expectopatronum "I couldn't think of a good title and I feared judgment if I fucked it up." aka DurpSnark 85

[Someone]

Hey look, some idiot is going bonkers over a melatonin discussion in the Omnibus Trolls R Us thread.

Oh wait, its Cochrane.

[Someone]

Fuck 'em. I feel like posting recipes every time they do that.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Fuck 'em. I feel like posting recipes every time they do that.

Melatonin recipes could be a big hit!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

... Even our biggest right wingers are anti-Trump ...

Does he ... actually read the board?

[Someone]

Another femmejean trolling thread. For someone who's supposedly sexless and had his dick and balls removed, he sure seems obsessed with talking about orgasms.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Another femmejean trolling thread. For someone who's supposedly sexless and had his dick and balls removed, he sure seems obsessed with talking about orgasms.

Well, this is the Behind Your Back board, maybe he just has them tucked back.

[Someone]

Snowboarder Bo masturbates to the idea of Trump and Putin having a homosexual affair. Drunky Smurf goes to the quarry.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Another femmejean trolling thread. For someone who's supposedly sexless and had his dick and balls removed, he sure seems obsessed with talking about orgasms.

Worse than that. It's metaphorical jizzing.

[Someone]

Okrahoma starts a thread in GD about Obama spying on people. AHunter3 gives him all the attention he deserves:

Originally Posted by Someone

Cool username. I think of okra every time I see it.

I like to get it fresh from the supermarket and slice it superthin, like potato chips, then put it in a bag with flour and corn meal and salt and pepper and shake it all up to coat them, then fry them in hot safflower or grapeseed oil, dipping them out with a slotted spoon.

How do you like yours? Tell me you're not one of those heathens who boils them and eats them all gooey and stuff!

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...10&postcount=3

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Okrahoma...

My brother has a teeshirt that says: "Chocolate is God's way of apologizing to us for okra."

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Snowboarder Bo masturbates to the idea of Trump and Putin having a homosexual affair. Drunky Smurf goes to the quarry.

Originally Posted by Someone

But hey, if hot and sticky fantasies of these two wild old men having torrid homosexual sex gets you off at night, have away.

Why does he have to bring panache45 and husband into the thread?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Why does he have to bring panache45 and husband into the thread?

Because panache wasn't fast enough to do it, himself (for a change)?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Because panache wasn't fast enough to do it, himself (for a change)?

Maybe he was tied up.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Do people still say "pretty neat" on your side of the pond? Sounds like he should've chucked in a "gee willikers" and a "gosh darn it" as well.

I don't view myself as having loose moral standards but it's not about me saying "pretty neat". It's not about Trump being bad for America. It's about him being someone who around goes deliberately offending people. By doing that, he gives up any right for me to care if someone deliberately offends him. And the extent to which he does it means I don't care how far they go in doing so.

I also do not care if his supporters are offended. They have likewise chosen to believe that his deliberately offending people is acceptable, and thus give up any right to be offended on his behalf.

It's not inherently wrong to offend people, or else it would be wrong to insult people, since the entire point of insulting someone is to offend them. And you can tell by how I talk in the Pit that I do not think it is inherently wrong to insult people. Immoral people deserve to be insulted. People who deliberately offend deserve to be offended. And you've offended me when you attacked and mocked the way I write. I'll find you on the Straight Dope Message Board and pit you there since it would be pointless to pit you here because Fenris* has turned all of you against me. So watch for it.**


*I don't bold his name because I don't respect him since he tried to get me banned.

**Watch for my pit thread about you, I mean.

[Someone]

Shut up Big Tard.

[Someone]

Another Doper's spouse is in the hospital. Johnny L.A's this time.

Originally Posted by Someone

She's a very private person, and would be appalled if she knew I posted this. So I'm not going to go into details. Suffice it to say, it has to be bad when a nurse asks you to call 9-1-1. I took her to the E.R. around 08:30. After about five hours, I took a break for lunch, a shower, and a change of clothes. Got back to the hospital a couple of hours later, and she'd been admitted. I stayed until nearly nine, when she suggested I go home. 'It's not like I'm going anywhere.'

