53: Herbie the derp bug.

[Someone]

We've got a live one in Tuxie.

Will genetically engineered fruit make my vagina smell like peaches?

Movin' to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches.
Movin' to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches.
Movin' to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches.
Movin' to the country, gonna eat me a lot of peaches.

Also, Page 2, biatchez!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

New poster wants to sue for a bug in his cereal.

It's not a bug, it's a feature!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

We've got a live one in Tuxie.

Will genetically engineered fruit make my vagina smell like peaches?

Movin' to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches.
Movin' to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches.
Movin' to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches.
Movin' to the country, gonna eat me a lot of peaches.

Also, Page 2, biatchez!

I wanted to say, "Yes, if you keep shoving GMO peaches up there."

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

...I had to fumble around in the dark...

The youth of today leave the lights on so they can admire each other's studs and tats.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

How will that distinguish it from any other day?

The bath salts are a step up from his normal fix.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The youth of today leave the lights on so they can admire each other's studs and tats, taking selfies and posting them to SnapChat.

Augmented TFY

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

If anyone actually cared about that bit about people "threatening" to steal and eat cute babies from the prior snark thread, actual scientists studied the conflation between cute babies and food.

Originally Posted by Someone

So biting is not only for feeding or aggression. Behaviors that resemble biting—mouthing, nuzzling and gentle nips—seem to be a normal part of the friendly social repertoires of many mammals.

So, "bite me" is friendly banter! I need to remember that for any future mod notes/warnings.

[Someone]

aceplace starts a thread to discuss cunnilingus. What a skeevyfuck.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

aceplace starts a thread to discuss cunnilingus. What a skeevyfuck.

What, no mention of peaches in that thread?

[Someone]

Oh, good. An opportunity for dopers to talk about sex acts. What is this "face sitting" you speak of? What could be sexual about sitting? Does not compute. I saw a lady sit down once. Does this mean I'm not a virgin?

[Someone]

I've lurked at the Derp for years. It's usually informative, frequently hilarious (especially ATMB), and sometimes just depressing.

Summary:

Eleven year old microwave plugged into newly installed GFCI outlet. Microwave quits working, buy new one which also doesn't work. Troubleshoot, reset GFCI. Hurray, both microwaves now work. But... but... whatever shall I do now? I know; I'll ask the internet's best and brightest to assist me with my dilemma.

End Summary

The Original: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=743480

Jesus H. Christ in a Coupe de Ville. Surely that's supposed to be funny and I'm just missing it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I've lurked at the Derp for years. It's usually informative, frequently hilarious (especially ATMB), and sometimes just depressing.

Summary:

Eleven year old microwave plugged into newly installed GFCI outlet. Microwave quits working, buy new one which also doesn't work. Troubleshoot, reset GFCI. Hurray, both microwaves now work. But... but... whatever shall I do now? I know; I'll ask the internet's best and brightest to assist me with my dilemma.

End Summary

The Original: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=743480

Jesus H. Christ in a Coupe de Ville. Surely that's supposed to be funny and I'm just missing it.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...3&postcount=13

@kayaker

[Someone]

Should I tip the appliance delivery guys? Need answer fast.

[Someone]

Are we sure Henryunderborn isn't just a spam-bot posting random words?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Are we sure Henryunderborn isn't just a spam-bot posting random words?

No. No, we are not.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oh, good. An opportunity for dopers to talk about sex acts. What is this "face sitting" you speak of? What could be sexual about sitting? Does not compute. I saw a lady sit down once. Does this mean I'm not a virgin?

Only if you're cock-eyed.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Are we sure Henryunderborn isn't just a spam-bot posting random words?

The odds of anything truly random being that stupid are at least as high as anything random being genuinely brilliant.

He's actually stupider than pure chaos.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Are we sure Henryunderborn isn't just a spam-bot posting random words?

Someone posting word salad?

Let me think.....

[Someone]

Huh?

[Someone]

I. Um. What?

[Someone]

What's not to understand?

[Someone]

twickster wishes Amateur Barbarian "Merry Christmas."

[Someone]

Henryunderborn is at it again.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Huh?

That would look good on a T-shirt.

[Someone]

The Rebo smiley?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The Rebo smiley?

That too.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That would look good on a T-shirt.

An XXXXXL T-shirt.

[Someone]

Covered with three kinds of shame glaze.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Lindsey Lohan Buddy Hackett was hot in that

FTFY

[Someone]

I was, like, totally absolutely contemplating being somewhere something dramatic happened today! Honestly, I was like this close! It's OK, honey, we're here for you if you need to talk it through; just remember that there's no right way to deal with it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That would look good on a T-shirt.

Originally Posted by Someone

The Rebo smiley?

With those googly eyes that jump up and down when you walk.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

twickster wishes Amateur Barbarian "Merry Christmas."

I think that's as close to a politely worded and friendly request as Twix is capable of making. Practically an "Aw, c'mere you big lug; it's all good." post.

