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#1
1st December 2016, 10:02 AM
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The Great Girafferian Burger Challenge of 2017 (tm)
Ok – so here is the deal.
I want to make a burger. The best burger, This burger will be served on a Burger and Beer get-together in late August next year. I want to make the bestest burger ever! That’s it. The thing is, I want to make it in my kitchen, which is inside and does not have a massive chimney. I want to make the bestest burger the Giraffe boards offer – on a pan. No BBQ, smokey thingiemajingie, coals etc. - just me and my pan on a gas stove. I have an oven, and will welcome how to make the bun. In fact, thinking about this, the bread part is kind of important as well – and as I am in Europe, Earth, we will need to agree on the bread part as well. Each burger will be cooked as described, and since there might be a lot of different burgers, the eventual winner will have to wait to next summer as I don’t want to balloon into a massive splatter and have to redecorate my walls. Lets say, end of entry, March 1st 2017. Winner declared by July 4th, 2017. Winner gets 25 expensive Euros, transferred to their account – either cash on snail mail, bank transfer, or pay-pal. One last thing: no expensive ingredients like Saffron, Gold leaf or Iberian pygmy tree cows please, just stuff you can get in the the supermarket. Judges do not exist – I will judge thank you very much, all by myself, and any differences will be settled by public shaming, and a total disregard to your feelings. I am open to changes in the rules if you can convince me to care. Go! 
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#2
1st December 2016, 12:37 PM
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So you just want burger recipes then? Okay, easy:
Good quality beef (or preferably buffalo) in about a 1/3 lb patty--I would like to suggest the use of a cast iron grill pan, that will give you the grill marks and drain the fat off but it's not required. Toppings: Diced pickled jalapenos, caramelized onions, covered in either sharp cheddar or very thick American cheese melted over the patty, then add crisp bacon on a toasted pretzel bun. Any other condiments you prefer such as ketchup or mustard (I like a garlic mustard aioli from Trader Joe's myself) or lettuce or whatever. It's really good.
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#3
1st December 2016, 02:25 PM
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#4
1st December 2016, 03:05 PM
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I've had kangaroo before but not for quite some time--not readily available here but I'm sure it would work just fine. Maybe dice up some bacon fat to add to the ground meat. I just really like buffalo because it's like beef flavor on nuclear turbo steroid level. So meaty!
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#5
1st December 2016, 04:08 PM
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#7
1st December 2016, 05:23 PM
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I like a buttered, toasted squishy white bun (a bakery roll, not the conjoined quadruplets sold in the bread aisle) containing a thick slab of American or Cheddar cheese, a slice of tomato, and a schmear of dijon mustard. For the patty I prefer plain ol' ground beef squooshed into shape, salt and peppered generously, and cooked in a cast iron pan so it gets a nice sear on the outside, and just a tiny bit pink in the middle. And now I'm all hungry
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#9
3rd December 2016, 10:31 PM
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Salsa burger!
Mix salsa in with your ground beef (works with ground turkey as well). Required toppings are jalapenos, guacamole and cheddar cheese (the sharper the better). Optional toppings are onion, lettuce and tomato. I've only ever made it on a traditional burger bun, but it would be awesome on a pretzel roll, I bet.
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#10
3rd December 2016, 10:39 PM
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I've really come to appreciate the pretzel bun--the texture is still nice and squashy but the proofed outer layer really holds in the goopy stuff and keeps the thing from disintegrating in your hand. I eat a lot of ground lamb, which can be a bit fatty/juicy and the pretzel bun really stands up to it. I'm apparently not at all alone in my appreciation, because every Fred Meyer is ALWAYS out of the damned things when I want them. And nobody else makes them.
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#11
3rd December 2016, 10:41 PM
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#14
14th December 2016, 08:07 AM
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Buy some high quality ground sirloin or chuck.
Scatter it in a flat tray and put it in the freezer. When it's very cold, but not quite beginning to freeze, drizzle melted butter all over it. The butter will immediately congeal into firm little butter globules and chips. Also scatter drops of Worcestershire sauce all over the meat. Collect it all up, form it into patties, season them, and then proceed with your grilling. Sirloin or chuck have the best flavor, but may or may not be fatty enough to stay juicy when grilled. Even if the label says 80/20, it still benefits from incorporating melted butter in this way. I learned this trick from America's Test Kitchen.
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#15
14th December 2016, 08:22 AM
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Butter Burgers?
Is 2017 the year for a Giraffe Death Pool?
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#16
14th December 2016, 09:35 AM
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If you really want a quality burger you have to go Panda meat. The white and black really goes well with salt and pepper. Toppings as you wish just no lettuce. Lettuce ruins everything.
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#17
24th December 2016, 10:21 AM
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Pretzel rolls are one of the easier bread recipes. They also freeze pretty well so if a batch is too much for your household you can wrap them in plastic and store in a ziploc bag allowing for individual defrosting.
