Snark Sauce: Durpz 57

[Someone]

Sorry that Spongebob and Mott the Hoople aren't Pop Cultural enough for Cosmic Owl.

JK both of the suggestions that did come up are pretty obscure.

[Someone]

We can skip to 59th Street Durp Song (Feelin' Snarky) and refer obliquely to the disappeared 58th snark thread and the great unpleasantness therein. You know, to fuck with noobs.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Derp Snark 58: the 58th Derp Snark.

This is exactly what Fenris has been waiting for.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

This is exactly what Fenris has been waiting for.

It's one more than Heinz!

[Someone]

5-8 club is a thing in Minneapolis. But all y'all ferners wouldn't know what it was.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, the media (including gifs) is gone, but you can an idea of what used to be.

Luckily some brilliant person had the foresight to save a copy of the cringeworthy audio.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Luckily some brilliant person had the foresight to save a copy of the cringeworthy audio.

That is almost unbelievable. Holy moly. I think I was so stunned by the graphics the first time I saw it that I didn't even notice the audio.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

5-8 club is a thing in Minneapolis. But all y'all ferners wouldn't know what it was.

There's also a band called Five Eight.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_Eight_(band)

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Luckily some brilliant person had the foresight to save a copy of the cringeworthy audio.

I listened to a minute of that and got annoyed so I stopped listening. Now I feel better.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Derp Snark 58: the 58th Derp Snark.

You are a visionary.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I listened to a minute of that and got annoyed so I stopped listening. Now I feel better.

Yeah, I also only managed to listen for about a minute.

[Someone]

I didn't know she played piano.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yeah, I also only managed to listen for about a minute.

I was hoping someone would have the presence of mind to have saved this for all posterity.

But now that I'm actually listening to it, it's so much worse than I could imagine—and I can image pretty horrific shit. It sounds like NPR and college radio vomited all over the local " Morning Radio Zoo Crew!" and conceived a monstrous child of unfunny, scorn, derision, and wtf-ness.

Who, oh who, but Stoid would put that on the internet?

I made it as far as her exclaimed horror of bruxism, and how that simply must be the cause of her root canals. Such mundanity of human suffering, up there with TMJ and hemorrhoids.

Then I shut it off because her affected "radio voice" made me want to destroy something innocent and beautiful.

It couldn't be her shitty life decisions and her own lack of hygiene to blame, could it?

[Someone]

Nice Stoid retro-snark. I forgot about the "give me your money and vicoden please" site.

But for something a little more current, how about this sad gem of a thread from Boyo Jim.

Some highlights

I'm finished with face to face rejection. It's very uncomfortable for both parties, but epecially for the person being rejected, which is always me.

I have no factual basis to be confident.

Based on my dating history, it would seem I'm weird and make women feel uncomfortable in person just as much, at least in the circumstances of trying to start a relationship.

What do you do when you've asked someone out and they said no? If you see them in another month, do you ask again? Is there a limit to how many times you ask?

And there is much, much more. His posts run the spectrum from pitiful, all the way to "damn thats creepy".

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Nice Stoid retro-snark. I forgot about the "give me your money and vicoden please" site.[...]

HOLY FUCK FLUIDS! She did ask for spare Vicodin!


She acts like she's the only one with financial and medical problems. This is fucking America for godsakes.

[Someone]

That Jim thread is to ensaddening to snark on.

[Someone]

Durpers closely monitor the bathroom behavior of their co-workers.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

5-8 club is a thing in Minneapolis. But all y'all ferners wouldn't know what it was.

I thought Broomie was in Gary, Indiana...

OH! You said 'Furriners', not 'Femurs'. My bad!

[Someone]

[QUOTE=Cosmic Owl;1173260]

Originally Posted by Someone

Then I shut it off because her affected "radio voice" made me want to destroy something innocent and beautiful.

Like a giraffe, amirite?

Originally Posted by Someone

Nice Stoid retro-snark.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I thought Broomie was in Gary, Indiana...

OH! You said 'Furriners', not 'Femurs'. My bad!

Did you know only Broomie and penguins can break a femur with a single blow of their flipper?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Like a giraffe, amirite?

Exactly.

But you effed up your quottery above. I fixy.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Luckily some brilliant person had the foresight to save a copy of the cringeworthy audio.

She could have done well in morning radio.

• Nice, melodious voice, check.
• Decent use of sound effects and other recordings, check.
• Can go on (and on, and on, and on) for a full 15 minutes, check.
• Radio-face, checkamundo!

[Stoided up for your reading displeasure]

She's better than the morning morons on my local station. She missed her calling with the internet porn and message-board fruitcake bit she actually did. Poor, pitiful Stoid. I'm weeping in my beer for her, right now. *wipes tear, takes swig*

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I think I know why Fenris hasn't closed this thread yet.

BECAUSE THE NUMBER "58" HAS ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD REFERENCE IN POP CULTURE OR CONDIMENTS.

Apologies for the all-caps.

Come on, my idea was pretty damn good. How often do we have a title with a biblical reference?

Then again, I thought it was a good idea to tangle with jsgoddess in that stupid Gwyneth Paltrow thread, so maybe I shouldn't trust myself.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Durpers closely monitor the bathroom behavior of their co-workers.

Someone has to shit. Better a Durper tells us about it, than a cow-orker shits him/her/self. err...Never-mind [/Emily Litella]

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Durpers closely monitor the bathroom behavior of their co-workers.

