Worst Pop Song of All Time

[The Futility of Nihilism]

OK let's get the nominations in here for the WORST POP SONG OF ALL TIME!

To qualify, said song must have appeared on one of the Billboard Charts. And suck. A link to a wiki article or some equally sketchy reference will be sufficient proof.

Note that albums do not count. So if you've got a sucky song you hate on some album that charted but the song itself did not -- no dice.

You must also have a link to some way to hear the song in its original radio poppy goodness. Youtube, an mp3, whatever.

I'm hoping for 64 or fewer entries. The 128 thing I did with the worst food poll way back when lasted way too damn long. If I get more than 64 entries I will make an executive decision on which to include.

[The Futility of Nihilism]

I'd like to start things off with Winchester Cathedral by the New Vaudeville Band, which somehow topped at number freaking one. While this über-light pop tune is heinous in its own right, it is also historically reprehensible due to the fact that a bunch of clueless nobs selected it to be the Best Rock & Roll Recording of 1966 over some pretty amazing competition. Cracked rated it the second-most unforgivable Grammy Award of all time. What? #2? How is this not entry #1?

The original single from an actual 45. For extra credit, here's a sucktastic live performance.

[Dirx]

Is it too soon for a rickroll?

[The Futility of Nihilism]

Originally Posted by Dirx

Is it too soon for a rickroll?

Had to be done. Obligatory link proving it not only charted but made it to #1.

[Pencil]

Disco Duck

There it is. No need for a poll.

[The Futility of Nihilism]

Originally Posted by Pencil

Disco Duck
There it is. No need for a poll.

NEEDS YOUTUBE LINKAGE PLZ

[Flying Saucerian]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=su3JdzUUuH4

[Zeener Diode]

Originally Posted by The Futility of Nihilism

NEEDS YOUTUBE LINKAGE PLZ

The video is stupid. The song was sublime. It was the first parody of disco music, and if you remember (and loathed) disco (like me) then you would not include this. Or Zappa's Dancing Fool. Rather, start easy with Seasons In The Sun.

[shifty twit]

Not that I think that it's sucktastic enough to emerge victorious, but this #1 ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don%27t..._Us_%28song%29 ) sucks wart-covered cock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aH3H1auHcA

Him: "Blah blah blah ... Can't we stay the way we are?"
Her/him: "No, you insufferable whiny cling-on, the way we are isn't working!"

[Tuckerfan]

Gypsy Woman (She's Homeless) by Crystal Waters. Apparently, Bobby Hill danced to it at one point in time.

[Manduck]

The Night Chicago Died. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-L0NpaErkk
It got to #1, amazingly http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Night_Chicago_Died

[Revs]

I heard this being played in a bar I was walking by last weekend. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZyhrYis509A&ob=av2e

[Annoying Retard Nonny]

Ice Ice Baby

[Who_me?]

Honey by Bobby Goldsboro. That link is a CNN link agreeing with me.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59BZx...e_gdata_player

[3acres]

Originally Posted by The Futility of Nihilism

I'd like to start things off with Winchester Cathedral by the New Vaudeville Band, which somehow topped at number freaking one.

Oh man, that's a scream. When I was a kid, we didn't really listen to pop music - when other kids asked me my favorite song, I'd tell them it was Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. Dad thought we should listen to the current hits, so to help us along he bought a couple of rock'n'roll records. The Winchester Cathedral single and an LP by The Mama's and Papa's.

A few years later when Black Sabbath was playing in the basement loud enough to shake the house, Dad would mutter, "I created a monster."

[Ludovic]

Originally Posted by The Futility of Nihilism

The original single from an actual 45.

How exactly did the Buggles teleport back to 1966?

[GreyCloud9]

Eddie Murphy's Party All the Time. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Party_All_the_Time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDbpzjbXUZI

[Ken S.]

Not sure how many people are old enough to remember era of "You Light Up My Life," a song both excruciatingly saccharine and oppressively ubiquitous for like a year in the 70's.

[Zeener Diode]

Originally Posted by Ken S.

Not sure how many people are old enough to remember era of "You Light Up My Life," a song both excruciatingly saccharine and oppressively ubiquitous for like a year in the 70's.

Let's see... won an Oscar for Best Original Song (1977), a Grammy for Record of the Year (1977), spent 10 weeks as Number 1 on Billboard's Top 100, and earned Debby Boone a Grammy for Best New Artist (1977).

Yep. It's a shoo-in.

[BJMoose]

Obligatory cross-reference: Worst number one song ever


Lovin' You

I'll be damned if I hunt up a link to that dreck. And I've already used all the brain bleach on myself. Sorry.

[Salambo]

Originally Posted by GreyCloud9

Eddie Murphy's Party All the Time. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Party_All_the_Time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDbpzjbXUZI

I have this in my playlist.

