Durp Snark #165. Still Alive

[Someone]

GO

[Someone]

What have you got against 164, huh? 🧐😜

[Someone]

No one was posting in 164, so it died a quick death after 0 posts.

[Someone]

It's divisible by 4. Right now we are really unhappy about years divisible by 4.

[Someone]

#5!

[Someone]

So, what about that election, eh?

[Someone]

Moving on up. I see

[Someone]

Spock: “The Women!!”

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

#5!

I'm confused. This was post 5, not 120! (Sorry, I've been reading too much /r/accidentalfactorial lately.)

[Someone]

Because I hate chela, I love this (reply to chela):

Originally Posted by Someone

There’s a setting you might want to change. Click on your profile in the upper right, click on the silhouette of a person, and click on “preferences.” Click the “security” menu button. Uncheck the box that says “I have to reply to every request for help, even if I think it’s stupid.”

But if we’re being honest, I'm not a huge fan of stupid questions myself (except as something to snark on).

[Someone]

And today I learned that there are people (or "a person") who not only are petrified at the thought of changing a tire, but of even putting air in one.

FFS…

[Someone]

I'm a little sympathetic. Being a devoted worshipper at the Church of Grounded in Reality, I strive to overcome stupid fears like worrying about inflating a tire. Which is why I have learned, with some trepidation, how to do that and other related tasks.

But I understand the fear of the unwashed, unconverted masses.

[Someone]

I am hugely sympathetic and know better than to expect anxiety to be rational.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And today I learned that there are people (or "a person") who not only are petrified at the thought of changing a tire, but of even putting air in one.

FFS…

There are people in that very thread who have had a tire explode on them while filling it so I don’t understand why you are snarking on someone for their fear of it happening to them. Fears are rarely 100% rational.

[Someone]

Bloodthirsty Velocipede roots for yet another war.

Damn, he gets tedious. Bet he won't join in one of the wars he roots for. He wants to root for 'em. He sure as shit is unwilling to participate in 'em.

[Someone]

At the moment he's made 10 posts in that thread and I read them all through the filter. At what point do you think he was at any point advocating or hoping for war?

[Someone]

What a cranky old coot lotta moanin or mona_lott is.
I bet he throws pet rocks at people walking in front of his house.

karen not alotta can bite my artistic ass. I was 13_14 yo when I tagged some train cars in a train car graveyard. Not one person cared. Except the man who owned the ancient bulldogs living there. He just asked us not to let them out.
Of course my Daddy stopped my illegal activities when he figured out it was me (with help) who painted the pretty pictures in the boneyard.

[Someone]

^Link?

[Someone]

Gonna guess that she means this right here.

Incidentally, Mona_Lott is talking about the same thread where Beck said that she wanted to paint the Statue of Liberty's toenails as a teen and the durps all took her seriously and scolded her, because they're durpy no-funs. Which prompted me to make her avatar picture. It's meta or something.

It's meta, or somthing.

It was worth reading that part of the thread for "tag hags"

[Someone]

What kind of degenerate young ones paint rail cars when they could be out smoking dope and breaking into trailer park rec rooms?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Gonna guess that she means this right here.

Incidentally, Mona_Lott is talking about the same thread where Beck said that she wanted to paint the Statue of Liberty's toenails as a teen and the durps all took her seriously and scolded her, because they're durpy no-funs. Which prompted me to make her avatar picture. It's meta or something.

It's meta, or somthing.

It was worth reading that part of the thread for "tag hags"

They never miss a chance to offend.

[Someone]

Hey, another sick burn on chela:

Originally Posted by Someone

Can anyone translate this to English for me? I don’t speak moron.

God, I hate chela… Doesn’t help that I can’t think up a nom de durp for them.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And today I learned that there are people (or "a person") who not only are petrified at the thought of changing a tire, but of even putting air in one.

FFS…

As a non driver I am very amused at someone who is afraid of a tyre blowing up who then drives a car on the freaking roads.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hey, another sick burn on chela:

God, I hate chela… Doesn’t help that I can’t think up a nom de durp for them.

I thought it funny as hell. Bonus it bugged Dork.

[Someone]

Really? What part was funny to you?

[Someone]

Chela got his goat.

(That means she got one over on him, unawares, he had to be told the meaning of it, tickled me)

[Someone]

Uh, I don't think you followed what happened. But as long as you enjoyed someone being an asshole, I guess the rest isn't important.

