In Derp thread number 92, the Raffers snarked, the Derpers blew

[Someone]

Morgenstern is my new hero for noting this little jewel in the Shagnasty thread:

I have never had much problem with underarm odor. I have certainly never had strong BO. Many other people's underarm odor smells like onions or perhaps some canned food gone bad. Mine smells like vagina. I ran out of deodorant about three weeks ago and after a few days I stuck a finger under there and smelled. It smelled exactly like pus. It is kind a turn on really. Each underarm has its own unique smell. I feel like I am holding two naked women, one under each arm. As far as I know, no one can smell this but me. If I were single, I could fake guys out with the old smell my finger for proof gambit. As it stands, I have no use for this super-ability.

[Someone]

That's what I thought. And I don't doubt his daughters exist, but I really do doubt most of the stuff he claims. I'm sure the one does gymnastics, but the same as every other suburban pre-teen girl, not at near-Olympic levels. And curiosity got the better of me, so I searched out the immersive program he claims his daughter is in -- assuming his daughter is in the Boston public school system, since he lives in Boston and claims she's in the 'rare public school with immersive learning' -- the only immersive language they have is Spanish, not French.

[Someone]

Did anyone else spot Shagnasty's claim to be an heir to huge ... tracts of land? Or am I imagining things?

(Answers on a postcard please.)

Also it appears from an earlier post that he can't spell "Sopranos".

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Did anyone else spot Shagnasty's claim to be an heir to huge ... tracts of land? Or am I imagining things?

(Answers on a postcard please.)

Also it appears from an earlier post that he can't spell "Sopranos".

His mentioned being an heir before. Sometimes, it's all in LA, sometimes it's multi-state, this time, it's in three states. But he's mentioned before being an heir to 'land and mineral rights', which, again, is a fairly common thing and lots of people have some setup like that, but he makes it sound like he's one of the Ewings or Clampetts or something instead of a guy whose family owns some acreage with a little bit of value. He also, for being so concerned about it, doesn't really seem to understand how it actually works, since he thinks some gold digger could take it all away just by tricking him, rather than the complexity of multi-owner/multi-generational property rights that it really is.

And yeah, I want to see the Soprantos. I imagine it is like the Sopranos, only full of Kwicky Koala and his family.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Did anyone else spot Shagnasty's claim to be an heir to huge ... tracts of land? Or am I imagining things?

(Answers on a postcard please.)

Also it appears from an earlier post that he can't spell "Sopranos".

Silvio, take care of him.

[Someone]

I masturbate like a motherfuck!

[Someone]

I wish I would have screen-capped it, but for a brief and shining moment, the Pit had this juxtaposition:

"Can right and left agree on anything?"
"Shagnasty is a misogynistic prick"

Not snark, but it certainly was truthful.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

yeah he's definitely written that mean girls thing about gymnasts somewhere recently i remember it too

I remember it too. His posts about his daughter stick out to me, I guess because my daughter is around the same age, and she really seems like she wouldn’t be very pleasant to be around. It makes me really sad for her.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

His mentioned being an heir before. Sometimes, it's all in LA, sometimes it's multi-state, this time, it's in three states. But he's mentioned before being an heir to 'land and mineral rights', which, again, is a fairly common thing and lots of people have some setup like that, but he makes it sound like he's one of the Ewings or Clampetts or something instead of a guy whose family owns some acreage with a little bit of value. He also, for being so concerned about it, doesn't really seem to understand how it actually works, since he thinks some gold digger could take it all away just by tricking him, rather than the complexity of multi-owner/multi-generational property rights that it really is.

And yeah, I want to see the Soprantos. I imagine it is like the Sopranos, only full of Kwicky Koala and his family.

Funny thing--I was on Zillow last night and anyone with about 40-50K can score land parcels of up to a hundred acres in Oregon with established gold mines on them. So yeah, BFD.

