Cooking tips for the UTTER MORON

[Dirx]

Ok, I started a thread similar to this a while back, and while there's definitely good advice in there, a lot of it was just about my stir-fry question. A current endeavor to make a simple strawberry pie* has prompted me to try this again, only to have the result be a compendium of advice that should be a complete no-brainer, but simply isn't to first-timers (and people like me who are used to following directions to the letter and flail about wildly when a step is assumed but not described).

Here's what I've learned so far:

• Issue: Pre-made pie crusts you get from the freezer section still need to be baked first. I did not know this, due to the fact that said instructions were on the underside of the label. Had I not flubbed up the chocolate step (see next item, below), I would have been trying to eat out of a raw, doughy crust. Yum.
  
  Solution: Bake the damn crust. About 15 minutes in the oven is all you should need. More on this in a bit...
  
  
  
• Issue: It's incredibly easy to burn chocolate when trying to melt it. After 15 seconds in the microwave (which I figured would be a decent amount of time), the chips looks solid still. Repeat for 30 seconds at a crack over 2.5 minutes, and suddenly the microwave is smoking and my apartment smells like burnt chocolate. Wonderful.
  
  Solution: 15-30 seconds in the microwave should be enough time for a small amount of chocolate chips. After 10-15 seconds, prod/stir with a fork--the chips are meltier on the inside than they look on the outside. Continue, in short intervals, until melted enough. [note: I haven't yet retried this step, so I can't speak for its veracity--this solution comes from my mother. I'll update it if need be when I get to it later this evening]
  
  
  
• Issue: The pie crust still needs to be in the damn pie pan when baking. Yes, I can practically hear the collective from all of you, but I did specify "utter moron" in the thread title. And hey, the baking instructions said to place it on a baking sheet. It didn't say anything about leaving it in the pan! Luckily, I caught the mistake within the first few seconds, so I didn't end up with a complete mess.
  
  Solution: Obvious. Leave the damn pie crust in the pan. I assume at this point that the purpose of the baking sheet is to keep the flimsy pan from getting burned on the oven rack? Idunno.

As of this moment, I just got the pie crust (take 2) out of the oven. It looks alright. After its cooled a bit, I'll attempt the chocolate. And, knowing me, maybe have another moron-tip to add.

In the meantime, what tips do the rest of you have? From your own early experiences of those of others. I know I have a few "duh" things I've learned before, but I'll post them later because I have to try and remember what they were. A lot of the information in the thread I linked to is good for novice cooks, but I'm more interested in stuff that's taken for granted even at that level. Where a cookbook will say "do X" (where X is on the order of boiling water or beating eggs, for example), and the brand-spankin' new cook-to-be says "what the hell is X??"



*Before you start, I'm using this recipe with modifications based on some of the comments, particularly the one about painting the crust with chocolate (that sounds awesome). I'm sure you have all kinds of recipes for different/better pies, but I think they'd be better suited for a separate thread. Feel free to start one, if you'd like. Heck, scratch that, I'll start one myself in just a sec.