Teaching for Dummies

[bufftabby]

I've always cringed when people ask if I got a BA in English so that I could become a teacher, but now I'm starting to think I should simply embrace the inevitable. I figured it would probably happen one of these days, but I think it might be time to begin developing a formal plan. I'm in no particular rush, but I'd like to have completed the necessary steps before I'm 30 (2.5 years from now). I've never had a goal before, so this is all pretty new to me, and I suppose I'm looking for advice, warnings, suggestions. If the thought of me teaching your child terrifies you, now is the time to say so.

[Chacoguy]

I'd be honored to have my children taught basic communication by a duckling with a cat face. Why do you ask?

[Special Ed]

Watch the movie Chalk

If you still want to be a teacher, then maybe it's destiny.

It's the most wonderfully awful career path.

Not only do you get to be an important part of a developing life, but you also get to be an honored and hated member of society.

Here are some of the pros I give my student teachers:

• Summers free (or at least long breaks if you go year round). Don't knock it. You'll really need it.
• Teaching elementary is great because the children actually love you
• At High School, you'll touch some lives at a moment when they might go either way. I think each of us can remember a high school teacher who touched our lives.
• I'm in Middle School where you see a student turn from a child into an adult right before your eyes, and back again. several times a day. And you are a part in helping them decide the kind of adult they want to be.
• Most of the children respect and like you most of the time.
• Your colleagues are some of the most compassionate, caring, funny people in the world. You'll probably like them better than you like your family. No, you'll definitely like them better.
• Single moms will hit on you. Some of them have most of their teeth.
• You save money at Staples.

The cons:

• It's all your fault. All of it.
• Your life is measure by one score on one standardized test given in February that measures everything you were supposed to teach all year, even after February. And everyone has to score well. Even the child who moved here from the Congo 2 months ago and has a traumatic brain injury. If they don't, it's your fault.
• Everyone is convinced that they could do your job better than you can. But no one is willing to do it. Not even for an hour.
• Parents these days are very protective of their children. Even if they can't control their child at home, if anything happens at school, it's your fault, not theirs. Seriously. No, really, seriously. I mean it.
• I've actually dated a woman who was embarrassed to introduce me to her parents because I was 'just a teacher' OK, granted she wasn't the kind of person I needed to be with anyway.
• You'll be poor. Or at least lower middle class unless you're with someone who makes money.
• Some of your colleagues don't try very hard. They've given up. They want you to give up too. They're kinds of like Denathor. They aren't bad, just defeated.
• The expectations are ridiculous. You have to be parent, social worker, police officer, and teacher all at the same time. You have to educate kids who can read better than you can and kids who can't read. At the same time. With the same materials. Without frustrating the slower ones or boring the faster ones.
• It's still all your fault.
• Your working conditions can suck. My school isn't air conditioned. It was 96 in the classroom last week. and humid. and I was still supposed to teach. Ask a dentist to work in those conditions.
• You work a lot during the school year. A lot. Unless you don't care.

[Harry]

I couldn't have said it better myself.

I especially like the part where it's all my fault.

On the other hand, at least she let me live.

[Zombies!]

What do you do
With a BA in English
What is my life
Going to be?

Four years of college
And plenty of knowledge
Have earned me
This useless degree

I can't pay the bills yet
Coz I have no skills yet
The world is a big scary place
But somehow I can't shake
The feeling I might make
A difference to the human race


Sorry, I've got no help. Just you put me in mind of Avenue Q

[iampunha]

Originally Posted by bufftabby

I've never had a goal before, so this is all pretty new to me, and I suppose I'm looking for advice, warnings, suggestions. If the thought of me teaching your child terrifies you, now is the time to say so.

Advice, warnings and suggestions from someone trying to get a job teaching:

The market is seriously disgusting right now for a teaching candidate with no classroom experience. I've gotten one interview so far, and I'm highly qualified, I passed the state tests, I have observation hours, I have editing experience out my ass (I clean it up nice and purty for the school districts, mind), etc. There is at least one teacher in one local district at which I applied who has no business teaching. His classroom management isn't, his English is far from perfect and he uses a rape whistle to get the kids' attention. (That works once and then never again.) But he's been there three years, so he's got tenure.

