102-The Last Durp to Snarksville
 

FPB.

Let's start this one off on the right foot. Retro or Current Snark welcome.

Everyone hates the title. I accept that. From this point on, any thread title stuff goes in the "Future Snark Titles" thread and any in this one will earn a 4-24 hour boxing (the duration will be arbitrary and capricious.)

Also less :durpfight: in this one would be good.

Last snark? They got to you?

A negative 20 hour boxing? Does that mean I'd be like an admin or something for 20 hours? :bouncingball:

It's a song reference. :rolleyes:

I asked Leo Bloom for clarification and am utterly unsurprised nothing was forthcoming.

@Fenris

Can you make a pre-emptive ruling that any bickering w regards to Morgenstern is verboten in this thread. If dopers want to come over here and beat him over the head, I'm fine with that, but do it in the Pit. It's getting fuckin tedious.

first

♪♫♪ Take the last snark to durpsville, I'll be waiting at the main page.
You can scroll there when you're ready and together we'll get outraged.
Don't be slow, oh no no no! ♫♪♫

Slow :clap:

Yes. Yes we can.

Yay.

I like cheese.

I like clues.:cheeze:

What are you saying? I need to get a clue? Nice.

How about that morgenstern asshole. Freeking dick. :rimshot:

Some retro snark:
Try2BeComprehensive's obsession with his penis

See, it's like he's been RAPED, did you know that? RAPED, I tell you!

:eek:

The title is fine, but can I point out that it should have been "Last Durp to Snarksville"? On account of "Snarksville" rhymes with "Clarksville"? Well anyway, I am pointing that out, and will accept my capricious and arbitrary boxing if necessary. Because freedom.

A little retro retro. Johanna explains how men can suck urine back inside after peeing.

really,

Johanna06-15-2001, 11:10 AM
There is a yoga exercise called vajroli, which involves drawing liquids up the urethra. Anyone who has mastered this will also master control of his ejaculation. (I've also heard the Tantric semen control technique described as "injaculation.") Vajroli is also important in Tantric sex for drawing the female essence into the man.

There is a story about Ngawang Losang Gyatso, the Fifth Dalai Lama (known as "The Great Fifth"). He was being criticized for frequenting brothels and consorting with whores while he was the spiritual leader of Tibet. (There is also a body of erotic poems by him that are still sung to this day.)

So he summoned his critics to the steps of the Potala palace. He urinated out of his full bladder down the steps. And then he reversed the flow and drew all the urine back up into his bladder. This silenced his critics. He was a serious Tantric master.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...07&postcount=7

I'd like to have seen this.

ITD didn't get it, either.

WE DON'T HAVE AN STD!!!!!

We just met...




:haw:

....dammit, you're 100% right. That is better. I arbitrarily and capriciously box you for 4 hours, BUT, for dramatically improving a snark title, I give you an unprecedented -4 hour boxing, so it all works out to zero. (note to future historians among the Ant-People who will one day find these records, the original title was The Last Snark to Durpsville. I hope this helps you understand us better. )

That's some seriously fucked up shit from one seriously fucked up dude. I had to stop reading.

So, Penfeather starts a thread about the 8 year-old girl playing drums to Good Times, Bad Times by Led Zep. It's a cool video (full disclosure: I posted it here in Blah Blah) but along comes pool:

Where in the holy fuck does the Durp get these people? It's a freaking kid. :headwall:

:banana::cheeze::banana:

Certain things happen when no one's paying attention. Love the dancing bananas. :hug:

How dead do you have to be inside to not be happy watching that kid?

The link to vimeo won't open for me. :(

(I did find another. Holy SHIT. Bonham was one of the greatest drummers of all time! This girl is going places!)

How old is pool? In my young and pretentious days, when music had to MEAN SOMETHING and I would only listen to serious artists who poured their everything into the music, I felt that way. "Oh. They sing the song but they didn't write it? Might as well be karaoke." But then, I stopped being a teenager and grew up.

Oooo! I have an actual snark!

In a thread about movie sequels sucking so bad that it ruins the original (highlander 2 is of course the real answer), realitychuck drops this turd.

Snark cherry broken.

:gun: :banana: :banana: :banana: :gun:

Jeez, another one whose parents never came to his recital. Sure, kid, it's all smiles and applause and adulation when you're 8 years old, but wait until you're 11 and telling your friends that Mummy and Daddy are going to be there for your triangle solo on "Yesterday", and you're tinkling away and they never come, and you're sobbing your guts out in a cold and lonely school hall while those lumbering heifers the Sugar Plum Fairies are getting the applause you should have had. Showbiz is a dirty, cruel business, honey, and the sooner you learn it the better. I bent my triangle into a parallelogram that very night, and I've never played again. WHY DIDN'T YOU COME, DADDY? WHY COULDN'T YOU MAKE IT?

This just in: pool unimpressed by noted Mozart cover band, The Boston Philharmonic.

Jesus Goat-Roping Christ on a greased pogo stick. If I paid pool a penny for their thoughts, that moron would have to make change.

Eh, I agree with Chucky-boy on this one: The original still exists, it's completely unaltered, and the sequel doesn't break into your house and wreck up the place in order to destroy your copy of it.

I think he's a yahoo for thread-shitting, though.

Oh, but it does. I super terrible sequel will indeed get in your brain and retcon the original into garbage. Once you know the highlander are aliens, there ain't nothing that can make me forget that.

Yup. When she is sitting in math class with a teenage attitude thinking, "I'll never need to know this shit", she'll actually be right.

I didn't know you posted here. I made fun of you in the last snark thread for your retarded comment about boycotting businesses.

What do you want to do with your life?

I WANNA ROCK :rimshot:

ssgenius posts a conversation he had with his 15 year old niece, who lives in Alberta. Here's part of it. He manages to be that one creepy uncle.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...31&postcount=1

Holy Christ on a hoverboard, Batman! It's taking longer than we thought, indeed.

I'm sure I deserve it.

Did some heartless mod freeze the dancing bananas? I love frozen bananas as much as anyone but that animated smiley is kind of iconic. He should dance.
:bouncingball::headwall:

Linked TFY

ETA: Special Giraffe Boards version. I especially like how Fenris tries to take over but Giraffe's level of rock'n'roll proves to be too righteous.

The bananas are dancing for me. Especially when the ones with the guns shoot at their feet.

If you're on mobile, the animated smilies don't always.

They're dancing again now but when they weren't all the other smilies were working. They were defenseless against the machine gun bananas.

Hurr unlike you unworldly Dopers who are talking about actually having used actual traveler's checks in the exact same thread, jturd knows that there was a time when there weren't ATMs everywhereThanks! I feel so enlightened now! I read all the other posts in the thread and never knew up until that post that there ever was a time when there were no ATMs!

I think pool has stumbled onto a corollary of the Straight Dope axiom "If it is food, I can make it better and cheaper at home." (Perhaps, "If it is music, I can compose and play it better myself"?)

The Dope's foremost expert on humour weighs in on Garfield:alien1:

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...8&postcount=10

:rimshot: