Durp Snark CXV: A Centenary Crystal Adventure

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And sorry, but I'm with Johanna. If you are actually interested in talking about pronunciation variants, learn at least a little about phonetic alphabets. It's just no good trying to muddle your way through with things like hAWt vs hAHt.

This is definitely one of my pet peeves. Can you guess why? The dictionary respelling schemes they insist on are no simpler than the IPA, but at least they have the advantage of being inconsistent and incomprehensible due to how idiosyncratic and vague they are.

But learning the IPA or even SAMPA (Which is pure ASCII! You can type it!) would be an admission that they don't always know best, and that's a blow to the ego.

Another little pet peeve of mine is how many people seem to need to see conspiracy and complexity in absolutely everything especially when it makes no sense.

OK, stay with me. This requires a little thought.

You know how money laundering works, right? You set up a business which takes in legitimate income and increase that income with illegal funds diverted into its cash stream. If you have a restaurant, instead of selling $20 of food, you sell $200, and now you have $180 worth of ill-gotten gains fully accounted for.

So I can see where people who see restaurants with very little apparent walk-in business might think they're laundering fronts. Ditto laundromats, for that matter. The only requirement is that the money laundering business has to... you know... have an income. It has to have some prospect of legitimate inflow if you're going to use it to hide illegitimate inflow.

The discussion in the linked thread turns to radio stations which are run at a complete loss. No ads, no donations. No income whatsoever.

So... what does MichaelEmouse, Super Genius, suggest? Guess. Try to guess it. You'll never get it. You'd have to be a moron.

Ready? Here it is:

Originally Posted by Someone

The stations that seemingly don't need money: Could it be a form of money-laundering? If not, what else could explain it? How much would it cost to run a station like KCDX for a year? How much do radio songs tend to cost to air?

KCDX could be a few things, from a vanity project to an eccentric's MP3 player to a publicity stunt, but a money laundering scheme is not one of them.

Jesus Fucking Christ. It's like Zoolander in how purely airheaded that question is, how impossibly brainless it is in terms of understanding what money laundering is.

[Someone]

I see what you're saying but somehow his confusion doesn't enrage me.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I sorta get where she's coming from. It's like those music identification threads where Dopers ask, "What's the song that goes DUM DUM dee-dee da DUM dah DAH"? That kind of thing makes me stabby.

However, I wouldn't stomp into the thread demanding that everyone learn to read music.

And yet somehow sometimes it fucking works. I got an answer in half an hour.

The derp IS good for something, and it's coming up with answers to ungooglable questions.

[Someone]

This thread should prove interesting:
Which is harder - being liberal and surrounded by conservatives, or vice versa
I mean come on, this is going to be rational right?

[Someone]

Velocity continues to own those libs with his devastating questions.

[Someone]

Huh, iiandyiiii never struck me as a power-mad petty tyrant. Just when you think you know a guy...

[Someone]

In which thread Northern Diaper claims to have a queen. I'll bet she abuses him when he doesn't get the laundry done just right. post 3

[Someone]

RetroSnark

The GiraffeBoards advertise on the Durp

and

The SnarkPit advertises on the Durp

[Someone]

RetroSnark

The GiraffeBoards advertise on the Durp

and

The SnarkPit advertises on the Durp

[Someone]

So nice he had to say it twice!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Huh, iiandyiiii never struck me as a power-mad petty tyrant. Just when you think you know a guy...

Yeah, I found this part a little ominous:

Those who pay homage to me will earn my royal favor; those who do not will earn my wrath.

I reported him for threatening wrath.* Andy should be banned any minute now.

*Just kidding. I'm too lazy to report anyone.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

RetroSnark

The GiraffeBoards advertise on the Durp

and

The SnarkPit advertises on the Durp

Giraffe should start a new ad campaign.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

RetroSnark

The GiraffeBoards advertise on the Durp

and

The SnarkPit advertises on the Durp

Giraffe should start a new ad campaign.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

MichaelEmouse, Super Genius,

[Someone]

ThelmaLou flips out over the 'thump' thing.

Originally Posted by Someone

I'll continue to use "thump" as long as I goddam well please, so just get off it. Do you think I give a fuck how "it makes me look"? Geez, Louise, go complain about something that matters, okay? Vote him out of office and I'll quit-- how's that? Or put me on Ignore if you just can't stomach it until then. Holy crap.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yeah, I found this part a little ominous:

I reported him for threatening wrath.* Andy should be banned any minute now.

*Just kidding. I'm too lazy to report anyone.

He must have been bitten by some of Fenris' fleas.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

RetroSnark

The GiraffeBoards advertise on the Durp

and

The SnarkPit advertises on the Durp

On fine display in that thread: Tuba's level of tech savvy (roughly equivalent to that of this bag of grapes sitting on my desk.)

(which, to be fair to the grapes, is slightly higher than mine)

(which is why I'm eating them: to get my revenge)

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

RetroSnark

The GiraffeBoards advertise on the Durp

and

The SnarkPit advertises on the Durp

Tuba Diva really doesn't get the internet.

[Someone]

I grew up with the internet and I rarely get it so I can't blame her.

[Someone]

She doesn't say anything in that thread that doesn't make sense so #snarkfail.

