I'm becoming an asshole in real life

[Someone]

Today, some cats painting another building for private contract, parked in my paid-for spot. I had informed the owner previously that, even though I personally don't drive, I'd need that spot open. Sure as rain I had a student on my one day I'm at home call and say he probably wouldn't make it, but maybe. So, I, enraged somewhat, go out to get the mail, and say to the painter cats, "Hey! You gotta move that car!" --"which one?"--"[Pointing finger] that one!."

I think on Saturday I was in want of some Prince Albert so I go down to the Freddie's, and after a long line, I am maintaining a cool calm, until the customer service lady (that's where you get tobacco at there) starts answering phones like a crazy person. Didn't think about i, but I said loudly, while in line, "What an Asshole!" The chick went to the trouble to go back to the storeroom, and after I was done making a big deal about how awesomee she was, she said sootto voce, "And thanks for calling me an asshole."

As recompense, I think the one cat in my discrete math and calculus I class I'll pass on my Boolos, Burgess, and Jeffrey along with syllabus from grad school. He's into proofs and stuff and he's reviewing a lot of this stuff like me, so maybe that'll make him happy.

I felt like an asshole ten times over all week, though. I think I'm turning into a giant turd grew out of the sidewalk in Brooklyn. Online I don't give a shit, becauuse I always had a real life to fall back on, impeccable, but now, when RL becomes a test of wits, one doesn't have anything but regret and remorse. I'd do it all again, because now I can see what I did wrong.

[Someone]

It's got to do with the conversation inside your head. It really helps if you don't assume everybody hates you in advance.

[Someone]

I assume I hate everybody in advance.

[Someone]

Well sure, unless they're hot.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Online I don't give a shit, becauuse I always had a real life to fall back on, impeccable, but now, when RL becomes a test of wits, one doesn't have anything but regret and remorse. I'd do it all again, because now I can see what I did wrong.

If you don't care if you're an asshole in some situations, that kind of indicates you're an asshole. That'll bleed over eventually.

[Someone]

Goddammit of course everybody's a fucking douche unless proved otherwise -- that's default.

I don't believe it follows that everyone hates me equally IRL. Actually, the default position is that I rule and all lives are enriched by the sharing of my blessings. Delusional, but it gets me through the day, and also is true in general.

Just worried about these two recent outbursts of asshole behavior. I didn't have to be rude to the painter guys, even though I was right and they had deliberately moved the traffic cone/thing I moved from their trailer to block off my parking spot which I need when I'm home and expecting visitors. Then again, I regularly -- as in every day -- flip people off at crosswalks who cut too close with their shitmobiles and of course do the hand-gestures à la Tootsie, "Hey, I'm walking here!" But fuck them I got places to be, not hanging around in a middle of a street for my health so get the fuck out of my fucking way, shitstains. It's good it's umbrella season -- some cornholer blocks my path trying to get a good vantage on an opening out of Whole Foods or whatever stupid crap, they tend to take notice and I don't have to carry around my putter like Mulholland Drive. They shouldn't be driving in a "city" if they can''t take it, and that goes for bike retards too. I'd fucking love it if one of those nutless skinjobs tried to fuck with my shit. Most dangerous cretins on the road, by far. And that's why you look both ways before crossing streets.

Nice word salad parthenokinesis. Tl:dr.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well sure, unless they're hot.

Urgh, those are the worst.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

If you don't care if you're an asshole in some situations, that kind of indicates you're an asshole. That'll bleed over eventually.

Finally made it through this word salad. So, here's the deal. Online isn't a psychic state, Neuromancer. It ain't shit, actually. It's a convenient way to ftp files among colleagues and occasionally waste time playing games or whatever you people do. Sexting dick pics and such.

I'm tallking about the real world.

On the other hand, maybe you're right, and wild id ravings on anonymous message boards are revelatory of character. In fact, I suspect it is close to the truth, this latter statement. You may be right, after all.

[Someone]

"I'm walkin' here!" is Dustin Hoffman, but it's not Tootsie. It's from Midnight Cowboy. (just saying)

There's nothing you can do about past times of assholeness at this point. Best bet is to go forward, aware of your behavior and trying to not do it in future.

We all lose our rag at times or even just over-react. But Partho's got a good point: just because we can't see you and/or haven't formally met, is no reason to act badly. All we have to go on here are your words (and mine etc). It's a limited medium and very vulnerable to misinterpretation on all sides--even more reason to NOT be a dick.

Never mind-I just read the last bit of your last post.

