Ducati Resume

[Someone]

I was in a meeting and got bored, so I decided to start a list of Ducati's claims.
This was just the first handful I came across. Feel free to copy and add on anything I missed (I know there were a lot of cop and gun claims).
Maybe we can make this a sticky!

Ducati's Resume:


Experience

Antenna Climber
High Diver
Magician
Pilot Extrordinaire
Treasure Hunter
Astronomer
Sex Machine
Spectacular Villa Owner
Travel Agency Owner
Car Collector
Guy with lots of stuff in his pants
Bartender


Adventures

Wife Killer
Neighborhood Crimestopper
Home Depot Showdown
Steak and Shake Terrorist Punk Beatdown
Treasure Finder
Naked Coed Water Balloon Fight
Biker Gang Showdown

[Someone]

They based Liam Neeson's character in Taken on him

Because he's seen things, man, he needs to know the whereabouts of his family members at all times.

And don't forget "super cop" for work experience.

[Someone]

Collector of super-expensive, often rare, nearly-impossible to get permits for, guns. (Per a partial list of the guns in that thread, Ducati's collection is worth easily a quarter-million, probably more.)

[Someone]

Next needs to come the Ducati Interview on 20/20 with Barbara Walters.

[Someone]

The Dos Equis man wants to be Ducati.

[Someone]

Notice that you never see Chuck Norris and ducati together.

[Someone]

I love this place

[Someone]

There's this epic post.

Originally Posted by Someone

Scuba dived to 250' to see black coral in the Caymans. Alone.
Skydiving
Squeezed through small places in caves
Rappelling & climbing
Landed my (dead) plane on I-40
Got some back-seat time in an F-4, A-4, and Huey Cobra, though not as xtreem as Oakminster
Aerobatic stunts in aeroplanes
Flew under a bridge
Diving with sharks
Raced cars on track
Raced motorcycles on track
Ride a motorcycle in Atlanta traffic
Drove up Pike's Peak
Open ocean racing (SORC)
Hiked the whole AT
Canoed Boundary Waters
Skiied from the top of Piz Gloria
Fugitive squad cop for 5 years
Told my wife it wasn't actually the pants making her butt look big...

and much, much more.
I should really go rest.

Add "mechanic" to his resume.

Slept with a porn star and her daughter.

He owns 38 vintage automobiles. And eight motorcycles.

He was the top 0.1 percentile for birth weight.

As for his vacation home in St. Croix ...

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He was the top 0.1 percentile for birth weight.

That one I believe. And he's maintained his placing.

[Someone]

Ducati is 300 lbs and "squeezed through small space in caves" and hiked the entire Appalachian Trail*. His wife is 120 lbs and HE told HER her butt was too big.

*Pretty sure this is like Woodstock, where ten times as many people claim to have been there as were actually there.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ducati is 300 lbs and "squeezed through small space in caves" and hiked the entire Appalachian Trail*. His wife is 120 lbs and HE told HER her butt was too big.

*Pretty sure this is like Woodstock, where ten times as many people claim to have been there as were actually there.

It's all small spaces to him.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That one I believe. And he's maintained his placing.

You know, reading that post reveals something about him, actually. He says he was adopted, and based on his age, this would've been at a time when being adopted was seen as a bad thing by other kids. So... Maybe he learned to compensate by telling outlandish tales and just never learned to stop?

Or he could just be a lying schmuck. That's pretty likely too.

[Someone]

Incidentally compiling this list shows that you are a compulsive borderline stalker, and it is also a service to mankind a sign of mad genius.

[Someone]

Lol this should be a sticky.

[Someone]

It would be nice if you could copy the list and add to it, but I know in my heart that's not going to happen, so here's the updated list.

And it's not stalking, it's all on one forum. Stalking would involve me having to go to more than one place

Ducati's Resume:


Experience

Antenna Climber
High Diver
Magician
Pilot Extrordinaire
Treasure Hunter
Astronomer
Sex Machine
Spectacular Villa Owner
Travel Agency Owner
Car Collector
Guy with lots of stuff in his pants
Bartender
Mechanic
Sex Machine Pt 2 (and other stuff)
Motorcycle Collector (and other stuff)
Fucking Fat, Bad Luck Baby.


