Rule 34: if durp exists, there is snark of it. No exceptions.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

FoieGrasIsEvil never struck me as an intellectual giant, but holy Christ!

What in hell is this anecdote? CarWashBlues.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...8&postcount=36

[Someone]

@eleanorigby; I remember that, but can't find it......

[Someone]

Ye gods I don't want to find it! I don't believe it actually happened. Who carries enema equipment around with them? And who gives saline enemas, period?

Wait a minute--I screwed the link up.

CarWashBlues?

[Someone]

Struck me as being pure-dee snark.

[Someone]

If it were anyone else, I'd say yes, but....

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

They all sound normal in that thread. TMI on the guy who delved into who's on top etc, but other than that... I'm almost amazed that there haven't been more detailed postings about well, about things that nobody really needs to know about regarding their personal sex habits.

Their sex habits sounds odd. Kinda anthropological. Now I hear a golf announcer voice-over describing the penis beaker procedure.

Clarification: The Dope thread sounds normal. The mumsnet one is off the wall and very funny. And I meant the phrase "Their sex habits", not their actual, er, sex habits (although the penis beaker IS odd)....

[Someone]

Seriously, a penis beaker? Something wrong with some wetnaps, if you must wash up immediately?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ye gods I don't want to find it! I don't believe it actually happened. Who carries enema equipment around with them? And who gives saline enemas, period?

Shhhhh! _{She thinks she's making a point about correlation/causation. Don't rain on her idiot parade.}

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Shhhhh! _{She thinks she's making a point about correlation/causation. Don't rain on her idiot parade.}

:watch:



A saline enema could be dangerous--oh, never mind.(why do I get sucked into this stuff).

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Seriously, a penis beaker? Something wrong with some wetnaps, if you must wash up immediately?

No kidding. Have these people never heard of curtains?

[Someone]

Curtains? Well, aren't we fancy.

[Someone]

Dear God, ducati is a liar: he finds wedding rings by the dozen on his nightly promenade to the gentlemen's exclusive establishment, twirling his cane and tossing golden guineas to the flower-girls; why, it's a regular occurence there in Florida, where 7 carat diamond rings droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Dear God, ducati is a liar:

He not only walks a mile and a half to "the club" each day, but does it carrying a heavy metal detector. The man's a god! For a cop, that guy did darn well. Must have been undercover.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Dear God, ducati is a liar: he finds wedding rings by the dozen on his nightly promenade to the gentlemen's exclusive establishment, twirling his cane and tossing golden guineas to the flower-girls; why, it's a regular occurence there in Florida, where 7 carat diamond rings droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven.

I feel like Ducati may be an alter ego of Shagnasty. Same tone of liar.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Dear God, ducati is a liar: he finds wedding rings by the dozen on his nightly promenade to the gentlemen's exclusive establishment, twirling his cane and tossing golden guineas to the flower-girls; why, it's a regular occurence there in Florida, where 7 carat diamond rings droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven.

When my one sister was in high school she worked at a restaurant. One of the other waitresses lost her 1/2 carat diamond engagement ring, and according to my sister she tore the place apart. Every bus pan, every garbage bag, every inch of the floor in the dining room and kitchen and rest room.

So IF I were to believe that a little old lady A) who has the werewithal to afford a 7 carat diamond... sorry, 7.07 carat, seems our man's a gemologist as well... 2) and wears it on a daily basis instead of locking it up somewhere III) while frequenting the same kind of "clubs" as Ducati...

There ain't no way Lady Gotrocks would have lost a diamond that big and not had every employee in the club crawling around on hands and knees until they found it, threatening to sue their asses for stealing it the whole while.

In an odd way, the whole "and she totally lived on the same street as my sister-in-law" is what really makes me Like anything written by either Dan Brown or Broomstick, it just goes one implausibility too far.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Like anything written by either Dan Brown or Broomstick, it just goes one implausibility too far.

I like Dan Brown. He's got the decency to label his stuff fiction.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Seriously, a penis beaker? Something wrong with some wetnaps, if you must wash up immediately?

I find it odd that one would dunk one's penis into said beaker in the same way you would dunk a donut into a cup of coffee.

Gawd, the entire idea of a penis beaker is simply disgusting.

[Someone]

But how do you feel about dunking your penis in a cup of coffee?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I find it odd that one would dunk one's penis into said beaker in the same way you would dunk a donut into a cup of coffee.

