How will your SO manage if you're not around?

[AuntiePam]

Ron was fixing supper, needed a particular utensil, couldn't find it, figured it might be in the dishwasher. The dishwasher readout thingie showed "CC" in red letters. He asked if it was okay to open it.

Yesterday I had an open Word document on the PC. He didn't know how to close it, or how to minimize it so he could read a website.

I always pay the property taxes but this time, he's paying. He asked how to do it. (He also doesn't know how much to pay or when it's due.)

He doesn't know how to switch the TV to one of the streaming devices or play a DVD.

Now there are quite a few things he knows that I don't -- winterizing the vehicles, maintaining the yard equipment, operating the mower.

But it struck me if he dies first, I'll be able to hire someone to do what he does. But what if I die before he does? Shall I just count on him finding a replacement or should I start teaching him this shit*?

Have you thought about this? Or do you and your SO have the same general knowledge about day to day operations?

*Most of which isn't at all important, but that he might sometime want to know.

[JoanieBaloney]

Oh, I plan on taking him with me.

[timbicile]

I don't know how to do much but my job.

I'm hiring hookers to do my laundry.

[Solfy]

My SO will do alright, though I don't expect the laptop to fare well. Computer maintenance is my job. And I guarantee the all-in-one remote will never be used again. The fish tank is likely history. 5-10 years after I'm gone his clothes will probably be well-worn rags because he doesn't buy for himself, though he could theoretically get by wearing the stuff that's still unworn in his closet right now*, so that would hold him for a little while. My life insurance would provide for him and the girls long enough for him to get back into the work force. I wonder if he'd sell the house - we both like it, but it'd be a bitch to deal with solo and wrangle the family and a job.

If he checked out now, I'd be up shit creek in terms of work-load. I'd need to start paying the bills (I'd convert them all to online pay, I can tell you that), doing the laundry, buying the groceries, cooking weekday dinners, and line up child care. While I can run a lawn mower, I've never done it since we were married (can't have the neighbors see the wife cutting the grass for some reason). I don't know how to run the snow blower, but I don't suppose it's that hard.


*I've known three generations of men, and they've all been the same way about clothes. Never buy any for themselves. When they do get a new shirt, for instance as a father's day gift, it gets shoved in the drawer and the old threadbare shirts continue to be worn until they literally fall apart. It's not that there's anything wrong with the new shirt - it could be identical to the old shirts.
At first I thought it was a Grandpa thing. Then I learned my dad's the same way. And now, my spouse. I give up trying to understand it.

[Wolf Larsen]

Mrs. Larsen will do well. She is very good at the important stuff and can hire a handy man in to do the household repair. And my investments and insurance should leave her set up well enough that she should be able to afford a hunky pool boy.

[Harry]

You know how a man can tell if his wife has passed away?

Spoilered so as not to offend the easily offended.

The sex stays the same but the dirty dishes start piling up.

[Jaglavak]

Last I heard, she was doing just fine.

[Anacanapuna]

MsPuna will hire young, beautiful men to handle the yard work and fix the toilets and pay them extra to do it shirtless; otherwise, she already does everything else around here.

I, on the other hand, will be royally screwed if I have to carry forward without her.

[Jaglavak]

What, like you can't open a can of tuna?

[TheChileanBlob]

My husband used to be so clueless about cooking that when I would spend a few days away from home I would have to stock up on frozen pizza and that kind of thing so he wouldn't go hungry. Now, since I've gone back to work and he's at home, he's taken over most of the housework and cooking and he does very well.

I taught him to make a simple one-pot dish with hamburger or ground turkey and veggies. Once he was comfortable with that, he branched out into experimenting with other ingredients and spices. He's great with breakfast too, including beautiful omelets which I've never had the patience for. He even made cupcakes from scratch with advice and support, but no help, from me.

[Khampelf]

I would have to be immediately replaced.

[Nonny J. Nonnington III]

I did just fine. I used to fool around a little in the kitchen (I was once in Boy Scouts where you learned to cook something or you starved), but I was never even close to pulling my own weight in the kitchen.

I don't remember much of what I did in the first few months after my wife died, but boring meals are a strong motivator. You can find any recipe you want on the Internet with a little looking. After awhile I decided to tackle making pies, and there are a ton of tutorials on how to perfect a pie crust. I'm still just okay at it, but it doesn't stop me from trying different methods.

Within a year or so, I was getting together with some friends at a potluck and brought a Macaroni Pie found on this page - it came out great (and I am usually critical of dishes that I make).*

People find a way to get by.

