In Derp thread number 92, the Raffers snarked, the Derpers blew

[Someone]

One expects better of REM fans.

[Someone]

She's shifted her attention to the multitudes of women who imagine sexual harassment.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

My recommendation is to order it online. Nobody even has to KNOW you're nude.

Draw me like one of your French ghouls.

[Someone]

Item: Sexy Gorgon, Reclining, Nude
Date of Creation: 2000
Listed By: Owner
Condition: Glazed
Returns: Seller does not offer returns.

Buyer beware.

[Someone]

GLAZED WITH WHAT??????

DO I EVEN WANT TO KNOW??????

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

One expects better of REM fans.

Ignoreland

[Someone]

Spackled, more like it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In a thread a while back, I mentioned a good friend's daughter who died when she was 19 of heroin related stuff. She told me years before her death that in Highschool heroin was easier to get than alcohol or weed, either of which she'd have preferred. She got clean a few times, but went back once too often.

Anyways, that heaven asswipe said that it was good she died young, since her eventual death was a given or some such. Whatever. I've had her on ignore ever since over there. My one and only ignore.

Holy shit, where was that? I hope she got her ass torn apart. (I'm so sorry about your friend, btw)

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Draw me like one of your French ghouls.

It would be better if she had tiny snakes for pubes.

[Someone]

BigT is bound and determined to start a board war. I wish they'd make a rule for him that he's no longer allowed to mention Giraffe boards at all.

(BTW, BigTard, if you're reading this, grow some balls and just come over here already, all right? Either that or shut your piehole.)

[Someone]

no one's going to start a board war Guin we're far too lazy

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

no one's going to start a board war Guin we're far too lazy

Speak for yourself.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

BigT is bound and determined to start a board war. I wish they'd make a rule for him that he's no longer allowed to mention Giraffe boards at all.

(BTW, BigTard, if you're reading this, grow some balls and just come over here already, all right? Either that or shut your piehole.)

He's too busy running the snackpit.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

no one's going to start a board war Guin we're far too lazy

If we just lay out some concertina wire, maybe he'll slash a wagging finger and bleed out.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

If we just lay out some concertina wire, maybe he'll slash a wagging finger and bleed out.

I don't think he's musical.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And in this thread, gaffa is doing a pretty good Opal impersonation. He asks about how to use Kickstarter/Patreon/Gofundme/etc as an ongoing way to get paid by parents for copies of videos he makes of school performances, insisting the schools can't pay him because of sync rights.

People point out that that's not really what those sites are geared toward, being more for one-off projects, and maybe he needs to look at other options. When someone asks why exactly the schools couldn't pay him, he goes on about the sync rights and how expensive they would be. Someone mentions that maybe the school should be handling that, anyway, if he's recording it and distributing, to which he replies, "I'm not asking about copyright law, I want to know how to get paid." Both sides get pretty durpy, but I think gaffa is the durpiest.

The way to do this would be solved by him having a business connected to a recording/copyright-union, or the school having it. They do all that for a small fee, and they pay you if a venue or a radio-station connected to a union uses the recordings in any way. I don't see each parent being interested in holding copyrights for the recordings, unless they really want to. If they do, they're likely up for getting into a union for their kid anyway. All he has to do is to delete it from his hard-drive after making the parents a singular copy and have his business or the union transfer any unimaginable amount () of money automatically. As a recording artist he gets money from the venue anyway, he has a credit and he can negotiate with the the school(s) for a freelance, hourly wage.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I don't think he's musical.

I had this image of BigT playing "Popeye the Sailor Man" on a concertina, cutting his finger, and screaming "MOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!" before he passes out.

Then, after a minute or two of silence, Mom calls down from the basement stairs: "What is it, sweetie? Are people on that zebra board being mean to you again?"

[Someone]

I pitted nearwildheaven. My first ever. Not one for the ages, but she really pissed me off.

[Someone]

Your pit thread got this gem from BigT.

Originally Posted by Someone

If I were in charge of that board, it wouldn't have just been a banning. It would have involved tracking you down in real life.

[Someone]

His jowls puce with rage as he hammered the death threats into the keyboard.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Your pit thread got this gem from BigT.

[Someone]

The News Monster had a great response:

Originally Posted by Someone

You’re not even in charge of your own basement. Fuck off with your “we.”-You are a sad, lonely child doing time in your own skin.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...4&postcount=12

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Holy shit, where was that? I hope she got her ass torn apart. (I'm so sorry about your friend, btw)

Damn. I found it. Wish I hadn't now. It's too early on a Saturday to feel this pissed off.

On a positive note, I recieved a few PMs from really great, caring people who helped me deal with how I felt when that thread was going on.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Your pit thread got this gem from BigT.

And look whose pointy little ears perked up.

"People can track people down? Maybe I can make one friend before I die,"
he thought to himself, tragically.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And look whose pointy little ears perked up.

"People can track people down? Maybe I can make one friend before I die,"
he thought to himself, tragically.

D'Asshole is as far from a Vulcan as one can get.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

D'Asshole is as far from a Vulcan as one can get.

Gollum also had pointy ears.

