Where's bread?

[Pizza]

I'm going to beat the shit out of that fucker. You're going down, buddy!

[Black Dynamite]

Calm, down, son. You need some bread? I've got a five-spot right here. You cool with that?

[Giant Purple Snorklewacker]

He's over here in this closet.

Ignore that guy. He's absolutely NOT A-Rod swinging a 32" baguette with a Louisville Slugger logo on it.

[KidVermicious]

Originally Posted by Pizza

I'm going to beat the shit out of that fucker. You're going down, buddy!

I was in the middle of registering Bread about 10 seconds after I first saw you post, and then I thought "You know what? Socks are hard."

So I didn't.

[Miracle Whip]

I don't know, but when he shows up I'm all over him. Yeah, baby.
A sandwich just isn't a sandwich without me in your mouth.

[Fresh Lettuce]

Originally Posted by Miracle Whip

I don't know, but when he shows up I'm all over him. Yeah, baby.
A sandwich just isn't a sandwich without me in your mouth.

Hey, don't forget about me, @Sliced Tomatoes and @Crispy Bacon!

[stormie]

Would burnt toast be an equally formidable foe?

[Sexy Systems Analysis]

I heard he is off someplace loafing.

[JackieLikesVariety]

sweet jeezbus this is an exhausting holiday!!

[(Anonymous)]

Originally Posted by JackieLikesVariety

sweet jeezbus this is an exhausting holiday!!

Paging @Ghost of Dio, @Ghost of Dio pick up the white courtesy phone, please.

[Zeener Diode]

Hard to think it took this long for Pizza to get angry.

And it does nothing to bolster the "30 minutes or it's free" campaign.

[So you decided to join GB...]

 


Once you've been on the Giraffe Boards for awhile you may notice there is some sort of
underlying conflict between members advocating bread and others supporting pizza. What
is that all about? Well, in the early days of the board, there was a series of polls intended to
determine the "best food ever". One such poll pitted pizza against bread. Inexplicably,
bread won the poll! Weird, huh?

Many of the people who said bread is better than pizza are no longer active members of the
Giraffe Boards. It is assumed that most of them have wandered off into the woods, or have
gotten their hands on one of those jokey "How do you keep a blonde busy? (over)" cards, or
are sitting in locked cars that they cannot figure out how to get out of.



But be aware! Some of these people are still around. Often they can be spotted making
patently stupid statements, like "socks are hard". At some point when there is a relatively
natural opportunity to do so, you should establish in one of your posts that you like pizza.
This may seem like an odd thing to say, akin to saying "I enjoy breathing air". Nonetheless,
confirming that you like pizza will preclude others from suspecting that you may be one of those
oddballs who prefers bread to pizza, or "breadite" as they are often derisively referred to.


 

[KidVermicious]

Aww, lookit the butthurt informational pamphlet.

I bet it likes Miracle Whip. If it were a person and not a sock, I mean.

[Richard Nixon]

Originally Posted by KidVermicious

Aww, lookit the butthurt informational pamphlet.

I bet it likes Miracle Whip. If it were a person and not a sock, I mean.

What the hell are you doing in this thread without a costume on? I swear, I'll get Hoover on your ass if you don't shape up, you little bastard!

[Solfy]

You mean that's his real face?

I'm so sorry.

[KidVermicious]

Originally Posted by Richard Nixon

What the hell are you doing in this thread without a costume on? I swear, I'll get Hoover on your ass if you don't shape up, you little bastard!

Have you met my friend Futility of Nihilism? You two would get along, I think.

[So you decided to join GB...]

 


You're doing great! Congratulations on your participation on the Giraffe Boards so far. Just
look at all the new friends you've already made!

Watch out, though! Sometimes there may be a "bump in the road". For example, what do
you do if you encounter infamous "breadite" KidVermicious?

Don't panic! KidVermicious is actually a nice enough guy; he's just a little slow, is all. He is
still discovering the world around him, and everyone on the Giraffe Boards is hopeful that
someday soon he will figure out basic concepts like pizza and avatars.



You may be tempted to put "KidV" on your "Ignore List", but don't do it! Ignore Lists are for
pussies. Instead, just skim past his posts like everyone else. You'll be taking part in a time-
honored Giraffe Boards tradition!