I was disappointed in that thread. I'd hoped it would be a good place to snark on the woman who's in there every day having in-depth conversations with...I don't even know...Husband? Daycare?...about her kid. And she acts like you just walked into her shower unannounced and uninvited when you come in to, y'know, USE THE RESTROOM. Meanwhile, everyone's being treated to vivid descriptions of Snotleigh's BMs and vomits.

I always want to fart as loud as I can when she's in there yammering.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Come on, my idea was pretty damn good. How often do we have a title with a biblical reference?

I like your idea so I durped it up a bit.

http://www.giraffeboards.com/showpos...&postcount=919

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Durpers closely monitor the bathroom behavior of their co-workers.

That thread is stereotypically Doper on two levels: (1) the obsessive tracking of other people's bathroom habits, and (2) the "anyone who isn't exactly like me is a weirdo" attitude.

Only a Doper would know that a coworker never uses a urinal and think that there's something wrong with someone who never uses a urinal.

[Someone]

I am a bit morbidly curious about the guy who shits with both feet in the 2:00 position.


Maybe he's Muslim and only shits toward Mecca?

[Someone]

That way the recoil flings him against the wall instead of back against the plumbing.

[Someone]

Oh god, I missed the audio the first time around. Maybe her plan was to make people pay to stop the horror of that website?

(Quite frankly, she'd be better off getting fitted for a mouth guard, wouldn't she, if she grinds her teeth that bad?)

Originally Posted by Someone

I dunno - snarking on Foggy seems a bit like kicking a two-legged puppy that's just trying to hop along to avoid traffic. He has just a really, really awful existence and making fun of him for it seems really mean.

Yes, fine, I'll show my whiny ass out...

Well, I don't know much about the guy (no, honestly, I'm not just saying that!) I was just seriously grossed out by the fact he had to give a really detailed description?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I think I know why Fenris hasn't closed this thread yet.

BECAUSE THE NUMBER "58" HAS ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD REFERENCE IN POP CULTURE OR CONDIMENTS.

Apologies for the all-caps.

Snarking Ignorance since '58: It's taking longer than we thought

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Snarking Ignorance since '58: It's taking longer than we thought

That simply must be saved for Snark 73.

[Someone]

BigTard makes an actual, real, genuinely funny post.

Shame it took him a week to think of it...

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

BigTard makes an actual, real, genuinely funny post.

Shame it took him a week to think of it...

Hey, even a stopped squirrel is right twice a day and finds his nuts. Or something.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hey, even a stopped squirrel is right twice a day and finds his nuts. Or something.

Did he need a book to find his nuts?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Did he need a book to find his nuts?

Probably just a complicated system of pulleys and mirrors.

[Someone]

How do I car window family sticker? Whither the honest artisan?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

How do I car window family sticker? Whither the honest artisan?

Any snark post that contains the word whither is at least 75% funnier, IMO.

[Someone]

Today's BigTard Lecture Series: You're Junior Modding a thread I haven't even read.

Defending DrBreth, no less.

ETA: And Munch gets in some nice BigTard burn on page two, in response!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

How do I car window family sticker? Whither the honest artisan?

I swear some of these people still don't know how to use google.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Today's BigTard Lecture Series: You're Junior Modding a thread I haven't even read.

Defending DrBreth, no less.

ETA: And Munch gets in some nice BigTard burn on page two, in response!

I like his summary of that thread that follows:

Originally Posted by Someone

DrDeth has a grudge he can't get over.
SenorBeef points out why his GoT threads avoid hijacks.
DrDeth thrashes wildly about to prove how over all this he is.
SenorBeef points out some awesome retro-hypocricy on DD's part.
BigT tilts at windmills.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Today's BigTard Lecture Series: You're Junior Modding a thread I haven't even read.

Defending DrBreth, no less.

ETA: And Munch gets in some nice BigTard burn on page two, in response!

Yep, that was a gem. Why is DrDeth's long and tedious history of posting about Game of Thrones being taken into account in responding to his current long and tedious post about Game of Thrones? Huh? Huh? Everyone should know nothing, like me!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yep, that was a gem. Why is DrDeth's long and tedious history of posting about Game of Thrones being taken into account in responding to his current long and tedious post about Game of Thrones? Huh? Huh? Everyone should know nothing, like me!

"You know nothing, BigSnow."

[Someone]

tired as fuck of reading "axia" in this thread http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...ad.php?t=24170


the plural is axioms

words that end in -on can have a plural alpha

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

tired as fuck of reading "axia" in this thread http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...ad.php?t=24170


the plural is axioms

words that end in -on can have a plural alpha

I'll grant you it's a dumbass, pompous-sounding fake word. But it was only mentioned 5 times in one post... 15 years ago.

[Someone]

if Giraffe had created the giraffe boards 15 years ago, I would have posted about it then


I didn't even notice how old it was until you pointed it out

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

if Giraffe had created the giraffe boards 15 years ago, I would have posted about it then


I didn't even notice how old it was until you pointed it out

This is why Giraffe is so fervently working on the time machine in his garage.

[Someone]

Well, it's not actually a time machine, that's just what he tells people so that they will get in it.

[Someone]

[Someone]

It totally is a time machine! I'm trying it out right now and I'm setting the controls for 150 million years ago. Here goes... ooh, impressive! ... right, I'm stepping out now.

And you won't believe what I can see...

oh, fuck!