In Derp thread number 92, the Raffers snarked, the Derpers blew

[Someone]

Hey, when you're on a message board that has the smartest people on the planet, it's good to lurk unless you have something really important to say.

[Someone]

Frylock is going to do hyoo-mon standup:

If I could go back in time, I would visit my dad's house, and I would ask him "don't you recognize me pa?" and he would say no, because I wouldn't have been born yet. Then he would shoot me, because I am making love to his wife.

dafuq?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Frylock is going to do hyoo-mon standup:

dafuq?

When he said he wanted to be a comedian, everybody laughed. Well, they're not laughing anymore.

[Someone]

Holy shit, those are seriously bad.

[Someone]

As I read those, I thought this is what a talentless fan of Mitch Hedburg or Steven Wright would try to do. Then I realized I was fucking close to water.

[Someone]

It is going to be a long three minutes. For all concerned.

(For some reason I always get him confused with the guy who canceled his family's ski trip because one of his kids [gasp] braided the fringe on a blanket in the TV room. I was wrong...too bad, because that was funny. Funny-peculiar more than funny-ha ha, but at least closer to funny than his terrible jokes.)

[Someone]

For some reason it cracks me up when Acey talks to/with himself.

[Someone]

Aceplace summed up in one sentence:

Originally Posted by Acey:
I don't understand.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...66&postcount=2

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Frylock is going to do hyoo-mon standup:

dafuq?

There's a street corner where several hispanic people often wait just hoping for an honest day's work. Then the other day I saw a young white millenial hipster standing there with them. What a comment on our society today. Gentrification rears its ugly head again.

Fry should just read a bunch of Laffy Taffy wrappers. They won't be funny, either, but they're unlikely to score him a black eye. "All hispanics are shiftless day laborers and millenials are a safe target HURFF!"

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Frylock is going to do hyoo-mon standup:

dafuq?

Those are aggressively unfunny. They sound like what someone as absolutely no sense of humor would come up with as examples of jokes. And did you see where Two Many Cats tried to punch up the incest joke for him? Somehow, it became even worse. I almost want to see this open mic night just to see how badly it bombs.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

They sound like what someone as absolutely no sense of humor would come up with as examples of jokes.

They are what someone with no sense of humor did come up with as examples of jokes. It's Frylock we're talking about, here.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I missed that one!

That is not the image I had of twicks.

I am forming a pretty solid mental image of her. It's not very flattering.

That ongoing catfight between Diogenes and Tacoloco, though. Amazing.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I missed that one!

That is not the image I had of twicks.

Also, holy shit, Zeriel apparently hangs out with some incredibly unethical, sketchy, shit-stirring people.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I liked how aruvqan tried to defend the guy. "What if she snuck in when he was having a party and hacked his computer? It could happen!"


Jesus Christ.

Right? "What if Maria sent trained pigeons equipped with GoPros to his house to peck out his password and take photos of his emails?"

Occams Razor? Anyone?

[Someone]

They're always cutting themselves with it.

[Someone]

I liked "Who here is in an open relationship that they know of?"

[Someone]

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I am forming a pretty solid mental image of her. It's not very flattering.

That ongoing catfight between Diogenes and Tacoloco, though. Amazing.

Diogenes was a prolific poster which probably means there is another message board somewhere straining under the mountain of his wisdom pearls.

[Someone]

i miss dio he should come back here

[Someone]

Someone what to explain what this is a video of? Description says it's for the SDMB. Must be the ban hammer warming up, any of you banned dopers recognize the sound?

How about you Cheshire ID10T, you've heard it several times, is that what it sounds like?

[Someone]

Retrosnark:

Liberal and man-hands drama

It starts off good, but Liberal's post around number ~98 turns the thread from the run-of-the-mill crazy-assed authoritarian Libertarian thread to a masterpiece of pure psychosis.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Diogenes was a prolific poster which probably means there is another message board somewhere straining under the mountain of his wisdom pearls.

He's written/writing a novel that is already something like 200,000 words long (800+ pages).

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Someone what to explain what this is a video of? Description says it's for the SDMB. Must be the ban hammer warming up, any of you banned dopers recognize the sound?

How about you Cheshire ID10T, you've heard it several times, is that what it sounds like?

Bannination is silent. That video just sounds like someone typing reallllllly slooooowlllly on an upright.

[Someone]

When you're banninated, no one can hear you scream.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Someone what to explain what this is a video of? Description says it's for the SDMB.

At the risk of being whooshed, I assume it's a Youtube video-audio lag test of some sort that was given as an example in a thread some time apparently in 2012.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He's written/writing a novel that is already something like 200,000 words long (800+ pages).

Good lord. How many misadventures can Dr. House get into?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

At the risk of being whooshed, I assume it's a Youtube video-audio lag test of some sort that was given as an example in a thread some time apparently in 2012.

From this thread presumably.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Frylock is going to do hyoo-mon standup:

dafuq?

This was the funniest post in the entire thread:

Originally Posted by Someone

Good evening, Earth revellers. Have you ever noticed that in a typical human monogamous heterosexual relationship the male partner frequently acts in ways that differ from the behaviours of his female opposite, causing a verbal tension which often escalates into a long-standing rancor? I mean, what is up with that?

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...1&postcount=12

[Someone]

nm

[Someone]

The Dope is going all secure and everything.
The Gormless One

The SDMB is switching to HTTPS
We expect to switch the SDMB to secure (=encrypted) data transmission later today (Thurs 12/7). This is in keeping with an industry trend; the Chicago Sun-Times, owned by our parent company, already does this. If all goes well the only noticeable change will be that SDMB URLs will start with HTTPS rather than HTTP. However, there is a small chance of problems, e.g., nonsecure content may not be visible. Our understanding is that the bulletin board software version we're currently using is immune to such problems. That said, if you notice anything unusual, please post about it in this thread. Thanks.

