So You Want to Go to Disneyland

[SisterCoyote]

@HookerChemical was asking about this over in the Mafia game and I thought, rather than contributing additional fluff, I'd bring this over here.

So, some tips from a former Disneyland Cast Member:

When to go:

1. Avoid weekends.
2. Avoid holidays
3. Under no circumstances go on July 4th, or New Years' Eve/Day.
4. Avoid the month a new attraction (or land) opens.
5. A rainy Tuesday or Wednesday in mid-February or early March is generally the best.
6. Really, any time it rains means the lines will go down, even if the park still seems crowded. We were just there this Saturday, which was part of a holiday weekend, and I think the longest we waited was 30 minutes for the "special" dark version of Tower of Terror (the line for Soarin' was 70 minutes but that was because they only had one side of the attraction running.)
7. Late January is often good. The first week of January is often still busy from Christmas/New Years/etc. because Orthodox Christians don't celebrate until the 6th of January.
8. If Summer is your only option, the mid-week is still the best time; not everyone gets out of school (year-round schools are a thing). I recommend mid-to-late June and late August.

General Notes

1. Either wait until the kids are four or so or forewarn the littler ones that Mickey Mouse is almost as tall as Mommy. But seriously -- wait until they're four or so; if for no other reason than that the sheer amount of humanity moving through Disneyland & DCA means that it's an incredible Petri dish and not really something a little one's immune system should be subjected to.
2. If, for whatever reason, you must bring a little one, make sure to take advantage of Baby Swap; to wit -- wait in line with the little one, then when you arrive at the front tell the Cast Member at loading that you want to baby swap. One adult will wait at the exit with the child while the other(s) ride; the adult that waited will then be able to ride when the first disembark.
3. Some tips for getting rest if you don't want to go back to your home/hotel/whatever: Pirates of the Caribbean is ~15 minutes in duration. Ditto It's A Small World. The Train around the park takes also about 15 minutes. Finally, and this one is important in the summer, The Disney Story featuring Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln on Main Street is both sit-down AND air-conditioned.
4. When planning to see the parade, sit down early, especially if on Main Street. Similarly, get passes to World of Color (Disney California Adventure) and/or Fantasmic! (Disneyland). (Side note: as of this writing, because they're doing construction, I don't believe Fantasmic! is currently occurring.)
5. Fireworks are best viewed from Main Street and/or the Castle Hub.
6. OBEY CAST MEMBERS. Seriously, guys, we're there for your safety, not to ruin your day.
7. Wheelchairs and strollers can be rented just outside the Disneyland main gate; the bulk of the fee will be returned whether or not you return the stroller/chair to the stand as long as you have your receipt. Proportions are opposite if you want to rent a motorized cart.
8. Cast Members are also there to assist. Ask for help if you need it; they'll do what they can.
9. Lost your kids? Go back to the last place you saw them; if they've located a Cast Member they'll do the best to keep the kid there as long as they can. If not, Lost Children is at the Castle End of Main Street next to the Photography shop and Corn Dog cart.
10. Guest Services is at the train station end of Main Street. One of the best things you can do for a Cast Member who went above and beyond for you (and that they can't tell you themselves) is to note their name, and then go leave a guest compliment for them at Guest Services.

What did I forget?

[NAF1138]

My favorite time to go was always the first week of school, or close to it. No one takes their kids out of school in early September. My wife and I would go every year on the first or second Tuesday in September until we had a kid of our own. Of course, we lived locally too, which helped. But lines were always crazy short.

Now we are stuck with all the other people going on a child friendly schedule AND we have to travel from across the country. So, mid week in June.

[HookerChemical]

Thanks, SisterC. My wife goes several times a year with the nephews or with her friends. She has a pass. I typically get to go once per year because work doesn't allow as much and typically means going on in-demand days. The worst was one of those mentioned: December 31, 1999. It was a rare trip with my side of the family. It was fun, but crowds were huge.

[SisterCoyote]

Based on what you were asking in the other thread, I'd definitely suggest waiting until after Orthodox Christmas (1/6).

Oh, and add Haunted Mansion to the list of ~15 minute dark rides.

[tunaman]

I can't stress this enough: comfortable shoes and lots of sleep.

The last time I went to Disney World\EPCOT\Animal Kingdom was 2012. I knew going in to it that I was going to walk a lot, and that I was 15 years older than the last time I'd visited the park. Still, at the end of each day I was exhausted. Before leaving home I spent hours adding just the right mix of TV shows and movies to my tablet. Like, hundreds of hours of video. I ended up falling asleep within 30 seconds of getting in bed every day of that vacation. I think I watched, like, two half-hour sitcoms the whole trip.

[SisterCoyote]

That's true for both the Florida parks (which you mention, and which I've only been to once) and the California parks.

[Chacoguy]

The Pirates of the Caribbean has the women chased though a hotel, and eventuality captured, chained and sold.

It's a Small World After All has the blonde Swiss conquering mountains while the Mexicans sleep it off, the Chinese scheme with their hands in their sleeves, and the black guy gets poked in the butt by a rhino.

Fuck that.

[SisterCoyote]

The women now chase the men in POTC, though the "buy a wife" portion is still intact (incidentally, that vignette comes before the women chasing men).

The rhino is over in Jungle Cruise, and it's been long enough since I rode that one that I don't remember whether the guy on the bottom of the pole is white or black.

Small World has changed quite a bit, too, though again some of the elements you mention are still there.

There are definitely problems with some of the Disney attractions. No one's denying that.

[pickle berry]

Originally Posted by Chacoguy

guy gets poked in the butt

Fuck that.

Exactly.

[ryevermouthbitters]

Originally Posted by SisterCoyote

What did I forget?

Become a master of the Fast Pass. They've changed the rules since I was last there but I think having a good knowledge of how it works can still save you from a ton of time in lines.

[tunaman]

Originally Posted by ryevermouthbitters

Become a master of the Fast Pass. They've changed the rules since I was last there but I think having a good knowledge of how it works can still save you from a ton of time in lines.

Oh yeah! This probably only applies to the Florida parks, but there's a different set of rules for people who stay at Disney properties. I forget the specifics, but it's something like they get more Fast Passes that average folks and\or the "you can only use x number of Fast Passes within x minutes" rule doesn't apply. Also, if you stay at a Disney property, you can book restaurant reservations 60 days before the general public can. I forget the specifics of all this (obviously), but if you're taking the kids it's worth looking into. I've even heard of people getting a room at the Universal resorts for a night just for the benefits (and actually staying in an off-site hotel).

[Pencil]

Do they still do breakfast in the park if you live on Disney property?
Because that's a great way to start the day. They let you in an hour early and you go to the café closest to the ride you want to get on most. That gives you pole position when the gates actually open.

[tunaman]

On second thought... on that trip, our friends stayed at Disney's Port Orleans Riverside (currently ranked #91 out of 336 Orlando hotels on TripAdvisor), while we stayed at the Hawthorn Suites at Lake Buena Vista (currently ranked #63 out of 336 Orlando hotels on TripAdvisor). Their room certainly looked much nicer than ours, but it cost almost three times as much, and didn't include breakfast. More importantly, for the first two days at the parks my GF and I were able to take the shuttle to the parking lot and return to our off-site hotel 30-45 minutes before our friends could get back to their on-site room. Apparently the Disney buses were crowded, Port Orleans is at the end of the line, and there was a quarter-mile walk from the Port Orleans stop to their room. After a couple days of that, we volunteered to pick them up in the morning and drop them off at night, which saved them an hour a day.

EDIT: I mentioned this post to my GF a minute ago, and she said that the Port Orleans room actually cost over four times as much as our room.