Some gorgeous land, though, but titanically remote.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Morgenstern is my new hero for noting this little jewel in the Shagnasty thread:

Shaggy has also bragged about how he showers in less than three minutes. He also says that he shaves in 45 seconds with Barbasol and dollar-store disposable razors, like a real man.

[Someone]

You know, with all his tall-telling, I think he should change his name to Hap Shaugnessy, or maybe Hap Shagnasty.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I remember it too. His posts about his daughter stick out to me, I guess because my daughter is around the same age, and she really seems like she wouldn’t be very pleasant to be around. It makes me really sad for her.

From the fourth link.

I have been punched, kicked, slapped, groped and verbally abused by so many women over the years that I have lost count.

We should chip in and buy him memberships to dating sites. We can't allow such abuse to end.

[Someone]

Another thread complaining about the skeevy ads on the Dope. Of course, people immediately chime in with "pay for a membership" and then get pedantic and willfully obtuse when he explains why he was trying not to use an ad blocker on the site.

Originally Posted by Someone

No option? How about becoming a member for a tiny amount of cash? I have an ad blocker AND a membership and I see no ads. None. Why do we have to keep having these conversations?

Originally Posted by Someone

Whut whut whut whut?

You weren't using an ad blocker to view this board? Normal people use browsers. How do you use an ad blocker to view a website? And how does NOT using an adblocker pay someone or something back? Do you owe somebody money because you use an adblocker?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That's what I thought. And I don't doubt his daughters exist, but I really do doubt most of the stuff he claims. I'm sure the one does gymnastics, but the same as every other suburban pre-teen girl, not at near-Olympic levels. And curiosity got the better of me, so I searched out the immersive program he claims his daughter is in -- assuming his daughter is in the Boston public school system, since he lives in Boston and claims she's in the 'rare public school with immersive learning' -- the only immersive language they have is Spanish, not French.

He posted his full name back in a 2003 thread on the Durp, so I found out a few things about him back then -- mostly to ensure there was no chance I was going to encounter him in real life. He doesn't live in Boston itself.

[Someone]

BigT has highly trained his eyes. Every week he amazes me at how obliviously pompous he is, and over the dumbest things. It's like when there was that discussion about how fancy someone was because they owned two colanders.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Another thread complaining about the skeevy ads on the Dope. Of course, people immediately chime in with "pay for a membership" and then get pedantic and willfully obtuse when he explains why he was trying not to use an ad blocker on the site.

Jesus. That's like a community-theater version of the usual Dope anti-ad thread, with kayT playing the role of ThelmaLou and Knowed Out filling in for Gatospescado.

[Someone]

Shaggy has announced that he is in a "relationship" after one lunch date with the Jewish heiress, so everyone can stop pitting him now.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Shaggy has announced that he is in a "relationship" after one lunch date with the Jewish heiress, so everyone can stop pitting him now.

And in addition to being a Jewish junk mail heiress she ALSO loves to work on muscle cars AND loves to drag race AND doesn't want to marry or have children even though she's WAY under forty.

Pardon me, but my buoyant gorge precludes me continuing.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

BigT has highly trained his eyes. Every week he amazes me at how obliviously pompous he is, and over the dumbest things. It's like when there was that discussion about how fancy someone was because they owned two colanders.

Highly trained eyes.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Shaggy has announced that he is in a "relationship" after one lunch date with the Jewish heiress, so everyone can stop pitting him now.

This is how life is among the great and beautiful. Watch (silently) and learn, ye plebes.

[Someone]

omg shags is going to make me get another warning i can't with this fucking guy

[Someone]

IS there really such a thing as a "founder of the junk mail industry"? I googled it and it looked like it was just the postmaster creating mailing lists for various business owners.

IIRC, Shagnasty claimed he only cleans his bathroom once a year, and can't understand why people complain about the smell. (I THINK that was him). WTF?
And his ex was the heir to an exotic foods company, or something. But when someone mentioned the Michelin guide, he sneered at said, "We don't get our reviews from a tire company."

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

IS there really such a thing as a "founder of the junk mail industry"? I googled it and it looked like it was just the postmaster creating mailing lists for various business owners.

I'm wondering if he might be talking about the Weintz family. Walter H. Weintz was a huge innovator in direct mail, and came up with the idea of sending pennies to thousands of recipients--some of the older folks here might remember that sales gimmick.

He died twenty years ago, but his son Todd continued in that business.

"The More You Know..."

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And in addition to being a Jewish junk mail heiress she ALSO loves to work on muscle cars AND loves to drag race AND doesn't want to marry or have children even though she's WAY under forty.

Pardon me, but my buoyant gorge precludes me continuing.

"she has my same personality" i.e. she is a figment of his imagination

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

IS there really such a thing as a "founder of the junk mail industry"? I googled it and it looked like it was just the postmaster creating mailing lists for various business owners.

IIRC, Shagnasty claimed he only cleans his bathroom once a year, and can't understand why people complain about the smell. (I THINK that was him). WTF?
And his ex was the heir to an exotic foods company, or something. But when someone mentioned the Michelin guide, he sneered at said, "We don't get our reviews from a tire company."

Here's the thread.

Excalibre

Even if the lady's favorite drinks are cosmopolitans and chocolate "martinis", he dumped her without even knowing why she chose not to drink that night. Shagnasty chalks up differences in taste to unsophistication; I know a goodly number of reasonably sophisticated people who simply don't like beer, and I myself will drink wine but I have very little appreciation of it (though a good scotch or an oloroso sherry is another story.) Some of us believe those silly old superstitions about our differences being what make us interesting. I see Shagnasty is sophisticated enough not to credit that old canard.

By the way, there aren't really "four-star French restaurants". The famed Michelin guide that rates the finest French cuisine uses three stars. But I'm sure a gent as sophisticated as you knew that already.

Shagnasty

There are
several other rating systems. . Not all of us select our food choices based on a tire company.

Yes, I was kidding about the goose. That recipe has to be a hoax. You cannot cook a goose and keep it alive at the same time by doing crazy things to its heart and head. Even if you were dumb enough to try it, you would just end up with feather scorched, stinking, raw goose meat. There is absolutley no reason why someone would ever cook a goose that way.

[Someone]

Maybe it would be funny to take him up on his offer. Meet him at the Carnegie in a pair of flip-flops and a Penguins t-shirt. I could overdo my accent to the point where I sound like Myron Cope.

(Don't worry -- I'd have a friend following at a discreet distance)

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Maybe it would be funny to take him up on his offer. Meet him at the Carnegie in a pair of flip-flops and a Penguins t-shirt. I could overdo my accent to the point where I sound like Myron Cope.

(Don't worry -- I'd have a friend following at a discreet distance)

Well, naturally. Whatever happens, we want video.

[Someone]

Sounds like expecto has a hot date with a swell guy anytime she wants to take him up on his offer...

Oh. But he’s in a relationship now.

Originally Posted by Someone

I have seen your pictures on other boards. You certainly aren't a hose-beast. You are pretty hot in an unusual way. If I wasn't in a relationship, I would take you out for the time of life in a second. Let me know if you ever come the Boston area and we can have lots of fun. Best wishes in the mean time.

[Someone]

Quartz semi-flounces.

[Someone]

In a surprise move, BigT posts something that is NOT a lecture.

Originally Posted by Someone

I was going along, just smiling as I read it, but seeing that totally slayed me.

It's the little things.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Quartz semi-flounces.

Old news.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Maybe it would be funny to take him up on his offer. Meet him at the Carnegie in a pair of flip-flops and a Penguins t-shirt. I could overdo my accent to the point where I sound like Myron Cope.

(Don't worry -- I'd have a friend following at a discreet distance)

"SHAG! I been lookin' all over for yunz! Hey, I meant to redd up for our date but I'm just always so busy anymore. Damn, that parking lot is slippy. It really needs salted. Hey, after this, yunz wanna go to the Dirty O (is that still there?) for some fried jumbo and an Iron City?"

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And in addition to being a Jewish junk mail heiress she ALSO loves to work on muscle cars AND loves to drag race AND doesn't want to marry or have children even though she's WAY under forty.

Pardon me, but my buoyant gorge precludes me continuing.

Eh, by now he's just pandering to his audience (IOW, really trolling).

[Someone]

Eh, by now he's just pandering to his audience (IOW, really trolling).

Clothyhead, too - I was on the fence about that one but have decided instead of a failure as a human being he is a Master Troll. for what that's worth.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Here's the thread.

Excalibre
Shagnasty

I love in that thread that Shag's mom cured his stepbrother's pickiness in one meal by not offering him anything else to eat. Cause that's how it works with kids.

[Someone]

This post is kind of delightful, too. It contains: 1) a claim that his wife is practically famous, 2) not one but two excellent "ha ha, that never happened but nice try" stories, AND 3) a glaring, glaring grammatical error that no sophisticate with an ABD (or an actual, real PhD) would ever use. Classic Shags.

[Someone]

we both already have kids that take up most of our time and don't believe in marriage but we are oddly loyal at the same time

So loyal that just last week he was going to go boink the Russian heiress poker player because the Jewish junkmail heiress was in Florida.

It's like the old joke:
"Wanna go out?"
"I thought you were in a relationship?"
"We're separated."
"Oh, I didn't know that. What happened?"
"Well, I'm here and she's visiting her mom. That's separated, right?"



Edit:
And from the 'picky eaters' thread, we have this from Shagnasty. It's just too fantastic not to share:

It doesn't make sense to anyone except the person who wrote it. We have a name for people that experience a completely different reality than everyone else.

Edit 2:
Also in the 'picky eaters' thread, we get a glimpse of the "women are only objects" (I think this post was already touched on, but I find the fact his now ex-wife is a gourmet food expert and to prove it, he mentions having several cheeses. Because only a true gourmand has a range of cheeses)

Originally Posted by Someone

I am talking a your "Picky Eaters". I already said that almost everyone has foods that they don't like. There is nothing abnormal about that.

I grew up in Louisiana. It probably has the most indigenous exotic foods of any state. I grew up eating them all from rattlesnake to alligator. My wife is one of the foremost gourmet food experts in the country and regularly appears in Gourmet magazine and others. Our refrigerator is stuffed with some of the most exotic cheeses and other gourmet foods in existence.

That said, I don't care what anyone else does as long as they don't interfere with what others are looking forward too. I will absolutley not put up with someone making biased negative comments about food or a restaraunt in a social setting in order to gain attention to themselves.

I have had to abruptly cut off contact from two people because of this issue. One was a friend in college that suddenly converted to vegetariansim except she didn't like vegetables and made a scene in two restaraunts when they couldn't whip up a tasty dish out of nothing but air apparently.

The second was my trash sister-in-law this past December. Me and my wife's family went out to a 4 star Boston restaurant for my mother-in-law's birthday. My sister-in-law made a big stink about there being nothing on the menu for her and her 12 year old son to eat. She finally settled on pizza. When it came out, she discovered that it was nothing like they make at the pizza place around the corner from her house. After a big stink, she sent it back and couldn't come up with anything else so she got two orders of plain noodles with butter on them. The rest of the family decided that she is welcome at anything other than a restaraunt event from now on and her father told her exactly why.

I think that PIcky Eaters just have a basic fear of the unfamiliar like everyone does to some degree. The difference is that they feel no need to push past and get stagnated in their own little babied, pussyfied, self-absorbed little world. There is nothing admirable about that and certainly nothing to coddle or tip-toe around. I don't worry about being mean to or offending the Picky Eaters because they invariably have coorelating personality traits that are the antithesis of anyone that I would ever want to be around.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Sounds like expecto has a hot date with a swell guy anytime she wants to take him up on his offer...

i absolutely do, but it sure as shit isn't Shags

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

i absolutely do, but it sure as shit isn't Shags

TDN?