Does the offshore dude understand that?

[Someone]

In his pit thread, Shaggy brags about his karate skills:

Originally Posted by Someone

I am a little reserved when it comes to such matters but I did take karate classes as a kid and made it from white belt to almost the next level before I dropped out.

I didn't take karate, but my son did. The white belt has no requirements; it comes with the uniform and means you're a beginner. Shags is essentially boasting that he dropped out of karate class with no achievements at all.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In his pit thread, Shaggy brags about his karate skills:

I didn't take karate, but my son did. The white belt has no requirements; it comes with the uniform and means you're a beginner. Shags is essentially boasting that he dropped out of karate class with no achievements at all.

I know it's Shags but are you sure he wasn't actually engaging in humor at his own expense?

That karate line sounds like the way I describe my Little League "career". I was the only player in the country with a negative batting average. I could strike out on two pitches.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I know it's Shags but are you sure he wasn't actually engaging in humor at his own expense?

If it was anybody but Shaggy, I might agree. I don't think he's capable of self-deprecating humor.

[Someone]

Remember when Stoid wrote a rant about what a piece of shit the User Guide for some software was and the developer of the software showed up two hours later and totally schooled her?

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=523717

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Remember when Stoid wrote a rant about what a piece of shit the User Guide for some software was and the developer of the software showed up two hours later and totally schooled her?

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=523717

And that was his one and only post. Guess he wasn't Durp material!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

They are what someone with no sense of humor did come up with as examples of jokes. It's Frylock we're talking about, here.

He seems strangely intent on keeping the "I want to fuck my mom" joke in his routine. I'd go watch him perform, but I'm not a fan of confessional comedy.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Remember when Stoid wrote a rant about what a piece of shit the User Guide for some software was and the developer of the software showed up two hours later and totally schooled her?

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=523717

That thread contained something not seen often in a Stoid thread:

Originally Posted by Someone

Yes he is.

I wish to officially apologize to Ben Waldie, Owner and President of Automated Workflows, for making him the personal target of my frustration with many developers.

He and I have been communicating, and he is friendly, helpful, knowledgeable, patient and kind. He did not deserve to be called out like that and I think, I hope, he accepts my apology.

I'd also like to encourage all Mac dopers to explore the possibilities of Automator, and when you do, look into the incredible array of actions he has created.

An apology.

[Someone]

Clothy doesn't understand dark humor or Mel Brooks and gives insight into his way of thinking.

IMNSHO, if you can laugh at Blazing Saddles or Spaceballs or History of the World, you can laugh at anything. I think Mel Brooks set out to offend everyone on Earth and damn near succeeded.

[Someone]

I seriously miss Stoid.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Remember when Stoid wrote a rant about what a piece of shit the User Guide for some software was and the developer of the software showed up two hours later and totally schooled her?

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=523717

also remember when she wanted advice on penny auctions but she only wanted good stories and not to be told it was a scam even though it totally is?

[Someone]

Man am I slow. I just noticed that the "sultanstheme" alternative skin shows location and post counts for guests. Why aren't the paying members up in arms about it?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Clothy doesn't understand dark humor or Mel Brooks and gives insight into his way of thinking.

God he's a fucking idiot.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Remember when Stoid wrote a rant about what a piece of shit the User Guide for some software was and the developer of the software showed up two hours later and totally schooled her?

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=523717

We have much to learn from her...

"How to be a total ass" comes immediately to mind.

"How to be forced to 'eat crow' generally follows, more or less rapidly.

The people of Camaroon could teach us much about properly 'eating crow'. Every week, the people all gather at the regular Sunday night 'Fried Crow' dinner, where everyone who had made an ass of themselves that week confesses their wrongs before the village elders. When all have confessed, the entire village votes on which part of the crow each deserves. What we westerners call 'the drumsticks' go to the worst offenders. The breast portions are reserved for those who have committed the lightest offenses. The wings are considered a delicacy, as chicken wings are, here in America, and they go, one each, to the two people of the village who were voted 'most honest in their confession' each week. The crow is then breaded and deep-fried in a vat of oil, much like American Southern Fried Chicken, after which each participant is doled out their allotted share. After the miscreants all consume their allotted portion of the sacrificial crow, the real festivities begin, where everyone participates as the local bush-meat monkeys are butchered, breaded, and deep-fried in the same manner (and also in the same pot) as the previously shared crow. This ceremony has the effect of bringing the entire village together in reconciling their assholish behaviour with their need, as a primitive peoples, to work together, always, regardless of their differences.

It is a very moving ceremony.

[Someone]

WHY DOES HAJ's SNARK GET ALL THE LOVE????!?!?!!!!?!???!?!!!?!?!?

[Someone]

'CAUSE YOU'RE A BIG MEANIE-DUM-DUM-HEAD WHO IS LITERALLY WORSE THAN THE GUARDS AT ABU GHRAIB FOR MAKING FUN OF LIBERAL OR SOMETHING, MAN HANDS

Dude clutched his pearls so hard he probably still has dents in his hands. It's what all the Beautiful Jesuses have instead of stigmata.

[Someone]

I still wonder what happened to him. I mean, he most likely died, but you'd think we would've heard about it.

[Someone]

it's ok fenris no one ever likes my retro snark either

also we need a new thread what's the title gonna be

[Someone]

Nintey three, Giraffe Pee.. Gee, this Durp snark stinks!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

it's ok fenris no one ever likes my retro snark either

also we need a new thread what's the title gonna be

Durpetta 93-R Three Snark Burst.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I liked "Who here is in an open relationship that they know of?"

that is pretty damn funny