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#1
6th September 2009, 09:16 AM
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Just some advice: If Grandpa had mortars, leave 'em alone.
I think this is my first post here, and as such, I'd like it to be a Public Service Announcement:
[Action] Hi. I'm Tripler. You may have seen me in such public service announcements like, "Hey, don't touch that!" or "If it burns when you pee, go see the M.D." Today, I'd like to talk to you about old people. And by old people, I mean America's Greatest Generation: those that served in The War. WWII. You know, that little shin-dig over in Europe and the Pacific where we creamed the Nazis into brownshirt stew, and made Hirohito pick up his Risk boardgame and go teh frack home. Some of these old people kept some souvenirs from The War--cool things like swords, medals, helmets, shrunken Burmese heads, rifles, money, flags, and other harmless patriotic pieces of flair. Some of these things aren't so cool: bad memories and nightmares, the Clap (ask your grandmother), and live fucking ordnance. I'm here to tell you today that live fucking ordnance is an insidious bastard of a problem, because old people are. . . well, old, and forget things. They don't remember where they put them, or when they got them. Worse, they don't remember that they're kind of dangerous and can fucking kill you. Dead. Until you die from it. So, when Grandma or Grandpa kicks the bucket and leaves a couple of fused mortars in the back shed, just leave them alone. And certainly do not fuck with them--especially by disassembling the fuses from the main charge. 'Cause that's insane, and could kill you. Sure, your barn is five hours from here, but I know some guys that don't mind the drive. Besides, there are some local guys that will come and watch over it, to make sure it doesn't try to get away. In most cases, these local guys will even give you a popsicle! You'd like a popsicle, wouldn't you? If you're nice, they'll even give you more popsicles while my friends are on the way! So do yourself a favor: if you see something that looks like a bomb, grenade, mortar, landmine, etc. and aren't sure what to do with it:
Trust me, five hours is a mere pittance versus the ten hours it will take to clean whats left of you up. Plus, you get a popsicle. Thanks for your time. [Cue music] Tripler Really. Treat yourself. You've earned it. 
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#2
6th September 2009, 09:24 AM
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If I stand around holding up a lighter, will you do another? ... or will you just tell me to put down the ignition source?
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#3
6th September 2009, 09:31 AM
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Along the same lines, if you see a button/switch/lever, don't push/pull it to see what it does. Use your words; just ask, 'cause there's a good chance that the explanation will make you say, "oh shit, damn near fucked that up good."
Also, if you don't know how to operate the giant fiery and highly-calibrated piece of equipment at work, you probably shouldn't just fucking guess.
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#6
6th September 2009, 10:27 AM
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Oh, and thanks for the "Howdies!" Tripler Howdy right back atcha!
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#7
6th September 2009, 10:50 AM
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So,... did it take out the barn?
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#8
6th September 2009, 11:10 AM
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Tripler I highly recommend Old Glory Insurance.
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#9
6th September 2009, 11:16 AM
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#10
6th September 2009, 11:17 AM
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Wow. That kind of thinking is just bizarre to me. Did they give any reason why they felt they were qualified to disarm a 60+ year old device?
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#12
6th September 2009, 11:23 AM
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There was no explanation. Once the local Sherrif's Bomb Squad showed up, they gave her a popsicle, and hurried her away. They can't legally handle military munitions--done by the closest military EOD unit, by law. Tripler Still, makes for a good opening thread, no?
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#13
6th September 2009, 11:29 AM
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Well,. that was sweet of her.
 You know, I would love it if you started an "ask the" thread here.
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#14
6th September 2009, 12:30 PM
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I don't think I'd have a problem with leaving live old ordnance alone - my only problem would be recognizing them (since I wouldn't know ordnance from a hole in the ground).
And, hi, Tripler! How's it going there, eh?
__________________
Merry f'in Christmas, Homey.
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#15
6th September 2009, 01:02 PM
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It's a win/win, far as I can see.
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#16
6th September 2009, 02:37 PM
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Tripler Oh no, I'm not givin' all y'all my juicy ones. Not without a liquid bribe of coffee.
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#17
6th September 2009, 02:42 PM
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Good call. Most folks regret the gaseous bribes of coffee.
I'll recommend to you that you start new threads on good stories. It seems that threads become increasingly disjointed after the third page; also, some folks will miss stories and anecdotes in the middle. Keep a steady stream of individual threads and more folks will get to follow along with your adventures. Before you know it you'll have a fan club, and people will send you thank-yous in the form of unmarked brown packages. Like Dave said, it's win/win.