And this

Originally Posted by Someone

If you don't care about the topic of a thread, you should not post in the thread to announce that fact. That is the textbook example of threadshitting. Don't do it.

is actually a fairly good and concise description of threadshitting. So ... good on you, Twix?


Bleah, I gotta wash my mouth out with soap after saying that.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I was, like, totally absolutely contemplating being somewhere something dramatic happened today! Honestly, I was like this close! It's OK, honey, we're here for you if you need to talk it through; just remember that there's no right way to deal with it.

Oh, wah. That's a perfectly normal reaction to something like that. We can't be all snarking on the Derpers wondering about the ways of the hyu-mons and then snark when they're actually human.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I was, like, totally absolutely contemplating being somewhere something dramatic happened today! Honestly, I was like this close! It's OK, honey, we're here for you if you need to talk it through; just remember that there's no right way to deal with it.

If I worked just a few blocks from where there's a hostage crisis I'd be freaking out, too.

Also, what Crab Cakes () said.

[Someone]

Jesus Christ on a cracker, Snowboarder Bo is still using his quarry catchphrase.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...37&postcount=5

One must admire the persistence of the tardness at that board.

[Someone]

More hobby talk

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

More hobby talk

And Boogly thinks it's interesting enough that BPC should do an AMA thread.

[Someone]

Whatever happened to the video of that older knighted celebrity doing something amazing?

Where are the tshirts with the slogan so amazing that my head will explode upon reading it?

Was there ever an announcement about the months long discussion of the Game Room threads?

Will GuanoLad ever finish his movie Eleanor Xandler?

I don't want to have to make it through another Christmas with just my Starving Artist brand paper towel tube to get me by. Why isn't the Dope delivering the goods?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

More hobby talk

Originally Posted by Someone

"Thomas the Wank Engine."

[Someone]

Didn't see any snark about this one yet:

27 year old virgin wants to know if he should hire an escort.

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm 27 year old man and am still a virgin. I've kissed anybody either. I would never admit this to a woman I'm dating of course but I fear my inexperience will show when it comes time to kiss/make-out and have sex. For that reason I'm thinking of just hiring an escort for a few sessions and getting this over with. What do you all think?

[Someone]

Siam Sam's first sexual experience was with a prostitute, and look how he turned out!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

With those googly eyes that jump up and down when you walk.

Like this?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Siam Sam's first sexual experience was with a prostitute, and look how he turned out!

He's lucky. His first one looked like Claude Akins. Mine looked like Fred Gwynne.

[Someone]

Cuntgate continues:

Originally Posted by Someone

Someone else asked about the usually discouraged C-word but didn't understand the reference, then someone else came right out with that word and I think it ran a few of the newbies off, dang it!

Oh noes, the SDMB lost the patronage of a few precious petunias who couldn't stand the mere sight of the word "cunt." What a horrible loss to the board community.

I couldn't resist responding.


In other shopping channel snark thread news, the Liquidation Channel guy is spamming it up in there too.

That is the thread that just keeps on giving. I hope the Shopping Bags stay forever and ever amen!

[Someone]

And...someone PM'd TruCelt to tell her that she was being snarked on here.

Originally Posted by Someone

If you've ever received a PM alerting you that you are the subject of discussion, debate and degradation on that other board (you know, the camelopardalis types).

TruCelt may be a ridiculous dumbshit, but whoever pointed her here is just mean.

(Pin-the-tail-on-the-camelopardalis would be a splendid game for her super-gifted kid's next birthday party.

[Someone]

We are the board that dare not speak its name.

ETA: Prediction: Shannon Becton is going to get a stern mod note that he needs to start posting other things or he'll be banned as a spammer. The guy is so out of touch with public relations and social media that it's fucking hilarious. lost4life's quote "Holy shit. You're telling me that if I spend $199 on your product and I don't like it, I'm screwed? Does your marketing team know you're bragging about this in public?" is spot on and brilliant.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And...someone PM'd TruCelt to tell her that she was being snarked on here.

TruCelt may be a ridiculous dumbshit, but whoever pointed her here is just mean.

Perhaps they are. But I'm not sure I hold with the idea that it's kinder to shield people (let's say non-disabled adults) from the fact that they come across as ridiculous dumbshits. I'd want to know if it was me--at least enough to know whether it was any opinions I should care about, and whether it was a function of my imperfect presentation.

[Someone]

Which is not to say everybody discussed here ought to be notified. I have never dropped a dime on goings-on here.

I guess I'm OK with some mean snark on terrible people.

[Someone]

I don't give a shit if people snark on me at all. Either here or on the Dope. I have quite a thick skin and am perfectly capable of ignoring people or snarling back as the mood fits me.

Edit - Heh. Autocorrect changed "snarking" to "snarling." I think I'll leave it. It's a better fit

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I don't give a shit if people snark on me at all.

Who does that Cochrane think he is anyway, a Hall of Fame catcher? Pfft.