There was a spider in my trunk! Was it male or female?

Fresh White Sneakers · #1 19th August 2013, 09:11 AM

OMG!

I found a spider crawling around in my trunk. It was huge, bigger than a quarter! I grabbed my poker magazine and it crawled onto it. I threw the magazine on the ground and the spider ran into the grass.

I was relieved that the spider went back where it came from. But I hope to God it was a male. I'm worried that it was a female and it laid eggs. IN MY TRUNK.

How can you tell if a spider is male or female? I have a pic by the way.

jali · #2 19th August 2013, 09:34 AM

I thought that thugs had over sized speakers in their trunks. Maybe I'm watching the wrong ghetto-thug-produced-by-rapper movies.

Popinki · #3 19th August 2013, 10:17 AM

But if it was a male spider that jizzed all over your trunk that'd be completely fine, amirite?

Jaglavak · #4 19th August 2013, 10:25 AM

I read somewhere that spiders don't like exhaust fumes. So all you gotta do is temporarily re-route the exhaust through the car and then go for a nice Sunday drive. That should take care of all your problems.

KidVermicious · #5 19th August 2013, 10:28 AM

They also don't like heat. If you're really worried about spiderbabbys, leave your car out in the summer sun for an afternoon, preferably in the middle of a giant asphalt parking lot.

Mustard Stain · #6 19th August 2013, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KidVermicious

They also don't like heat. If you're really worried about spiderbabbys, leave your car out in the summer sun for an afternoon, preferably in the middle of a giant asphalt parking lot.

Best of both worlds, re-route the exhaust into your car, leave it running on a hot day in the middle of a parking lot, and the put a One Dimension CD in the player on endless repeat (sorry, that's inhumane, but -- spiders!)

A small fire on the ground near your air intake will maybe smoke them out too. Use lots of kerosene.

*Rebo* · #7 19th August 2013, 11:08 AM

They don't lay eggs in the traditional way - they typically have an egg sack. Like this:
http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2441/3...95e4667b_z.jpg

SurlyOldBroad · #8 20th August 2013, 06:21 AM

You have to set the car on fire. It's the only way.

Clothahump · #9 20th August 2013, 06:23 AM

A flamethrower is indicated. You must be thorough.

Fresh White Sneakers · #10 20th August 2013, 07:53 AM

i see what y'all tryin to do. tryin' to kill a brotha!

Guinastasia · #11 20th August 2013, 09:01 AM

Find someone who's not afraid of spiders to come over and do an inspection. Then, if they find anything, they can smash the ever-loving fuck out of it. (Where do you live -- I volunteer. I'm the spider-smasher around here)

wring · #12 20th August 2013, 09:11 AM

You carefully pick up the spider and look between it's legs for balls. Eezy-peezy.

Lungfish · #13 20th August 2013, 02:14 PM

Ask the spider to get you something to eat. A male spider would get out the BBQ while a female spider would go to the kitchen and make you a sandwich.

Chocodile · #14 20th August 2013, 07:01 PM

Nobody said pimpin' was easy. Best thing to do is to find a young white girl and carjack her daddy's BMW.

Random Precision · #15 20th August 2013, 07:07 PM

Serious answer - it was a female. Pretty much every adult spider you have ever seen is female.

So the real question is - Why did you have that female in your trunk and were you planning to take her across state lines for immoral purposes?

hilarity n. suze · #16 21st August 2013, 11:40 AM

I think you are wrong about spiders hating heat. I think they love it. Anecdotal evidence: I have two lamps from which I have seen lots of baby spiders dangling like fringe. I threw one of the lamps out and doused the other one with spider spray after sweeping the baby spiders off (ew ew ew!!!).

Also I like heat, and it seems to me there are often spiders in my favorite warm places (get out the spray...)

In the fall they tend to come inside (gets spray ready...)