[Someone]

My problem was that I would grossly overreact to some perceived slight or breach of etiquette. I would also lose my shit over what I thought was gross incompetence. I swear to god you would not believe how close I came to actually suing people over simply being incompetent morons - except in many cases I came to find that what was really going on was a lack of understanding on my part of the procedures involved.

As recently as 6 months ago I tracked down the president of the company of one firm I deal with on a regular basis - no mean feat since they are part of Russian nesting doll of international corporations. But I did it and complained vehemently about the service I felt I should be getting. Technically I was right and I'm glad I did it, but in retrospect I was a monumental asshole in dealing with the chimps . . . *ahem* folks, locally who really mattered and who could have resolved the problem more quickly and efficiently.

[Someone]

So are you interested in not being an asshole, or was this just some sort of public service announcement?

[Someone]

I think the spill over into real life assholishness is the danger of being an asshole online. You should care about your online behavior, because it sets up habits that spill over.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

So are you interested in not being an asshole, or was this just some sort of public service announcement?

Growing up down South, I was taught to be extremely polite and well mannered. When I moved up here, I had to relearn a lot of things. That's not to say that people here are universally rude, but the standards are certainly different and much lower. So that was one factor that I grappled with for a very long time.

The other thing is that due the brain damage and genetics, I naturally have certain emotional issues that were repressed growing up and which came out in the form of dissociative rage later in life. Long story which I won't bore you with.

So it's really quite a bit more complex.

[Someone]

Sorry, I was talking to Jaledin. You're not an asshole, at least most of the time. Well within the standard exemption.

Jaledin, on the other claw, seems to enjoy it. And nowhere in this thread do I find any indication that he intends to change that. So what's the point?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Growing up down South, I was taught to be extremely polite and well mannered. When I moved up here, I had to relearn a lot of things. That's not to say that people here are universally rude, but the standards are certainly different and much lower. So that was one factor that I grappled with for a very long time.

The other thing is that due the brain damage and genetics, I naturally have certain emotional issues that were repressed growing up and which came out in the form of dissociative rage later in life. Long story which I won't bore you with.

So it's really quite a bit more complex.

Well, I am polite to a fault IRL which is why my recent behavior IRL is troublesome. Friendly to hobos, strange dogs, easily make small talk with random people, always defer to the priorities of others. (Except when I am walking and there's a car or bike fucking with my shit). I am easily the most polite, well-mannered person most people meet in their day, and I'm talking about anyone, strangers, friends, classmates. Basically everyone likes me, and I like them, and the world goes 'round. Just today met five or six people whom I shall recognize, and they me, just doing my ordinary stuff.

Yeah, I guess it is a PSA -- don't fuck with me or I turn into a maniac for some reason.

That's all good, and I wouldn't change my normal self for anything or anyone. But flying into a rage as recently is aberrant, and short of taking some reds, it's something I should like to examine closer. Maybe grow a longer fuse, I guess -- it's not hard to modify behavior, but the causes, or triggers, if you prefer, are more interesting to me.

ETA finally gving up cigarettes for good -- not just a special treat now and then -- has helped. I don't go nuts when I run out of pipe tobacco, but I sure do like it, as a luxury.

[Someone]

I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but this sort of extreme behavior can be symptomatic of things like ADD. It was in my case. Of course in my case, amphetamines tended to make the problem even worse. Also of course, my case is anything but what you would call typical, so we eventually went into drug cocktail mode. But that's another long story.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but this sort of extreme behavior can be symptomatic of things like ADD. It was in my case. Of course in my case, amphetamines tended to make the problem even worse. Also of course, my case is anything but what you would call typical, so we eventually went into drug cocktail mode. But that's another long story.

yeah occasionally I've thought abut ADD or ADHD, but, frankly, I don't want to go there. I am tapped out financially seeing my (excellent) internist thrice a year, and have no interest in seeing a shrinky-dink. Frankly, I don't think my few outbursts recently in behavior is pathological, anyway, and I like to figure stuff out on my own, as best I'm able, and ask for help when something is beyond my troubleshooting abilities. Probably why I didn't finish my doctoral dissertation -- my friend and mentor said a French proverb to me, something like "there is not the ocean to drink." Naturally, I thought about it for a long time and tried to calibrate my scope on my own, which worked great, but it took forever for me to find the solution.

