Sometimes I've just got to write.
7wk Postpartum observations and notes
Posted 13th December 2012 at 12:17 PM by Solfy
Swimmy is 7wks old now. She's cooing and smiling more, and more obviously comfortable being in the world. That sounds a little strange, but it's the best way I can think of to describe it. She's less startled by little things. Most of the time she calms down immediately on being picked up. She doesn't fuss for most diaper changes. She's awake more and looking around, trying to figure the whole "world" thing out.
It took me three weeks to finally get over the feeling of "OMG I can't believe we really have another real baby." Three weeks. I don't remember being so shocked for so long before, and I still chalk it up to the previous losses and difficulty. I like to pretend they didn't affect me that much, but on a fundamental level they did. I'm not saying I'm scarred for life, only that there are experiences that change you, and the past two years fall under that category.
I had brief flashes of the baby blues, which is to be expected. Again this sounds silly, but I was mourning "Swimmy" as I had known her internally. I had to remind myself that this new person in my arms was one and the same. Predictably, I had "what do you mean we're never going to get to do this again?" moments. We're still firm in that resolve - as much as I like babies, three is the number of children we want to raise. But oh, what a ride. And I spent no small amount of time off fretting about the fact that my time off would come to an end, and I'd have to be apart from my warm, squirmy, adoring bundle of softness for more than an hour for the first time. But I've been making an extra effort to be mindful to live in the moment and not to worry about the future.
Living in the moment is something that's been on my mind a lot lately. I've always been a project-driven person. Swimmy was very much a "project" in my life. It started with deciding that we wanted to expand our family. Then I had to finish my MS degree because I had decreed that there would be no more babies before that. Then there were the difficulties in staying pregnant, followed by minor difficulty getting pregnant, and then success. So I joke now that it's a good thing I have a house in progress or I'd have no goal to work towards.
Goals are a good thing. They keep you moving forward. They give you something to strive toward, and celebrate, and mark time and progress by. But sometimes I need to remind myself not to miss the journey for focussing on the destination. I don't want to look back on my life and see it as an endless series of tasks accomplished at the expense of looking around me and taking in what is now.
It took me three weeks to finally get over the feeling of "OMG I can't believe we really have another real baby." Three weeks. I don't remember being so shocked for so long before, and I still chalk it up to the previous losses and difficulty. I like to pretend they didn't affect me that much, but on a fundamental level they did. I'm not saying I'm scarred for life, only that there are experiences that change you, and the past two years fall under that category.
I had brief flashes of the baby blues, which is to be expected. Again this sounds silly, but I was mourning "Swimmy" as I had known her internally. I had to remind myself that this new person in my arms was one and the same. Predictably, I had "what do you mean we're never going to get to do this again?" moments. We're still firm in that resolve - as much as I like babies, three is the number of children we want to raise. But oh, what a ride. And I spent no small amount of time off fretting about the fact that my time off would come to an end, and I'd have to be apart from my warm, squirmy, adoring bundle of softness for more than an hour for the first time. But I've been making an extra effort to be mindful to live in the moment and not to worry about the future.
Living in the moment is something that's been on my mind a lot lately. I've always been a project-driven person. Swimmy was very much a "project" in my life. It started with deciding that we wanted to expand our family. Then I had to finish my MS degree because I had decreed that there would be no more babies before that. Then there were the difficulties in staying pregnant, followed by minor difficulty getting pregnant, and then success. So I joke now that it's a good thing I have a house in progress or I'd have no goal to work towards.
Goals are a good thing. They keep you moving forward. They give you something to strive toward, and celebrate, and mark time and progress by. But sometimes I need to remind myself not to miss the journey for focussing on the destination. I don't want to look back on my life and see it as an endless series of tasks accomplished at the expense of looking around me and taking in what is now.
Total Comments 0
