[Solfy]

If I had a time machine, I'd go back and make us wait a year to get married, or make Husband move out on his own for one year before the marriage. Because that would have made the first 4 years so much smoother.

We were both working, and agreed that we should split the housework equally - HA! It was four years of a 90/10 split, maybe 80/20 on a good day. He insisted he was "helping me" enough. I insisted that cleaning the toilet that you yourself shit in is not "helping." That's cleaning up after yourself. His jobs were to mow the lawn and take out the trash. Everything else (laundry, cooking, groceries, vacuuming, dusting, shopping, etc.) was mine. Because that's how it was when he lived with his mother.

When he became a SAHD, he finally began to understand exactly how much work was involved in keeping house, and how he really hadn't been doing 50%. "Never attribute to malice that which can adequately be explained by stupidity." (or in this case, garden variety lack of awareness) He stepped up accordingly. Except any time I'm off work for more than a day or so, we're back to 90/10 and I get all bitchy. Like last week.

I checked the signs of adult ADHD, and while there are a few that hit the mark (short temper, mood swings) most of them really don't (restlessness, impulsiveness, disorganization, lack of punctuality).


ETA: I would not be happy if I wasn't usually in charge. But sometimes I want someone else to pick the vacation destination, or make a restaurant reservation, or decide we should go to the park for the afternoon. I feel like the entertainment director on the cruise ship Solfyville, and I'd rather feel more like a team at least part of the time. I don't mind calling most of the shots, but I'd like to not call them all.
We've discussed this more than once, but things always revert back to default.