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Someone · #**851** 7th October 2017, 12:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Stupid internet crap. At least one doper, Marlitharn, maybe? would use it in their signature back in the day.

(\__/) This is Bunny. Copy and
(='.'=) paste Bunny to help him
(")_(") gain world domination

Well, that would be thematic for Marlitharn, anyway.

Someone · #**852** 7th October 2017, 06:35 AM

Do schools no longer teach the basics of writing?
Zombie revival with God-bothering witnessing and wall o'text.

Quote:

Impossible to know
My dear confused friend. I have been in this world for nearly 26 years. Until about 6 weeks ago I was pretty much a full blown atheist. At first I just hated God. Then I got to the point that I asked the same question every time to anyone who believed. Why would you want to have a God like that? I used to think I was smarter than everyone around me or atleast the minority that had it all figured out. I will tell you right now that anytime unasked that question I could never find an answer that was good enough because if you are at that point in your mind then no matter the answer you will not accept it. Trust me I know. The crazy thing is once I was saved I finally understood and didn't have to ask that question anymore. See most people believe (non believers) that they are the minority and that bible thumpers as you would call It or Christians are the majority. My friend it's the total opposite but all this your mind and spirit will and cannot possibly comprehend until you accept Jesus as your Lord and savior and repent and realize that everyday you wake up you are a sinner just like everyone else. You already sound like you know that God is real more than I did. So you are basically angry with him which is 90 percent the reason all people are athiest and most won't admit it but still again you can't see that with your closed heart. You have been tricked into rage and anger and now you have fell under evils best tool to drag you down with him and that is believing your own conscious. Every man and woman cannot be born saved. It's not possible. The only one who was born without sin and evil was Jesus. Every other person who ever lived and will love is offspring of Satan. You blame God but I surely blame Satan. He just got you tricked like he does everyone else. I accepted Jesus because the most gentle perfect spirit there ever was and is and will be died so you can sit here and blabber just like I did about him and his father who did this for you and you still have the chance to be saved and not die. When he arose from his death of the cross he conquered death and sin. You want to be smart? Do like I did. Research with this same energy and seek the truth and read and better yet find out for yourself that we are living in the generation of the revelations. That's horny was saved brother because I know this. Judgement is coming soon. Your right you have two options. Sit here and be angry with God after what he did for you so you WOULDN'T have to perish in the lake of fire for eternity. If you want to be technical and question it then i would say continue with the plagues and death because if rather sit back and let Satan do his work and have this chance at peace by just simply repenting and believing on Jesus Christ than I would to have a sinless world and perish in fire if you weren't perfect from birth to death. Since you already believe why don't you go look research on visions if he'll and then try to invision it yourself and think for one second you would want to be there for just one second much less eternity. Best part is God said that man couldn't vision or feel close to it because man is not capable to even imagine how horrible it is. Your so mad but literally the choice is yours. Yeah he gave free will but it aunt like he said we had to climb a mountain with our hands naked lol. It's as easy as closing your eyes and saying sorry and calling upon Jesus to save you. So if you should be mad at anyone it should be the idiot that chooses not to do this haha. I have to work harder just to get out of bed. Any ways I hope and pray that this somehow moves you in some way to just dare you to try it otherwise.... good riddance and whatever comment you have to say please save it and respect me enough that I cared enough to write this dang novel for you because I know he's real and he's coming brother. Remember in order to go to heaven you must be born again! God bless you!

778 words.

Someone · #**853** 7th October 2017, 06:42 AM

And the entire information content is transmitted by the first three words. That may be a new record.

Someone · #**854** 7th October 2017, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Do schools no longer teach the basics of writing?
Zombie revival with God-bothering witnessing and wall o'text.