So while I go waiting for a school district to take interest, I'm tutoring.

SAT math.

It's not English, but it's something. $300 for six three-hour sessions, two of which are the kids taking a test. (So far, I've done a lot more with them than just the two scheduled three-hour sessions, but that's because they need it and they want it.) Already, I have three openings for more work like this (had to turn one down because I'd have had to bilocate), and the more work I do raising kids' SAT scores, the shinier I am going to be to places that have bad test scores or want to improve their test scores.

If you can't get what you want one way, try the back door. Will I get a job teaching English because of this other work? Who knows? But there's already classroom management, dealing with homework, dealing with unforeseen circumstances, student awkwardness and the First Day of Class.

When I'm with my kids (I say kids, but the youngest is a sophomore in high school), time disappears. I had them for a few hours today, and it was glorious. It's way too much fun watching them transition from "I don't understand math" to "You just got to work a problem on the board! I want to work one this time!" They get it now. Their persistence has paid off in three weeks. They're not scared of geometry anymore because I've taught them how to see a problem's trick, not be scared by it, take it apart and then put it back together at the end for a nice flourish.

I'm meeting another group of (I think) high schoolers today. A woman who works with the wife has a sister who needs to be better at math for the SAT. The wife asked if I was interested in helping. I never turn down an opportunity to help someone be unscared by anything, so sure, why not?

The sister morphed into the sister and her friends and cousins. It's something like 10 people. The room I use is going to be kind of packed, but we'll deal. We'll have fun. And an hour and a half later, math (and whatever else) won't be as scary. Going up to the board will be an opportunity, not a death march.

If you want to teach, be prepared to have to unteach a lot of garbage. People approach English as this thing that's full of rules. That's the dumbest approach you could use -- "learn these rules because I said so" is inviting people to rebel. English is a tool. Teach it as something they can use to get what they want and they'll be doing homework you didn't assign because they'll want to see just how much they can do. With my math kids, I started them on the problems in the book and then changed the problems a little to show them how they can play with math so long as they observe the rules. Today (yesterday), we played with a triangle inscribed in a circle for something like 45 minutes. Math has rules and logic, sure, but so long as you color inside the lines, you can use all kinds of crayons -- and even make new lines.

It is absolutely not easy -- I was so dead after today's sessions that I could barely stay awake through dinner -- but getting kids (kid=age 5 through age 60 or so, the oldest I've taught) past something they thought they plain couldn't do is, for me, one of the best experiences in life that doesn't involve the wife.

[I, Claudiot]

If you're interested in making the leap from merely useless to actively destructive to society, there's always law school.

[Carolia]

Being a teacher is both the most rewarding and frustrating career there is. It's been summed up nicely already. I would add one thing--it is emotionally taxing and rewarding. You have a very different personality than I do, so you can probably roll with the ounces better than I did, which is good for you. I found that when I was actually able to help a student, it was the most unbelievable high, especially if they had been truly struggling. However, the ones I couldn't help still haunt me.

The other thing is how much of your time is taken by teaching, even with summers off. I lived, ate, breathed and slept teaching. I could have done less and gotten by, but I would have felt like I was cheating my kids. That's why I don't teach now--I can be a good mom or a good teacher, but not both.

The very good part is that years later, I'm still in touch with many of my students. I've been at their weddings, held their babies, and even had them do professional photographs of my daughter (that were insanely awesome, BTW). Most of them turned out to be quite wonderful adults.

Oh, I've also been told that if you want to teach junior high/middle school, you're clinically insane. That was what I loved teaching most, and it turns out I really am crazy (okay, it's just ADHD with a bit of anxiety, but still...)! You can find out if you're sane or not by your grade choice!

[bufftabby]

Thanks for the advice, guys. I'm hoping the job market opens up a bit, and it's supposed to, from what I've read. People are finally starting to realize that teachers shouldn't have a right to a job just because they're not sleeping with or beating their students, and not because they're actually cut out for it. I'm working with college freshman-aged children right now, and they've pretty well solidified for me that high school teaching is not for me. Plus, I'm already poor, so I'm used to it. And boy do I love office supplies!

