145: We're Sgt Durper's Lonely Snark Club Band.

[Someone]

We hope you will enjoy the show.

[Someone]

FPB

[Someone]

Somebody has been spending too much time in the Megapolls forum, methinks.

[Someone]

Why must we be constantly oppressed by WHITE BOOMER CULTURE?????

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Why must we be constantly oppressed by WHITE BOOMER CULTURE?????

Because there's no rapper named Snarkalicious Durp to name a thread after?

BTW, that would be a great name for a hip-hop artist... if s/he/it was also a massive dweeb...

[Someone]

There was a sale at WalMart.

[Someone]

Seriously, how can Ed be this moronic?

For example, I don’t argue that we need to make better use of social media. In my mind the best place to start is to make better use of the social medium we’re on right now, namely the board. Engaging the membership in the editorial process isn’t a trivial task. If and when we establish that it’ll work, we can move on to other things.

First, let's see if the Teeming Millions can do part of my job, then we'll look into how to promote my work.

And also, he gently reminds us that we can't invest in merch after a billion people telling him to use Cafe Press or something. But what the heck, Beck's on board so lets just restart that column so poor Ed doesn't need to go into early retirement.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Seriously, how can Ed be this moronic?

First, let's see if the Teeming Millions can do part of my job, then we'll look into how to promote my work.

And also, he gently reminds us that we can't invest in merch after a billion people telling him to use Cafe Press or something. But what the heck, Beck's on board so lets just restart that column so poor Ed doesn't need to go into early retirement.

Someone in the last thread mentioned the Titanic...

Captain Ed: I see an iceberg ahead. Helmsman, steer toward that, and ring up 'all engines ahead full'. That should work nicely!

Everyone else: ... umm...

Captain Ed: What do you think could possibly go wrong?

Everyone else: ... umm, lots of shit you haven't thought of...

Captain Ed: Yeah, you can't say, so it must be perfectly safe. FULL SPEED AHEAD!!! STEER FOR THAT DAMN ICEBERG!!!

[Someone]

Settle down Beckdawrek, you're hyperventilating.

We love you dearly but I think it's time we told you the truth. About Cecil. He's not who you think he is. He doesn't ride a white horse. He doesn't save women from burning buildings. Let me quote a great exchange from Bronx Tale.

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, see if your father can't pay the rent go ask Mickey Mantle Cecil and see what he tells you. Mickey Mantle Cecil don't care about you, so why should you care about him? Nobody cares.

In fact, Cecil has never given a penny to charity. He's never served his country. He didn't even get vaccinated, nor did he wear a facemask, or social distance with the two or three persons who remember him. In fact, I guaranty you Cecil didn't even take the effort to vote in the last election. He's a bum. And, he's not the smartest man in the world, Fenris is.

Sorry Beck, but I can't stand around and watch you hurt by this Cecil who won't even give you a second glance.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

...he's not the smartest man in the world, Fenris is.

Aw crap, we're in worse trouble than I thought.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And, he's not the smartest man in the world, Fenris is.

Alright, what do you want from Fenris?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Settle down Beckdawrek, you're hyperventilating.

It's kind of sad and funny that Beck has been begging Cecil to return for years to no avail, and now Ed is posting as Cecil again and he's completely ignoring her.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Settle down Beckdawrek, you're hyperventilating.

I know she's joking (she's joking, right?), but it's starting to get cringey.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

...
Sorry Beck, but I can't stand around and watch you hurt by this Cecil who won't even give you a second glance.

Sure, he'll give her a second glance. It's not easy to piss on your victim unless you take aim!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In fact, Cecil has never given a penny to charity. He's never served his country. He didn't even get vaccinated, nor did he wear a facemask, or social distance with the two or three persons who remember him. In fact, I guaranty you Cecil didn't even take the effort to vote in the last election. He's a bum. And, he's not the smartest man in the world, Fenris is.

I forgot to give this bit the praise it deserves...

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Settle down Beckdawrek, you're hyperventilating.