[Someone]

Prove it.

[Someone]

Continue this in the Bad Bad Beck thread.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

God, I hate chela…

Seconded. I've yet to read a post of hers that has been helpful, friendly, or kind in any way.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

God, I hate chela… Doesn’t help that I can’t think up a nom de durp for them.

"Gaping asshole" works.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hey, another sick burn on chela:

God, I hate chela… Doesn’t help that I can’t think up a nom de durp for them.

Her reference to Daniel Boone fapping was strange. Regardless, all I can think of is Cuckoo.

[Someone]

I think of her as "that fucking ass-pimple".

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Her reference to Daniel Boone fapping was strange. Regardless, all I can think of is Cuckoo.

It seems to be a case of semi-doxing.

[Someone]

I used to check out The Durp fairly regularly but I rarely visit since they changed their format---I like the one used here and at The Unaboard way better---and I don't recall who chela is. But I have a lot of joke names, it's kind of my thing. Here are a couple of suggestions, I kind of like the first one and am kind of "meh" about the second.

chela monster
chelarious

I hope this helps. Happy Thanksgiving!

[Someone]

Acey thinks that mittens should be obsolete now that humans have mastered glove technology

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wh...gloves/1010666

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Acey thinks that mittens should be obsolete now that humans have mastered glove technology

Despite the fact that they've been making gloves at least as long as they've been making mittens. Both go back into pre-history.

ETA, from that thread.: "Somewhat hard to believe that the OP needed to ask the question…" Aww, come on. Acey is bloody fucking stupid. He's utterly unaware of the world around him, and is convinced that his personal experience is universal reality. This is a moron who had to be told, when he took his first programming job, how to convert in software between 12 and 24 hour time. And thought that was a brilliant revelation.

[Someone]

He's just a silly coot. I don't know how he acts in the P&E threads. Other than not knowing about that, he seems just self centered or self absorbed.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He's just a silly coot. I don't know how he acts in the P&E threads. Other than not knowing about that, he seems just self centered or self absorbed.

Pretty much. P&E has breaking news threads. For example a long one about Ukraine. These are meant to be just for updating on the events. No analysis or even slight hijacks allowed. There are other threads for discussions. It took him months and a few warnings to finally sort of understand the difference and he still fucks up from time to time. On top of that, his speculations are about as dimwitted as you can imagine.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Acey thinks that mittens should be obsolete now that humans have mastered glove technology

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wh...gloves/1010666

I’ve heard that one of the best tells that Shakespeare actually wrote the plays attributed to him is that his father was a glove-maker, and there are (supposedly, according to people who have done the detailed textual analysis to look for hints as to authorship) an uncanny number of intricate discussions/metaphors/etc around gloves and glove-making.

That is all.

[Someone]

Very mild snark, but has zev_steinhardt been in the same argument (perhaps even with the same person?) for almost 20 years?

1 2

If so, that’s bordering on Jefferson-Adams levels of correspondence there!

[Someone]

A

Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na

© Concord Music Publishing LLC

falls over the veldt

[Someone]

Batman?

[Someone]

Giraffeman.

Just imagine him in the villain's lair, batting the henchmen with his head. "Biff", "Pow", "Sock"!

Of course, it's only because he doesn't know where to put his head, because the ceiling is so low, and the floor is tilted, but it achieves the desired result, so don't tamper with success, eh?...

[Someone]

[Someone]

Moon, man:

[Someone]

That's no moon --- oh, wait, never mind.

(I originally hot linked to the image but it took up far too much of the screen. I guess Cassini warped inside of the shields for the picture).

[Someone]

Acey’s latest source of confusion: disposable ball point pens.

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ar...s-junk/1011178

[Someone]

I'm not gonna dig out my login for the Dope, but I do have a comment on that Dope OP.

The last Pens I bought were a 4 pack of Bics (Bic Atlantis, Ball Pen Medium, 4-pack) and upon opening, I discovered that all four pens have a small plastic/rubber/wax hemispherical cap over the writing tip. The pens cannot write unless you remove that little cap on the tip.

[Someone]

post 16 lets him know about the little white cap. I'm still reading and can't wait to see if that was the problem!

and we will never find out: DID he know about the little white cap that several people told him about? He doesn't say.