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=827629

[Someone]

When it rains, it pours. I'll take being coherent and jokey as a good sign, and hope she'll be OK soon.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Why does he have to bring panache45 and husband into the thread?

panache45 has a husband?


It never gets old.

[Someone]

Noob posts something incoherent. This one may be worth watching for future amusement value.

Who do you deem belongs to the police? Do you hold it as a sinless guild, warded against further hands?

Bethink that you heard, not saw, this; from a teller of tales.

I do not know the old days of police or their likenesses over the lands. Sure their way is to fight lawbreakers. If they wax grimmer than howso score years ago, it is only change, which, as they say, is certain.

Ween I did feel strong against it. What more should I do than chide here? Of all foes lawmen are among the mightiest.

It is a thing to speak of, and may heart thought, yet forgive my mislike; for I well know men shall speak of 'the way it was' and 'what has become of it'. And that is well, yet they are like to do nought but speak words over it; and so it is mean.

[Someone]

constanze lies about explains her Random capitalization.

My browser hates me. (IE). When I type directly into the box, it capitalizes some words, I don't know why. (It also redlines most things. Maybe some autocorrection Thing?)

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

constanze lies about explains her Random capitalization.

Englished that for you.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

constanze lies about explains her Random capitalization.

Just had a thought. (Big surprise!) If she's German, she would have a German version of Windows. Maybe IE is autocorrecting to German spelling rules even if she types in English.

[Someone]

You should post the suggestion in German, in all small letters.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Just had a thought. (Big surprise!) If she's German, she would have a German version of Windows. Maybe IE is autocorrecting to German spelling rules even if she types in English.

Of course it does. I use one browser when visiting English language sites and another for domestic stuff. This is set to English (U.S.)
[Nava-ish derpiness]We don't use capital letters for weekdays, months, languages and I need that spell-check to not fuck up, as the 'correct' spelling is kinda hardwired. [herpy-derpy-derp-derp]

[Someone]

The Big Tard Lecture Series of Scoldings continues.

...And continues

And will probably never fucking end.

Originally Posted by Someone

There was nothing innocent about Maher's joke. He used a word to deliberately cause offense to black people so that he would get in the news, without regard to the people involved. He enjoys offending people, and this time chose to try to offend black people.

He is such an insufferable jackass, and utterly clueless to boot. It's like being lectured by a precocious infant.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Englished that for you.

You Americaned that, if you'd Englished it it would be "capitalised".

[Someone]

What in the bloody hell?

Originally Posted by Someone

So I read about a story that a man posted on a youtube comments section. It was about the tale of some great beast that was living in a cave, when a squad of soldiers came across it. The giant charged at them and they shot it dead, but then they saw that the giant had been "cannibalizing" other people which doesn't make sense because the giant isn't actually a human, and had thousands of medieval/stone age/bronze age/pre-modern/modern weapons and armor and artworks and skeletons and stuff all over the place, which apparently traumatized the soldiers so much that they committed suicide a few years later. I understand that all people are different, and that some people are severely traumatized by having spiders crawl about on them, especially millennials, but the cave sounds more fascinating than anything else. If I could, I would gladly go and explore the cave and take many photos. However, I highly doubt the story is true, so most of that stuff probably didn't happen.

Another question is, what is the connection between flat earthers, people who believe in yetis and big feet, people who believe in the all-powerful evil megacorp EvilPharma or whatever, people who believe that all the planets in the sky are CGI, and people who genuinely believe that a million Cthulhus lie sleeping in the Antarctic. Surely the discovery of a bigfoot or a yeti would be an amazing discovery that would be shared through the entire world, and not hidden and covered up by the government and locked in cages while EvilPharma feed poor people to them.

How are big feet and yetis so much more "magical" and "enchanted" than gorillas and the like? Like there are many people who seem to believe that a single bigfoot or yeti could wipe out every single human, or that bigfeet are a sign of oncoming rapture, or doom, or a sign of aliens or something? Surely a genuine sighting of a bigfoot would just be fantastic and incredible as a brand new species that humans have discovered, but how would that suddenly be a sign of an alien invasion?


Other: How well would a tribe of bigfeet and yetis do against a modern army? Let's say they that destroyed a small town to which the U.S. military responded to with a single MEU of substantial military power.