Adventures

Wife Killer
Neighborhood Crimestopper
Home Depot Showdown
Steak and Shake Terrorist Punk Beatdown
Treasure Finder
Naked Coed Water Balloon Fight
Biker Gang Showdown
Taken
I Can Haz $uper-Expen$ive Machine Gunz
Basically, everything

[Someone]

Hey now, I believe some of this stuff. If there was ever a man who legit has a lot of stuff in his pants, it's that guy.

[Someone]

He found a ring that was worth at least a $100,000. Depending on the size of the main diamond. He said 7.07, but that's probably total carat weight, not weight of the main stone. Then, he also found a purse with four grand and another diamond ring, right.

Based on reading all these tales, has anyone considered that he may be Jay Leno? To own all those cars, the vacation houses, take all those trips around the world, have that much free time, he's either got an amazing job or he's pretty loaded.

[Someone]

But then we get to the whoppers that nobody is going to believe. Riding a motorcycle in Atlanta traffic? Come on!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

But then we get to the whoppers that nobody is going to believe. Riding a motorcycle in Atlanta traffic? Come on!

Married and has friends! I wasn't born yesterday!

Disclaimer: This is simply a list of his claims with no judgement toward their truth...although we all know it's 95% bullshit.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hey now, I believe some of this stuff. If there was ever a man who legit has a lot of stuff in his pants, it's that guy.

Totes legit.

Originally Posted by Someone

45ACP 1911, one of several
Keltec P32 or P3AT
Benchmade AFO
SOG Flash II
Leatherman Squirt
Whistle
Butane lighter
Handcuff key
Sharpies
Pens
Small notepad
Green laser pointer
Surefire E2D flashlight
ASP baton with BAC cap
Nitrile gloves
Wallet
Comb
Cell phone

Please tell me I'm not the only one who misread the bolded item as "penis." Because oddly enough that doesn't seem to be listed in his inventory (or is that what the guns are for? )

[Someone]

Works/worked for Fran Tarkenton.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=593994

[Someone]

Let's not forget that he gives his wife riding lessons on a $70,000 vintage motorcycle. I learned on a pig of an old 400cc Kawasaki in a supermarket carpark exactly because it didn't matter if I dropped it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Let's not forget that he gives his wife riding lessons on a $70,000 vintage motorcycle. I learned on a pig of an old 400cc Kawasaki in a supermarket carpark exactly because it didn't matter if I dropped it.

That one's covered in the Biker Showdown, but good point otherwise.

[Someone]

Owns a small digital photo frame with power and fidelity sufficient to make you believe it's a person calling out several rooms away. And can walk down stairs, apparently.

[Someone]

I beleive, based on one of those threads, that makes this his photobucket page.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Owns a small digital photo frame with power and fidelity sufficient to make you believe it's a person calling out several rooms away. And can walk down stairs, apparently.

Well, that one is listed as Taken...but really, thanks for the effort. The point is you're getting involved, contributing...it's appreciated

[Someone]

This is the picture I mentioned in the durp thread. In one of his posts he says he is 5'8" and 300lbs.

< link removed >

No way the guy in the photo is 300lbs. So either that is the real ducati and he lied about the 300lbs or he is 300lbs and he's lying that that's him in the picture.

So people don't have to go searching for my post in the durp thread here is a picture of a 5'8" 313lb guy.

http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.c...acks/31494.htm

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

This is the picture I mentioned in the durp thread. In one of his posts he says he is 5'8" and 300lbs.

http://smg.photobucket.com/user/ural...ml?sort=9&o=11

No way the guy in the photo is 300lbs. So either that is the real ducati and he lied about the 300lbs or he is 300lbs and he's lying that that's him in the picture.

So people don't have to go searching for my post in the durp thread here is a picture of a 5'8" 313lb guy.

http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.c...acks/31494.htm

Does he shave his legs? My God they're girly

And yeah, that ain't 3 bills.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Does he shave his legs? My God they're girly

And yeah, that ain't 3 bills.

But he's not tall, so there's that.

