Durphouse 90: Brought to you by Snark - available in Unfiltered and Menthol.

[Someone]

Chasing down motorists who've flattened possums to ask "are you gonna eat that?"

[Someone]

Road kill - instantly tenderized.

nom nom nom

[Someone]

I'm gonna leave this here without comment:

Originally Posted by Someone

I think there's a good joke in there, but you haven't found it. But something about how there are a bunch of closet NFL watchers and connecting that with uncloseted gay people could work.

Personally not a big fan of "gays," though. In my mind, that's a word for gay comedians or comedians with a big gay following. Probably just a personal hangup (given no one else has commented on it), but it leaves a weird taste in my mouth.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...php?p=20502522

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm gonna leave this here without comment:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...php?p=20502522

Wait. Gays leave a weird taste in his mouth?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Wait. Gays leave a weird taste in his mouth?

Only gay clowns. They taste funny.

[Someone]

[Someone]

Looking forward to the inevitable ATMB thread...

[Someone]

Holy hell... All that stuff happened after I read the thread. That's fantastic.

[Someone]

Bone gets in a good one on BigTard:

Originally Posted by Someone

When you choose to write in the plural as if representing a collective voice, your message is lost. If there exists any "we", it would be the moderation team, of which you are not a member.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...&postcount=192

[Someone]

Another drug test weirdo.

Urine left in sealed bottle! Will gf get sick from drinking after cleaning?
So I had a drug test a while back so I had to get some urine. It sat in an aluminium water bottle for two weeks. I washed it really well and have given it back. She drank from it today and is not feeling well. Will she be OK??

So many inconsistencies, so few words.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Another drug test weirdo.

So many inconsistencies, so few words.

I have to give Shodan my regards for this reply:

Originally Posted by Someone

Count yourself lucky that your girlfriend is willing to put something in her mouth that recently contained urine.

Regards,
Shodan

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...5&postcount=11

[Someone]

Jeez. Another one. This is your brain on drugs.

Federal help
Looking for help in the 8th /2 bd
circuit far as selling drugs in a school zone

[Someone]

And as we all know, random message boards on the web are just the place to find that one keen tip that lets him off scot free.

[Someone]

Poster wants recommendations for artificial sweeteners for his coffee. buddha_david comes in at post #8 telling him to just learn to drink it black.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...91&postcount=8

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Poster wants recommendations for artificial sweeteners for his coffee. buddha_david comes in at post #8 telling him to just learn to drink it black.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...91&postcount=8

Very next post, JTurd chimes in with wean yourself of sugar. Coffee doesn't taste bad once your used to it. Just the thing for washing down spoiled meat or week old pizza found in the dumpster!

[Someone]

It's a waste of time to argue with someone who isn't arguing in good faith.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

It's a waste of time to argue with someone who isn't arguing in good faith.

Truth

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

It's a waste of time to argue with someone who isn't arguing in good faith.

Yeah; I'm sure I'm not the best at recognizing this, and I'll try to do better.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

It's a waste of time to argue with someone who isn't arguing in good faith.

No, it isn't.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

No, it isn't.

[Someone]

Whoops. When it is impending, let me know and I'll congratulate you again

[Someone]

THAT YOU KNOW OF.

[Someone]

Meanwhile, over in ATMB, the Trial of Shodan of Arc drags on for a sixth insufferable day.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Meanwhile, over in ATMB, the Trial of Shodan of Arc drags on for a sixth insufferable day.

Did anyone ever bother to tell John Mace that playing junior mod and wishing really really hard doesn't actually make you a mod?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Did anyone ever bother to tell John Mace that playing junior mod and wishing really really hard doesn't actually make you a mod?

Hasn't worked for BigTard, and I don't think Mace is much smarter.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hasn't worked for BigTard, and I don't think Mace is much smarter.

Those two should get together and start their own spinoff board.

[Someone]

More manson plays(?) dumb. This time about animals and allergies on airplanes.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

More manson plays(?) dumb. This time about animals and allergies on airplanes.

Obvious Troll Is Obvious.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

More manson plays(?) dumb. This time about animals and allergies on airplanes.

He was similarly stupid in a Twilight Zone thread a few weeks ago. He doesn't like the episode where Burgess Meredith breaks his glasses after a nuclear holocaust, because the character could have scrounged up a new pair from the ruins of a drugstore. Dopers patiently explained to him that the character was wearing them all the time and therefore they weren't reading glasses, and manson couldn't (or wouldn't) get his head around this.

I don't think he's playing dumb.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He was similarly stupid in a Twilight Zone thread a few weeks ago. He doesn't like the episode where Burgess Meredith breaks his glasses after a nuclear holocaust, because the character could have scrounged up a new pair from the ruins of a drugstore. Dopers patiently explained to him that the character was wearing them all the time and therefore they weren't reading glasses, and manson couldn't (or wouldn't) get his head around this.

I don't think he's playing dumb.

IIRC he made his debut at the Dope by defending people who destroy or deface millennia-year old natural formations in government-protected parks.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

IIRC he made his debut at the Dope by defending people who destroy or deface millennia-year old natural formations in government-protected parks.

That was the first time I noticed him, too, but I didn't think 'Oh, noob idiot' at the time, so I believe he'd been around but not yet trolling for a while before then.