We love you dearly but I think it's time we told you the truth. About Cecil. He's not who you think he is. He doesn't ride a white horse. He doesn't save women from burning buildings. Let me quote a great exchange from Bronx Tale.

In fact, Cecil has never given a penny to charity. He's never served his country. He didn't even get vaccinated, nor did he wear a facemask, or social distance with the two or three persons who remember him. In fact, I guaranty you Cecil didn't even take the effort to vote in the last election. He's a bum. And, he's not the smartest man in the world, Fenris is.

Sorry Beck, but I can't stand around and watch you hurt by this Cecil who won't even give you a second glance.

I appreciate your concern.
Cringey?! Silly? Dumb? Maybe, kinda crazy?
Yeah in a given hour I am all those things.
But still "cute"
😁
So Ed made a post in my thread.
I'm sure Cecil dictated it.
A girl can dream, ya know?

[Someone]

Who is this "Fenris" everyone keeps mentioning? There used to be a guy here named Goddammit Fenris but he went to prison or something.

[Someone]

Beck, Cecil is like Clarence the Possum. He just ain't right.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Seriously, how can Ed be this moronic?

How? So many ways... I mean think about it, would someone innovative or really insightful do the tired late 1970s/early 1980s Cecil schtick for as long as he did?

After Wikipedia says

(Zotti) ...succeeded Mike Lenehan, who edited the column from its inception in 1973 until 1976, and who was later promoted to Executive Editor at the Chicago Reader, and Dave Kehr, who edited from 1976 to 1978 and who later became a noted film critic for The New York Times

First, let's see if the Teeming Millions can do part of my job, then we'll look into how to promote my work.

The guy is like stereotype of the out-of-his-depth and out-of-touch older guy. Obviously he learned less than nothing from his failed Barn House effort. Or his years of seagull management of the Dope.... damn, I disliked Tubadiva but she clearly had a better grasp in her brief period in real control (although the pathetic defences of Zotti were pathetic).

He's so painfully clueless about anything modern - social media, fuck, even bloody message boards...

And also, he gently reminds us that we can't invest in merch after a billion people telling him to use Cafe Press or something. But what the heck, Beck's on board so lets just restart that column so poor Ed doesn't need to go into early retirement.

Dude is like 70 years old. Of course as his Barn House book didn't blow up... maybe it's an attempt to rescue a poor retirement portfolio (I don't think that humour in his OP on Ed blowing the retirement investment is 100% divorced from a financial reality).

But a Googling on Zotti I find that he had a Chicago Sun Times column but that seems to have stopped in October 2020 (https://chicago.suntimes.com/authors/ed-zotti). Coincidence that he's turned back to the Cecil schtick?

Originally Posted by Someone

Settle down Beckdawrek, you're hyperventilating.

Painful really to watch.

We love you dearly but I think it's time we told you the truth. About Cecil. He's not who you think he is. He doesn't ride a white horse. He doesn't save women from burning buildings. Let me quote a great exchange from Bronx Tale.

How about a better truth

The whole Cecil schtick is a now worn out 1970s pretense that Zotti has ridden into the ground and you don't need to pretend its true or cool to be one of the cool kids.

Or even now a Typical Doper kid ... so rather than putting on that weird 2001 style Cecil worship thing the weirdo nerds did, play it straight.

Originally Posted by Someone

It's kind of sad and funny that Beck has been begging Cecil to return for years to no avail, and now Ed is posting as Cecil again and he's completely ignoring her.

Ed has always been a smarmy ungrateful cunt.

Originally Posted by Someone

Beck, Cecil is like Clarence the Possum. He just ain't right.

Because he's Ed Zotti, a middling column writer who should retire (I share the ironic interview Zotti did in 2011 touting himself as a genuis relative to leveraging the Dope (I look like a genius in a dying industry)....

Originally Posted by Someone

I know she's joking (she's joking, right?), but it's starting to get cringey.

Starting? Cringy out of the gate.