I'd like to have some of his drugs.

[Someone]

constanze's reflexive anti-American knee is jerking again. Her beef this time is that the US is evil because if the president signs a treaty but the senate doesn't ratify it, it's not binding on the US. All properly civilized countries are bound when their head of government signs.

Starts here (although there are more stupid posts before that, too). Also, Random capitalization!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The Big Tard Lecture Series of Scoldings continues.

...And continues

And will probably never fucking end.

He is such an insufferable jackass, and utterly clueless to boot. It's like being lectured by a precocious infant.

BigT could talk about how child molestation and cannibalism is wrong, and he'd STILL piss me off.

[Someone]

And he claims that Maher's quip was actually worse than Michael Richards' rant. Tha fuck?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Tha fuck?

In BigTard's version of 'morality', things you do when lashing out in anger are more forgivable than things you do calmly. He's mentioned having anger management problems before, so naturally his 'morality' is formulated to give him, the world's highest moral authority, a pass on anything he might actually do himself, and place maximal blame on someone doing something he's incapable of. It's a very self-serving moral world he lives in.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

It's a very self-serving moral world he lives in.

Not to mention that it doesn't even pass the most basic test. If by some ungodly twist of fate there were to exist a room full of Big Tards, there would be blood. This we know.

[Someone]

femmejean posting about his wank fantasies again. And should I be worried that my phone dictionary is starting to automatically suggest his name?

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...8&postcount=15

No, I'm not going to quote him. I'm going to spare you all from that. Click the link and read for yourselves.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In BigTard's version of 'morality', things you do when lashing out in anger are more forgivable than things you do calmly. He's mentioned having anger management problems before, so naturally his 'morality' is formulated to give him, the world's highest moral authority, a pass on anything he might actually do himself, and place maximal blame on someone doing something he's incapable of. It's a very self-serving moral world he lives in.

You, sir, must have a PhD in Tardology.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You, sir, must have a PhD in Tardology.

Of course. Where do you think "The BigTard Lecture Series" came from? It started as my PhD Thesis.

[Someone]

For fun and profit, count the number of times that our sociopathic douche BigT uses "I" or "me" or "my" or "mine" or other personal pronouns in a given post. Hell, in a given sentence. The basement dwelling little sociopath honestly seems to believe that the world centers around him. "Is it wrong to shoot someone because of what they said?", BigT would decide if he agreed with what the victim said and if he does agree with what they said, shooting would be wrong! But if he doesn't agree with it, it's perfectly fine to commit murder. Because hey, they said something BigT disagreed with. And he's unable to write non-egocentric posts.

Ever read Piaget's Theory of Cognitive Development? Piaget wrote that one of the normal stages for a kid who's about 2-7 (and it's abnormal to stay in it past age 7 or so), "Thinking is still egocentric, and the infant has difficulty taking the viewpoint of others." I've also heard it described as "The infant doesn't recognize other people as entirely real or valid".

Ever since his sudden pseudo-Christian conversion a year or two back, he's gotten really creepy.

[Someone]

I would agree with you if that didn't seem to describe pretty much every fucking person on the planet right now.

[Someone]

...and the sexually inactive ones (to cover BigT)

[Someone]

What pseudo-Christian conversion?

I like your Piaget-based theory. While I don't think he's 100% stuck in that stage, I think you're on to something in that a big part of him is.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What pseudo-Christian conversion?

I like your Piaget-based theory. While I don't think he's 100% stuck in that stage, I think you're on to something in that a big part of him is.

He's not a normal Christian, but about a year, maybe two years ago, he started spewing stuff like "...as I'm a Christian, I believe that blah-blah-blah" or "I told a woman in my church group that I knew she was wrong to think abortion is a complex issue, since I read the Bible and I never saw it mentioned and we all know that believing things that aren't in the Bible is idolatry. Also, voting for bad people (as I define them) will send your soul to eternal damnation"*

Stuff like that.



*See http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...=825998&page=2 this thread for some of these examples before he really started his religious spewings.