[Someone]

Heh, Shaggy...

I am certainly not an idiot except in some major ways.

[Someone]

A GeekinTexas revives a 14.5 year old thread with a spectacularly useless (and rude ) post.

What a thoroughly unhelpful response.

The Geek posted once in 2013 and now. What the hell led him to that thread?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Heh, Shaggy...

That may be the most self-awareness he’s ever shown.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

A GeekinTexas revives a 14.5 year old thread with a spectacularly useless (and rude ) post.

The Geek posted once in 2013 and now. What the hell led him to that thread?

Maybe he's some kind of minimalist troll. Which would be kind of brilliant, actually. Very Zen.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

A GeekinTexas revives a 14.5 year old thread with a spectacularly useless (and rude ) post.

The Geek posted once in 2013 and now. What the hell led him to that thread?

Oh, man. I had almost forgotten about handy. What a thoroughly useless dipshit that guy was.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oh, man. I had almost forgotten about handy. What a thoroughly useless dipshit that guy was.

Back in the day, when "handy" had a meaning other than slang for a handjob.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Back in the day, when "handy" had a meaning other than slang for a handjob.

Yeah, shitty medical advice.

[Someone]

Over in the 'trolls r us' thread, SamuelA did a vanity search, discovered he'd been mentioned 8 months ago, and blows a gasket. Starts here.

(why, yes, I read that thread. I'm scoping out my competition)

[Someone]

At least we got a meat loaf recipe out of it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yeah, shitty medical advice.

I don't know what you're referring to.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Your pit thread got this gem from BigT.

Interesting. This is a slightly worse version of the threat that got Shagnasty an Official Warning. Will BigT get a warning or is his modmuinity still going strong?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I don't know what you're referring to.

He was a deaf poster (hence "Handy". Geddit?) who
A) Was notorious for trying to be the first person to answer every question in GD. He'd type in a couple of words into Google, and post the first result, whether it was accurate or even relevant.
B) This resulted in him giving out catestrophically bad medical advice.

He had the highest post-count for a while, since he didn't actually write anything, he just cut and pasted.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He was a deaf poster (hence "Handy". Geddit?) who
A) Was notorious for trying to be the first person to answer every question in GD. He'd type in a couple of words into Google, and post the first result, whether it was accurate or even relevant.
B) This resulted in him giving out catestrophically bad medical advice.

He had the highest post-count for a while, since he didn't actually write anything, he just cut and pasted.

I think he was the first to 10,000 posts (it might have been Guin though). He didn't even usually Google. That might not have been so bad. It would more be like:

Doper: What's the best kind of glue to use when repairing a cabinet drawer.
handy: Call a hardware store and ask them.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Damn. I found it. Wish I hadn't now. It's too early on a Saturday to feel this pissed off.

On a positive note, I recieved a few PMs from really great, caring people who helped me deal with how I felt when that thread was going on.

What a fucking cunt. And she totally doubled down on it.

[Someone]

Big Toe gets paddled.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...3&postcount=42

[Someone]

How many warnings has he racked up now?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Big Toe gets paddled.

Sprawled on the floor, the Internet Avenger groaned in agony at the viciousness of the blow. Then slowly, haltingly, gathered himself enough to crawl to the couch where he lay gasping for breath.

But soon the truculent scowl returned. He sat up and squared his narrow shoulders. You knew going in that this would be a rough business, he told himself. But if that's what it takes to make the world safe for everyone who ever lived, then dag nabbit that's what I'm gonna do.

After twinkies and nap time.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Interesting. This is a slightly worse version of the threat that got Shagnasty an Official Warning. Will BigT get a warning or is his modmuinity still going strong?

I shoulda realized it was The Pit and had more faith in Miller, who largely rocks. BigT gets warned by Miller.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He sat up and squared his blubbery shoulders.

FTFY

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

How many warnings has he racked up now?

I was wondering the same thing, so I did a quick check. He's got at least seven; there may be others I couldn't find.

May 11, 2010
May 16, 2010
July 26, 2010
Jan. 15, 2011
June 28, 2013
Oct. 11, 2016
Dec. 2, 2017

[Someone]

In the (thoroughly deserved) Pitting of nearwildhaven, monstro manages to accuse me of racism and misogyny! I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm NO bigot.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I was wondering the same thing, so I did a quick check. He's got at least seven; there may be others I couldn't find.

May 11, 2010
May 16, 2010
July 26, 2010
Jan. 15, 2011
June 28, 2013
Oct. 11, 2016
Dec. 2, 2017

So over a year since the last one. He’s safe. You can probably get away with one per year so long as it’s not a particularly nasty one. If it is, they’ll use your past against you.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In the (thoroughly deserved) Pitting of nearwildhaven, monstro manages to accuse me of racism and misogyny! I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm NO bigot.

No she didn't, dumbass. Read it again.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In the (thoroughly deserved) Pitting of nearwildhaven, monstro manages to accuse me of racism and misogyny! I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm NO bigot.

It's pretty explicit that he's commenting on the curious behavior of childless people (who are not even expecting or trying to have kids) on parenting forums.