[Someone]

Damn dudes, get a grip. Zotti's not my favorite person in the world. In fact his control freak moderation standards are the reason I shoved off from the derp. But I don't wish death upon his dog or anything. I just hope he doesn't finish killing the derp, that's all. Because then we'd turn on each other like rabid sharks. And I'd kind of miss some of you.

[Someone]

If the Durp died we'd get a lot of people to migrate over here and then I'd actually have to do some work.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

If the Durp died we'd get a lot of people to migrate over here and then I'd actually have to do some work.

Oh g-d. Not that.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

If the Durp died we'd get a lot of people to migrate over here and then I'd actually have to do some work.

Mostly Permaboxing all the Dweebs...

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Damn dudes, get a grip. Zotti's not my favorite person in the world. In fact his control freak moderation standards are the reason I shoved off from the derp. But I don't wish death upon his dog or anything. I just hope he doesn't finish killing the derp, that's all. Because then we'd turn on each other like rabid sharks. And I'd kind of miss some of you.

I don't wish death on his dog either. Or him.

But he's as business manager a multi-round disaster - he should either just fucking retire OR he could admit he's out of his depth and play editor but step aside for younger blood. Even a 50 year old would be an improvement.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Damn dudes, get a grip. Zotti's not my favorite person in the world. In fact his control freak moderation standards are the reason I shoved off from the derp. But I don't wish death upon his dog or anything. I just hope he doesn't finish killing the derp, that's all. Because then we'd turn on each other like rabid sharks. And I'd kind of miss some of you.

Nobody wishes death on his dog, or has any personal animosity toward him besides reasonable exasperation at his obstinate refusal to provide any practical data - specifically, regarding costs - or to actually respond in a meaningful way to the advice he's getting.

Well, that plus his annoyingly coy insistence that Ed Zotti is not Cecil - that joke is so old its carcass turned to dust years ago.

I'm also willing to bet he's a cold-hearted SOB with respect to Beck's over-the-top devotion, which is - sorry to say so, Beck, if you are reading this - indeed cringe-worthy. He could at least send her a gentle PM thanking her and saying her praise is embarrassing him, she can stop now as he understands and truly appreciates her support, or something like that to brighten her day but get her to stop repeating herself. Maybe he has, but I doubt it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Nobody wishes death on his dog, or has any personal animosity toward him besides reasonable exasperation at his obstinate refusal to provide any practical data - specifically, regarding costs - or to actually respond in a meaningful way to the advice he's getting.

Nuance, like Martin Hyde's note in his comment just now, the non-sharing of business information doesn't per se bother me but the non-responsiveness, the pig-headed dismissal (Opal-esque in a way) of options, the faux arguments not only irritate, they also rather suggest Zotti is about to do another one of this damaging interventions.

Well, that plus his annoyingly coy insistence that Ed Zotti is not Cecil - that joke is so old its carcass turned to dust years ago.

Yeah, it's like a washed up stand-up comic from the 70s rerunning threadbare references and expecting to have the house come down.

But he really seems oblivious that it's not 2001 or even 2011 and was seriously expecting his Cecil persona, which he hadn't effectively used on the Dope in reality in decades, would generate a buzz and applause which he'd leverage to take his idea forward (and possibly back to the Parent to pitch to get column back as he seems to be columnless...).

Kinda like his bizarre mishandling of the whole Barn House forum - a triviality but he showed exactly the same behaviour.

Hyde has a good summary overall

TubaDiva takes over as formal admin, and to my knowledge Ed Zotti was no longer meaningfully involved in anything related to this, other than perhaps some personal ownership of copyrights or things of that nature. Tuba I believe said we needed to migrate to Discourse to get the board back on a footing where it was affordable, so we could basically be self sufficient on memberships. Assumption being the Sun Times has no reason to keep a message board active that is losing money and not tied into anything they really care much about.

We move to Discourse, which has basically a hosting service for message boards, and membership fees stop being collected due to vague issues with processing payments. This continues for over 1 year.