Gawd, the entire idea of a penis beaker is simply disgusting.

Meep! Meep meep meep! Meeeeeeeeep!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

But how do you feel about dunking your penis in a cup of coffee?

"That's not Coffee-Mate!"

[Someone]

So another thread about city vs rural pops up, and it's going along nicely, even if most of the responses are ignoring the OP's question and just stating their preference.
But it wouldn't be the Durp if someone didn't just have to show off their gleaming intelligence by saying something not even tangentially related to the topic.

OP said something to the effect of liking the country because he can go in the woods, "where man came from" and Randy Seltzer has to come in to go on a rant about how man came from the savannah. Go stick some of that tall grass up your ass and light it, chuckles.

[Someone]

Ducati may well know the exact size (weight? I'm blanking) of the diamond because the grateful owner told him. What I find implausible* is the Gettysburg remark. Oh, not that the rangers don't chase people off who do this, but that he would seem amazed by their attitude. Gettysburg is highly trafficked and practically fetishized. If the metal detecting types had free run, it'd be a 12 foot hole in the ground.


Re Savannah Correction Guy: that's pure Dopery. The very essence of Dopery.


*also the frequency of his finds. People must actively throw their rings away in his area. Or he's talking about a 40 year span--and even then...

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ducati may well know the exact size (weight? I'm blanking) of the diamond because the grateful owner told him. What I find implausible* is the Gettysburg remark. Oh, not that the rangers don't chase people off who do this, but that he would seem amazed by their attitude. Gettysburg is highly trafficked and practically fetishized. If the metal detecting types had free run, it'd be a 12 foot hole in the ground.

"Oh, thank you, my good man, for returning my 7.07 carat emerald cut, semi-bezel-set ring in 18K white gold with channel-set baguettes on the split shank and filigree gallery, which I bought at the Atlanta Tiffany's store for $1,003,468.01 and never bothered trying to find and which was just lying in the same spot for months until you just happened to find it and pick it up! Let me offer you a cookie for your honesty!"

The Gettysburg thing is funny considering he's the king of "Git off mah property!" himself, yet when he gets chased out of somewhere...

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

So IF I were to believe that a little old lady A) who has the werewithal to afford a 7 carat diamond... sorry, 7.07 carat, seems our man's a gemologist as well... 2) and wears it on a daily basis instead of locking it up somewhere III) while frequenting the same kind of "clubs" as Ducati...

There ain't no way Lady Gotrocks would have lost a diamond that big and not had every employee in the club crawling around on hands and knees until they found it, threatening to sue their asses for stealing it the whole while.

Yeah, 7 carats isn't just a big stone, it's what Jay-Z gives to Beyonce.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

"Oh, thank you, my good man, for returning my 7.07 carat emerald cut, semi-bezel-set ring in 18K white gold with channel-set baguettes on the split shank and filigree gallery, which I bought at the Atlanta Tiffany's store for $1,003,468.01 and never bothered trying to find and which was just lying in the same spot for months until you just happened to find it and pick it up! Let me offer you a cookie for your honesty!"

The Gettysburg thing is funny considering he's the king of "Git off mah property!" himself, yet when he gets chased out of somewhere...

Well, since you put it like that... You do have a point.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In an odd way, the whole "and she totally lived on the same street as my sister-in-law" is what really makes me Like anything written by either Dan Brown or Broomstick, it just goes one implausibility too far.

Not just lived on the same street, but the same street in a different state entirely from where he found the ring.

[Someone]

Now, now. Maybe the streets merely had the same name...

Maybe that name was Sesame Street?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The Gettysburg thing is funny considering he's the king of "Git off mah property!" himself, yet when he gets chased out of somewhere...

Well, with your National Parks all shut down he can scavenge in peace the graves of the war dead.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

But how do you feel about dunking your penis in a cup of coffee?

Hot or simply warm coffee? Distinctions matter...

[Someone]

Decaf. Wouldn't do to get the little guy all excited. Might break the beaker or something. . . .

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Decaf. Wouldn't do to get the little guy all excited. Might break the beaker or something. . . .

You remember what Richard Pryor said about it costing him $600 just to jerk off after someone told him that his dick would stay hard if he put a little coke on the end of it? What do you think would happen if you used Starbucks? There is one on every corner, after all.

[Someone]

Ducati should have won the Nobel Peace Prize for keeping our country safe for democracy. He's not just a real-life Bruce Willis but an Indiana Jones styled treasure hunter as well. I'm stunned that I'm allowed to be on the same internet as him.

