The version
here just has no spirit, so ...
Jesus and Moses are out playing golf one day. Jesus had birdied the first four holes, Moses the first and third.
They've reached the fifth hole, which is surrounded by a water hazard.
Jesus takes out his six iron and says to Moses, "I saw Arnold Palmer do this with a six iron. If he can do it, surely I can."
Jesus swings and hits a towering shot that lands on the green, then rolls into the water. He starts to walk slowly toward the water, but Moses stops him.
"You've already done enough for humanity," Moses says. "The least I can do is fetch one golf ball for you."
Jesus thanks him, and Moses runs off, parts the water, gets the ball back, unparts the water, cleans the off and runs back, thoroughly gassed.
Jesus touches the ball and it's instantly clean. With Moses in the midst of fast recovery breaths, Jesus speaks to himself, as he lines up the shot, "1974 Masters ... feet just right, hands just right, shoulders straight, wind up and ... bang!"
Jesus looks up and sees he's hooked the shot. It sails the needed length but is left of the green by a good 20 yards.
"Telling you, five iron," Moses mutters.
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken," Jesus starts, then finishes, "this poor sap to go get my ball again!"
Moses shakes his head in annoyance, then jogs to the water hazard this time. He parts it, gets the ball, unparts it, cleans the ball off and now walks back to Jesus.
"Last time," Moses says. "Just use a five iron. Please. For the love of God."
"Oh, I have that," Jesus says as Moses realizes what he's said. "And that's how I know I'm going to get it this time."
"You are going to get it this time," Moses shoots back. "You're getting it on the green or you're getting the ball back. I'm tired of being your gofer."
Jesus lines up the shot again, this time taking a few practice swings. He swings hard and visualizes the ball not only landing and staying on the green but going in for a hole in one.
"OK, I got this," Jesus says. "Arnold did it. I can do it. Golf is my game, dude."
He lines the shot up and hits it squarely into the water.
Moses just points at it.
"Could you -- " Jesus starts, then puts his head down and starts walking to the hazard.
Moses takes his six iron out and hits his ball onto the green.
As he's walking to get to the green for his birdie putt, he sees Jesus walking on the hazard, trying to see his ball.
Two other golfers have their iPhones out and are busily taking photographs of this man who is walking on the water.
"Hey, dude --" they shout at Jesus, who waves them off angrily as he tries to find his little white ball in amid the muck of the bottom of the hazard.
Moses walks up to the edge of the water, near where Jesus is.
"Don't help me!" Jesus says without seeing him. "I don't want to pull a groin when you part the water between my feet."
Moses spies the other golfers and walks toward them to ask them how their rounds are going.
"Hey, dude!" one of them shouts to him.
"Yeah, what's up?" Moses replies.
"Who does that guy think he is, walking on the water? Jesus Christ?"
Moses shakes his head, thoroughly annoyed at how long this round is already taking. "No. Not Jesus Christ. Arnold Palmer."