[Someone]

It always amuses me when people talk of an online/meatspace dichotomy. How is online not real life? You're a flesh and blood person, so using a computer to be an asshole to people is a real life choice. The only difference is, it's easier to be a ''tough guy'', coz it's easy to hide behind usernames and computer screens...

[Someone]

Jaledin: That's fine but just make sure you're being objective. For example alcohol use can, depending on your motivation and the frequency, be an unrecognized attempt at self medication. The same can be true for tobacco. I'm not saying either of these are true in your case, I'm just saying that you should be sure to consider everything objectively before you make any firm decisions.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Jaledin: That's fine but just make sure you're being objective. For example alcohol use can, depending on your motivation and the frequency, be an unrecognized attempt at self medication. The same can be true for tobacco. I'm not saying either of these are true in your case, I'm just saying that you should be sure to consider everything objectively before you make any firm decisions.

Good points. I solved the tobacco issue -- it's interesting that habitual tobacco use is productive, ultimately, of anxiety. Obviously alcohol use, even in moderation, is productive of reduced reasoning ability, but it's a fact I think experienced drinkers are very familiar with. Personally, I find cigarette use far more troublesome than occasionally taking a mental vacation, and my liver blood work I ordered in July is OK, so I can live with it, since I know exactly what it does to my reasoning abilities, and, an undesired lesson, how easy it is for people to detect when one is a bit sloshy.

Certainly, I self-medicated for most of my life with alcohol, but thanks to finally addressing my lifelong anxious temperament with a professional, using pharmaceutical tools to assist me, I am proud to say that I do things I wouldn't have imagined possible a few years ago without pharmaceuticals. Xanax helps me go to sleep now and then, and it's a rare day I leave my place with anything stronger than water in my system. Whatever, that's a little TMI, but it is a gweebo thread.

[Someone]

Hey, if you can do it w/o meds, more power to you brother! OK, maybe not the best choice of smilies.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hey, if you can do it w/o meds, more power to you brother! OK, maybe not the best choice of smilies.

Au contraire. Awesome smiley! It ain't rock and roll without some brewskies. Even an O'Douls can rock the house, but I like the good stuff (by which I mean the cheapest).

[Someone]

In the spirit of reducing incorrect information relayed to the masses, there is no diagnosis "ADD" anymore. There is ADHD: hyperactive/impulsive, inattentive, combined.

That is all.

[Someone]

Hmmm. Looks like they finally got around to combining them.

Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

When I first saw that I assumed it was the old ADHD definition which was, IIRC, restricted to hyperactivity and ADD was used for attention deficit where there was no hyperactivity.

[Someone]

The differential diagnoses and nomenclature have been in use since 2000.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The differential diagnoses and nomenclature have been in use since 2000.

Obviously I don't keep up with the nomenclature.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Obviously I don't keep up with the nomenclature.

I was referring to your "they finally got around to" comment.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I was referring to your "they finally got around to" comment.

OK, and . . .

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

OK, and . . .

...and, I'm not interested in engaging you.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

...and, I'm not interested in engaging you.

Cheers!

[Someone]

You're a pisser, mothedrine. You got a good sense of humor.

Taggers: "sobriety is the answer"? What? Answer to what? I postulate that a little release valve is healthy once in a while. Sobriety is not a "thing"or a permanent state, I believe, but rather the default position. Choosing to alter perceptual systems a couple times a month or whatever is hardly the complement of the set of sobriety instances. It certainly is helpful to live most of one's life unencumbered by the myriad problems which are materially implicated by intoxication.

It's too bad you, mothedrine, and suckapunch didn't have a better give-and-take, but I suppose it comes down to personalities. I respect her as a musician and athlete, but it seems you two didn't quite make the grade together. Oh well.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You're a pisser, mothedrine. You got a good sense of humor.

Thanks man. Better living through chemistry. (variation of old DuPont ad slogan)

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You're a pisser, mothedrine. You got a good sense of humor.

Taggers: "sobriety is the answer"? What? Answer to what? I postulate that a little release valve is healthy once in a while. Sobriety is not a "thing"or a permanent state, I believe, but rather the default position. Choosing to alter perceptual systems a couple times a month or whatever is hardly the complement of the set of sobriety instances. It certainly is helpful to live most of one's life unencumbered by the myriad problems which are materially implicated by intoxication.

It's too bad you, mothedrine, and suckapunch didn't have a better give-and-take, but I suppose it comes down to personalities. I respect her as a musician and athlete, but it seems you two didn't quite make the grade together. Oh well.