Quote:

Impossible to know
My dear confused friend. I have been in this world for nearly 26 years. Until about 6 weeks ago I was pretty much a full blown atheist. At first I just hated God. Then I got to the point that I asked the same question every time to anyone who believed. Why would you want to have a God like that? I used to think I was smarter than everyone around me or atleast the minority that had it all figured out. I will tell you right now that anytime unasked that question I could never find an answer that was good enough because if you are at that point in your mind then no matter the answer you will not accept it. Trust me I know. The crazy thing is once I was saved I finally understood and didn't have to ask that question anymore. See most people believe (non believers) that they are the minority and that bible thumpers as you would call It or Christians are the majority. My friend it's the total opposite but all this your mind and spirit will and cannot possibly comprehend until you accept Jesus as your Lord and savior and repent and realize that everyday you wake up you are a sinner just like everyone else. You already sound like you know that God is real more than I did. So you are basically angry with him which is 90 percent the reason all people are athiest and most won't admit it but still again you can't see that with your closed heart. You have been tricked into rage and anger and now you have fell under evils best tool to drag you down with him and that is believing your own conscious. Every man and woman cannot be born saved. It's not possible. The only one who was born without sin and evil was Jesus. Every other person who ever lived and will love is offspring of Satan. You blame God but I surely blame Satan. He just got you tricked like he does everyone else. I accepted Jesus because the most gentle perfect spirit there ever was and is and will be died so you can sit here and blabber just like I did about him and his father who did this for you and you still have the chance to be saved and not die. When he arose from his death of the cross he conquered death and sin. You want to be smart? Do like I did. Research with this same energy and seek the truth and read and better yet find out for yourself that we are living in the generation of the revelations. That's horny was saved brother because I know this. Judgement is coming soon. Your right you have two options. Sit here and be angry with God after what he did for you so you WOULDN'T have to perish in the lake of fire for eternity. If you want to be technical and question it then i would say continue with the plagues and death because if rather sit back and let Satan do his work and have this chance at peace by just simply repenting and believing on Jesus Christ than I would to have a sinless world and perish in fire if you weren't perfect from birth to death. Since you already believe why don't you go look research on visions if he'll and then try to invision it yourself and think for one second you would want to be there for just one second much less eternity. Best part is God said that man couldn't vision or feel close to it because man is not capable to even imagine how horrible it is. Your so mad but literally the choice is yours. Yeah he gave free will but it aunt like he said we had to climb a mountain with our hands naked lol. It's as easy as closing your eyes and saying sorry and calling upon Jesus to save you. So if you should be mad at anyone it should be the idiot that chooses not to do this haha. I have to work harder just to get out of bed. Any ways I hope and pray that this somehow moves you in some way to just dare you to try it otherwise.... good riddance and whatever comment you have to say please save it and respect me enough that I cared enough to write this dang novel for you because I know he's real and he's coming brother. Remember in order to go to heaven you must be born again! God bless you!

778 words.

And of course they are arguing with him. That's always useful.

Someone · #**855** 7th October 2017, 09:18 AM

No way I'm entering that wall of text.

Someone · #**856** 7th October 2017, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

No way I'm entering that wall of text.

I find reading the last line of a wall of text saves a lot of time.

"I know he's real and he's coming brother. Remember in order to go to heaven you must be born again! God bless you!"

See that? No need to read the rest.

Someone · #**857** 7th October 2017, 10:15 AM

QuickSilver has started an Urbanredneck pit thread.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=838231

Someone · #**858** 7th October 2017, 11:07 AM

It's not as if he doesn't deserve a pitting, but as these things go I give it a 1/10. Lacking in effort, style and vitriol. All in all lazy.

Someone · #**859** 7th October 2017, 11:10 AM

Some people just don't learn.

Quote:

Given a virus from this board
I just visited your website 5 minutes ago and received what appeared to be a virus from your site.

McAfee, my anti virus software, closed my browser and quarantined something, then restarted my computer. I had to re-download my browser of choice, and my computer is now fine.

Why is this website giving people a virus? I even have an ad blocker so I know it's not an advert!

Visit a site, get a virus. Rather than just go away or at least email the admin/webmaster, you sign up for an account to post a complaint and risk another virus.
Brilliant!

Someone · #**860** 7th October 2017, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

It's not as if he doesn't deserve a pitting, but as these things go I give it a 1/10. Lacking in effort, style and vitriol. All in all lazy.