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#18
6th September 2009, 03:29 PM
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Ah yes, old and unstable unexploded munitions--fun for the whole family! I have a friend who lives near Camp Bonneville in Vancouver WA, which was used for live fire exercises for close to eighty years, ending in the '90s. By "near" I mean "right next to the fence." There was some talk of making the area into a regional park at one time, but the infrequent yet memorable discoveries of touchy unexploded implements of destruction have pretty much put the kiss of death on that plan. Ever so often you'll see a three legged deer that apparently volunteered the hard way to be the point man.
Good to see ya, Tripler! Last edited by SmartAleq; 6th September 2009 at 03:30 PM. Reason: moar bedder numbers...
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#19
6th September 2009, 05:05 PM
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Oh man alive, don't get me started on some of the range clearances. A few years back, there was a field in Delaware, where a farmer pulled up an old shell. The local EOD shop ran out to respond, and recovered the piece intact. Unfortunately, the "groundwater" they thought was seeping around the shell was actually mustard agent, which put three of the four technicians in the hospital for several weeks with very, very nasty blisters--it is a blister agent after all. So, needless to say, stuff from even the Great War can kill you.
And you heard it from me: You will never clear every piece of ordnance from a range, unless you personally have visual confirmation everything detonated. That's why we get to go out and watch fighters drop live on targets out at the range. If it doesn't go "boom," we go make it. Tripler Man, I do love my job.
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#20
6th September 2009, 05:17 PM
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Yeah, I think they figured out they're never going to be able to allow family picknickers and ATV riders out there--now I guess they're just trying to get the worst of the nasty shit out of the groundwater, the whole area's part of a floodplain for a large creek and there's a huge artesian system that runs through the surrounding hills that produces a LOT of water year round that ends up in municipal supplies. Not to mention the surrounding neighbors who have wells.
Another fun story--my ex husband was a geologist, and as such no real stranger to blasting caps and suchlike. He was out on a jobsite with a drill rig that had to be moved here and there to take core samples of specific spots. Anyway, one of the sites was right near an old abandoned shack, nearly falling apart. After a couple days of the rig running they needed to get some equipment nearer to the shack and were wondering if they could just yank it out of the way with a truck and chain, so they forced the door open and went in. There were several old wooden crates stacked up, a lot of them covered in a crusty white residue. Someone jimmied the top of one crate open, yelled "HOLY FUCK" and backed away at about 125 mph--the crates were all full to the brim with VERY old dynamite that had sweated like crazy. They're all still amazed that the vibration from the drill rig didn't blow them all sky high, let alone jimmying the crate lid. Job had to be suspended for several days while they got a disposal crew out to take care of it. It's truly amazing the kind of crap you can run into in abandoned buildings.
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#21
6th September 2009, 05:23 PM
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Hey Tripler!
(I positively love your avatar.) My only live ordinance story happened at Ft. Carson back in the eighties. We were at a firing range and some tracers caught the grass on fire. We had experienced this before back in Nebraska. Being mechanized infantry, we had all these nifty armored vehicles. So, you'd take the vehicles and drive around whipping brodies until you churned up the sod enough to create a fire break. So that's what we did and soon the fire was contained. About ten minutes later some fire guys from the base showed up and enthusiastically pointed out that we had been driving around on top of burning, live, ordinance. No body got blowed up but we were a bit shaken. Good times.
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#22
6th September 2009, 06:13 PM
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Why do they get popsicles? What if I want bubble gum instead?
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#23
6th September 2009, 06:14 PM
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My hubby is an Air Force brat. He told me about when he lived on base in Okinawa when he was in 3rd grade. He and a friend of his found what appeared to be a live land mine. Being military kids, they were well trained in what to do, so they went home and told their parents. The whole neighborhood was evacuated while it was checked out--it turned out to be a dummy land mine for practice purposes that had been misplaced. The nice men from the military came and told them what a good job they had done. They assured them that even though it was fake, they had no way of knowing that, and they were proud of them.
I don't think they got a popsicle, though. I'll go purchase one for hubby posthaste to make up for this slight.
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#24
6th September 2009, 06:50 PM
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Quote:
Hey Tripler!
__________________
dogbutler-100% fact free!  We want a Zamboni smiley!
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#25
6th September 2009, 07:11 PM
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Carolia, I highly recommend you buy your husband a popsicle. Right now. Maybe give him the whole box to cover the interest.
elanor, sometimes we'd eat the bubble gum. Hell, I'd carry it in my vest. Ever need to literally "gum up" an arming vane on, say a M904? First thing I'd reach for is a Doublemint (well, not really, but if it's all I got. . .) Double your pleasure, double the fun, and then I'd epoxy the bajeezus out of it. But hey, maybe they have cookies. Usually it's popsicles, though. Tripler MacGuyver? Feh. . .
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#26
6th September 2009, 08:46 PM
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Trip! Good to see ya!