[Jaglavak]

Them durn teechurs! If they had a teecheded my boy right he wudnitta ended up havin to rob all them banks! And there I wuz sitting there at home waiting for my cut dammit!
:: dab ::
It breaks a man's heart, yessir. Why, they oughta be puttin all that munny into the football squad anyhoo.

[Arthas Stewart]

One thing I would add is that it's a wonderful learning tool for the teacher as well. I don't mean going to classes on teaching techniques. I mean devising a way to get, say in maths, a person who has always hated maths, never understood maths, doesn't want to use maths to take an interest in it. The reason I find this educational for me is that for each of these types of people, I have be ever more creative and think harder about the same concepts to reduce them to something the student can finally look at and make their own. Doing this always helps me learn a little bit more about the subject. Also, with mathematics, it's a wonderful feeling to teach to a person in a few weeks or months mathematics that took millennia to figure out.

Oh, yeah, parents suck. Even the ones of adults.

[bufftabby]

Any advice on what route to certification and whatnot I otter take?

[iampunha]

Here is Tennessee's alternative certification information. I'd say your best bet is to go to your local public school district, ask to speak to HR and basically find out from them what the most effective path is that isn't via four-year degree in education. Any school district will want someone with a relevant degree (which you have), and most will want teaching/classroom management experience. Having passed the various Praxis tests would be useful, but not all places require them.

Fair warning, though: On the teachers job website I use to look for education jobs east of Texas (teachers-teachers.com), any Tennessee job that's been advertised since April of last year has been filled except seven from one company seeking licensed teachers. There's nothing on that site. Now, are there other Tennessee teacher job sites? Undoubtedly. But the market's tough right now.

[Kismet68]

The part I dislike most about my teaching degree is how excited people can get when I tell them I trained to be a teacher. Inevitably the next question is, "What subject?" When I say "Elementary", that gleam often goes out of their eyes and they say, "Oh," and look away because it's not as prestigious as the higher grades. Would you build a house on a weak foundation? Of course not. So why are the lower grades often given so much less respect (and money)? :: grumble grumble :: Actually, I've since learned to say "All of them," when asked what subject and then I follow up with what grade level. It tends to get my point across.

So on to more positive things.

I found psychology classes that explained how children behave and process information at different ages to be extremely helpful. I often reminded myself that a student wasn't trying to be evil or dense or whatever. He/she might be acting a certain way because of how the brain and body work at that stage of life.

No matter what you're teaching, be passionate about it. In fact, be passionate about teaching and learning in general, too. It's addictive. Frank McCourt wrote a bit about one of his teachers explaining that every person's mind is a mansion and everyone gets to choose what to fill his or her brain with. You can pick the richest furnishings in all the world for your mind even if you have no shoes on your feet. Auntie Mame was also right in how the world's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.

And please, please, please, be sure to teach independence and responsibility for one's self as well as compassion and support for one another. So many kids have things handed to them that they neither know how do it for themselves or how to appreciate what is given to them.

[Carolia]

I had a fellow classmate who did the alternate certification route in Tennessee. He went on to teach high school Spanish and was actually my supervising teacher when I was doing my high school student teaching. He always spoke highly of the program, and turned out to be a fine teacher.

[bufftabby]

I've started the paperwork for returning to school to obtain my teaching license through a post-baccalureate-specific program. Once I hear back from the licensing program folks, I should have a pretty concrete idea of how long this business will take. For me, I think it will be better to start on the schooling aspect of it as soon as possible, with an eye on completing my classroom experience requirement via an actual teaching job. Having goals is kinda exciting. Who knew.

[Jaglavak]

Just show them you can spell the word 'baccalureate' and you should be in like Flynn.

[bufftabby]

My thumbs are stupid, but my brain is a spelling bee champ. I think we'll be all right.

[Euryphaessa]

Originally Posted by Jaglavak

Just show them you can spell the word 'baccalureate' and you should be in like Flynn.

...so you're not in like Flynn, Jag?

[bufftabby]

He's making fun of my mis-type of the word. Sometimes I'm just too excited for vwls.

[Carolia]

Who among us sn't smtms?

[Euryphaessa]

Originally Posted by bufftabby

He's making fun of my mis-type of the word. Sometimes I'm just too excited for vwls.

Oh lawd, I didn't even notice. Jag is once again in like Flynn. Eury is not.