Can someone help me understand this?

[davew0071]

I'm serious about this, because I can't quite get my head around it.

I meet a lot of people in my workday, most of them quite nice. Often, there's some kind of conversation, either general stuff, or maybe specifics about their individual pest problems or questions or concerns. Ya know, like ya do.

I've met a couple of individuals (usually women, if that matters) who can't talk in a straight line, if you know what I mean. It's like they start on one topic, then their mind flits away after a couple of sentences, and they interrupt themselves because they've thought of something else, so they follow that tangent until something else distracts them, and they're off again. All in the space of only about four or five sentences. Or, rather, sentence fragments, since they never really come to the end of a sentence or completely fill out a thought.

I never quite know how to deal with this. I either feel as though I'm interrupting and sort of patting them on the head if I jump in with, "Well, I'm gonna get started on your treatment now", or else I feel as though I'm not addressing whatever it is they wanted to speak to me about, since I can't really follow what it is they're speaking about.

But is there a reason or a name for this phenomenon? Is there some sort of ON/OFF switch that's busted, or are these people just extremely stream-of-consciousness?

I'm sorta baffled and very vaguely creeped out when this happens.

[HongKongFooey]

I can't help you understand it but I know people like that. One in particular is a single mom who works night shifts, she is always sleep deprived and I know it makes it worse. She can rattle on for ten, twenty minutes at a stretch and never tell you anything you need to know.

I just interrupt her when I've had enough. It never fazes her so you know it has to happen a lot.

[blank]

It sounds like "stream of conciousness". Coupled with low inhibition- so as each idea occurs it automatically gets download to the mouth.

[Carolia]

It seems like the stream of consciousness of someone with ADHD--that's how my brain works if I don't work at thinking "normally." That's not to say they all have ADHD, but that they probably are just letting their brain spill out. Chances are they don't have a lot of social interaction, or they haven't gotten the hang of it. I did stuff like that when I was younger--the difference is, I learned how to interact with people who didn't need to hear every thought in my darned head. I'd just smile, nod, and move on to your work as quickly as possible.

[Fromage A Trois]

I have a colleague who does this to a certain extent. Not just when she's talking, but also the work she's doing - she'll start writing an email, then get distracted by a thought which means she opens an internet window to try something out, then she remembers that the test system needs to be rebooted so she gives that guy a call... ultimately meaning that the 5 minute email never actually gets finished (or the internet window thing, or anything else, for that matter).

Sometimes I wonder (although I don't think it really applies to her) whether these people do it because they almost don't realise that you don't hear the thoughts in their head. They're talking about one thing, and it reminds them of a second thing because of a connection they made in their head so they start talking about the next thing because they think you know why they're talking about it.

[Clowns to the left of me]

My (female) boss is like this, too.

I wish I had answers regarding why and how to deal. Mostly I just don't encourage conversation (avoid eye contact) so that when she does talk to me, she'll get to whatever point she's making and wander off to talk at someone who will listen. She believes she's quite good at dealing with people, which makes it kind of entertaining.

[Solfy]

While I agree that this tends to be a female trait, I've got a male coworker like this. Never ask him a yes/no question and expect a yes/no answer. You will get a ten minute ramble with no fewer than six different tangents instead.

[blank]

Agreed- I've noticed it tends to be mainly a female trait, though I do know one guy like that too.

[SmartAleq]

Associational vs linear thought. Women are more likely to see things as a gestalt, so as they're talking about one thing it will mentally associate with another thing, and some people don't have good filters so you get to hear their process. I think this way but don't usually let it get to my speech unless I'm really tired or baked. Men are more likely to see situations as unique and dissociated from other issues so they just follow the train of thought until it gets to the station, then switch trains as it were.

[Lilly]

So, are you a pest-control tech that goes into peoples homes? I find that when strangers/service people come into my home I'm a little blahbity blahbity, don't know what to say to them, so I say a little bit of anything. I guess I feel like I'm breaking the ice.

[jali]

I'm a rambler but I like that about myself.

We did personality tests at work a couple of months ago and a bunch of us 'ramblers' were asked to describe a banana. We didn't know we were ramblers before we were put together.

The 'concise group' was done in about a minute. Our group went on for 20 minutes and had to be asked to stop. We had so much fun associating one thought with another, then another.

When I was active in Toastmasters, this rambling quality was a big asset in speaking 'off the cuff' competitions.

