I want a fire. Dammit.

[WednesdayAddams]

I'm working from home today. My boss is awesome like that. I have pandora going and am reviewing charts and sending emails...I'm a machine. A machine with cold toes. It's 42° outside and about 60 in here. The heater keeps kicking on. I WANT A FIRE!! But.... the SO isn't here. He makes the fires.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the helpless type. I'm perfectly capable of reaching the top shelf and supporting myself and refusing to ask for directions when I'm lost. But I'm shit at starting a fire. *whine* FoN, how close are you to Plano?

[RedRosesForMe]

I'd love a fire too, but I don't have a fireplace. I keep telling myself it would be ok to buy the wood-burning stove from the antique shop around the corner, and that I could vent it out the window (my dad is an A/C contractor- got all the supplies and know-how) and that I need it anyway since I don't have heat.

What I really need to do is just call the landlord and tell her that when they replaced my window unit this summer they put it one that doesn't have a heater, and they'll give me a space heater. But I want my wood-burning stove. It would look so cute in the kitchen.

[WednesdayAddams]

Okay, you win. Heatless? In PITTSBURGH? Ew. Get the wood burning stove.

[SoylentPopTart]

Originally Posted by WednesdayAddams

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the helpless type. I'm perfectly capable of reaching the top shelf and supporting myself and refusing to ask for directions when I'm lost.

How are you at opening jars?

I like to break out the electric blanket for my lap/feet when I'm working. Sitting around all day makes me cold too. Turning up the furnace doesn't work and is wasteful. I figure the EB is a good compromise that really doesn't use that much electric.

[Uthrecht]

Go to store, get fire log. Put log in fireplace. Light log.

Note all the smoke in the room. Open flue.

[WednesdayAddams]

I KNOW TO OPEN THE FLUE!! I'm not completely stupid.

[Uthrecht]

Well then, get off your duff and get to lighting.

[3acres]

Goodness, how can you be unable to start a fire? Of course, I have the advantage of having been a Boy Scout in the past, and we burned everything. We didn't go on a campout without magnesium strips, fireworks, matches, lighters, kindling, tinder, punks, flints, steels, and anything else we could find that was the least bit phlogistonous in nature. Do you have three or more pieces of dry firewood? Do you have "little stuff" to get the fire going (or one of those commercial firestarter blocks or a bunch of newspaper)? And matches or a lighter or something you can set on fire on the stove and carry to the fireplace?? Wednesday, you can do this!!

[RedRosesForMe]

Oh, I'm in a much more southerly burg than Pittsburgh- St. Petersburg, Florida, the Sunshine City. So heat is only really necessary a month or two of the year. 60 degrees may not seem cold, but to someone who spends half the year dealing with 85+ degree weather, it's fucking freezing!

_{Flip-flops on Christmas! Bah! Humbug!}

[Solfy]

If I don't get some heat in my office soon I'm going to light a fire under my desk.

I have six fireplaces at my house. Three of them (upstairs) are closed off and only one of those has its mantle. Of the three downstairs, one is closed off (chimney went missing in the last re-roof), the other is being used to vent the water heater, and the third (in the west end of the great room) was in use the day I first looked at the house going on three years ago. Which wouldn't be so shocking, but I eventually learned:

• The chimney hadn't been inspected in about 25 years
  
• There was no hearth material, just hardwood flooring in front of the fireplace, so the POs stacked a pile of bricks from the garden to keep the logs from rolling out
• There was no firebox floor inside the firebox, so the POs stacked some loose bricks there, too
• Under the loose bricks was a piece of thin, partially burned wood panneling
• Under the panneling were the floor joists
• Directly under the open floor joists in the basement was an old wicker etagere that would have made lovely kindling had the fire made it through
• Oh, and there wasn't a smoke detector in the joint anywhere

I have no functioning fireplaces, but lots of big, toasty radiators. And a gas-burning insert awaiting installation after I line the chimney.

[Uthrecht]

Sounds like you bought the house I sold about six years ago, Solfy. 160-year-old farmhouse. Marvelous, marvelous place. The wooden floors were magnificent. It had a two-story fireplace set using the same chimney, and a second chimney with fireplace in the first floor, with a walled-up second-floor one.

Of course, the chimneys were in the same overall condition and needed to be cleaned. And the heater was using the one chimney for exhaust, but wasn't really exhausting.

Did I mention the knob-and-tube wiring spliced off the romex, spliced off the modern wiring? But I digress.


The point is, go get some wood and newspaper, or go get a fire log at a Target/Walmart/wherever. Then light a match, or use a magnifying glass, or use a magnesium stick and whack it with an expensive kitchen knife, or just make it really, really mad.

[SoylentPopTart]

Originally Posted by Uthrecht

The point is, go get some wood and newspaper, or go get a fire log at a Target/Walmart/wherever. Then light a match, or use a magnifying glass, or use a magnesium stick and whack it with an expensive kitchen knife, or just make it really, really mad.

Rub two sticks together and pray to the fire God.

[Smithish]

My Yahoo page knew you would need this.

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by Uthrecht

Did I mention the knob-and-tube wiring spliced off the romex, spliced off the modern wiring? But I digress.

Whatdayaknow? It is the same house!

The point is, go get some wood and newspaper, or go get a fire log at a Target/Walmart/wherever. Then light a match, or use a magnifying glass, or use a magnesium stick and whack it with an expensive kitchen knife, or just make it really, really mad.

When I had to relight the woodburner after school, I used a Bic lighter, kindling, and lots and lots and lots and lots of newspaper. Because it kept going out. I could usually get it going in about half a curse-filled hour. It's easier in an open fire ring. I suggest you build a fire ring in your living room. Got rocks?

[The Futility of Nihilism]

You want a fire? I guess you didn't watch any local news this morning then ... The big apartment fire and the big tanker truck fire should've scared you off!

[elbows]

I feel for you, few things are as enchanting as a fire when it's cold.

I have just lit my woodstove about an hour ago! It is now cranking lovely warmth throughout my house!

We just bought two cords of apple wood and it is divine. It burns hot, long and has a wonderful aroma!

Our woodstove practically heats our 1000 sq ft house, but it is extremely brrr in the mornings, let me tell you. No matter how toasty it was when we retired.

As my husband sleeps in most days, and I am up very early it always falls to me to rise in the truly chill a.m. and start the fire.

Of course, he's still convinced I don't know how to do it right, and yet, some how I muddle through.

This is his chosen sure fire method, (and he takes it personally if I don't use his method, too!) crumple up some newspapers, use half sheets to get the right size balls. Using whatever kindling you have on hand, construct a little log cabin with the paper balls in the center. (two sticks this way, two sticks that way). Then put, on top, the log you want to ignite. Open flue, strike match, enjoy warmth!

Come on, don't be shy, you can do it!

Give it a try, I promise you will meet with success!

[WednesdayAddams]

Y'all don't understand. I am retarded when it comes to making fires. I've tried. I've followed directions, I've had other people direct me....I can't do it. I suck at making fires.

[Jaglavak]

Originally Posted by WednesdayAddams

I suck at making fires.

Huh. I usually have the opposite problem.

[Uthrecht]

I tell you what, Wednesday. Follow my directions above with regards to the firelog. If you are unable to get it and keep it lit, I will call you myself and walk you through it.