Okay, What Are We Getting Giraffe For Christmas?
 

It is time to select an imaginary present to give to Giraffe for the Holidays. After the choice is made, we will guilt-trip Rat Diva into buying it and sending it to him and promise to pay her back but quickly forget about doing so.

Please refer to list of options...

On the first day of Christmas we purchased for Giraffe. . .
. . . a shit steam in a pork boot!

A truss.

Same thing as every other day. A hard time.

I couldn't vote, because none of the options are anywhere near as obnoxious as he deserves.

Giraffe picks out his own present.

This poll contains no Wombat option, and is therefore seriously invalid.

It also does not contain a hot buttered toast option, making it even move invalid.

That is a double fail.

Sad.

Wombats and hot buttered toast are both too hard to wrap.

Maybe hot buttered wombat...

We have traditions, Sir, and they are to be followed rigorously.

So, mulled wombat then?

I'll give it some thought.

Why don't we just get him the same thing we got last year?

A hard time?

That's fine; I'll just pretend to buy it and ship it and keep the money anyway.

So, same as last year, then? :D

A sandwich.

whatever it is, let's steal it from an evidence locker.

You forgot the "big tin of already stale popcorn in multiple flavors".

I remember that he likes that.

Giraffe already has wombats. Lots of them. In fact, right now two of them are perched on the server and staring at you like gargoyles.

He's been looking kind of pale lately. His cheek bones could use some definition too. (even if James Charles is kind of a prick)

I bought Giraffe a really nice expensive tie for Christmas but he made a mean post at me on something awful so I returned it and spent the money on me instead

How about a tongue scraper?

He already has one of those. It's named Fenris.

:clap::clap::clap:

On the second day of Christmas we purchased for Giraffe. . .
. . . two spatulas
and a shit steam in a pork boot!

No, but it's probably better than last year's gift of a makeover:

https://i.imgur.com/d7XJdYe.png

On the third day of Christmas we purchased for Giraffe. . .
. . . three toilet sandwiches
. . . two spatulas
and a shit steam in a pork boot!

On the fourth day of Christmas we purchased for Giraffe. . .
. . . four Shivarna Mitras
. . . three toilet sandwiches
. . . two spatulas
and a shit steam in a pork boot!

On the fourth day of Christmas we purchased for Giraffe. . .
. . . FIVE WOMBATS!
. . . four Shivarna Mitras
. . . three toilet sandwiches
. . . two spatulas
and a shit steam in a pork boot!

On the fifth sixth day of Christmas we purchased for Giraffe. . .
. . . six mods a-braying
. . . FIVE WOMBATS!
. . . four Shivarna Mitras
. . . three toilet sandwiches
. . . two spatulas
and a shit steam in a pork boot!


Keep up, Solfy!

On the Seventh Day of Christmas, we presented Giraffe...

Seven Fenrises a-Fenrising
Six Mods A-Braying
FIVE WOMMMMMMMM-BAAAAA-AAA-AAA-AAA-AAATS
Four Shivarna Mitras
Three Toilet Sandwiches
Two Spatulas
And A Shit Stream In A Pork Boot...

(Piano vamp...)

[boogie dancing! ]

[choir comes back from the bar]

On the Eighth Day of Christmas, we presented Giraffe...

Eight Durps Protesting!
Seven Fenrises a-Fenrising
Six Mods A-Braying
FIVE WOMMMMMMMM-BAAAAA-AAA-AAA-AAA-AAATS
Four Shivarna Mitras
Three Toilet Sandwiches
Two Spatulas
And A Shit Stream In A Pork Boot...

(Piano vamp...)

I feel immensely validated that Sunny, Helena, and I all made the same choice.

On the Ninth Day of Christmas, we presented to Giraffe...

Nine Gutter Scum Flith
Eight Durps Protesting!
Seven Fenrises a-Fenrising
Six Mods A-Braying
FIVE WOMMMMMMMM-BAAAAA-AAA-AAA-AAA-AAATS
Four Shivarna Mitras
Three Toilet Sandwiches
Two Spatulas
And A Shit Steam In A Pork Boot...

(pause for a freestyle dance sequence)

Oh boy, did you ever just save a bundle on your therapy bills. Just drop a couple bucks on Sunny and Helena and you can feel validated anytime. Win-win!

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, we presented to Giraffe...

Ten Trolls a-trolling
Nine Gutter Scum Flith
Eight Durps Protesting!
Seven Fenrises a-Fenrising
Six Mods A-Braying
FIVE WOMMMMMMMM-BAAAAA-AAA-AAA-AAA-AAATS
Four Shivarna Mitras
Three Toilet Sandwiches
Two Spatulas
And A Shit Steam In A Pork Boot...

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, we presented to Giraffe...

Eleven Snarkers Snarking
Ten Trolls a-trolling
Nine Gutter Scum Flith
Eight Durps Protesting!
Seven Fenrises a-Fenrising
Six Mods A-Braying
FIVE WOMMMMMMMM-BAAAAA-AAA-AAA-AAA-AAATS
Four Shivarna Mitras
Three Toilet Sandwiches
Two Spatulas
And A Shit Steam In A Pork Boot...

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, we presented to Giraffe...
Twelve lurkers lurking
Eleven Snarkers Snarking
Ten Trolls a-trolling
Nine Gutter Scum Flith
Eight Durps Protesting!
Seven Fenrises a-Fenrising
Six Mods A-Braying
FIVE WOMMMMMMMM-BAAAAA-AAA-AAA-AAA-AAATS
Four Shivarna Mitras
Three Toilet Sandwiches
Two Spatulas
And A Shit Steam In A Pork Boot...

I love you guys.

There's currently a tie. Any more votes?

I would never vote for a tie. All that extra fabric costs more.

A Las Vegas wedding; a Mexican divorce; a solid gold Kama Sutra coffee pot AND a baby's arm holding an apple!

Or possibly a foolproof plan and an airtight alibi.

A herd of Winnebagos.

OK, but I voted for 'jumper cables'*, which didn't break the tie.

*Remember. Red's positive, Black is negative, and be sure to salt the nads before you apply the voltage.

Thanks for the earworm.

Whatever you do, do not pick the jumper cables. You don't want to know what he does with them.

I said, people don't want to know!! :mad:

Also: I accidentally didn't break the tie. Sorry. (Not sorry)

Guess we'll just have to get him a tie.

Again.

We the Gweebs of GBB are.
Scary gifts we sendeth afar.
Spatulas, lurkers,
Wombat berzerkers,
Some truck nuts for his car.

OooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
Raffers wonder, raffers fight.
Over what will bring delight sheer fright.