[beebs]

Originally Posted by jali

We did personality tests at work a couple of months ago and a bunch of us 'ramblers' were asked to describe a banana.

Curved Yellow Fruit

♥,
beebs

[Smithish]

I do this, my husband says I start in the middle of a thought and work my way out to both ends.

I like to think I am aware enough to realize when I am being annoying and shut up, but as Smart Aleq says if I am tired or stressed I think out loud.

[Salambo]

I do it, too. I've learned to curb it, at least in public; and use it to my advantage when I'm being a salesperson at work. Especially with other females.

When I give a simple yes or no answer to someone who knows me well, they usually accept, think about it a moment, then ask if I'm feeling okay.

[Bob Loblaw]

Originally Posted by Smithish

I do this, my husband says I start in the middle of a thought and work my way out to both ends.

I have a friend like this. I always tell her that her stories have no beginnings or ends - only middles.

[Islander]

Originally Posted by SmartAleq

Associational vs linear thought. Women are more likely to see things as a gestalt, so as they're talking about one thing it will mentally associate with another thing, and some people don't have good filters so you get to hear their process. I think this way but don't usually let it get to my speech unless I'm really tired or baked. Men are more likely to see situations as unique and dissociated from other issues so they just follow the train of thought until it gets to the station, then switch trains as it were.

I can't imagine explaining this more accurately. Or elegantly!

[OutStandingInTheField]

Help you understand it? No. Sympathize? Yes. We have a couple of guys at work who can't seem to get a whole sentence out without switching gears midstream. Frustrating as hell to listen to. One of them is a senior manager. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live in his head and have to deal with a thought process like that. <shudder>

[Fish]

I mentioned the Barbara de Angelis book "What Women Want Men To Know" in another thread recently. In it, she describes the process as spiraling. She says it isn't because the speaker is confused or distracted or stupid, but because she is a) mentally processing, and b) connecting with the listener. It causes problems in relationships, not just from the why-can't-she-get-to-the-point-and-shut-up point of view of the men, but because she asks him a question and is alarmed when he doesn't immediately start talking out his answer — no, he stays silent for a moment while he thinks of what he's going to say. So she assumes he's shutting her out. Weird.

Not a bad book, as those things go; it's not the kind of psychology I'd apply even-handedly to every human female alive, but insightful nevertheless.

[teela brown]

My husband is a tremendous think-out-loud stream-of-consciousness talker. He tends to chatter nonstop about whatever he's thinking about, and I tend to block him out in order to retain my sanity. The trouble is, in this state, I can't tell when he has stopped babbling and started actually addressing me and he gets pissed when he finds I'm ignoring him. It's pretty unsolvable.

[Rebo]

I do this. For the most part, I think it's funny when my husband doesn't immediately understand what I'm talking about. I "start in the middle and make my way to both ends," as Smithish's husband says. I'll laugh and ask him why he can't read my mind.

I'm sure it's annoying to others, but I can't seem to stop.

[mlerose]

I had a friend who did this to the nth degree, and she was diagnosed (and medicated for) ADD. I could always tell when her meds were wearing off when, during phone conversations, she would switch from one topic to another in the middle of an unfinished sentence.

[Jaglavak]

There are command centers in your brain that control specialized tasks. One key task is an ongoing decision process of screening out minutia and highlighting the important stuff. It's how your brain boils down discrete asychronous physical inputs into a coherent stream of memory. These functions work better in some folks than others and it shows up in their speech.

But that's no excuse. People can improve their performance if they try. Personally I deal with it by making a mental note of the original point or subject. Then after three or four random ellipses I will diplomatically prod the rambling storyteller back to the original point. Sometimes I get even by ruthlessly telling a rambling disjointed tale. Cruel but necessary.

[Binks]

Probably on drugs.

[BJMoose]

My wife is like this except that, when she slips a cog, she just stops talking in mid


This afternoon she said, "I'm." After several seconds I replied, "You certainly are."

[hilarity n. suze]

Originally Posted by BJMoose

My wife is like this except that, when she slips a cog, she just stops talking in mid


This afternoon she said, "I'm." After several seconds I replied, "You certainly are."

My husband is like this and I occasionally take advantage. Like once, when he was cooking, he said, "Yell at me---"*

I gave it five seconds or so and then yelled at him. My kids and I found this very funny. After a couple of days, so did my husband.

