Durp Snark #165. Still Alive

[Someone]

I just got to the part when he thinks his dead mother sent him a porn star and gigglesnurfed out loud.

[Someone]

Why couldn’t I have a mother like that?

[Someone]

Maybe if you go the gym every day, and eat super healthy, she'll do that for you.

[Someone]

Not like his hosebeast ex wife, who was older and had had gastric bypass.

[Someone]

Well, you can't blame a guy for being a self centered swine who sees women as merely interchangeable extensions of his festering wounded little ego.

Oh wait, yes you can.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Not like his hosebeast ex wife, who was older and had had gastric bypass.

I must be missing something, wasn’t hosebeast a Shagnasty thing? Is he even around anymore? I’ll be quiet now.

[Someone]

Moriarty brought up her age and surgery out of nowhere, heavily implying she was ugly and unhot compared to his new pr0n princess. I don't remember where hosebeast comes from, but thankfully Shagnasty is gone.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I just got to the part when he thinks his dead mother sent him a porn star and gigglesnurfed out loud.

My dead mother has never done anything for me!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

My dead mother has never done anything for me!

Are you kidding? Just the other day she stopped a rusty nail from giving you a flat tire!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I must be missing something, wasn’t hosebeast a Shagnasty thing?

Oh, you mean old Stone Butt.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Moriarty brought up her age and surgery out of nowhere, heavily implying she was ugly and unhot compared to his new pr0n princess. I don't remember where hosebeast comes from, but thankfully Shagnasty is gone.

He said that he didn't love her nor was he attracted to her when they got married (I think in the Pit thread) but he grew to love her and eventually thought that she was beautiful. Does anyone know the deal? Arranged marriage, knocked her up, familial pressure?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Does anyone know the deal? Arranged marriage, knocked her up, familial pressure?

Do not know and sure not going to ask, but my money is on he knocked her up and marriage was what they decided on as a solution. They do have a son, who I genuinely hope has not used his father's distasteful attitude toward relationships as a model for his own romances.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oh, you mean old Stone Butt.

That was Superhal, the one who got pussed off because his wife defrosted his special chickens without permission 😱

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That was Superhal, the one who got pussed off because his wife defrosted his special chickens without permission 😱

I still want to know what was so special about those chickens that they could only get once a year.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I still want to know what was so special about those chickens that they could only get once a year.

They cooked them with a special technique at an annual fair or event.

[Someone]

DOC CATHODE AND BEAR NEANO POSTED PICTURES OF THEIR DICK AND BALLS

Apparently.

Cathode linked a Doper NFSW thread back from 2008. Bunch of 404 and 403 error messages though.

Neono is that Marine guy, right? That would’ve been interesting…

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

DOC CATHODE AND BEAR NEANO POSTED PICTURES OF THEIR DICK AND BALLS

Not quite. They were generally full length photographs including my face. I regret wearing my glasses. Nearly all the photos do show my genitals though.


This place having different rules from the SDMB- Here is a broken link to my gallery on IMGBox. Just replace "dot" with "."

https://imgboxdotcom/g/tkUV355np0

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Neono is that Marine guy, right? That would’ve been interesting…

I think he's Army and he posts here from time to time. I don't recall nudes.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Not quite. They were generally full length photographs including my face. I regret wearing my glasses. Nearly all the photos do show my genitals though.


This place having different rules from the SDMB- Here is a broken link to my gallery on IMGBox. Just replace "dot" with "."

https://imgboxdotcom/g/tkUV355np0

Didn't you DM them to women without being asked or am I thinking of someone else?

[Someone]

IIRC IlluminatiPrimus posted some photographs of himself. You could not see his face. You could see everything else. He had a very large and interesting tattoo of some Hindu deity on one thigh. I forget which deity it was. The god in question had blue skin. But that doesn't narrow things down a lot.

BTW- I am heterosexual. I was just curious what the competition was like and looked at his photos.

On Preview-

You may be conflating two different things. I did start a thread apologizing for sending CD's with nude photos of me to various Dopers. I never actually sent any such CD's. I no longer remember why I started that thread.

