Beat Off the Pandemic!

[Flying Saucerian]

According to a squib in Fortean Times, (Yes, they finally sent an issue), some doctors are suggesting people in self-isolation try to stave off Covid-19 through masturbation. They point out masturbating is known to boost the immune system and increases white blood cell count, as well as relieving stress and encouraging restful sleep.

Well, if nothing else, we know Giraffe will be all right...

[running coach]

And to think, all this time I was hoping Trump would stroke out.

[3acres]

Hmm, is there a peer-reviewed study supporting this, or is it just conjecture? At first glance, it looks like bleach and hydroxychloroquine.

[C2H5OH]

Even if it doesn't work, masturbation won't kill you like those will.

[running coach]

Originally Posted by C2H5OH

Even if it doesn't work, masturbation won't kill you like those will.

Sounds like a challenge! *opens new can of Crisco*

[3acres]

Originally Posted by running coach

Sounds like a challenge! *opens new can of Crisco*

Chafing and/or bruising are early warning signs of possible overdose.

[Cochrane]

No better place for jackin' it than San Diego! Come, take a load off.

(Spoilered because NSFW, even if you're working from home.)

[Sputnik]

This thread is destine to be a circle jerk.

[running coach]

Originally Posted by 3acres

Chafing and/or bruising are early warning signs of possible overdose.

Crisco has a lower coefficient of friction and better film strength than any other household slippery stuff.

[C2H5OH]

Originally Posted by running coach

Crisco has a lower coefficient of friction and better film strength than any other household slippery stuff.

Have you tried one of those teflon-based bicycle bearing greases?

[running coach]

Originally Posted by C2H5OH

Have you tried one of those teflon-based bicycle bearing greases?

Too little friction.

[The Futility of Nihilism]

Where all da white wimmin at? /Sheriff Bart

[Sputnik]

Originally Posted by The Futility of Nihilism

Where all da white wimmin at? /Sheriff Bart

Probably over on the other side of the campus.

[Cochrane]

Please, won't someone think of the kittens? 🐈

[Jaglavak]

Oh, I do!




...or was that TMI?

[BJMoose]

You know, guys, you could achieve the same effect by just getting laid every day.

[Ludovic]

Every time you kill a kitten, Jesus's chances against Covid get a little better.

[Jaglavak]

Originally Posted by BJMoose

You know, guys, you could achieve the same effect by just getting laid every day.

We tried that, but her poor little arm gets so tired.