[Someone]

stop living in the past guin it's my turn to shine

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

TDN?

[Someone]

Heh, sorry, that may have been crossing a line.

Speaking of crossing lines -- I'm reading the thread about Charlie Rose (because at this point what person with any sort of celebrity hasn't sexually assaulted, harassed, or misused someone, it seems) and it made me think of something else from the Shag pit thread. Someone called Shag out for bragging about 'making out in the parking lot' with his 'new girlfriend'. Shag's defense was, "I told my co-workers the same story, and trust me, mine is the PG story compared to all of theirs. And that's just the women!"

I really doubt that in the current environment, there are mixed groups of people in the sort of business environment Shag claims to be in who are still loudly and wildly throwing about sexual adventure stories, to the extent that he claims. That's just a liability I don't see any sort of supervisor or HR department letting exist.

[Someone]

no it was funny it's cool

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I really doubt that in the current environment, there are mixed groups of people in the sort of business environment Shag claims to be in who are still loudly and wildly throwing about sexual adventure stories, to the extent that he claims. That's just a liability I don't see any sort of supervisor or HR department letting exist.

Wait, are you telling me the Monday morning dick measuring contest isn't on the up and up?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Wait, are you telling me the Monday morning dick measuring contest isn't on the up and up?

Correct, although the Casual Friday Circle Jerks are still voluntary and held in the warehouse.

[Someone]

kayT viciously roasts Fenris in the "Bad Ads" pit thread:

Thanks for being part of the SDMB and doing such a lovely job of "fighting ignorance". I certainly do appreciate that you don't feel like joining and paying a fee.

That sanctimonious smugness is really annoying, especially with the "fighting ignorance" thing thrown in there. You deadbeats really should pay up for the privilege of providing the content that brings in the 2 new non-troll members a year or just suffer with your malware in silence.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Heh, sorry, that may have been crossing a line.

Speaking of crossing lines -- I'm reading the thread about Charlie Rose (because at this point what person with any sort of celebrity hasn't sexually assaulted, harassed, or misused someone, it seems) and it made me think of something else from the Shag pit thread. Someone called Shag out for bragging about 'making out in the parking lot' with his 'new girlfriend'. Shag's defense was, "I told my co-workers the same story, and trust me, mine is the PG story compared to all of theirs. And that's just the women!"

I really doubt that in the current environment, there are mixed groups of people in the sort of business environment Shag claims to be in who are still loudly and wildly throwing about sexual adventure stories, to the extent that he claims. That's just a liability I don't see any sort of supervisor or HR department letting exist.

He has claimed to be in IT for a big pharma or medical device company. The story-telling atmosphere he describes is totally outside of my experience in big IT, thirty years worth. He's just making shit up.

[Someone]

Is Thelmalou an idiot?

In this thread she calls me out for pointing a finger at the world's most obvious troll:

Originally Posted by Someone

Oh yeah. I absolutely get it. Give me a break. You're hearing a dog whistle where there wasn't any.

Then in this thread, she sneers at people for feeding the trolls:

Originally Posted by Someone

Clothy has you people twisted around his little finger. When he says "jump!" all you ask is "how high?" as your feet leave the ground.

What a dodo bird.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

kayT viciously roasts Fenris in the "Bad Ads" pit thread:

That sanctimonious smugness is really annoying, especially with the "fighting ignorance" thing thrown in there. You deadbeats really should pay up for the privilege of providing the content that brings in the 2 new non-troll members a year or just suffer with your malware in silence.

Maybe she's just not into fucking cacti.

[Someone]

Yeah, I've done IT for 20 years, but in small to medium shops, and I've never seen that, either. In fact, the larger the shop got, the more cautious that sort of stuff was.

Originally Posted by Someone

He has claimed to be in IT for a big pharma or medical device company. The story-telling atmosphere he describes is totally outside of my experience in big IT, thirty years worth. He's just making shit up.