Several Dopers, female and male, sent me private messages expressing approval and requesting more photos or a video. This lead to me uploading the rest of the photos from that session to Flickr. Originally, I had only uploaded one. I also recorded a video with my webcam and sent it to those Dopers who had requested a video. One female Doper, I forget her screen name, was expressing artistic appreciation rather than erotic appreciation. Her message did not make that clear. Rather than explaining my original artistic vision and how it kept getting less and less grand, I sent her the video. She was extremely and publicly upset. After that, I made sure to ask what any Doper who sent me an e-mail or private message wanted in response.

[Someone]

Time for a new snark thread.

[Someone]

I feel the need to clarify

I said "
BTW- I am heterosexual. I was just curious what the competition was like and looked at his photos.
"

There is no longer any reason for me to post my sexual orientation. When it became clear a woman I knew online really did want nude photos of me, I was single. So while any adult over the age of eighteen who knew of the photos and wanted copies would get them, it was worth clarifying that I was only interested in receiving nude photos from women.

When I started the NSFW photo thread, again any adult over the age of eighteen who wanted to see the rest of the photos (based on demand I just uploaded all of them to Flickr) or the video would receive them. I would also thank the people who contacted me via private message or e-mail for their compliments. If the Doper in question was a woman, I would politely make it clear that if they were willing to send me NSFW photos or videos of themselves, I would be greatful and keep it a secret.

I am no longer single. I am involved with the woman I want to marry and spend the rest of my days with. She has, understandably, forbidden me from receiving NSFW photos or videos from any woman I know online. She has, understandably, forbidden me from recording videos for any one but her. Which is a shame as webcams have improved so very much. I do not regret making the video that was sent to various Dopers. I do regret the limitations imposed by the state of webcams at the time, and the fact that we were all on dial up.

[Someone]

You really don’t need to clarify.

[Someone]

I might have given more information than you wanted. But, I definitely did need to clarify.

If I had merely stressed that I was heterosexual, it could be interpreted as my saying 'Homosexuality is bad. I am straight!'. I need to make it clear that I am giving my sexual orientation for a reason and not simply saying 'Homosexuality is bad'.

[Someone]

Curiosity killed cat. Heh.

There are rumors that casino surveillance is very sharp. One of those thousands of cameras can zoom in super close at any time, so close that they can read what’s on your cell phone.

I pray to gawd those rumors are false. I hope the eye in the sky didn’t see me peep at a stranger’s 316 pic nude photo album back from 2004, last night.

[Someone]

And, I would like to clarify that I’m still a homosexual woman. Nude photos are art. I appreciate art.

[Someone]

I would be stunned if the casino security cameras were not able to clearly read text or see images on the screen.

A casino security camera that cannot clearly see what card somebody is holding would be pretty worthless. The screen on your average cell phone is larger than a playing card.

What would surpise me is if the AI or the humans monitoring the cameras actually cared about patrons viewing nude photos on their phone. It is not in violation of any rules they have. It is not in violation of any laws they need to worry about.

[Someone]

Ya know, ya really need to learn to read your audience Doc. No one wants to hear about your dic pics anymore than a kangaroo needs a pogo stick.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And, I would like to clarify that I’m still a homosexual woman. Nude photos are art. I appreciate art.

Correction: SOME nude photos are art.

I do recall a Doper posting an extremely lewd photo way back in the day. It was a guy dressed up as a wizard or some such (memory is fading, but I think I recall a long black cape and a sword) and a penis that was, shall we say, standing at attention.

It was quite surprising to me. I'm not a prude, so "shocked" is not the right word for my reaction. But I found it ... odd.

It might have been Doc Cathode. He can confirm or deny. Doc, was that you?

It gives new meaning to the phrase, "Eh, what's up, Doc?" if it was.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I do recall a Doper posting an extremely lewd photo way back in the day. It was a guy dressed up as a wizard or some such (memory is fading, but I think I recall a long black cape and a sword) and a penis that was, shall we say, standing at attention.


It might have been Doc Cathode. He can confirm or deny. Doc, was that you?

It gives new meaning to the phrase, "Eh, what's up, Doc?" if it was.

Yes, it was. Only it was a wooden staff, not a sword. I wouldn't call the photographs "extremely lewd". The video was though.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Correction: SOME nude photos are art.

I do recall a Doper posting an extremely lewd photo way back in the day. It was a guy dressed up as a wizard or some such (memory is fading, but I think I recall a long black cape and a sword) and a penis that was, shall we say, standing at attention.

