Durphouse 90: Brought to you by Snark - available in Unfiltered and Menthol.

[Someone]

I just came here to express how disappointed I was with the lack of lunacy in the latest MrRik thread. Hopefully it will go off the rails soon

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Mrs. Rik needs to renew her ID so she can attend community college, but the evil State of Washington has priced the ID card out of Mister Rik's budget.

That sucks and all, especially if Mrs. Rik really is planning on going back to school.

Cynical asshole I am though, I couldn't help thinking the liquor store stopped selling to her because of her expired ID.

- Rik, honey, I need a new ID to go get some Teachers.

- Teachers? You mean you're going back to school?

- Uh, yes, that's exactly what I meant. School teachers, yes. Then I'd like to catch up with Old Grandad.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

- Rik, honey, I need a new ID to go get some Teachers.

- Teachers? You mean you're going back to school?

- Uh, yes, that's exactly what I meant. School teachers, yes. Then I'd like to catch up with Old Grandad.

- Oh, yeah, your Grandad. Isn't he the one who raises chickens?

- Wild Turkeys, honey.

- Oh. Yeah. Here's another forty bucks. Have fun!

[Someone]

I don't usually comment on stupid internet shit, but this one made me laugh out loud.

If one genuinely but abrasively presents one's argument, one is indistinguishable from a troll.

The "context" doesn't make it any less idiotic.

In short, as far as TPTB are concerned, it all depends on how arguments are presented.

I'm sure the experts on all things snark will explain this.

[Someone]

Because I think it's a damning (but very clever) dig at the derp Mods. But in a way no derp Mod could find a reason to offer up a warming or something.

Am I out of the loop?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Am I out of the loop?

Possibly. I'll tell you one thing: "Very clever" is not a phrase I would ever use in the context of something said or done by Skywatcher.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'll tell you one thing: "Very clever" is not a phrase I would ever use in the context of something said or done by Skywatcher.

But is my interpretation correct? Is he saying what he thinks Mods are like? Or is it his opinion of reality?

[Someone]

Never mind. Just realized it does not matter in the least.

[Someone]

Now you're catching on...

[Someone]

Your simple money-saving tricks: guess the poster who advocates not buying toilet paper, but...

Get a bidet, or learn to sit on the edge of tub.

And guess the poster who brags about his free jet-set lifestyle...

I have so many free plane tickets and hotel stays right now that I don't even know what to do with them. You want to go to Las Vegas next weekend? Sure, all it costs is the "resort fee" for about $25 a night. The odd thing is that when you have exclusive credit cards, people give you even more free stuff if you just ask for it. It is often cheaper for me to travel somewhere else for a few days than it costs to stay home in the Boston area when I have time off.

[Someone]

Too easy.
You should've left out the Boston reference, but even without that, the tone of the post gives it away in about half a sentence.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Too easy.
You should've left out the Boston reference, but even without that, the tone of the post gives it away in about half a sentence.

I'm still horrified at the thought of perching on the rim of the tub and shitting in the bath.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm still horrified at the thought of perching on the rim of the tub and shitting in the bath.

I'm guessing it's not as bad as that, and only entails perching on the rim of the tub to wash off your ass after shitting in the usual place, but even so, eww.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm guessing it's not as bad as that, and only entails perching on the rim of the tub to wash off your ass after shitting in the usual place, but even so, eww.

How do you get your bumhole under the tap? Doggy style?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm guessing it's not as bad as that, and only entails perching on the rim of the tub to wash off your ass after shitting in the usual place, but even so, eww.

Imagine being a guest in his home. No toilet paper. A friendly sign saying, "Don't be a capitalist schlub; wash your ass in the tub!"

And a damp, malodorous, brown-streaked, fungus-growing washrag placed helpfully nearby.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

How do you get your bumhole under the tap? Doggy style?

I guess you scoop up water with your hand and splash it... urk...

[Someone]

Shower handle attached to hose.... It's not exactly rocket science, or Jturd wouldn't be doing it.

[Someone]

I'm thinking it's more 'wipe your ass with your fingers and wash them under the tap." It's jturd, after all.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Mrs. Rik needs to renew her ID so she can attend community college, but the evil State of Washington has priced the ID card out of Mister Rik's budget.

That sucks and all, especially if Mrs. Rik really is planning on going back to school.

Cynical asshole I am though, I couldn't help thinking the liquor store stopped selling to her because of her expired ID.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait...

So if she only has a state photo ID card, and not a valid driver's licence.....

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS SHE DOING DRIVING, IN RIK'S OTHER TALES OF WOE??????????????

ETA: for an extra dash of snark: What's the matter, doesn't she have an extra fakey or stolen license with a later expiration date lying around?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Sailboat's wife was one of the 19 pedestrians who were hit by that asshole motorist in Charlottesville, Virginia, last month, so yeah, I'd definitely call that attempted murder. In fact, one woman was also killed.

I'd forgotten abut that that And I wasn't being sarcastic; I consider attempted murder -worthy no matter what the circumstances.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait...

So if she only has a state photo ID card, and not a valid driver's licence.....

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS SHE DOING DRIVING, IN RIK'S OTHER TALES OF WOE??????????????

ETA: for an extra dash of snark: What's the matter, doesn't she have an extra fakey or stolen license with a later expiration date lying around?

That was part of the complaint in his other tale of woe - she told him she had a driver's license, when she didn't. She actually had 4 expired driver's licenses, in 4 different names:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...&postcount=107

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That was part of the complaint in his other tale of woe - she told him she had a driver's license, when she didn't. She actually had 4 expired driver's licenses, in 4 different names:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...&postcount=107

So which one did he marry? And how does he know it's the real one?

