59th Street Durp Song (Feelin' Snarky)

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

NEW SNARK! Grotonian may be starting his meltdown to Bantown in this Pit thread!

Nah. As Miller said, he's not doing anything against pit rules. You can't get banned for being a smug asshole.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Nah. As Miller said, he's not doing anything against pit rules. You can't get banned for being a smug asshole.

True, but the last several newby assholes I saw who started posting like that in the pit rapidly lost the ability to turn it off elsewhere, and hopped on the Bantrain. I'm expecting similar from him.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

True, but the last several newby assholes I saw who started posting like that in the pit rapidly lost the ability to turn it off elsewhere, and hopped on the Bantrain. I'm expecting similar from him.

It wouldn't surprise me. He's got a big mouth and a thin skin.

I don't think he really went to Groton.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Gwyneth Paltrow, and, to him, dragging her saintly name through the mud.

I thought she did that herself when she named her daughter Apple, and compared eating cheese out of a can to smoking crack?

[Someone]

I'm surprised DrDeth hasn't come spluttering into this thread.

"Adama can't send Crockett and Tubbs to arrest the Cylons because Crockett and Tubbs aren't in Battlestar Galactica and Edward James Olmos isn't Castillo, he's Adama. Use the characters' right names, for fuck's sake!"

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You can't get banned for being a smug asshole.

If you could, that place would have tumbleweeds blowing down main street.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Shagnasty has become one of the most loathsome individuals at the SDMB. He's one of those people who has a story to illustrate whatever random subject comes up in any conversation, and his stories almost always make him sound a huge asshole. I really don't believe most of the stuff he posts, but this recently caught my eye:

Not sure what the story is there.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...6&postcount=85

I lost my middle daughter in 2005 due to one of the rarest metabolic conditions in the world - Sulfite oxidase deficiency. I wrote some about it at the time time but I really don't want to search for those threads again. You are free to.

I am sorry you find me one of the most loathsome individuals around. As I always say, popularity has never been my overall goal in real life or on the internet. I truly don't care if people like me or hate me but many really love me so that makes it worthwhile overall. Like most people, I can be loathsome OR unbelievably kind depending on the circumstances.

My personal inside joke is that all of my stories are true. Many people don't believe them but that is none of my concern because it is funny when they don't. I am told I have a unique writing style that provokes some people but my random stories come from a very long line of Southern story telling heritage. They are stylized for whatever effect I choose but the basic facts are always accurate. If I could make up stories outside of real life I could be a successful novel writer or at least promote for the Shopping Channel.

Love you always,
Shagnasty

[Someone]

If I want to say ,,,,,,eleon, do I need to put commas between the commas? And should I use an Oxford comma before the last comma? Thanks. You guys are the best!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

If I want to say ,,,,,,eleon, do I need to put commas between the commas? And should I use an Oxford comma before the last comma? Thanks. You guys are the best!

There isn't enough space between Click and and and and and Clack.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

There isn't enough space between Click, and, and, and, and, and Clack.

OCTFY

[Someone]

MORE NEW SNARK! Another possible explanation for Leo Bloom's apparent lack of a functioning brain.

He should have added a 'Need answer fast'.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

There isn't enough space between Click and and and and and Clack.

Nor for that matter between Click and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and Clack.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Recast the entire Click and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and Clack and use an ampersand — Click & Clack.

Everyone knows Click, & Clack is stoopid.

[Someone]

I'm not asking anyone to help me lie on my resume, but if I did, how would I actually go about it?

May 2015 join date. Gotta be trolling.

Also, i've played videogames for the past 3-4 years and i haven't volunteered or done anything. Should i just not mention that?

Also, fired for stealing from last three jobs.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Everyone knows Click, & Clack is stoopid.

Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to step outside.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

She's also the one who will physically block anyone else from entering a public restroom when her kid is inside because OMG pedophiles!!!

Given the pedophiles thing, items she posted about her daughter's dad before, and the links MamaZappa provided, I'm guessing:
TruCelt is convinced that her daughter's dad is molesting her (I suspect TruCelt has something similar in her past. As someone with a similar history, I understand the fear even if I can't endorse giving in to it). She's trying to block all contact and his lawyers are stating that she's doing that Family Alienation things described in the links. Also possible is that her lawyer thinks the dad isn't doing anything and quit as a result.

