i just sprayed myself wit pepper spray!

[Fresh White Sneakers]

i was sitting on the stairs of my porch this morning, just chillin. watching women strut down the street to the corner market. listening to tires scooting, police sirens, systems booming, and a child being whooped with an extension cord. making mental notes on who is steal out of town on my block.

then i saw a big ball of weave roll across my yard, like tumbleweed in the desert. was going to pick it up to sniff it. so arousing. but as i bended down i heard

PSSSSSSSSSSSST!

i started coughing and gagging. i had no idea what happened. i have never associated respiratory distress with bending over. i searched my yard for dead animals. and for devices. lord knows what govt could've planted in my yard.

a few minutes later, i reached in my pocket for my cell, and saw my pepper spray peeping out. the safety switch was off. i think when i bent over my pepper spray discharged!

what the fuque? that shit is dangerous. the labels didn't warn me that i could accidentally shoot myself. i'm giving this shit away. im sticking with my gun for protection!

[Chacoguy]

Originally Posted by Fresh White Sneakers

i have never associated respiratory distress with bending over.

Da Fuq?

[bufftabby]

Y'all are brutalizin' me!

[BJMoose]

Particularly with locutions like "i bended down".

[mwm]

When Lynn is talking about pepper spray, she means something totally different...

[Flying Saucerian]

Well, at least s/he's saving us the trouble of doing it...

[Clockwork Jackal]

"You" sprayed "yourself" with pepper spray? Are you sure you weren't operating an illegal cab in Boston late at night?

[Glazer]

Originally Posted by Fresh White Sneakers

im sticking with my gun for protection!

Much better results when you shoot yourself with that.

[Wolf Larsen]

Be sure to have your finger in the trigger guard when you draw, it makes it go faster.

[Ulrike Guggenheim]

It's more fun to spray yourself with toilet bowl cleaner. That's what all the cool people do.

[Chocodile]

Originally Posted by Ulrike Guggenheim

It's more fun to spray yourself with toilet bowl cleaner. That's what all the cool people do.

That's so last month. Now the cool kids are huffin' oven cleaner. As a side benefit, it cleans out all that grunge that builds up in your lungs from the 420. It's like bong cleaner for you body.

[Jaglavak]

Originally Posted by Fresh White Sneakers

i'm giving this shit away.

It's toast, pitch it.

[eleanorigby]

Couldn't you spray yourself with Thug-Away, instead?

[The Futility of Nihilism]

Originally Posted by eleanorigby

Couldn't you spray yourself with Thug-Away, instead?

That's not very friendly!

Don't listen to her, FWS. In fact, you should keep spraying yourself wit pepper spray on a regular basis -- at least once a day -- in order to build up an immunity. Eventually you'll be able to hassle the bitches without worrying about them spraying you, because it'll have no effect.

[McNutty]

Originally Posted by bufftabby

Y'all are brutalizin' me!

best movie ever