He's been pitted a couple of other times that I'm aware of, but the threads didn't last long. Urbanredneck is an idiot, but he's a boring idiot. His Neanderthal dumbfuckery never varies.

Someone · #**861** 7th October 2017, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Gatopescado in a thread about following doctor's orders:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

What is a "doctor's"?

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...0&postcount=11

I swear, I wish I could shoot people in the head over the internet.

He actually returned to that thread to follow up on his one-line turd:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Nah. Just a joke. My way of saying, "I don't go to doctors".

Someone · #**862** 7th October 2017, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Some people just don't learn.

Quote:

Given a virus from this board
I just visited your website 5 minutes ago and received what appeared to be a virus from your site.

McAfee, my anti virus software, closed my browser and quarantined something, then restarted my computer. I had to re-download my browser of choice, and my computer is now fine.

Why is this website giving people a virus? I even have an ad blocker so I know it's not an advert!

Visit a site, get a virus. Rather than just go away or at least email the admin/webmaster, you sign up for an account to post a complaint and risk another virus.
Brilliant!

Sent to the cornfield.

Someone · #**863** 7th October 2017, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Gatopescado in a thread about following doctor's orders:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...0&postcount=11

I swear, I wish I could shoot people in the head over the internet.

He actually returned to that thread to follow up on his one-line turd:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Nah. Just a joke. My way of saying, "I don't go to doctors".

Now I have burned that precious first post I may as well ask here, anyone understand what the annoying fucknugget was on about here? http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...26&postcount=2

I'd ask him but, he's him

Someone · #**864** 7th October 2017, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Now I have burned that precious first post I may as well ask here, anyone understand what the annoying fucknugget was on about here? http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...26&postcount=2

I'd ask him but, he's him

I have no idea. But we've already put more thought into this than Gato puts into any of his drive-by turds.

If you did ask him, he'd say "hurr durr, I dunno, but it was funny, huh?"

Someone · #**865** 7th October 2017, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Now I have burned that precious first post I may as well ask here, anyone understand what the annoying fucknugget was on about here? http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...26&postcount=2

I'd ask him but, he's him

The Aristocrats!!!

Nah, I got nuthin'.

Someone · #**866** 7th October 2017, 04:05 PM

Okay, I know Dopers are guillible, but this one takes the fucking cake.

Someone · #**867** 7th October 2017, 04:49 PM

D'Bwian tries to pull a 'gotcha' because the Constitution doesn't use the word 'slave' anywhere. It goes as well for him as you'd expect.

Quote:

Where did the Constitution say that slaves were OK? Cite, please.

Someone · #**868** 7th October 2017, 05:12 PM

I don't know who Babale is but he's beating them all like Bruce Lee.

Someone · #**869** 8th October 2017, 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Now I have burned that precious first post I may as well ask here, anyone understand what the annoying fucknugget was on about here? http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...26&postcount=2

I'd ask him but, he's him

Huh. I knew what a thylacine was, but double checked in case, and I was correct. His post makes no sense.

Someone · #**870** 8th October 2017, 06:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

He actually returned to that thread to follow up on his one-line turd:

Now I have burned that precious first post I may as well ask here, anyone understand what the annoying fucknugget was on about here? http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...26&postcount=2

I'd ask him but, he's him

I think it's no more complex than "hey... Australia, thylacine... great username/post combo!!" (ETA: Tasmania, Australia, same diff, right?)

Someone · #**871** 8th October 2017, 10:56 AM

A lot of people seem to think the name is a drug and not a reference to my presumed extinction and rare sightings by the easily dismissed.

Still makes no sense.

Perhaps he snorted me before he posted.

Someone · #**872** 8th October 2017, 02:28 PM

Perhaps you should've picked the name Ivory-Billed Woodpecker.

Someone · #**873** 8th October 2017, 03:34 PM

I smoked one of those earlier. So fucking baked.

Someone · #**874** 8th October 2017, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

I think brujaja and jturd are roomies

ETA: dammit, I didn't notice it's a zombie thread that got stupidbumped. It's still nicely durpy.

