off. I don't need to have a physical illness to ask you to stop ruining my own experience, which I paid for.

Minor Accomplishments You Are Proud Of:

- I never buy new clothes!
- I have Spotify!
- I don't even have to wash!
- No piercings!

:sciencefail:

A Rant From Someone Who Spent Way Too Long on the Wrong Side of a Retail Counter

By Ratty

1) Everywhere I worked, security staff did not look like defensive linemen or Russian mob enforcers for a good damn reason: they had to blend in to the crowd so that shoplifters/ creeps whacking off in the lingerie department/ heroin cooks in the bathrooms wouldn't be able to identify them as security people easily.

2) It's not the embroidering of the truth as the attitude of "LOL I can way exaggerate this story and you'll all cheer me for getting the evil salesgirl thrown out on her stinkpretty because retail drones are just mindless asstards we can treat like shit. If they want to be people like me they should quit that shit and get themselves a real job, amirite?"

3) Corporate doesn't give a bollock about either the employees or the customers. All they care about is "WHY ARE QUARTERLY SALES DOWN AGAIN THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE BE MORE AGGRESSIVE WITH THE EAU DE PUTAINE SAMPLES AND MEET YOUR QUOTA OR YOU ARE COMPLETELY ALL THE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!"

This has been a Ratty rant.

You simply have to dress for success, is all. One look at me walking in the door and the perfume lady doesn't even try.

I kinda sorta remember smoking in the last 5 rows of an airplane back in about '83 or 4. And also having to go back through security because I had to go outside to smoke at JFK in (probably) '85 or so, so that's about when they outlawed smoking in planes. Of course my memory may be fucked from all the free booze they still served on planes, back then, so the dates may be wrong.

Maybe it was your odor preceding you. She had to run and barf behind the counter. :science::jaw:

Aeschines would like everyone to know that giant, planet-destroying space guns are unrealistic.

Just testing. Brian does nothing but :threadshit:

And just like Santa-bot and the Hannukah Zombie, here's New Year's Frankenstein. :frankie:

Disappointed :Brian: isn't the code for the first one.

I thought about that, but I figure eventually Brian will fade like the bad stink of a :threadshit: and then new people will post about "Why do you hate Brian Keith" (who, I understand, the kids in the hep, with-it crowd finds groovy.)

Remember the SDMB's endless stream of "Who was :wally:?" questions?

We have much to learn from you, Fenris.:threadshit:

My sister is here for the holidays, and she's 50. She remembers free booze on planes in the early '80s, too. She didn't smoke, so she can't say anything about that, but she does remember the free booze. Flying was fun before TSA.

okay what in the hell is this?

Like it says. Threadshit. What it says on the package. :threadshit:

Smoking was okay on planes at least as late as 1988. I flew with my mom, seats in the smoking section. But the section was changed to non-smoking because there were too many passengers asking for the no-smoking section. One of those passengers was moved to our row.

She was livid. Three hours without a cigarette! She got her revenge though. The non-smoker had the aisle seat, me in the middle, mom at the window. When the non-smoker would lean over to see something cool out the window, mom would lean over to block his view.

Woman was militant.

You could still smoke on some international flights when I first starting traveling for business in 1990. I think that flights in and out of Japan were the last up until 1995 or so.

The booze is still free with a first class ticket. But damn if I'm going to cough up $4500 for that action.