Thank you for the kind comments. I like you too, when you are not under the influence of mind and behavior altering chemicals. The issue is not "sobriety: good or bad" but rather how one acts when under the influence of a substance. This is why (until managed care changed it up) there has always been a differentiation between use, abuse, and dependence. Cutting loose once in a while is fine. Coming onto a message board and attacking everyone who claims they can't understand your disjointed and incoherent (often delivered in a socially aggressive manner) ramblings, is different. People appreciate your mind and talent. But when you're wasted, you seem to undo all of that. I will always respect your drug-free input, and I will always ignore you when you are wasted. That is all.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

This is why (until managed care changed it up) there has always been a differentiation between use, abuse, and dependence. Cutting loose once in a while is fine. Coming onto a message board and attacking everyone who claims they can't understand your disjointed and incoherent (often delivered in a socially aggressive manner) ramblings, is different. People appreciate your mind and talent. But when you're wasted, you seem to undo all of that.

Now that sounds like a PSA. To which I can only respond, "duh!" I'm not a genius, and not particularly talented --- I just work very hard at certain things. I have known too many people who use the possibly-spurious universal "talent" as a crutch, but the few truly great people I have known and in some cases had the honor of working with have had a method of compartmentalizing and assessing their levels of skill in certain areas -- you'd never know it unless talking in detail with these people, but it seems to be true in my experience. Hard work and a good memory > talent any day. And, frankly, I don't believe most people come close to hitting the wall of smarts in everyday life -- but it's there, and probably exists for everyone when dealing with objects at a certain level of abstraction.

Serious question. What is this "managed care"-- I guess you're talking about HMOs and stuff? How did the rise of HMO-style medical care to predominance influence classification of addictive behavior, in your opinion?

That is all.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Now that sounds like a PSA. To which I can only respond, "duh!" I'm not a genius, and not particularly talented --- I just work very hard at certain things. I have known too many people who use the possibly-spurious universal "talent" as a crutch, but the few truly great people I have known and in some cases had the honor of working with have had a method of compartmentalizing and assessing their levels of skill in certain areas -- you'd never know it unless talking in detail with these people, but it seems to be true in my experience. Hard work and a good memory > talent any day. And, frankly, I don't believe most people come close to hitting the wall of smarts in everyday life -- but it's there, and probably exists for everyone when dealing with objects at a certain level of abstraction.

Serious question. What is this "managed care"-- I guess you're talking about HMOs and stuff? How did the rise of HMO-style medical care to predominance influence classification of addictive behavior, in your opinion?

That is all.

Not sure. I can't even say that it is directly due to managed care; I just know that when powers that be finally started taking a look at diagnoses and shoddy treatment practices (as they should), all of a sudden the diagnostic choices were limited with no room for speaking to the murky and complicated spectrum that is substance "treatment."

In some ways, I suppose that it draws attention to substance-related issues. Labeling all consumers of substances as "dependent/addicted" can help with funding for everything from prevention to aftercare. On the other hand, diagnoses stick with people and follow them around.

If I abused alcohol and got a DUI, that doesn't mean anything (in the eyes of substance work) other than I got wasted and made a bad choice--doesn't necessarily mean I am alcohol dependent. I guess that is what bothers me. Substance treatment is its own entity in mental health, because there are so many complexities and nuances. I am curious to see what the DSMV looks like in relation to all this, as so far I have only seen the aforementioned limitations in crisis assessments and treatment authorization. We shall see...

[Someone]

I'll just leave this here for general information.

Dual diagnosis occurs when someone has both a mental disorder and an alcohol or drug problem. These conditions occur together frequently. In particular, alcohol and drug problems tend to occur with

Depression
Anxiety disorders
Schizophrenia
Personality disorders

Sometimes the mental problem occurs first. This can lead people to use alcohol or drugs that make them feel better temporarily. Sometimes the substance abuse occurs first. Over time, that can lead to emotional and mental problems.

To get better, someone with a dual diagnosis must treat both conditions. First, the person must go for a period of time without using alcohol or drugs. This is called detoxification. The next step is rehabilitation for the substance problem and treatment for the mental disorder. This step might include medicines, support groups and talk therapy.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Finally made it through this word salad.

Holy fuck, if this isn't the most ironic post I've ever seen here.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Holy fuck, if this isn't the most ironic post I've ever seen here.

Listen up, shitbird. Do you know why these men are here? It's because they're mean bastards when they want to be, and they always want to be.