It was quite surprising to me. I'm not a prude, so "shocked" is not the right word for my reaction. But I found it ... odd.

It might have been Doc Cathode. He can confirm or deny. Doc, was that you?

It gives new meaning to the phrase, "Eh, what's up, Doc?" if it was.

Yeah that was him. And yes it was extremely lewd. Doc please stop fixating on talking about your porno pics.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You really don’t need to clarify.

Hear fucking hear. Where’s the thread to snark on this thread?

[Someone]

It's his only accomplishment in life thing, so he focuses on it.

"See my erect dick. HERE, See it again. Someone praised it. I'm going to tell you about it, yet again." until it runs out of steam.

It ran out of steam YEARS ago. But it's the only thing he has to offer, so it's the only thing he actually HAS to offer. Don't expect anything else.

If the best I had to offer the world was an erect dick-pick, I'd be embarrassed. He's not. "LOOK AT MY ERECT DICK-PICK!!!" is all he's got to offer for his justification for existing. I'm not interested.

Seen it. It was bloody embarrassing. I'd be ashamed for doing that. Oh well, he's not.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hear fucking hear. Where’s the thread to snark on this thread?

We can just do that here.

What's with these Snarkers, they can't do better than this?

[Someone]

But WHO should we snark on? Things are boring around here and around there.

[Someone]

Bigurd insists that his mental issues should give him a pass. Yours don't. Neither do mine.

You don't get a pass for that. It's YOUR issue. His don't. Yours don't. Mine don't. Don't put it off on others to deal with it. I've got my own. My problem. I don't push them off on others to deal with. Deal, or die. Your choice.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

If the best I had to offer the world was an erect dick-pick, I'd be embarrassed.

The world can line up and kiss my rosy red ass til I have chapped cheeks, but I guess you don't need to see that.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The world can line up and kiss my rosy red ass til I have chapped cheeks, but I guess you don't need to see that.

Where's your dick-pic?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The world can line up and kiss my rosy red ass til I have chapped cheeks, but I guess you don't need to see that.

Where's your 'Dick-pic'? I'll considering kissing your ass, when I see it. I won't want to see it, but What the hell.

[Someone]

Yet another item on that big ol' list of things you don't need to see. But hey, different strokes for different folks.

[Someone]

No one needed, or wanted, to see his, either.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yet another item on that big ol' list of things you don't need to see. But hey, different strokes for different folks.

You’ve got to show it before he can stroke it…

[Someone]

If Doc Cathode offers to show you his euphemism, JUST SAY NO. Trust me on this.

[Someone]

Hopefully, he’ll go show it at the dope instead.

[Someone]

And get praise for being so... err... brave for putting that out there?

Hey, DOC. When you stay away from posting about your dick, you're a good guy. It's just that you are FAR too focused at telling people about your dick pic. And how you post about it to explain and justify shit that literally NO ONE would remember if you didn't continually bring it up. When you're in a hole, stop digging.

You're in a hole. Stop digging. Or, at least dig UP, stupid.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

DOC CATHODE AND BEAR NEANO POSTED PICTURES OF THEIR DICK AND BALLS

Apparently.

Cathode linked a Doper NFSW thread back from 2008. Bunch of 404 and 403 error messages though.

Neono is that Marine guy, right? That would’ve been interesting…

??

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ya know, ya really need to learn to read your audience Doc. No one wants to hear about your dic pics anymore than a kangaroo needs a pogo stick.

Co-signed

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

??

I find military men and women aesthetically pleasing….

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Not quite. They were generally full length photographs including my face. I regret wearing my glasses. Nearly all the photos do show my genitals though.


This place having different rules from the SDMB- Here is a broken link to my gallery on IMGBox. Just replace "dot" with "."

https://imgboxdotcom/g/tkUV355np0

What the fuck is wrong with you? Literally no one wants to see that shit. If your claim to fame is you once posted dick pics on a message board 20 years ago and you're so proud you're still talking about it, you've lived a sad life indeed

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

... If your claim to fame is you once posted dick pics on a message board 20 years ago and you're so proud you're still talking about it, you've lived a sad life indeed

Cathode has sad life. Cathode likely to have sad death. But at least there will be symmetry.