ETA: Just checked his join date. '04, about 6 years before I showed up, so yeah, the trolling is recent.

[Someone]

I gotta say, Darren Garrison comes up with a good one every once in a while:

Originally Posted by Someone

You do a good job reporting spam, but nobody is going to touch you for it.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...1&postcount=47

[Someone]

A question for the historians. Was it Big T who was at one time a mod, and now is not? What's the back story?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

A question for the historians. Was it Big T who was at one time a mod, and now is not? What's the back story?

No, you're possibly thinking of Czarcasm, who was twice a mod, and was terrible both times.

[Someone]

Well, that makes a teeny bit more sense. Did he get fired twice, or what?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, that makes a teeny bit more sense. Did he get fired twice, or what?

No, Once fired Twice, then Twice shot the teller once. Then Jim fell and Sally fired twice.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

No, Once fired Twice, then Twice shot the teller once. Then Jim fell and Sally fired twice.

Good Christ that show was brilliant right out of the gate. Six episodes was far too few.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8PZFQz-qmo

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Good Christ that show was brilliant right out of the gate. Six episodes was far too few.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8PZFQz-qmo

Police Squad was aired out of its production order, but you can tell the order it was filmed by how many trash cans Drebin hit with his car. One in the first episode filmed, two in the second one filmed, etc.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

No, Once fired Twice, then Twice shot the teller once. Then Jim fell and Sally fired twice.

But to give Inna Minnit a proper answer, speculation was that he was fired the first time for being a peckerhead, and after begging for the job back and promising not to be such a peckerhead, he was given the job back. Whereupon he promptly resumed his peckerheaded modding, earning a prompt re-firing. TPTB, being tight-lipped about staffing issues, never confirmed it, but the utter silence, to the point of not even acknowledging having seen the question when asked for a denial, kinda confirmed the bad blood, there.

I kinda got the impression at the time that the intentional silence was their way of confirming the answer, by pointedly refusing to acknowledge the question. "We refuse to lie about it or slag on a former member of our club, so we will pretend the question which requires either an honest answer or a lie was never actually asked."

[Someone]

I think my first encounter with manson1972 was in Mister Rik's thread about how he was drooling over his cousin. Manson just could not wrap his head around why people found it so disturbing.

[Someone]

Ed has finally closed the Shodan/ITD clusterfuck.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...&postcount=273

[Someone]

Saint Cad asks which fad diet would work better. (Warning people NOT to tell him that "eat less/exercise more is the best plan, because he knows better. She has some kind of thyroid disorder, so apparently she has to resort to weird and wacky ways to lose weight)

Gets pissy when people tell him fad diets are a bad idea. Normally I hate the whole "ignore the question in the OP and answer the question they told you NOT to answer", but I make an exception when the question is a stupid one.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ed has finally closed the Shodan/ITD clusterfuck.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...&postcount=273

God, Ed sucks. So what if the thread had gone on for thirty pages? No one had to read it. Also, no one was abusing ITD. I like ITD, I just think she made a bad call here. But whatever. Now I will just report Czarcasm every time he posts a dismissive snarky reply to a post, which happens once a week at least.

[Someone]

Hey ladies. Have random men ever observed your gynecological exams? Please share your stories of humiliation in stirrups.

Fap Fap Fap

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hey ladies. Have random men ever observed your gynecological exams? Please share your stories of humiliation in stirrups.

Fap Fap Fap

Captain TMI aruvqan, of course, has to jump in with her entire medical history. She seems to love threads like that.

[Someone]

Okrahoma makes a minor grammatical error. Gets called on it, then instead of acknowledging it and moving on, goes on and on, post after post, trying to justify it as 'correct' by linking to other examples of the same error.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

No one had to read it.

That's not true. It's why some threads are closed. Because those of us in charge actually have to read those threads. Add in the constant reporting and it is a pain in the ass. Best to just shut that shit down.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

God, Ed sucks. So what if the thread had gone on for thirty pages? No one had to read it. Also, no one was abusing ITD. I like ITD, I just think she made a bad call here. But whatever. Now I will just report Czarcasm every time he posts a dismissive snarky reply to a post, which happens once a week at least.

Cliffnotes version? or even just twitter version? Was Shodan banned? suspended? yelled at?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Cliffnotes version? or even just twitter version? Was Shodan banned? suspended? yelled at?

Shodan made a snarky one-off comment about 1/10th as annoying as say, Elucidator does in every! damn! thread! ITD warned Shodan out of the blue. It quickly devolved into "Lefties get different treatment!" vs "Righties are whiney" vs Tardcazm interjecting idiotic "socratic" questions.

Then Zottard closed the thread because...mod abuse(?) which shows that Zottard didn't read the actual thread because something like 100% of people, left OR right were saying that ITD was a great mod but (if you were a rightie) this was a one-off bad decision.

IMO, it was a bad decision unless it's the start of a new rule that bans all stupid, snarky one-liner drivebys.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

IMO, it was a bad decision unless it's the start of a new rule that bans all stupid, snarky one-liner drivebys.

Wow, that would be a great rule! Within a week we'd be rid of Elucidator, Shodan, Evan Drake, and Gatopescado (and probably some other jerks I've forgotten).