Tuba tragically passes away. Ed shows back up ostensibly to help administer the board, as he had been a board admin in the past this made sense.

Ed comes in and says “here’s a new idea I have to charge a select group of people $30/mo in a weird not-quite-Patreon thing because for some reason I don’t like existing crowdfunding models and want to pursue weird and unlikely to succeed ones, and oh yeah I’m vaguely suggesting if we don’t do this the message board is in trouble.”

I don’t need to know what a privately held company’s finances are. But if someone is saying support a patronage system for a column writer because that column writer wants a patronage and in exchange he will write more articles and people want to do that, I think no one has any objections.

What bothers I think many of us is the vague assertion the board is imperil otherwise. There’s a lot of people who would be happy to resume paying for board memberships they had paid for for many years; but to do so in a weird scheme that is mostly a patronage for Ed, with vague allusions that it might save the forum, frankly kinda smells. These are two separate issues in my mind–Ed’s patronage venture (which is fine and people that want to support it should) and two the upkeep and maintenance of this message board.

The numbers Hyde throws out (on his correction on the rate for yearly not monthly) are pefectly plausible for them.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

...get her to stop repeating herself.

Now, I get along with Beck just fine. But when has that ever happened?

Originally Posted by Someone

...the non-responsiveness, the pig-headed dismissal (Opal-esque in a way) of options, the faux arguments not only irritate, they also rather suggest Zotti is about to do another one of this damaging interventions...

Why I left the derp, in a nutshell.

Originally Posted by Someone

But he really seems oblivious that it's not 2001 or even 2011...

Yeah, its hard to see how he's going to get much exposure without some kind of video presence.

Originally Posted by Someone

Hyde has a good summary overall...

Hmmm. When you line it out like that, it does stink a bit. I hope the derp collectively calls his bluff. Because the Sun Times kissed him goodbye. I seriously doubt if they are going to shut down the derp on his say-so. Or anything else for that matter.

Originally Posted by Someone

I have a column. And FOUR wives

Doomed.

[Someone]

Hey!

[Someone]

The real question is what would happen to the SDMB archives if that board dies?

[Someone]

I don't think Ed sees this as a business, per se. He's simply trying to get his old column gig back. He got fired three years ago, and now he sees the present circumstances as an opportunity to revive the Cecil persona and make some extra cash. That would explain why he's brushing aside all the suggestions about selling swag and doing a podcast; to him, this is basically a side hustle.

I don't think he's aware of Beck. Ed hasn't participated in the board in ages and probably never saw any of her past messages pining for the return of Unca Cece.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I don't think Ed sees this as a business, per se. He's simply trying to get his old column gig back. He got fired three years ago, and now he sees the present circumstances as an opportunity to revive the Cecil persona and make some extra cash. That would explain why he's brushing aside all the suggestions about selling swag and doing a podcast; to him, this is basically a side hustle.

Yes clearly on getting old columngig back. Biz framing plausible - as he seems to have been fired / dropped from his Chicago Sun Times column (last column October 2020 see link, after about 2 year run).

I don't think he's aware of Beck. Ed hasn't participated in the board in ages and probably never saw any of her past messages pining for the return of Unca Cece.

Oh clearly, Beck in her ... cringy needy attempts to be from day one one of the cool kids (I can't read this any other way, why a newcomer would bother to adopt all that 2001 era pathetic cultiness) has exactly zero interest to Ed. Ed actually seems fairly Trumpy in his attitude towards the Durpers - if reports are correct Trump found and finds the Trumpist disgusting and offputting but loves the opportunity to milk them for money...

Ed playing Cecil kind of conveys the same sense - he never actually liked playing the persona live (to read from his non-interaction with the boards) but likes doing the one-way schtick - he gets to insult and condescend the Durpers (which hey, is understandable) but finds actually interacting 'live' with Cecil worship unpleasant (also understandable but makes the whole thing an unhealthy set-up for a Message Board versus a column).