I was a little disappointed, though. I thought the underlined text was a hot link to a story about grandma blowing up a barn by fucking with things best left alone. Or about you having to make a five-hour drive to save the barn, grandma, and the rest of the farm. Still, glad to see ya! ETA: I love the idea of making a park out of an old firing range! It's for people who really want to live every moment as if it's their last!
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#27
7th September 2009, 06:24 AM
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Near where I live is Old Winchester Hill, crossed by a number of walking paths. There are some no-go areas on the hill sides, where there may be unexploded mortars and rockets. However, sheep graze all areas, so the risk is probably low.
Si
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#29
7th September 2009, 12:01 PM
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Actually, I saw that once.
A few years back, when I was deployed to Afghanistan, I was driving to my worksite along the perimeter road. There was a known Soviet minefield just outside the wire, with a farm nearby. One of the goats had gotten loose, and was ambulating toward the high grasses in the minefield (locals knew better than to go there themselves, or let their livestock graze), presumably to graze. Well, just as I was passing by, I noticed the goat, and heard a loud *POP*. About a half a second later, the goat keeled over, and was kicking around in circles like a somewhat-squashed bug.  So yeah, don't let your livestock graze in minefields. That, and I hate the fuckin' Soviets. They'd done some other nasty things to target children I won't get into. . . Tripler Afghanistan = most heavily landmined country in the World.
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#30
7th September 2009, 12:16 PM
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Hmm. I misread your sig at first, and thought it said this:
Quote:
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#34
8th September 2009, 09:04 AM
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My dad was a Mines and Quarries Inspector in the UK. Every year, we used to read the Explosives Inspectorate Annual Report, which included several gems of explosive mayhem:
* The representatives of a political organization who tried to break in to an explosives shed at a quarry. They cut through the steel door with an oxy-acetylene torch * The three workers at the Standard Rocket Factory (makers of signal flares) who would hide out in the drying room. Mortars, flares and rockets were made from a wet paste, which is extruded and shaped, and then put on trays in a dark warm room to dry out. When they are dry, handle with care. Our heros were discovered in their hideyhole because they were smoking  * The crew at a quarry who used gelignite as a fire-lighter. Gelignite burns very fast, and with great enthusiasm, so it is just the thing to light damp wet coal. Apparently these boys had been doing this for years, but this was the first time that some punter poured extra coal on top of the stick of explosive before it had ignited. B O O M ! ! ! They blew the door out and the roof off (little brick shed with a corrugated iron roof). No serious injuries, just some burst eardrums, minor burns and soiled underwear! ETA: Portia, poke all you want. Just let me get to a safe distance and set up the camera!
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#36
8th September 2009, 02:51 PM
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Getting back to the op: I remember seeing a lot of PSAs back in the 70s regarding the accidental discoveries of blasting caps. At the time my brother and me were into cap guns, and cap rolls. We thought blasting caps were the same things. Glad to say we never found any.
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#37
8th September 2009, 07:26 PM
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It wasn't just that the Soviets scattered toy-like devices around that specifically targeted children, but the incomprehensible immorality of it. At least Americans were ashamed, embarrassed, and angry when children were hurt and killed in Vietnam (well, I was, anyway) but the Soviets made it part of their official policy to try to subjugate the Afghanis by maiming their children! BTW, Trip, my son spent six months in Bahrain keeping aircraft in the air that were tasked to spot IEDs. I asked him, "What happens when you find one?" He said something to the effect that we send out guys to disarm them. I'm assuming "guys" include you?
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#38
8th September 2009, 07:48 PM
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Quote:
Tripler "Old MacDonald had a barn full of sticks, E-I-E-I-oh sh*t!"
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#39
8th September 2009, 08:46 PM
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#40
10th September 2009, 04:31 PM
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Tripler Caffiene is The Spice.
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#43
10th September 2009, 07:12 PM
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Yeah man. . . See, it's my little secret that in my office, I've got jazz playin' on the iPod or through the stereo. A little "Stolen Moments" or Brian Blade, something to keep things. . . mellow. Usually, I'll be suckin' down the java, jivin' to some of them grooves. Gotta stay relaxed so you can stay focused. No sense clutterin' your mind with the inconsequentials. Gotta relax, and be sharp. Coffee helps that (just don't overdo it).
It's all about keeping things cool. You may be freakin' out that your house is gonna be leveled thanks to the neighbor kid's pipe bomb, but that's okay. I can whisper cool to a fuze, baby. I can whisper cool to a fuze. Tripler It's all about the cool. 
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#45
11th September 2009, 03:46 PM
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What the hell is a tellytubby? Tripler Or do I really want to know?
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#46
11th September 2009, 03:49 PM
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#48
11th September 2009, 07:24 PM
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If you wanna compare me with those things, I swear, I'll close this thread right. now. mister. I will turn this bomb truck right around and go home. That is so uncool, it turns Miles Davis into the metric system. Tripler Dude, no dude. No.
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