127-We’ve all got a special fetish, Durper snarking don’t upset us, all we ask is that is that you let us snark it our way...

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Weak snark.

Almost missed this one.

Anyone care to guess who posted that? He's no genius.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...22&postcount=6

The only time octopuses fly is at Red Wings games.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Let's see, that's about twice the standard air pressure on earth. So that would put him about 700 miles deep in the atmosphere of Jupiter.

That would be a great place to relocate that thread and all its respondents to!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Weak snark.

Almost missed this one.

Anyone care to guess who posted that? He's no genius.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...22&postcount=6

That thread is full of morons.

[Someone]

I'm here just to say that the ancient videos Fenris posted are way better than the current crop of nightmare-inducing King commercials.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm here just to say that the ancient videos Fenris posted are way better than the current crop of nightmare-inducing King commercials.

https://www.cracked.com/blog/the-8-m...cots-all-time/

The King -- Burger King
Fast food burgers are mostly made out of victims of chemical toilet falls, so they rely heavily on advertising to draw customers in. Burger King never quite got the hang of this. Their first attempt at a Burger King character in the '60s looked like it was drawn by someone whose hands had already been ground into chicken tenders.

In the '70s, he became more of an actual king. There was even a Burger King Kingdom featuring such classic characters as a robot french fry wizard and a knight in drink cup armor. It was such a bad replica of McDonaldLand that returning Vietnam veterans thought they were VC traps.

Burger King Kingdoms started disappearing as the '80s arrived and the restaurant went back to making joyless hamburgers using the selling point of: "We heat food with real fire!" This went on for 20 years until The King came back. Now he's 7-feet-tall and wearing a ceaselessly staring plastic face. His costume is how a serial killer would transport a gagged prostitute on the subway. In all seriousness, the mask had to be painstakingly soundproofed so the other actors in the commercials couldn't hear the maggots squirming inside it. The King is what Satan's girlfriend dresses as to spice up their love life.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I am probably the last person to ask this but, seriously, where the fuck is the snark?????? WHERE??

I read this whole fucking thread about screwed-up restaurant orders looking for snark for you. I mean, a restaurant/service thread on the derp’s gotta be a snark gold mine, right? Wrong. Total phail. It’s nearly 2 pages of people being perfectly reasonable.

Sorry.

[Someone]

Skald starts a thread about getting rides to work. In the course of that thread, he repeatedly and unironically mentions that he has a "work wife" who lives a floor below him. It takes 29 posts before somebody asks him what a "work wife" is. Oh, and he also has a new girlfriend, in case you were wondering if blind people get laid.

The whole thing reminds me of how GrrrShakes would start threads that were ostensibly about some mundane problem, but were actually about reminding everyone that he had a hot girlfriend.

Also, because it's a Skald thread and the Dope is all about creative writing, Oakminster provides an incomprehensible little scene that I think is supposed to be funny.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oh, and

OW! OW! OW!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oh, and not to put ideas into Fenris' head, but this could have been a lot worse. Have you mercifully forgotten McD's Mac Tonight commercials from the 80s?

Apropos of nothing, I learned today that the moon guy was played by Doug Jones, the tall, skinny alien from Star Trek Discovery.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

https://www.cracked.com/blog/the-8-m...cots-all-time/

Be sure and scroll down to "Popsicle Pete" at that link.

ETA: from that cracked page I found this one: 10 Awesome Ads (For Traumatizing Children). Satan compelled me to find all those commercials on Youtube. Spoilered below to give you all a chance to resist eternal damnation:

You were warned. Here they are: 10) Kinder Surprise 9) Tarako Pasta Sauce 8) PlayStation 7) Norton Furniture 6) Nike Pro Apparel 5) Orville Redenbacher's Popcorn 4) Rejuvenique 3) Axe Dark Temptation 2) PlayStation 3 1) Baby Laugh-a-Lot

[Someone]

FENRIIIIIIIIIIIIIISS!

Originally Posted by Someone

I read this whole fucking thread about screwed-up restaurant orders looking for snark for you. I mean, a restaurant/service thread on the derp’s gotta be a snark gold mine, right? Wrong. Total phail. It’s nearly 2 pages of people being perfectly reasonable.

Sorry.

Whoa. That's worth pointing out just for the novelty factor.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Be sure and scroll down to "Popsicle Pete" at that link.

Oh man I loved Seanbaby's demonic Popsicle Pete comics...

NONE OF US ARE SAFE!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Whoa. That's worth pointing out just for the novelty factor.

I know, right? I thought we’d at least get one of the following:
- I can make it better and cheaper at home
- Broomstick almost being rushed to the emergency room due to a hidden allergen
- aruvqan [redacted graphic description of disgusting gastrointestinal event]

Man, it’s bad when we’re reduced to snarking on stuff that didn’t happen.

[Someone]

I'll take "Unisex underwear" for 400 Alex.

One of the perks of being a boy is to pee without getting half undressed.