Originally Posted by Someone

He seems a little irritated at the pushback he's getting. I think he believed that the reaction would be:

1. Yay! Cecil's back!
2. OMG, you say the Dope is doomed unless you get your job back? What can we do to help?
3. We'd be honored to assist you, the Perfect Master, in writing your column!
4. Of course we'll pay double! Anything for Unca Cece!

To be fair, some of the responses are exactly that.

Clearly that is indeed what he expected. Seriously expected, not play expected.

But look back to how Barn House was handled (years closer to live Cecil cultism).

[Someone]

Ed is getting a lot of no-confidence votes, here and there. I wonder if he's aware of it?

[Someone]

No one has ever accused L'il Ed of possessing an abundance of awareness and/or introspection.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

No one has ever accused L'il Ed of possessing an abundance of awareness and/or introspection.

Even if he did, do you honestly think he'd care? The only thing that's important is What Ed Wants. That's it. Otherwise, fuck it.

[Someone]

He seems a little irritated at the pushback he's getting. I think he believed that the reaction would be:

1. Yay! Cecil's back!
2. OMG, you say the Dope is doomed unless you get your job back? What can we do to help?
3. We'd be honored to assist you, the Perfect Master, in writing your column!
4. Of course we'll pay double! Anything for Unca Cece!

To be fair, some of the responses are exactly that.

[Someone]

BTW for historical context, wayback shot of who was carrying the column just before the Cecil plug was pulled, March 2018

Five no name papers in the whole of the USA. Five. Almost no big media markets.

So post-Pandemic Ed's idea is he's going to make a roaring comeback - or even a Barn House comeback after losing his Chicago Sun Times column....

Someone should ask him about that other column...

[Someone]

I have a column. And FOUR wives

[Someone]

I'm kind of amused by all the entreaties to Ed to set up a CafePress store. CafePress merchandise is garbage and the printing quality is sub-par.

I realize that they're using "CafePress" as a placeholder for "some print-on-demand promotional goods company." But it would be funny if Ed took that literally. I can imagine a Pit thread with people venting about dropping $20 on a crappy-looking Straight Dope coffee mug.

[Someone]

I don't think we have to worry. I'm sure there would be plenty of finger-waggers warning the uninformed against the mean girls posting here behind their backs (in plain sight on a public message board). Haj's slacking is safe.

[Someone]

They could always go to Mellophant if they don't like it here and are too lazy to start a new board.

[Someone]

Ed closes his "modest proposal" thread with a snippy remark.

Originally Posted by Someone

Sad to say, you may be right. I’ve found out what I need to find out. Closing this thread.

[Someone]

What a whiny l'il bitch.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What a whiny l'il bitch.

You were a tad over the top though.

It's pretty aggravating that the boosters in the thread completely ignore the fact that paying membership was impossible for the last year but is suddenly a given with Ed's Hail Mary column restart plan, or scheme as he and his friends call it.

[Someone]

DSeid, I think you broke him.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You were a tad over the top though.

You shoulda seen that before I edited it down--probably would've been summarily banninated in a couple picoseconds. I don't like that pompous no talent hack and the feeling gets stronger every time I read anything he writes.

[Someone]

At the very least, you reminded him why he might not love hanging out in the forums as his new day job.

[Someone]

Guess the poster:

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ha...aux-pas/944460

I went to a nice restaurant last night and this man at another table was wearing a hat throughout. Am I right that this is unacceptable behaviour?

[Someone]

I was thinking the same thing. Hope Ed remembers the phrase "Hold on tightly; let go lightly".

[Someone]

Dude's trying way too hard, that's some forced rhetoric right there, total bush league attempt at invective. Yawn.

[Someone]

I must shamefacedly admit that I drunkenly typed out an epic post in response to JohnT in that thread. In my favor, I know better than to drunk-post, so very little of my invective survives for posterity. But, to paraphrase the Goldwater campaign of many decades ago, in my heart I know I was right.

Plus, CUNT. And, SmartAleq rules.