Hey, WTF happened to my login? I did request change to "jizzelbin,"cause it's funny, but what do I does now? I haven't said anything bad in probably months here, so I'm not banned, so what's the deal?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In some ways, I suppose that it draws attention to substance-related issues. Labeling all consumers of substances as "dependent/addicted" can help with funding for everything from prevention to aftercare. On the other hand, diagnoses stick with people and follow them around.

If I abused alcohol and got a DUI, that doesn't mean anything (in the eyes of substance work) other than I got wasted and made a bad choice--doesn't necessarily mean I am alcohol dependent. I guess that is what bothers me. Substance treatment is its own entity in mental health, because there are so many complexities and nuances. I am curious to see what the DSMV looks like in relation to all this, as so far I have only seen the aforementioned limitations in crisis assessments and treatment authorization. We shall see...

Most good post. You see that it's confusing to follow or determine a logic from paragraph one of my excerpt to paragraph two. Let's stick with (fancy letter)P1.

Wait, I'm giving up kind of. Sidetracked from your last quoted paragraph supra -- it seems to me that dependence is a bright line, and I'm guessing any alcohol-depedent subject is very well aware of waking up and literally needing a drink to do things like get out of bed, have a shower, prepare some food, or even shave (men AND women -- I'm looking at you, ex-wife-thing ).

The one thing AA gets sort of right is that, objectively (as if there were any other way), any alcohol use is really not of benefit to a person's health. It's toxic, but, and this is its raison d'être, its use may arguably improve group cohesion. Perhaps culinary benefit, or whatever, but I lost track of where I was going with this, so, I thank you for the response and that is all.

Hey, btw what is up with your signature catchphrase, "That is all." Kind of stern, don't you think?

[Someone]

Listen up, shitbird. Do you know why these men are here? It's because they're mean bastards to people who are morons, like me.

Hey, WTF happened to my login? I'm too stupid to figure out this login shit, and passwords, and shit. I can barely compose complete sentences without resorting to word salad. so what's the deal?

[Someone]

Not sure - there are 2 of you both created today.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Not sure - there are 2 of you both created today.

Yeah, that other post was not meant to be in this thread. I admit I have no idea what's involved in changing usernames -- probably it's a bit of a hassle for an admin, but, hey what the hell? You don't ask, you don't get. Apparently I got more than I can deal with technically.

Awww. But it's all part of the learning process, you see?

[Someone]

Yeah, that other post was not meant to be in this thread. I admit I have no idea what's involved in changing usernames -- probably it's because I spend so much of my time ogling women and creeping them out. I love creeping them out. Apparently I got more than I can deal with technically. Or mentally.

Awww. But it's all part of the learning process, you see?

[Someone]

Wait a minute. I see what's going on here. Kind of funny, so all right. I thought this bored was all about integrity, man? Where's at the integrity, man? I got my settings all just the way I like 'em now and now someth...urr durr. Funny music for a gray day.

All right fine I do ogle women -- but who doesn't? Nothing wrong with that. At least I'm not a PUA.

[Someone]

Jizzellbin, you are fucking dead. Know what that means, simian? It means I eat your fucking head off. All fucking with my shit and now it's all a game. Now I'm fucking salambo (horrible spelling) and get vampire bat army interested in your blood and the they like attack or someffting@u_face.

Ith by thuh way you are Jizzlebinzthdero.

[Someone]

So, have you slowed your progression into arsehole-dom yet?

[Someone]

Jizzellbin1, you are fucking alive with pleasure. Know what that means, thrippance? It means I eat your fucking head off with my tiny penis. So tiny. So so tiny. All shitting with my fuck and now it's all up in ur bizness. Now I'm fucking salambo (Like she'd touch me with a ten foot pole) and get vampire bat army of randomness klepht gemmiparous subrogate yah wordsalad@u_face.

Ith by thuh way you are Wtwejeirenrke hjf smoeomfs sm wqqq.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

So, have you slowed your progression into arsehole-dom yet?

No, u? Bloody pom.

ETA hey that thing above wasn't me. The fairy fucking godmother said it. I bet it was you.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

So, have you slowed your progression into arsehole-dom yet?

No, u? Bloody pom.

ETA hey that thing above wasn't me. It was my latent suppressed homosexual feelings towards you, and all men. I'd really like to suck your cock. Was that too forward? Was it me or you? I bet it was you.

[Someone]

You white motherfucker. I got your name, I got your ass. Give me a feww...ahhhh. Yeah, your ass.

You know who gives a shit about being "too forward"? Fucking compuer nerds, thats who. Nerd.