[Someone]

Also not to say that it's impossible that the dad is doing something.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I must admit I do over use ellipses. I don't consider it to be as bad as the Oxford Comma, but I do recognize it as a rather bad habit...

The Oxford Comma is clear, emphatic, and wholly proper. Ellipses...

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Nah. As Miller said, he's not doing anything against pit rules. You can't get banned for being a smug asshole.

"Thaaaat's what yooooouuu thiiiiiink!"

— Ghost of Dio

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I am sorry you find me one of the most loathsome individuals around.

I doubt that.

Love you always,
Shagnasty

[Someone]

My personal inside joke is that all of my stories are true. Many people don't believe them but that is none of my concern because it is funny when they don't. I am told I have a unique writing style that provokes some people but my random stories come from a very long line of Southern story telling heritage. They are stylized for whatever effect I choose but the basic facts are always accurate. If I could make up stories outside of real life I could be a successful novel writer or at least promote for the Shopping Channel.

Love you always,

Ducati (the other Southern "storyteller")

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

"Thaaaat's what yooooouuu thiiiiiink!"

— Ghost of Dio

"Dio was a cock for a long, long tiiiime.
Now it's time for him to pass the torch..." 🎶

-TenatiousDio

[Someone]

Acey's got something new to be skeevy about.

[Someone]

Don't know if the Caitlynn Jenner thread will train wreck or not, but it bears watching. By FENRIS!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

... the Caitlynn Jenner thread ...

Nava makes a couple of posts and completely fails to mention or even allude to Spain. Is she OK? Maybe she should see a doctor.

[Someone]

A Spanish doctor, of course.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Nava makes a couple of posts and completely fails to mention or even allude to Spain. Is she OK? Maybe she should see a doctor.

The pain in my brain is 'cause I failed to mention Spain.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Acey's got something new to be skeevy about.

C'mon, it was nearly three years ago that he first set up that Google News alert for "Masturbate Waffle" and this was his first hit. It's a big day for him.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The pain in my brain is 'cause I failed to mention Spain.

Inspain in the membrane.

[Someone]

Father of the year Frylock wants to know at what age he can just let the oldest kid take over the rest of them, Duggar style. Yeah, I know that's not a charitable description of his post, but damn, he's got no self-awareness whatsoever.

[Someone]

Ugh, in that Caitlyn Jenner thread, aceplace makes me want to just find him and strangle him. He is so fucking disgusting.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Father of the year Frylock wants to know at what age he can just let the oldest kid take over the rest of them, Duggar style. Yeah, I know that's not a charitable description of his post, but damn, he's got no self-awareness whatsoever.

Innocuous in the hands of most posters, but you just know that 20 posts in he is going to be arguing with people for misunderstanding him. That, and there's the Dope thing of adopting positions of opposite extremes and arguing them to bloodshed.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Nava makes a couple of posts and completely fails to mention or even allude to Spain. Is she OK? Maybe she should see a doctor.

Perhaps it is difficult for her to accept that this is the same Bruce Jenner she recalls from her box of Juítiz many years ago.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ugh, in that Caitlyn Jenner thread, aceplace makes me want to just find him and strangle him. He is so fucking disgusting.

Starving Artist is in that thread, too. Just wait... As soon as he finds a way to bring paper towel tubes into the discussion, he'll show ol' Acey what's what in the 'disgusting' department!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ugh, in that Caitlyn Jenner thread, aceplace makes me want to just find him and strangle him. He is so fucking disgusting.

You and me both. Makes me want to push him into the great sausage grinder in the sky.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm not asking anyone to help me lie on my resume, but if I did, how would I actually go about it?

May 2015 join date. Gotta be trolling.

Also, fired for stealing from last three jobs.

Also, i've played videogames for the past 3-4 years and i haven't volunteered or done anything. Should i just not mention that?

PSXer, is this you?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You and me both. Makes me want to push him into the great sausage grinder in the sky.

Maybe that's where the paper towel tube will come in. "Pretend this paper towel tube is a sausage grinder...."

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm not asking anyone to help me lie on my resume, but if I did, how would I actually go about it?

May 2015 join date. Gotta be trolling.

Also, fired for stealing from last three jobs.

You the switchblade in his pocket. And the EXPUNGED felony.

[Someone]

I know someone mentioned it here... Ahh, here it is:

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm not asking anyone to help me lie on my resume, but if I did, how would I actually go about it?