Rub-a-dud-nub.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=889938

[Someone]

Sorry to see Octopus posting again. He had taken a nice, long break and I thought perhaps he might have fallen in a manhole.

That looks kinda dirty but that's what they're called, right?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Sorry to see Octopus posting again. He had taken a nice, long break and I thought perhaps he might have fallen in a manhole.

That looks kinda dirty but that's what they're called, right?

Subterranean municipal services access portal.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'll take "Unisex underwear" for 400 Alex.

Rub-a-dud-nub.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=889938

Retrosnark, featuring women's shapewear with pee holes!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Retrosnark, featuring women's shapewear with pee holes!

Of course, DrInevergointothepitDumbth posted about the thread title.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Retrosnark, featuring women's shapewear with pee holes!

And Jodi responds. Her post makes me miss her contribution to threads.

I don't really know how to say this without offending the OP'er, which is not my intention, but it sounds like there is the smallest, teeniest, tiniest chance your Spanx may possibly kinda sorta been mabe just the slightest bit

too small

I'm just sayin'! I'm sorry!

Post 5 of Ratty's link.

[Someone]

But... but... we must give a disgusting pedo a platform to discuss his hypotheticals about toddlers blowing him, even if it drives off good posters!!!

And I tried Spanx once. Once.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Sorry to see Octopus posting again. He had taken a nice, long break and I thought perhaps he might have fallen in a manhole.

That looks kinda dirty but that's what they're called, right?

That's right up there with 'fireplace' among the creatively named.

[Someone]

So there are those who thing peeing in the shower is beyond the pale. Guess they'd better not live with jtur88 and his bathtub bidet
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...9&postcount=19

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Subterranean municipal services access portal.

Right. And Ed Norton wasn't a sewer worker. He was a subterranean sanitation engineer.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I read this whole fucking thread about screwed-up restaurant orders looking for snark for you. I mean, a restaurant/service thread on the derp’s gotta be a snark gold mine, right? Wrong. Total phail. It’s nearly 2 pages of people being perfectly reasonable.

Sorry.

A thread about favorite BBQ joints goes to Post 29 before FairyChatMom pulls the mine tastes better.

[Someone]

Well, first thing ya know ol' Jed's a millionaire...

Having recently rewatched all 274 episodes of the Beverly Hillbillies I am now considered legally insane.

It'a a wonder he can even type.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, first thing ya know ol' Jed's a millionaire...

It'a a wonder he can even type.

He can't. He typed his name backwards. Ynnad

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And I tried Spanx once. Once.

Back when those first came out, a friend of mine was showing off how fine she looked with Spanx and Wonderbra in a summer dress. I admitted the results were outstanding. But also pointed out that if all that stuff worked the way she was hoping, she'd just have to take it all off again. And then there would be no hiding anything. So it might be better to spend some effort on the body underneath the clothes.

She got so mad that she kicked me.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

So there are those who thing peeing in the shower is beyond the pale. Guess they'd better not live with jtur88 and his bathtub bidet
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...9&postcount=19

I originally read then reread that post, trying to understand precisely what he intended to convey.

[Someone]

Not recommended.

[Someone]

I just said 'jaglavak' aloud and my cat asked if I was having a transient ischemic attack.

[Someone]

If your cat morphs into Laurence Fishburne and offers you a red pill, don't eat it.

[Someone]

I bought some Spanx-like product awhile back and somehow it seemed okay in the store but when I got home and tried it on I thought there is no way in hell I'm going to wear this suit of latex armor.

Expensive lesson learned.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I originally read then reread that post, trying to understand precisely what he intended to convey.

There's nothing like a jtur88 post to make me feel like a delicate flower. He scavenges from dumpsters and uses his tub for a bidet and eats things really not meant to be digested such as banana peels. I"m sure he's part of the save the soap and water club, too. He must make polecats feel like they shed febreeze in their wake in comparison.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

There's nothing like a jtur88 post to make me feel like a delicate flower. He scavenges from dumpsters and uses his tub for a bidet and eats things really not meant to be digested such as banana peels. I"m sure he's part of the save the soap and water club, too. He must make polecats feel like they shed febreeze in their wake in comparison.

His posts make me feel sanitary and hygenic, no matter how long that food was sitting on the floor before I picked it up and ate it. Or how long since I took a shower, for that matter. Hell, his posts make me feel freshly wiped, even while I'm still taking a dump!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

A thread about favorite BBQ joints goes to Post 29 before FairyChatMom pulls the mine tastes better.

Fun fact: by law and custom you’re always allowed to say that your barbecue is better than someone else’s. It’s like fish stories no matter how big the fish is in the other guys hand, you caught a bigger one another time. Barbecue is the only time you’re allowed to do that. Although my Italian relatives will say thatYou were allowed to do it with tomato sauce. So she gets a pass for me on this one.

Also mine is better than hers or any other barbecue joints.

[Someone]

Whoever feeds me BBQ is the best. My loyalty can be bought.