If they make a movie about his life, I hope they get Samuel L Jackson to play him. That, or the girl from Kickass.

[Someone]

Oh wait -- it was his WIFE'S sister! Well that totally changes everything.

[Someone]

ZPG Zealot doesn't stand up for no whores.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...0&postcount=89

As is typical for her, she only gets crazier as she tries to explain herself.

And yes, Ducati is a lying liar who lies. You'd think with all the practice he's had with it that he be more skilled at it.

[Someone]

That metal detector thread is going to blow Ducati's cover pretty soon. First he tells us where his beach house is, then that he has a sister there, now he's posted a photo of himself in the thread. He doesn't have the physique of a warrior of steel as I had expected. Judging by the pasty white complexion, he spends more time in the club's restaurant than the beach or golf course.

[Someone]

First thing I thought of when looking at that picture was he looks a little like Jon Lovitz.

[Someone]

Miley Cyrus fan hates people. They deserve to die, or at least get raped.

Originally Posted by Someone

I don't even care when little kids or the elderly get hurt or killed; they both suck, in their own ways, and the little kids may not suck now but they will when they grow up, so who cares if they die young?

Originally Posted by Someone

She claims she does no drugs and doesn't know the guys who raped her, but really, one must ponder the riddle of whether she brought this onto herself.
...
And even if she is the innocent victim she portrays herself as, is she really too good for what she (claims she) experienced tonight?

[Someone]

I'm surprised there aren't more replies to that thread; Dopers seem like the type of people who would do metal detecting. (I'd imagine metal detectors owners, RenFaire participants, and the Durper photo gallery would make an interesting Venn diagram. )

BTW, which of you snackers is lorene?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

BTW, which of you snackers is lorene?

I am. I'm having an interesting few days over there. Got called a whore again by Amateur Barbarian, which means that no man will ever stand up when I enter a room.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I am. I'm having an interesting few days over there. Got called a whore again by Amateur Barbarian, which means that no man will ever stand up when I enter a room.

Regardless of what's been said over there, you haven't sunk to whore status until men stop holding the door for you. AB is probably exaggerating and you're only a slut.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I am. I'm having an interesting few days over there. Got called a whore again by Amateur Barbarian, which means that no man will ever stand up when I enter a room.

I for one always stand when a whore enters the room, and not ironically, either.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Regardless of what's been said over there, you haven't sunk to whore status until men stop holding the door for you. AB is probably exaggerating and you're only a slut.

Some guy about half a mile away was holding the door for me as I approached work (paid job, not street walking gig) yesterday. He yelled at me to "step lively!" but I ignored him because I hate common courtesy.

ETA: Whore. LinkedIn whore.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That metal detector thread is going to blow Ducati's cover pretty soon. First he tells us where his beach house is, then that he has a sister there, now he's posted a photo of himself in the thread. He doesn't have the physique of a warrior of steel as I had expected. Judging by the pasty white complexion, he spends more time in the club's restaurant than the beach or golf course.

You don't think he looks good in the photo with his pants down?

[Someone]

This is sure to end well.


(An isolated part of the thread being discussed here.)

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Got called a whore again by Amateur Barbarian

what! do i need to go over there and kick some ass? (translation: go over there and make snarky comments?). i'll totally do it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

what! do i need to go over there and kick some ass? (translation: go over there and make snarky comments?). i'll totally do it.

Well he's got this ridiculous, dismissive view that LinkedIn is only useful if you're a soulless salesperson who wants to spam as many people as possible and I dared to disagree. Then I used the phrase "career management" which in hindsight does sound kind of hoity-toity. But it's worse than that because clearly only a worthy person has zero connection to or investment in his or her job. I think it's the "I don't even own a TV!" thing. It's just a job; caring about being successful (or, solvent) means you've sold out and are too tied to material goods.

Which you buy on those whore websites.

[Someone]

So Amateur Barbarian might be a potential buyer of my book of catfood taco recipes then? He sounds like the type that will hit retirement like a sparrow hits a window.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

So Amateur Barbarian might be a potential buyer of my book of catfood taco recipes then?

Who can afford taco shells these days?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Who can afford taco shells these days?

Or catfood. Shit's expensive.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm surprised there aren't more replies to that thread; Dopers seem like the type of people who would do metal detecting.

Pfft, too mainstream; geocaching is where it's at. And no, I don't know what it is either.