*In that recipe, she calls for boiling the pasta in milk. I did it the first time and can't see that it made any difference other than pouring a lot of money down the drain. And for some reason there is no garlic in that recipe which just seems wrong, so I add a lot.

[Khampelf]

Hey, why is it mostly men being left alone to their domestic incompetence?

[AuntiePam]

Because men usually are the first to go. Usually.

I'm 70, and so far, only one of my female friends died before her husband. Poor man. He's never been in a grocery store except to buy beer.

[TheChileanBlob]

My mother in law died five years ago, and Dad had to learn how to feed himself. He's a cornbread wizard now, but he still doesn't know how to clean.

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by Khampelf

Hey, why is it mostly men being left alone to their domestic incompetence?

I suspect it's a holdover from the days where the domestic kingdom was ruled over exclusively by the woman of the house. There's a reason pop culture depicts men as incapable of doing laundry, cooking, etc.

I'm slowly (very very slowly) starting to see that change. I loved the Tide commercial with the SAHD doing laundry and braiding his daughter's hair. Men who've been allowed, even expected, to pull a good portion of the household work should have no trouble making do on their own. At the same time, I'd like to think the trope of the helpless little woman incapable of realizing the car needs regular oil changes is going away as well.

[SweetPea]

Now that the kids are (mostly!) grown, mine would be super.

Right now, we each maintain our own homes, and don't really rely on each other for that kind of stuff. Even when we did live together, he seriously did his own laundry and I did mine and the kids (in his defense, they are my kids, not ours).

Household maintenance wise, I'm completely unnecessary to my SO. He's great like that

[Rebo]

Mine can cook, and do household repairs, and he knows how to clean stuff. He pays the bills, too (online). He was a bachelor for 50 years!

I might have trouble re-learning how to pay the bills, but I did it before we got married. I'd have to hire people to do most household repairs. Although, I did fix a toilet one time all by myself!

[The Devil's Grandmother]

I think he'd be ok if I died. I do a bunch of stuff (laundry, grocery shopping), but mostly because he hates it more than I do, not because he can't. Hmmm, he might have some trouble with the cleaning lady and gardeners, as I've dealt with them pretty exclusively. He'd have to learn to find things again.
If he died I'd be pretty deeply fucked, as he makes the lion's share of our income and pays the big bills like property tax. I'd figure it out, I hope.

[Anacanapuna]

I can feed myself, and buy my clothes and do the laundry and all that. But I don't know where the money is. I am not joking; while we're solidly in the 99% of have-nots in the country, we're hardly destitute. But it's all in IRAs and stock portfolios and mutual funds and what have you. Hell, I don't even know the PIN for the checking account.

[Glazer]

She's gotten along fine without me so far.

[Glazer]

Originally Posted by Anacanapuna

I can feed myself, and buy my clothes and do the laundry and all that. But I don't know where the money is. I am not joking; while we're solidly in the 99% of have-nots in the country, we're hardly destitute. But it's all in IRAs and stock portfolios and mutual funds and what have you. Hell, I don't even know the PIN for the checking account.

That's probably for the best.

[Anacanapuna]

Originally Posted by Glazer

That's probably for the best.

Yeah, while she's still around. But what if she takes such good care of me that I outlive her? Man, I wanna' go out in a fireball and take a hooker with me, but that takes cash.

But, I'll probably die quietly, nestled in the bosom of my family. Don't need a PIN for that.

[Wolf Larsen]

You know, Plink can probably get you taxidermied and then you can attend the family gettogethers for decades and decades.

[Anacanapuna]

And be just as much fun as I am now!

[Doyle]

She'll do fine. Also, she's assured me she'll never marry again. I'm not certain how to take that.

[Despotic Harridan]

Trust me, you figure it out as you go.

The worst day after he died was coming home to a broken alarm system (my friend had broken off the key in the alarm), water coming out the laundry room door running down the driveway (room attached to the carport, where--ta-da--water heater had taken a shit), and an old never used anymore antenna had blown off the roof and was hanging by wires against the house.

I actually shouted CUT OUT THIS DEAD CRAP AND GET BACK HERE AND HELP ME.

[Anacanapuna]

After a day like that, you could probably still use a hug, huh?

My wife has assured me that our house goes on the market the day I die.

Doyle, MsPuna has said the same thing:
SHE: "If I lost you, I'd never be able to get married again."
ME: "Because I've spoiled you for other men?"
SHE: "Uh ... yeah, something like that."

[bufftabby]

I'm never around anyway, so he's got that going for him.