[Someone]

Here we go again, for the 999,999,999,999th time.

Does 0.999...=1?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He’s also weirdly obsessed with her living arrangements. http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...9&postcount=17

He gets mod noted for talking about having a threesome with the writer and her roommate, then has a snit.

Originally Posted by Someone

Remember when I said I don't care what people say about me on here? That includes the moderators.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...2&postcount=88

eng_comp_geek then gives him a warning for violating moderator instructions.

Originally Posted by Someone

Moderator Warning

Then consider this an official warning for failure to obey moderator instructions.

Thread closed.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...&postcount=110

[Someone]

I read that thread last night and was really getting a creep vibe from him. I missed all the fun about the threesome, however. Good call, ECG!!

ETA: How long until the ATMB protest thread?

ETA#2: A long and complicated banning/suspension of John Stamos Left Ear by JC:

For repeatedly violating moderator instructions, poster John Stamos Left Ear is suspended for one week.

Warned and prohibited from the Iowa Caucus thread.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...&postcount=235

Returned to the thread during his prohibition. Banned from GD and PE for one month.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...&postcount=410

Returned to PE three days later:

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...&postcount=643

In addition, upon his return, he will still have to abide by his banishment from GD and PE until March 9, 2020.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=889970

[Someone]

Maybe Barr will step in and modify that banning/suspension.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Fun fact: by law and custom you’re always allowed to say that your barbecue is better than someone else’s.

And honestly, it's practically the law in Maryland. She's right about each and every one of those places mentioned. They are islands of mediocrity in a sea of terrible. And the "local" bbq style is something called pit beef, which is basically unseasoned top round (no fat to speak of) poorly and lightly smoked and served with horseradish sauce (in fairness, the places she mentioned serve other styles because pit beef is so bad). India has better beef bbq than Maryland.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I read that thread last night and was really getting a creep vibe from him. I missed all the fun about the threesome, however. Good call, ECG!!

ETA: How long until the ATMB protest thread?

It'll have to wait until next week. He's been suspended.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I read that thread last night and was really getting a creep vibe from him. I missed all the fun about the threesome, however. Good call, ECG!!

ETA: How long until the ATMB protest thread?

ETA#2: A long and complicated banning/suspension of John Stamos Left Ear by JC:

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=889970

Jonathan Chance really is a piece of shit.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Jonathan Chance really is a piece of shit.

He's turned his modship into a full time job of petty micromanagement. I expect he'll suffer an emergency retirement like Bone did soon enough.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Jonathan Chance really is a piece of shit.

I don't see anything wrong with that. The new rules include thread and forum suspension- he repeatedly ignored mod instructions.

[Someone]

Senegoid is a nutcase:

Originally Posted by Someone

I continue to believe that some people must be overly sensitive to MSG and thus susceptible to the unpleasant effects Cecil mentions.

Data point: Myself. MSG sometimes affects me this way. It appears to be only large doses, as Chinese food was often reputed to contain. Foods like Campbell's canned soup or other such prepared foods have never bothered me, even though they often list MSG among the ingredients.

This cannot be a case of placebo effect. When I was about 15 years old, living in Honolulu, we regularly ate at a certain Chinese restaurant. Every time, I got vaguely sick. (Feeling lightheaded and short of breath mainly.)

I knew nothing about MSG, nor its purported effects at the time. So it couldn't have been a placebo effect. But the booths had rather deep upholstered bench seats, which caused the table top to be positioned high in front of my chest, which caused my arms (when my elbows or arms were on the table) to be held up high. I always assumed that this posture made breathing difficult.

Eventually, I made it known that I wanted to sit at the tables that weren't in booths. The posture was better, but the unpleasant effects remained.

At some point during that year, I became aware of MSG and its purported effects. I connected the dots immediately, and concluded that the food there must be full of MSG and that must be the problem.

Yes, he's a nutball. Thinking MSG is bad is on par with thinking GMOs are bad or vaccines are bad, purely in terms of the evidence.

Plus, of course, his last line is just blatantly stupid.

[Someone]

And like every nutcake out there, he's going berzerk whenever anyone questions or contradicts him. I mean, he's got me on the same side as D'Bwian for fuck's sake.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

This title is lame-broiled. If I had it my way, the title wouldn't suck worse than the vaguely onion flavored extruded ring shaped objects they sell at BK.

BK onion ring farts are truly noxious. Does anyone else remember Arby’s onion petals? Why can’t we have those instead of fart rings?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Skald starts a thread about getting rides to work. In the course of that thread, he repeatedly and unironically mentions that he has a "work wife" who lives a floor below him. It takes 29 posts before somebody asks him what a "work wife" is. Oh, and he also has a new girlfriend, in case you were wondering if blind people get laid.

Skald has a new girlfriend? What happened to his implausibly perfect wife?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Skald has a new girlfriend? What happened to his implausibly perfect wife?

He hasn't seen her in years.

















We need a handbasket smiley.