May 2015 join date. Gotta be trolling.

Also, fired for stealing from last three jobs.

Actually, it wasn't 'stealing from last three jobs', it was 1) stopped showing up because they didn't give him enough hours, 2) stealing, and 3) carrying a switchblade in violation of the 'no weapons' rule (and probably the local or state laws ). And he's surprised they'd just fire him for any of those, instead of just 'giving a warning'. But anyway, get a load of this highly useful 'advice' from DrCube:

If your parents make good money, can they get you an interview with their employer? Networking is how you get jobs, not resumes.
...
Like I said, network. Talk to people with jobs, get them to tell you when there is an opening, and see if they'll say a few nice words about you to their boss.

Seriously? Does any Durper actually believe that anyone would put their reputation with their employer on the line by putting in 'a few nice words' for an obvious reject like that?

Oh, wait. It is the Durp.... dumb question retracted.

ETA: And I notice Guin just partially ninja'd me on the switchblade, and also got the "EXPUNGED felony" I forgot....

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Nava makes a couple of posts and completely fails to mention or even allude to Spain. Is she OK? Maybe she should see a doctor.

Is that like a medico?

[Someone]

Yanno, all of us shouting for Fenris' head, because the snark is getting stale in this old thread, we may just have it wrong. We seem to be getting our second wind and regaining our snark. His marathon snark thread may just actually work. Maybe everyone has us wrong. Maybe we're better than the 'short attention span' stereotype everyone has of us... Come on, people! We can live up to Fenris' dream for us. We could be God Giraffe's own forces for GOOD in the snark world. We owe it to Fenris to give his experiment a chance ...

Nahhhh, fuck it. You and you. Grab the pitchforks and tar! You, grab Fenris! We got a LYNCHIN' to do!

Anyway, from the top o' this page:

Originally Posted by Someone

It wouldn't surprise me. He's got a big mouth and a thin skin.

I don't think he really went to Groton.

Sure he did. He's either the middle-aged bearded guy who's always out in the parking lot driving that white windowless van, or maybe he's one of the 13 year old male students who found an internet connection the staff can't monitor. Either would explain Grotonian's posts. I'm not sure which I hate more. When all one's choices suck that badly, how does one decide? Whom should we kill (for our own safety, of course) . . .

Oh, yeah. Fenris! There he is! GET HIM!!!!!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You and me both. Makes me want to push him into the great sausage grinder in the sky.

ZOMG! Now I can see how the sausage is made!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

ZOMG! Now I can see how the sausage is made!

I could envision that, but I couldn't figure out where it was from. Monty Python? no. You Can't Do That On Television, nope, not that either...
Here it is.

ETA, Monty Python did it too.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I could envision that, but I couldn't figure out where it was from. Monty Python? no. You Can't Do That On Television, nope, not that either...
Here it is.

ETA, Monty Python did it too.

So in other words, you're saying that you're just another dick in the sausage?

'ere's another one we got to watch, eh! Put 'im in line just after we finish with Fenris, eh, boys! You, tack 'im to the bloody wall, eh? 'ere, take my stapler!

We've got some bloody fun for you, boyo! I'm sure you'll love it.

[Someone]

The Dope is sure lucky to have Bricker keeping them honest.

[Someone]

I was thinking maybe Terry Gilliam had something to do with The Wall but the google turns up nothing.

Maybe I had it mixed up with Yellow Submarine. He had something to do with Yellow Submarine.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The Dope is sure lucky to have Bricker keeping them honest.

And Smapti weighs in to say that unless we allow everyone to kill each other, everyone will be killing each other! Anarchy, I say.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And Smapti weighs in to say that unless we allow everyone to kill each other, everyone will be killing each other! Anarchy, I say.

If murder is outlawed, only outlaws will be able to murder.

[Someone]

Bricker needs to start all his posts with, "Your Honor," or at least start calling witnesses to the stand.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And Smapti weighs in to say that unless we allow everyone to kill each other, everyone will be killing each other! Anarchy, I say.

Actually, his position is that unless we allow everyone to kill each other (as long as it's not Smapti), everyone will be trying to kill Smapti. Reading his many posts, I can see where that might be of some reasonable concern to him. If I lived or worked near someone like him, I would be seriously tempted to find a way to... errr... make him go away. Permanently.