[Salambo]

I do not have this in my playlist, because it is the winner of the poll. You might even have to disqualify it for being the obvious winner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saalG...e_gdata_player

[Ken S.]

Another pop song I've always hated, Warrant's "Cherry Pie." It's just so sophomoric, both musically and lyrically.

[Manduck]

Let's see... won an Oscar for Best Original Song (1977), a Grammy for Record of the Year (1977), spent 10 weeks as Number 1 on Billboard's Top 100, and earned Debby Boone a Grammy for Best New Artist (1977).
[/quote]
Yeah, but it still SUCKED.

Yep. It's a shoo-in.

I'll agree that it wasn't as bad as The Night Chicago Died though.

[maplekiwi]

Rivers of Babylon by Boney M. It only hit No 30 on Billboard, but it was on the NZ charts forever.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rivers_of_Babylon

Excruciatingly banal.

[Borborygmi]

Thanks for doing this, FoN!

Year	Song	Artist	Chart Proof	YouTube
1969	In the Year 2525 (Exordium and Terminus)	Zager and Evans	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_Year_2525	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izQB2-Kmiic
1972	Mary Had a Little Lamb	Wings	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Ha...cCartney_song)	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaZ9s7S26qg
1982	John Wayne Is Big Leggy	Haysi Fantayzee	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haysi_Fantayzee	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxktxvMNOGs
1990	The Humpty Dance	Digital Underground	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humpty_Dance	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cj9_yW8tZxs
2002	Hot in Herre	Nelly	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hot_in_Herre	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-qN6TCY85c

[Borborygmi]

Opps, you may want to disqualify "John Wayne Is Big Leggy"; it charted in the UK so I thought all was well, but technically that's not Billboard.

[elmwood]

The 1970s will probably provide be the source for half of the songs on the list.

Paul Anka: Having My Baby
Captain and Tennille: Muskrat Love
Climax: Precious and Few
Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods: Billy Don't Be A Hero
David Geddes: Run Joey Run
Clint Holmes: Playground In My Mind
Terry Jacks: Seasons In The Sun
Donny Osmond: Puppy Love

Did Shiny Shiny by Haysi Fantayzee chart in the US? Bad, but catchy, and Kate Garner was hot.

[The Futility of Nihilism]

Originally Posted by elmwood

The 1970s will probably provide be the source for half of the songs on the list.

Paul Anka: Having My Baby
Captain and Tennille: Muskrat Love
Climax: Precious and Few
Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods: Billy Don't Be A Hero
David Geddes: Run Joey Run
Clint Holmes: Playground In My Mind
Terry Jacks: Seasons In The Sun
Donny Osmond: Puppy Love

Did Shiny Shiny by Haysi Fantayzee chart in the US? Bad, but catchy, and Kate Garner was hot.

Great list! If you hunt down some links I might even include some of these in the megapoll.

[The Futility of Nihilism]

Another oldie that sucks:

Don McLean's American Pie. Wiki.

[The Futility of Nihilism]

Just a reminder: If you want to be sure your song makes the poll, include links. Particularly a link to the music!! Now if I happen to agree with you that the song sucks I may hunt down the links for you. For example, I agree that "You Light Up My Life", mentioned above, totally sucks. If we have space and I have time I'll hunt down that link for sure.

On the flip side, if I have too many songs, then non-linkers will definitely be out and I may even have to toss perfectly awful songs that are properly linked because I'm a terrible person. So far that doesn't seem likely, but who knows how this'll shape up?

[GreyCloud9]

Shiny Happy People. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiny_Happy_People http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCQ0vDAbF7s

Thing is, there is still someone who relates me to this song.

[Who_me?]

Originally Posted by The Futility of Nihilism

Another oldie that sucks:

Don McLean's American Pie. Wiki.

Although American Pie did not age well, it was a great song when it was released.

[mlerose]

Originally Posted by GreyCloud9

Shiny Happy People. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiny_Happy_People http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCQ0vDAbF7s

Thing is, there is still someone who relates me to this song.

Blasphemy! I love this song!

[Fish]

Later I'll go look up "Pac-Man Fever."

[Pencil]

I just scanned all #1 songs on Billboard hot 100 from '63 to the mid 00's. I'm too old to keep up with current music. One thing I noticed, apart from a whole lotta awful music, was that starting in the mid 90's there is less diversity each year. Macarena spent freaking 14 weeks at the number one spot and in 2004, Usher held the top spot for 28 weeks, with four songs.

Any way, here are nominations, including linkagings:




This is, in hard competition with the next song, one of the most saccharine, faux sentimental pieces of shit ever to pollute the airwaves.





