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Solfy, Re: Unhelpful spouse
The central problem is that the things that are important to you are simply not important to him. That is, you and he do not share a life; you are living separate lives in close proximity to each other. I know this because, as you describe your husband, you describe me. I have to constantly remind myself that MsPuna is at the center of my life, not in orbit around mine. It's a strategy I've developed that makes our marriage a helluvalot more fun that it used to be.
This came from a frank discussion we had with a marriage counsellor years ago. My wife's comment was: "Puna tells me he loves me, but he doesn't show it. He doesn't do anything that shows that I'm important to him. He doesn't have to like the things I like, but he should at least care that I like them."
She had already tried simply not doing my laundry in hopes that I'd learn to help without being asked; that only resulted in anger and recrimination. She had nagged and reminded and coaxed and pleaded ... nothing worked. I was able to defend myself against any and all accusations and arguments, until that one: She thought I didn't love her. And I knew she wasn't just saying it for effect, she was right -- I wasn't showing her that I loved her, that I valued her, that she was truly the center of my universe.
It's been hard sometimes to remember to do what I need to do; I'm basically a selfish little boy whose mother pampered and protected me until she became overwhelmed by the raising of my younger brothers. I got married to replace the pampering and protecting I lost at a young age. I've had a lot of work to do, and I think I've come a long way, but like an alcoholic, I'll always be a "recovering" spoiled kid.
I'm not saying this is your husband's situation -- there may be hundreds of reasons why he is the way he is. It could be that he's "just thoughtless," a condition that can cause marriages to come completely unstuck. In any event, although he does love you, he doesn't seem to be demonstrating that in day-to-day life, and that's an important thing that needs to be done.