One of my favorite recipes: Pretzels rolls made from scratch in a little over two hours. Believe it. And yes, all the requisite traits of authentic German pretzels are in attendance here—shiny, salty, perfectly burnished, densely bread-y, and reminiscent of a soft pretzel but in a handier shape. Smother with butter, stuff with your favorite sandwich fixings, or inhale them straight off the baking sheet.–Angie Zoobkoff PRETZEL ROLLS RECIPE Quick Glance 30 M 2 H, 30 M Makes 10 PRINT RECIPE METRIC CONVERSION image: http://17374-presscdn-0-15.pagely.ne...my-kitchen.jpg Buy the Eat in My Kitchen cookbook Want it? Click it. INGREDIENTS 3 3/4 cups plus 1 tablespoon (500 grams white spelt flour or unbleached all-purpose flour, plus more for working the dough 1 (1/4-ounce or 7-gram) envelope fast-acting yeast 2 teaspoons (12 grams) fine sea salt 1 1/4 cups (300 ml) water, lukewarm (about 110°F or 43°C) 3 tablespoons (1 1/2 ounces or 40 grams) unsalted butter, melted and cooled 4 1/4 cups (1 liter) cold water 3 tablespoons (54 grams) baking soda Coarse sea salt DIRECTIONS 1. Combine the flour, yeast, and salt in the bowl of your stand mixer. 2. In a medium bowl, whisk together the 1 1/4 cups warm water and butter. The mixture should be lukewarm. 3. Add the butter mixture to the flour mixture and mix with the dough hook of an electric mixer until well combined, about 2 minutes. The dough shouldn’t be sticky. Transfer the dough to a lightly floured work surface and continue kneading and punching it down until you have a smooth and elastic ball of dough, 2 to 3 minutes. Place the dough back in the bowl, cover with a clean kitchen towel, and let rise in a warm place (preferably in a 100°F (35°C) warm oven) until double in size, about 60 minutes. 4. When the dough has doubled in size, punch it down, take it out of the bowl, and knead it for about 30 seconds. Divide the dough into 10 equal (roughly 3 ounce or 85 gram) portions. Dust your hands with flour, place a portion of dough on the palm of one hand, and with the other hand forming a dome over the dough, roll the dough for about 10 seconds until the top is round and firm and you can feel the tension increasing against your hand. (Don’t shy away from this. It creates surface tension and prevents the buns from becoming flat.) Place the roll on the parchment paper and repeat with the remaining dough. Cover with a clean kitchen towel and let rise in a warm place until puffy, about 20 minutes. 5. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper. 6. Preheat the oven to 425°F (220°C). 7. In a large pot wide enough to fit 2 rolls at once, bring the 4 1/4 cups cold water and the baking soda to a boil. Carefully watch the pot as the baking soda-water mixture will foam up. With a slotted ladle or spoon, gently slip 2 rolls into the boiling water and cook for 30 seconds, turn them over, and cook for another 30 seconds. The buns don’t need to be completely covered with the solution, but do take care that they don’t stick to the bottom of the pot. Transfer the buns to a wire rack and let them drip-dry while you repeat with the remaining rolls. After the rolls have dried, transfer them to the parchment-lined baking sheets. Use the tip of a sharp knife to score a cross on top of each roll and sprinkle with coarse sea salt. Bake the pretzel rolls, 1 sheet at a time, until golden brown, about 16 minutes. Dive into the rolls while they’re still warm.
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#18
29th December 2016, 10:07 AM
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I have been taking notes, and will announce the winner in due time.
MsWisher - I need to make a burger as well! 
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#19
7th March 2017, 11:02 AM
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Since I can't get either Kangaroo or Buffalo here - this exiting challenge has been extended by another few weeks - ends 31 March 2017 now!
Hurry, get the bestest burger recipe in there - but remember: No grill, outdoor smoke etc. Sadly, due to inter-continental trade, I must disallow any Kangaroo and/or Buffalo 
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#20
7th March 2017, 03:34 PM
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Cooking technique is equally important. For burger you want a final temperature of 160F. Warm them up to 120F, about 20 minutes in a 200 degree oven. Lightly oil your cast iron pan and heat it up to 350F checked using an infrared thermometer. Slap them puppies on there two at a time to avoid crowding the pan. Check pan temperature and tweak the flame to keep it at 350. Two minutes per side, check meat temperature with a thermometer, and they're perfection. In the unlikely event that these directions do not lead to multiple oralgasms, you can vary times and temperatures systematically since you used timers and thermometers. Then you can cook the perfect burger every time even up there on stage in the limelight. Or even worse, when your friends are heckling you.
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#21
28th August 2017, 09:00 AM
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The winner is teela brown - congratulations.
PM me for payment options.
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#22
28th August 2017, 09:59 AM
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Did you try all of them? Do we get to see a ranking with commentary? Video of the cooking and the eating? Did anyone else join you in the testing? Do we get to hear their opinions, too? (I watch too many Food Network competitive cooking shows? Nonsense!!)
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#23
28th August 2017, 10:19 AM
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eh no.
This is purely my opinion, and I will not share any pictures of my fat belly  Since there is no panda, kangaroo or other meat here, it was all judged purely on beef - and taste. I am willing to open up the test for another 6 months should there be an interest.
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#26
29th August 2017, 09:24 AM
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OK - This is what we do.
The 25 Euro has been given to support Houston in agreement with the initial winner, it aint much but every bit helps. We will now start a NEW Giraffarian Burger Challenge, beef only please. I will test it all, buns included, and make a running commentary of my findings, and how they affect my - wait no, lets not go there. Ah fuck it, I will go there - I am such a rebel. So yeah, I will test it all, and explain how it affects my taste buds. Challenge! Test! - go! You are up against a mighty tasty treat from teela. Surprise me, make my taste buds water, win monies! Go! Ends December 2017 or later if I get confused. Should I also start a new thread?
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