[Someone]

[Someone]

He hunted wolverines in Alaska.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...4&postcount=41

Dude's a ham radio operator, which might explain a lot. Many hams are deep into whacker and mall ninja culture, and with his obsession over guns, knives, tactical/EDC gear, and the like, he fits the profile.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He hunted wolverines in Alaska.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...4&postcount=41

Dude's a ham radio operator, which might explain a lot. Many hams are deep into whacker and mall ninja culture, and with his obsession over guns, knives, tactical/EDC gear, and the like, he fits the profile.

Poe's law. We can no longer differentiate Ducati stories from Napolean Dynamite stories.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

No way the guy in the photo is 300lbs. So either that is the real ducati and he lied about the 300lbs or he is 300lbs and he's lying that that's him in the picture.

Or the picture is really old. Someone around here once scared up a picture of him being a VERY SERIOUS SECURITY GUARD at some recent sporting event and he was quite a bit fatter, if I recall.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Or the picture is really old. Someone around here once scared up a picture of him being a VERY SERIOUS SECURITY GUARD at some recent sporting event and he was quite a bit fatter, if I recall.

I remember seeing that picture, but I didn't know if it was real or just a fake picture that a nonny dragged up as a joke.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He hunted wolverines in Alaska.

Like this, no doubt.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Spectacular Villa Owner

Although in 2010 he hadn't been to St Croix for 20 years and was wondering if he'd have to shoot some motherfuckers invading his compound, by 2013 he was up to owning a fabulous mansion there.

[Someone]

Don't forget the shootout

[Someone]

Adding the Shout Out

Ducati's Resume:


Experience

Antenna Climber
High Diver
Magician
Pilot Extrordinaire
Treasure Hunter
Astronomer
Sex Machine
Spectacular Villa Owner
Travel Agency Owner
Car Collector
Guy with lots of stuff in his pants
Bartender
Mechanic
Sex Machine Pt 2 (and other stuff)
Motorcycle Collector (and other stuff)
Fucking Fat, Bad Luck Baby.


Adventures

Wife Killer
Neighborhood Crimestopper
Home Depot Showdown
Steak and Shake Terrorist Punk Beatdown
Treasure Finder
Naked Coed Water Balloon Fight
Biker Gang Showdown
Taken
I Can Haz Machine Gun
Basically, everything
The Shoot Out

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I remember seeing that picture, but I didn't know if it was real or just a fake picture that a nonny dragged up as a joke.

<Removed link>

[Someone]

[QUOTE=Chocodile;1073933]

Originally Posted by Someone

I remember seeing that picture, but I didn't know if it was real or just a fake picture that a nonny dragged up as a joke.

< removed links >
TADA!

< removed links >

[Someone]

Turns out he's a fat guy who likes guns and lives in Georgia.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Turns out he's a fat guy who likes guns and lives in Georgia.

In his defense, there are pictures of him climbing things to change antennas though.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I was in a meeting and got bored, so I decided to start a list of Ducati's claims...

For the record, I love you.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ducati is 300 lbs and "squeezed through small space in caves" and hiked the entire Appalachian Trail*. His wife is 120 lbs and HE told HER her butt was too big.

*Pretty sure this is like Woodstock, where ten times as many people claim to have been there as were actually there.

Given that it takes about 6 months to hike the whole AT, he would have trouble getting that into his busy schedule.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Car Collector

Including four Porsches and a Rolls.

Sex Machine

Indeed. "Should your erection last for more than seven years, consult a physician."

Spectacular Villa Owner

Two of them, actually.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Turns out he's a fat guy who likes guns and lives in Georgia.

What are the odds

I'm sure he's done some of the things he claims, just not to the extent he claims. He could also have some bucks from an inheritance, or from suing Steak & Shake. Who knows. The thing is, it can't all be true.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

For the record, I love you.

You're the reason I did this...will you be my Jodie Foster?

[Someone]

You're done.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Including four Porsches and a Rolls.



Indeed. "Should your erection last for more than seven years, consult a physician."

Two of them, actually.

Good god, Super Hal was stupid in that thread. "But people find CZ tennis bracelets all the time!"


Crazy Horse should make Ducati a custom avatar. I wonder what it should be?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You're done.

Nice do-rag, homeboy.