[Someone]

Your cat is a snarkfail.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Tuba Diva really doesn't get the internet.

Sleeps With Butterflies has a great response:

There's ads for Scientology, how to cheat on term papers, fake diets, malware ads, ads that play loud music and all kinds of anti-ignorance fighting (lulz) things, but Giraffe Board ads and Snackpit ads are the things Tuba wants screenshots for?

Seriously?

I hope they’ve gotten a bit more web savvy since then.

[Someone]

Web savvy? They just found out that 1/4" by 1/4" avatars won't make the Earth stop spinning.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Web savvy? They just found out that 1/4" by 1/4" avatars won't make the Earth stop spinning.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

She doesn't say anything in that thread that doesn't make sense so #snarkfail.

I didn't mean it as snark. She didn't seem to understand why the ads were turning up.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I love you, Dolly, but that emoji makes Fenris look like a genius.

[Someone]

Funny, Fenris is the first thing I thought of when I saw it too.

[Someone]

Well, I never!

[Someone]

SigMan starts a thread about genetic testing. You just have to read it. It gets stranger and stranger as more of the story is told.

[Someone]

My better not be sacrificed for all these stick people shenanigans.

[Someone]

And anyone who messes with gets superkabonged

Originally Posted by Someone

SigMan starts a thread about genetic testing. You just have to read it. It gets stranger and stranger as more of the story is told.

10 to 1 odds his next post mentions aliens.

[Someone]

All we need now Maury and the "Lyle, you ARE the father!!!" envelope. Then some chair tossing and some floor pounding. That thread could be great.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And anyone who messes with gets superkabonged

But think of all the innocent bystanders!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

SigMan starts a thread about genetic testing. You just have to read it. It gets stranger and stranger as more of the story is told.

Originally Posted by Someone

Are you identical twins? If not, the two of you might have different fathers.

That was comforting, haj.

[Someone]

I'm trying not to be too evil and schadenfreude-y. But a derper I will not name has patted himself on the back in the past for helping companies get rid of old fuck employees. Said past back-patting took place at a time when my husband had just been laid off for being old and we were looking at a possible loss of our home and all our savings. That was a very, very bad time and I hated that derper.

My husband has an awesome job now, the best he has ever had (bless you large corporation for hiring him at age 64). The derper who instructed companies on how to dump old fuck employees is now himself unemployed, not getting any younger and hunting unsuccessfully for a job.

Hope he likes it.

[Someone]

What fun is it if we can't point along and laugh with you? Link or name please.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

SigMan starts a thread about genetic testing. You just have to read it. It gets stranger and stranger as more of the story is told.

yeah.... My mother didn't sleep with a family friend. She and my dad were kind enough to give birth to and raise 2 children for them that they never acknowledged as their own. Oh, and they never told us. That's a big ol' bundle of wishful thinking there.

[Someone]

Wut

[Someone]

His Mom sounds like she was a real sport.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...9&postcount=31

[Someone]

Sad story kinda.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What fun is it if we can't point along and laugh with you? Link or name please.

Job market thread in the Pit.

[Someone]

How about pig Latin? Or Esperanto? Perhaps the username could be laid out using IPA?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Job market thread in the Pit.

I'm reading it, but I can't figure out which one it is. A little hint?

[Someone]

I saw MichaelEmouse mentioned upthread. He's the same one who went to a bar and took notes on his interactions with the other bar patrons as they were happening, yes? Yes.

edit: and there was apparently a sequel thread. I don't think I've seen this one before. Off to read.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm reading it, but I can't figure out which one it is. A little hint?

I'm guessing it was the one with username Smith and a number.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm reading it, but I can't figure out which one it is. A little hint?

It has to be msmith537. I've noticed him in other employment-related threads, lecturing derpers on How Things Work in the tech job market. He's now whining about being unemployed despite being awesome:

I'm conventionally handsome. I'm charming and outgoing enough that people either assume I'm in sales or should be. I'm good at writing, presenting and public speaking. I have a vast network of friends and former colleagues who work at top companies and have shown themselves inclined to help out. I live in a major metropolitan area.

And I've still been looking for a job for six months with no luck.

[Someone]

Okay so apparently this was a series? Only this time it's not a bar, it's some sort of business meeting.

[Someone]

Holy shit that's a lot of text.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

It has to be msmith537. I've noticed him in other employment-related threads, lecturing derpers on How Things Work in the tech job market. He's now whining about being unemployed despite being awesome:

Yeah, sorry, that's the guy. I love how he rants about stupid managers who went to second rate schools.

Yeah, but they have jobs.

ETA: Plus, he has a "vast network of friends and former colleagues who work at top companies and have shown themselves inclined to help out." But I guess "help out" doesn't include "get him hired somewhere."

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

It has to be msmith537. I've noticed him in other employment-related threads, lecturing derpers on How Things Work in the tech job market. He's now whining about being unemployed despite being awesome:

Yeah. I generally enjoy his posts very much but I can't shed a tear generally about one of those fucking overpaid hack business consultant douchebags being out of work.

Edit: And he one time told me that I was a fucking idiot for not taking a workplace perk that I didn't think I deserved.