Another stupidbumped thread from the same time that links to that one. Maybe all three of them live together.

Someone · #**875** 8th October 2017, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

A lot of people seem to think the name is a drug and not a reference to my presumed extinction and rare sightings by the easily dismissed.

Still makes no sense.

Perhaps he snorted me before he posted.

::SNOOOOOOOOOOOOORT::

All that cavorting on the monkey bars has left you smelling a little... exstinky...

Someone · #**876** 8th October 2017, 06:19 PM

New Troll: im balding shouid i go bald or keep comb over [sic]

Someone · #**877** 8th October 2017, 06:27 PM

So, so obvious, but they fall for it every time.

Someone · #**878** 8th October 2017, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

New Troll: im balding shouid i go bald or keep comb over [sic]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

So, so obvious, but they fall for it every time.

How so? Have you seen how many guys still do the combover?

Someone · #**879** 8th October 2017, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

How so? Have you seen how many guys still do the combover?

Anyone self-aware enough to call it a combover knows it looks ridiculous. The ones who do it aren't self-aware enough to realize that's what they're doing. Only a troll could pretend to be seriously asking the question.

Someone · #**880** 8th October 2017, 06:57 PM

Plus, first time poster. Who registers at the Derp just to ask that?

Someone · #**881** 9th October 2017, 05:00 AM

May I introduce our latest sock-troll, LongTimeLurker. Signed up just 5 days ago (38 posts as of my viewing the page), but already giving a strong troll vibe, and with a name like that, it's a pitiful attempt to explain historical knowledge from his previous presence.

How long will he last? Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen!

Someone · #**882** 9th October 2017, 05:16 AM

Yet again, can we have a "like" button?

Someone · #**883** 9th October 2017, 05:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Yet again, can we have a "like" button?

I do not see why, when those threads show up, a mod never immediately chimes in with the actual answer:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

It can't be done. The software doesn't allow it, and there's no practical way to add the feature. There's no point in constantly asking for something that will never and can never be done. Thread closed.

Someone · #**884** 9th October 2017, 06:09 AM

Having "like" or "thanks" buttons isn't a big deal. I'm sure BigT could set it up.

Someone · #**885** 9th October 2017, 06:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Having "like" or "thanks" buttons isn't a big deal. I'm sure BigT could set it up.

It would be easy to put it into the software when you're originally writing it, but after it's written and in actual use, adding it on after the fact requires redoing the entire database structure. No, BigTard could not set it up. He does trivial browser add-on scripts, not major server-side database stuff. Very few people are actually qualified to do that sort of thing without permanently fucking up the entire system.

ETA: Or were you being snarky and I just got wooshed?

Someone · #**886** 9th October 2017, 07:05 AM

Well, it would be simple to add a button client-side that said Thanks and let you click it. Would even be simple to have it show you how many times you 'thanked' a poster. But to have it display to everyone? Yeah, no.

Someone · #**887** 9th October 2017, 07:57 AM

@running coach
ISWYD in that thread. I like that someone picked on my this.

Someone · #**888** 9th October 2017, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Yet again, can we have a "like" button?

I do not see why, when those threads show up, a mod never immediately chimes in with the actual answer:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

It can't be done. The software doesn't allow it, and there's no practical way to add the feature. There's no point in constantly asking for something that will never and can never be done. Thread closed.

That would be a welcome relief from the Dopers parading into the thread to declare, "We are the smartest, hippest people on the planet! A 'like' button is beneath us! We are serious intellectuals, and we use WORDS! Now let's get back to discussing The Orville and starting TMI threads about anal fissures."

Someone · #**889** 9th October 2017, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

May I introduce our latest sock-troll, LongTimeLurker. Signed up just 5 days ago (38 posts as of my viewing the page), but already giving a strong troll vibe, and with a name like that, it's a pitiful attempt to explain historical knowledge from his previous presence.

How long will he last? Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen!

I don't know, but I can already tell we're going to be fast friends.