[Someone]

NM, ninja'd again! With linky, no less!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Imagine being a guest in his home. No toilet paper. A friendly sign saying, "Don't be a capitalist schlub; wash your ass in the tub!"

And a damp, malodorous, brown-streaked, fungus-growing washrag placed helpfully nearby.

This whole post made me actually LOL. Well done

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'd forgotten abut that that And I wasn't being sarcastic; I consider attempted murder -worthy no matter what the circumstances.

The problem is that you're dealing with a board where there's a crapton of people (like oh, let's just pick Broomstick, purely at random) who'll have a stranger brush their arm as they're getting off the bus at a stop, who'll say "OMG Someone tried to assassinate!!!!!! me today by trying to shove me into traffic" that it's hard to take real, serious crises seriously.

[Someone]

Or (again, at random) ZPG Zealot, who shoots the guy who grabbed her arm with an ungloved hand to pull her out of the way of a runaway CR-V. MAN COOTIES!!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

102711994011273545 being a guest in his home. No toilet paper. A friendly sign saying, "Don't be a capitalist schlub; wash your ass in the tub!"



And a damp, malodorous, brown-streaked, fungus-growing washrag placed helpfully nearby.

I don't have a tub, so

"If you don't wanna stink, wash your ass in the sink."

This could launch a new career for that old electric toothbrush as well.



Edit: %¤#¤ tapatalk sig

[Someone]

Time for lunch and a little giraffey boards, a much brighter-eyed and more innocent Mr. Plumbean said to himself a few minutes ago.

[Someone]

That could be a new one for the masthead: "Giraffeboards: where naivete goes to die."

[Someone]

Never mind. 'd

[Someone]

Out of work? You're just not looking hard enough.

I wonder whose sock it is?

[Someone]

How big is BigT? When he sits around the house, he sits around the house.

Some of my undershirts look like dresses untucked.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Out of work? You're just not looking hard enough.

I wonder whose sock it is?

That thread had me convinced Broomstick's account had been hacked when I read:

I've always been able to find work, too, of some sort, but I'm white, I speak English well, I'm in good physical shape, and I look about 10 years younger than I actually am.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That could be a new one for the masthead: "Giraffeboards: where naivete goes to die."

that's much better than "Giraffeboards: even more talk about butt stank"

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That could be a new one for the masthead: "Giraffeboards: where naivete goes to die shit itself to death."

FTFY

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Out of work? You're just not looking hard enough.

I wonder whose sock it is?

One of the countless Rand retards, no doubt.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I just came here to express how disappointed I was with the lack of lunacy in the latest MrRik thread. Hopefully it will go off the rails soon

It's devolved into yet another Republican vs. Democrat unfortunately

[Someone]

It's too bad that billfish678 posts so rarely. His combination of jaw-dropping stupidity and aggressive undeserved arrogance is frequently hilarious.

From this thread, starting on the second page.

billfish678: Blacks hardly picked any cotton in the pre-Civil War South at all! It was mostly white people!

Everybody else: What? That's not even close to true! *provides cites that show it's complete bullshit*

billfish678: See! I hope you've all learned a valuable lesson about how wrong your pre-conceived notions can be!



Also, bonus points to madsircool for suggesting that American college students of Central and South American origin get confused and uncomfortable if they encounter anything other than Tex-Mex or Mexican food.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

How big is BigT? When he sits around the house, he sits around the house.

Like dresses. Yes. They are probably looking at me...let them. Let them see what kind of person I am. I never hurt a fly. I hope they're watching, they'll see. They'll see and they'll know "Because she couldn't hurt a fly".

[Someone]

I started reading the thread neofishboy linked, and then aceplace broke my brain again.

I'm with you. Social outrage gets exhausting very quickly.

So many people are just looking for things that offend them.

[Someone]

As a white guy from minnesota, i know i get extremely nervous if at least a third of the dishes on the table don't involve mayonnaise, white bread or cream of mushroom soup.

[Someone]

Also see NFB's thread for a continuation of the BigT moral lecture series.

[Someone]

What exactly does China get out of supporting North Korea?
Urbanredneck Post

People say their would be this mass movement of refugees from North Korea but really? NK has everything in place like good roads and infrastructure and an educated population so I really don't think it would take much to get some industries going.

Poe's Law or idiot? You decide.

[Someone]

The most perfect mental vacuum achieved by modern science to date.

Originally Posted by Someone

As a white guy from minnesota, i know i get extremely nervous if at least a third of the dishes on the table don't involve mayonnaise, white bread or cream of mushroom soup.

And of course dessert is winter-theme maple sugar candy.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Urbanredneck...
Poe's Law or idiot? You decide.

He's been doing it for 3 and a half years now. Could anyone keep up Poe's Law for that long? I think not. The answer to your question is rather obvious, I'd say.

[Someone]

Guess who resents not being able to show the world her cooter?

Speaking as a woman who has fat legs, no it is not any easier for me to sit with my legs closed than it is for a man. The thigh closed sitting posture is just one more uncomfortable position forced (or at least people attempt to force) on woman in the name of "daintiness." Our legs gets just as tired as yours do when forced to keep that position (if not more so because women sometimes have to walk around or stand in high heels before being able to sit.)

Thread.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Guess who

No internets for me. I guessed wrong. I guessed the Thread Starter, though, upon seeing the title. Massively drooling moron who always starts incredibly stupid GQ threads. Makes Jinx look like a genius. Any points for that?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

No internets for me. I guessed wrong. I guessed the Thread Starter, though, upon seeing the title. Massively drooling moron who always starts incredibly stupid GQ threads. Makes Jinx look like a genius. Any points for that?

I'll give it some thought.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Guess who resents not being able to show the world her cooter?

Thread.

She's just asking to have her hand shook.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

She's just asking to have her hand shook.

Fine, spoil the guessing for me