This needs to die a painful death. It's so awful compared to the original by Jacques Brel, which is filled with very dark humor. I'm including it here with English subs:









How did this reach number one? There are plenty of novelty songs that show up on the radar, but to reach number one...





I like disco. The problem with the disco era was all the things that weren't meant to be played in clubs, but got a disco beat and sound anyway. I usually link to Bond '77 as an awful example of this, but seeing that this atrocity actually reached number one makes me weep for humanity.





So Falco got fucked and After the Fire cached in on Der Kommisar. He didn't need to seek revemge by putting this out there. And the public sure didn't need to buy enough copies to put it at number one. But they did.

[Dirx]

Originally Posted by Pencil

I like disco. The problem with the disco era was all the things that weren't meant to be played in clubs, but got a disco beat and sound anyway. I usually link to Bond '77 as an awful example of this, but seeing that this atrocity actually reached number one makes me weep for humanity.

Then prepare to weep some more, because I think that's awesome.

I also have a certain fondness for Rock Me Amadeus, for reasons I honestly can't fathom.

[Borborygmi]

Originally Posted by Dirx

I also have a certain fondness for Rock Me Amadeus, for reasons I honestly can't fathom.

This describes my feelings for most of the songs nominated so far!

Some more nominations from me, although this puts me at 9 or 10 so just ignore me if I'm over the nomination limit. Or, of course, if you have me on Ignore.

Year	Song	Artist	Chart Proof	YouTube
1969	Good Morning Starshine	Oliver	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_Morning_Starshine	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw3oxJvSRj0
1969	Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head	B. J. Thomas	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raindro...%27_on_My_Head	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VILWkqlQLWk
1982	Heartlight	Neil Diamond	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heartlight_(song)	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e0xyqhTeow
1984	God Bless the USA	Lee Greenwood	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_Bless_the_USA	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E
1985	Say You, Say Me	Lionel Richie	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Say_You,_Say_Me	http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7Mi77iqMjA

Yep, "God Bless the USA". Because I hate America. Or God. Or something.

[The Futility of Nihilism]

Originally Posted by Dirx

I also have a certain fondness for Rock Me Amadeus, for reasons I honestly can't fathom.

It's because of this.

Also, I sorta like Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head.

[THespos]

"Jim Dandy to the Rescue" by Black Oak Arkansas. #25 on the Billboard Hot 100 sometime in 1973.

Play this once. Then try to get rid of the earworm.

[Monstera deliciosa]

Charlene: I've Never Been to me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhQWND9jKDA

Number 3 in 1982. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27ve_...#Chart_history

[Tuckerfan]

Originally Posted by Monstera deliciosa

Charlene: I've Never Been to me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhQWND9jKDA

Number 3 in 1982. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27ve_...#Chart_history

But that's even sven's theme song!

[Manduck]

I've never been to her either.

[NAF1138]

Did anyone nominate The Ballad of the Green Berets yet?

It was a #1 Billboard Chart topper in 1966.


Why by Frankie Avalon is...no good. Also a #1 hit, this time in 1959.

[NAF1138]

One more

Itsey Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini was a #1 hit in 1960.

The late 50s and 60s were a vast wasteland for music if you look at the charts. I could do this all day, but won't.

[Uthrecht]

Originally Posted by NAF1138

Did anyone nominate The Ballad of the Green Berets yet?

How can you nominate that? If it wasn't for that song, Cliff would have left Cheers and moved to Canada!

[Doyle]

Convoy?

Sorry, no youtube link at work.

[NAF1138]

Originally Posted by Uthrecht

How can you nominate that? If it wasn't for that song, Cliff would have left Cheers and moved to Canada!

Save it for the megapoll. I will point out that it was #1 at the same time that Sounds of Silence was out, and in a year that featured such classic music as the album Pet Sounds, Rubber Soul (technically released December of 1965 but there is overlap as all the singles were released in 1966), and classic songs such as "Sunshine Superman" by Donovan, "Lets Hang On!" by the Four Seasons, and "I Got You (I Feel Good)" by James Brown, and "California Dreamin'" by the Mamas And The Papas.

In the context of its time, it does not stand up well.

I am so ready to MegaPoll.

[The Futility of Nihilism]

Originally Posted by NAF1138

I am so ready to MegaPoll.

I know! When is the asshole running this thing going to get his shit together?



Besides, I think we still need a few more entries. Come on, you dumb lurkers, surely there's some stupid song you hate with every fiber of your being that no one has listed yet! For example, I'm always running across references from people (like Dave Barry IIRC) who hate America's Horse With No Name. Ain't someone going to nominate that? Personally I like it so if no one nominates it it ain't gonna show up.

[Dirx]

UB40's version of Red Red Wine.