 

[Richard Nixon]

Originally Posted by KidVermicious

Have you met my friend Futility of Nihilism? You two would get along, I think.

Alright, that's it. HOOVER! Damnit, you fascist faggot, get your ass in here and do your fucking job already!

[Black Dynamite]

:: shakes head sadly ::

Isn't that just like The Man? Trying to make everyone conform.

Lay off, Tricky Dick. I've bested you once and if need be I'll do it again.

[Suck my Sock]

Originally Posted by Pizza

I'm going to beat the shit out of that fucker. You're going down, buddy!

I'm in for a beat down. Just point me at the fucker.

YA HEARD THAT, BITCH!? I'M GONNA FUCKKIN KILL YOU!!!!!

[Black Dynamite]

:: sigh ::



The revolution's gonna take longer than I expected, isn't it?

[Chimpelf]

Originally Posted by Richard Nixon

Alright, that's it. HOOVER! Damnit, you fascist faggot, get your ass in here and do your fucking job already!

Dick. That's no way to talk to a vacuum cleaner.

[Drunk Obama]

Originally Posted by Black Dynamite

:: sigh ::



The revolution's gonna take longer than I expected, isn't it?

Tell me about it, brother. I went and got myself elected twice. TWICE! No damn revolution. I gave all those people healthcare and what do they do? They ruin my damn website. But I got drones, lots of 'em. I'll show them healthcare. You know how much a missile costs? Me neither, but I know I got some. I'll set some off tonight. Yeah! Best fireworks show ever!

[Drunk Obama]

Bread, where's the bread? I need a sandwich something fierce. I want some ham, or maybe turkey. Yeah, turkey. But don't tell Michelle, ok? I'm supposed to be on a low-carb diet. She's got me drinking this Mich Ultra pisswater already. I'm not whipped, you ass, you're whipped! And Joe, Joe's so whipped he should have been on Roots. Fuck that guy. Anyways, are we going to Jimmy Johns or what?

[Pizza]

Reason #482 that pizza is better than bread:

No porn movie has ever started with a bread delivery.

[Parotta]

Please to be explaining how the delicious curries can be picked up using a slice of pizza, sahib.

[Pizza]

Originally Posted by Parotta

Please to be explaining how the delicious curries can be picked up using a slice of pizza, sahib.

But it is the curries that are delicious, not the pathetic bread. The bread is merely the delivery vehicle, much like the pizza box and delivery vehicle are the delivery vehicles for pizza.

[Parotta]

I am thanking you for your kind reply, sahib. But the picking up of the curry will be so messy without the bread, which is also good for the soaking up of the gravies. We are not having pizza where I am from, but I don't think the pizza is as fine a tool. Thank you for calling. Is there anything else I can be helping you for today? Thank you?

[KidVermicious]

Pretty sure "curry" didn't win the Best Food Ever poll either. You pizzafarians are almost like Teabaggers in your denial and outrage.

It'd be cute if it wasn't so disgusting.

[Pizza]

Originally Posted by KidVermicious

Pretty sure "curry" didn't win the Best Food Ever poll either. You pizzafarians are almost like Teabaggers in your denial and outrage.

It'd be cute if it wasn't so disgusting.

Eat shit, food racist! I'm putting you on a total pizza blackout: you can order pizza, and you can eat pizza, but I guarantee you that every slice of pizza you eat will have a huge pubic hair in it.

[Suck my Sock]

I'm gonna slather my dong in curry AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!

[Chimpelf]

Originally Posted by Pizza

Reason #482 that pizza is better than bread:

No porn movie has ever started with a bread delivery.

Obviously you've never seen The Wonder Bread Years staring Pumpernickel Pete Piston.

[Captain Jack]

That's one I haven't heard of. Are there any tentacles?

[Chimpelf]

Nope. Just a lot of rye humor.

And a lot of good breeding (without which it is impossible to be, ahem, well-bread).

[Ludovic]

Originally Posted by Pizza

Reason #482 that pizza is better than bread:

No porn movie has ever started with a bread delivery.

Originally Posted by Giant Purple Snorklewacker

A-Rod swinging a 32" baguette

This looks like a good start.

[Chef Luigi]

Originally Posted by Pizza

I'm going to beat the shit out of that fucker. You're going down, buddy!

What's a'with the fuss? Come come, sit a'yourself down. I have a nice a'young couple for you to a'dine a'with.