[Someone]

Ever read Piaget's Theory of Cognitive Development? Piaget wrote that one of the normal stages for a kid who's about 2-7 (and it's abnormal to stay in it past age 7 or so), "Thinking is still egocentric, and the infant has difficulty taking the viewpoint of others." I've also heard it described as "The infant doesn't recognize other people as entirely real or valid".

who else does this remind me of?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Of course. Where do you think "The BigTard Lecture Series" came from? It started as my PhD Thesis.

Move over TED, here comes TARD Talks.

[Someone]

The Thread Dude Roberts* again

* with kudos to @running coach for coming up with the name.

Originally Posted by Someone

SCENARIO: The Enterprise NX01 is destroyed by a Klingon bird of prey and a Borg cube that had "teamed up" to destroy the mighty Enterprise. As the ship is exploding, Picard pulls out a one time use time travel device from a hidden compartment in his bedroom and activates it, sending the NX01 back to the 21st century as of 2020. Picard knows he must destroy all of the current-time naval ships, as well as the majority of army and air forces if he wants to save humanity from doing a thing that will destroy them.

However, his NX01 ship is badly damaged, and has lost the ability to fly and instead must be sailed around on water like a normal ship. It's max speed on water is 40 knots, and it's max speed on ground is 20 kp/h. There are also no shields, and the NX01's phasers are destroyed.

NOTE: Sorry for the messy weapon placements, but I haven't really watched much of ST, so I don't know what all the proper names are for their weapon placements.

It's function weapons are:

x4 100 GJ Phasers, x2 on each side (starboard/port on top of saucer)

x6 tetyron guns, x2 on front top saucer, x2 on each rear end of nacelles bottom, x1 on bottom saucer starboard/port

x6 TR-116 dual turrets, x2 on both undersides of saucer, x2 on star/port of front underside saucer, x2 on star/port of ending of main body before nacelles underside (before the actual starting point of the nacelles)

Whole-body coverage of generic lasers, which are able to destroy RHIB boats, missiles, and aircraft, and have a range of 1000 meters.

x50 torpedos containing 1000 tons of TNT explosive force, range of 2000 meters, and speed of 90 kp/h, and a guided sensor of 5 meters adjustment per 100 meters.

How well does the Enterprise do?

I hope they keep him around for a while. He's hilarious.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

For fun and profit, count the number of times that our sociopathic douche BigT uses "I" or "me" or "my" or "mine" or other personal pronouns in a given post. Hell, in a given sentence.

To be fair, it's kind of hard to work "we" into a sentence when you only see half a dozen people a year. In my dreams, Big Tard's mom makes him get a job and he ends up behind the customer service desk at Walmart.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

To be fair, it's kind of hard to work "we" into a sentence when you only see half a dozen people a year. In my dreams, Big Tard's mom makes him get a job and he ends up behind the customer service desk at Walmart.

I can imagine someone walking up to him and asking, "Where's your dairy-free cheese?"

[Someone]

Mostly what happens at that desk is returns. Eight hours a day listening to every bullshit hustler and lying asshole in town try to shake down his employer. With Big Tard judging each and every one in the courtroom in his head. And then rushing home to post wall o' text tirades big enough to paper Mt Rushmore. It would be glorious.

[Someone]

Yet more Bit T. I mean, I actually think it's a good idea to clearly state when you're playing devil's advocate, if only to prevent confusion in further discussions. But it's not that big a deal if you don't, as long as you're not trolling. But thank God I've got BigT to set me straight.

Hmmm, "Bit T." I don't think I'll correct that.

[Someone]

Shagnasty starts a thread titled When did you first learn that you are an evil person? Kind of disappointed that nobody's responded "So it was well before you attempted rape-by-deception with your friend's girlfriend?" I wonder if that would earn a mod note ...

[Someone]

I read that thread and thought about posting here, but the amount of derpitude was just too much. Making a post where every second reply in that thread is worth mentioning made my head hurts*.






*Foreigner actually asking for help: the subject of that sentence is singular [Making a post], but as it is referring to a multitude of posts my gut feeling for grammar says it should be 'hurt'. What's the Strai.... GB consensus?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

*See http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...=825998&page=2 this thread for some of these examples before he really started his religious spewings.

Thread started by Contemplation? I thought that fucker got banned recently, unless I'm thinking of another "long word that starts with 'C' and was banned for trolling or sockage" user-name.