Someone · #**890** 9th October 2017, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

May I introduce our latest sock-troll, LongTimeLurker. Signed up just 5 days ago (38 posts as of my viewing the page), but already giving a strong troll vibe, and with a name like that, it's a pitiful attempt to explain historical knowledge from his previous presence.

How long will he last? Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen!

I don't know, but I can already tell we're going to be fast friends.

I noticed this gem from him:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

I have followed this board off and on since the early eighties. I have learned alot, laughed alot, and raged alot.

I, too, have fond memories of dialing into the Straight Dope BBS with my Commodore VIC-20.

ETA — I see that LTL thinks "alot" is a word. I once complained on the Dope about people who do this, and was scolded by Stoid who dismissed this as "English teacher" stuff.

Someone · #**891** 9th October 2017, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

I don't know, but I can already tell we're going to be fast friends.

That was the one that screamed 'returning troll', before I even got to the 'TMI Personal Problem' one that clinched it.

Someone · #**892** 9th October 2017, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

ETA — I see that LTL thinks "alot" is a word. I once complained on the Dope about people who do this, and was scolded by Stoid who dismissed this as "English teacher" stuff.

The same Stoid who insists that everyone should be using her preferred definition of "beignet"? The mind boggles.

Someone · #**893** 9th October 2017, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

The same Stoid who insists that everyone should be using her preferred definition of "beignet"? The mind boggles.

Nice!

I like this contribution from Stoid:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Precision and specificity enhance communication, how is it worthwhile for a single word to represent both black and white?

If I ran the Dope, comma splices would result in an instaban.

Someone · #**894** 9th October 2017, 06:19 PM

BigTardgasm: NO! Only post what I want!

Someone · #**895** 9th October 2017, 07:49 PM

WARNING!!! REALITY HAS UNDERGONE A SEVERE RUPTURE AND MAY COLLAPSE AT ANY TIME.
D'Asshole has contributed to a thread.
Who rides in the front seat when an elderly relative is a passenger?

Quote:

My Mom, aged 72, and my Aunt, aged 85, actually prefer to sit in the back in someone else's car.

Someone · #**896** 9th October 2017, 09:11 PM

Another BigT post which adds absolutely nothing to the thread.
Seriously, the subject is one I find really patronizing: Schools that use “the lady” for their women’s sports teams. It really grates on my nerves. Then this idiot comes along (surprise!) and explains the OP as if nobody understood. Since I’ve been posting here, I’ve noticed his compulsion to add two cents to as many topics as possible. Dude needs help.

Someone · #**897** 9th October 2017, 10:26 PM

Reddit knows how to handle posters like BigTard:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Not uncommon on Reddit. Recently, I said "I really wish you guys would not assume that posters are stupid." That's it. This did not violate any of the posted rules. But the mod banned me. The reason given was "lol, bye." Upon asking what had happened, the mod replied in a way that indicated they had lost their ability to capitalize and punctuate, unlike their other posts. It also didn't make a whole lot of sense. They honestly came off as quite deranged. (It was full of laughing and calling me a bitch.)

I honestly suspect they were inebriated and wanted the power trip. The subreddit wasn't anything special, so I left one final reply, and just blocked the mod. And, on Reddit, blocking a poster means they also don't see what you have to say, either.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...php?p=20528892

Someone · #**898** 9th October 2017, 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

BigTardgasm: NO! Only post what I want!

Why does he keep doing that? At least this time it wasn't about religion. I remember his last attempt.

Czarcasm: Can God travel through time?
Dopers: That's a meaningless question.
Czarcasm: NO NO NO NO NO!!! ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION DAMMIT!!!!!

Someone · #**899** 10th October 2017, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

Reddit knows how to handle posters like BigTard:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

It was full of laughing and calling me a bitch.

Laughter truly is the best medicine.

Someone · #**900** 10th October 2017, 03:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

BigTardgasm: NO! Only post what I want!

Ol' Tardy wants people to post what famous people might have said, but didn't, and comes out with this gem:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Someone

"I don't care what I said, that ain't what I said!"

Real creative. Might possibly be mistaken for "I never said most of those things I said", but Tardy is way funnier.

I quite liked the Socrates quote, for what it's worth.