*I think the cue was supposed to be, "Yell at me in three minutes," since I have a timer on my watch. But like I said, he never got there. Or anyway, not in time.

[davew0071]

Originally Posted by BJMoose

My wife is like this except that, when she slips a cog, she just stops talking in mid


This afternoon she said, "I'm." After several seconds I replied, "You certainly are."

My wife tends to do this, but usually it happens when she arrives at the subject of her sentence. It's almost as if she's forgotten the word she's looking for, and, to me, it's frustrating because that's the whole point of your sentence, how the hell could you forget the name of something?

"I unloaded the .... "

"Dishwasher?"

"Yes."

Unfortunately, there are times when I really don't can't suss out what the subject of the sentence ought to be. I really have to bite my tongue or I'll risk hurting her feelings by throwing out random nouns.

"Dishwasher? Mercedes? Lunar Landing Module? Hamster?"

[Zombies!]

Originally Posted by davew0071

My wife tends to do this, but usually it happens when she arrives at the subject of her sentence. It's almost as if she's forgotten the word she's looking for, and, to me, it's frustrating because that's the whole point of your sentence, how the hell could you forget the name of something?

"I unloaded the .... "

"Dishwasher?"

"Yes."

Unfortunately, there are times when I really don't can't suss out what the subject of the sentence ought to be. I really have to bite my tongue or I'll risk hurting her feelings by throwing out random nouns.

"Dishwasher? Mercedes? Lunar Landing Module? Hamster?"

It's frustrating for you? Imagine how it feels for her. I have the same problem, sometimes with general nouns, sometimes with people's names. I've forgotten the word "refrigerator" in the middle of a sentence, standing right in front of it. I resort to pointing and mime, or describing what it is until word association gets me there "The big box thing. Food in it. Cold. Refrigerator!". Jason Statham is one of my favourite actors, and I was talking about a movie he was in one day. Do you think I could remember his name?
Me: "That guy. With the bald. You know. Violent man. Rrrrgh"
Hubby: "Jason Statham"

I know what I'm talking about. I know what the word is. But sometimes, and I don't know why (and I'd love if someone could explain it for me) the word just goes. And the more I try to remember it, the more it escapes me. So it's a vicious loop of struggling to remember, failing, getting frustrated and failing more.

Luckily hubby knows me well enough to usually guess what I'm thinking, and give me my word back. But yes. I sympathise with your wife, because it drives me nuts all the fucking time.

[Turing Complete]

I believe I can help you understand. You assume that because you're near the person, they're talking, and occasionally make eye contact that they're talking to you. They're not. Just behave like you would as if they were completely silent. Really that's all they expect from you anyway. With practice you can even learn to stop listening.

[Smithish]

Originally Posted by BJMoose

My wife is like this except that, when she slips a cog, she just stops talking in mid


This afternoon she said, "I'm." After several seconds I replied, "You certainly are."

Crap. I do that, too.

Originally Posted by OutStandingInTheField

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live in his head and have to deal with a thought process like that. <shudder>

I wonder that same thing about you all! It seems like it would be slow, and boring.

I guess I am lucky in that I am mostly around fellow Ramblers. Like Jali, I like it. And like Salambo, I am in sales and being able to chat with essentially anyone about anything is an advantage, but that also means I understand I need to get to the point with the Outstandings of the world.

My advice to the OP is to smile and nod occasionally for a minute and then say "Gotta get to work!" and if she follows you, just start thinking out loud yourself. It's hard when she is a client, you can't be rude, but you could make her follow you around!

[Dragonlady]

I know for me, I work out problems as I'm telling you about them. I don't really expect you to DO anything, I just get a better grip on the issue if I have to figure out how to explain it to someone else. Sometimes I get a major "lightbulb moment" just telling the story.

[Rebo]

Originally Posted by Dragonlady

I know for me, I work out problems as I'm telling you about them. I don't really expect you to DO anything, I just get a better grip on the issue if I have to figure out how to explain it to someone else. Sometimes I get a major "lightbulb moment" just telling the story.

YES!!!

[Rebo]

Oh, God - forgetting words. It really sucks at work. They look at you like you're a moron. And at the time - you are! Describing words is so embarrassing! My husband understands.

I say stuff like, "My words aren't coming today." I've worked there a long time, and (hopefully!) everybody loves me.