Snarkin' NINE to FIVE, what a way to make a durpin'.

[Someone]

Shags gets a little riled up when reminded of his "hot daughters" post:

Originally Posted by Someone

Idiot, my daughters are objectively attractive and more fun to talk to than most grown women. That doesn't mean that I would want to have sex with them. It doesn't work that way unless you are are a pervert. You are implying child molestation and I do nothing of the sort. Do you you realize what you are accusing me of? Of course not because you have rocks for brains.

You can burn straight in the fire pits of Hell if you ever accuse me of abusing my kids because that doesn't happen. It is very inappropriate and completely false. My job is to take care of them and make sure they are set up for life.

The post ends with "Last edited by Shagnasty; Today at 09:05 PM." I'm guessing he originally included a threat, but chickened out at the last minute.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

D'Asshole gets butthurt about being told to quit hijacking a thread and goes to ATMB to whine about it.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=848543

Irony of ironies:

D'Asshole complains about people hijacking his hijack thread in ATMB.

Originally Posted by Someone

Maybe my post wasn't clear. My fault, I'm sure.

Here's the timeline of events:

Aspenglow makes an accusation of hijacking here:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...&postcount=389

I started this thread.

Bone issues a moderator instruction not to relitigate underlying issues here:

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...7&postcount=28

Three posts later, Aspenglow attempts to relitigate the underlying issue.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...2&postcount=31

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...php?p=20768391

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The sight of Tom Brady pouting off the field like a pouty little pouter who pouts was even more satisfying than watching umkay getting busted

Pictures says words.

https://imgur.com/gallery/L2cZy

[Someone]

Oy gevalt.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=848590

Though why I should be surprised that there is yet another thread on the derp where people are patting themselves on the back for not caring about something that's very popular in mainstream American culture I don't know.

I don't follow football myself, but a good Super Bowl party can be lots of fun, especially if it's a good game. Yay Iggles!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oy gevalt.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=848590

Though why I should be surprised that there is yet another thread on the derp where people are patting themselves on the back for not caring about something that's very popular in mainstream American culture I don't know.(snip)

Especially coming from a group of people who get all moist and quivery over British television shows written for children. I think you know who I'm talking about.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oh fuk, the superbowl was today?

It was even Superb Owl Sunday. Enjoy:

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oy gevalt.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=848590

Though why I should be surprised that there is yet another thread on the derp where people are patting themselves on the back for not caring about something that's very popular in mainstream American culture I don't know.

I don't follow football myself, but a good Super Bowl party can be lots of fun, especially if it's a good game. Yay Iggles!

At least that one is just asking what Supebowl haters are going to do instead.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=848569

This one is more "because of the Soup or Bowl taking up one TV slot there is now nothing I can do to entertain myself"

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

It was even Superb Owl Sunday. Enjoy:

Superb Owl! There's an olde tyme Durpism.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=848569

This one is more "because of the Soup or Bowl taking up one TV slot there is now nothing I can do to entertain myself"

What the fuck do they do on a 'normal weekend'? It's one fucking channel he can't watch. There's everything else that's normally available every Sunday that's still available.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What the fuck do they do on a 'normal weekend'? It's one fucking channel he can't watch. There's everything else that's normally available every Sunday that's still available.

Yeah, that one was absurd. In fact, a huge percentage of things are even more readily available because so many people are watching the game. I went on a hike with my friend and considering the beautiful weather, the place was damn near empty.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Evil Captor posted a pit thread bitching about his bondage art getting flagged by eBay and taken down. His argument basically boiled down to "but...but other people do it!" He got piled on because the art was terrible and he was trying to make a profit out of photoshopping Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera in fake-o bondage poses.

I don't think the links in the thread work anymore, but if you're curious and you don't mind your computer history thinking you're a perv, you can google image search "britney and christina ballgagged" and it's the first hit. Needless to say that particular search term will lead to all sorts of NSFW images so proceed with caution.

This is awesome. I love threads where people with no talent bloviate about their amazing talent.

So I did a tiny bit of digging (didn't take much; I just glanced at EC's Durp profile), and...drum roll...

Evil Captor's become an author! (NSFW)

And he writes a blog! (NSFW either)

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I know I am guilty of drunk posting so I deserve the mocking I am getting. But I do feel that joking about the possible murder of a woman, especially now, is really hitting down. That said, ill take my mocking and like it.

What's wrong with "hitting down"?

I make Trump jokes all the time. Surely that's hitting down.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What's wrong with "hitting down"?

I make Trump jokes all the time. Surely that's hitting down.

Sad!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What's wrong with "hitting down"?

I make Trump jokes all the time. Surely that's hitting down.

Trump is a fool of his own making and actions; murder victims are not responsible for their murders. It seems to me like it only perpetuates their victimization. In the Natalie Wood case, the power and wealth of Wagner probably protected him from the justice that you or I would have received.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

murder victims are not responsible for their murders.

Maybe she had it coming.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What's wrong with "hitting down"?

I make Trump jokes all the time. Surely that's hitting down.

Little kayak, one of the biggest leakers in Derpraffeville, must be stoppered!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Now wait a minute, in the 60s she was A-list. I know it didn't last, but she was near the top for a run. Starting in 1961 with Splendor in the Grass & West side Story she was A-list. It continued with Gypsy and I guess ended in 1966. Then she had her self-imposed hiatus and her career never recovered.

Starting from her role as Judy in "Rebel Without A Cause", she did six or so more-or-less A-list roles*. That's seven out of thirty or so films from Rebel forward. And if you count the movies she did before Rebel, the ratio becomes even worse for her. ("Scudda-Hoo! Scudda-Hoy!"? Really?)


*Counting her magnificent but ignored performance in the wonderful and underrated "The Great Race"

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Pictures says words.

https://imgur.com/gallery/L2cZy

He looks so deflated.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He looks so deflated.

That's what happens when the pressure gets to be too much.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oy gevalt.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=848590

Though why I should be surprised that there is yet another thread on the derp where people are patting themselves on the back for not caring about something that's very popular in mainstream American culture I don't know.

I don't follow football myself, but a good Super Bowl party can be lots of fun, especially if it's a good game. Yay Iggles!

"Who is this Justin Timbersomethingorother?" bonus points as well!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What the fuck do they do on a 'normal weekend'? It's one fucking channel he can't watch. There's everything else that's normally available every Sunday that's still available.

Yes, but if he just went and did whatever he'd normally do to kill a few hours on a Sunday night, he wouldn't have gotten to announce that he's not a member of the football-watchin' mundanes. I do admire the Opalcattian way in which he struck down one suggestion after another, at least until he showed a bit of self-awareness with the "oops, I guess I never bothered to say what I am interested in."

[Someone]

Well, I mean I could definitely see how someone would be put out if they normally spend their Sunday afternoons tuned into NBC watching ... *checks old listings* ... um, football. Huh.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, I mean I could definitely see how someone would be put out if they normally spend their Sunday afternoons tuned into NBC watching ... *checks old listings* ... um, football. Huh.

That's the problem I have now. What am I supposed to do on Sunday nights now through September, something productive??

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That's the problem I have now. What am I supposed to do on Sunday nights now through September, something productive??

Surf the Durp. Can't get more unproductive than that!

[Someone]

N00b with a hilarious username bumps 2004 zombie GQ thread to add a bit of a screed. Probably gonna get the cornfield so here' it is:

WANK_ME_GENTLY_W_A_CHAINSAW
Guest

Join Date: Feb 2018
Oh to live in a country where the 'president' is not demonstrably retarded, and healthcare is actually available as a human right.
Anyway, I just got 70 extra (10mG) hydrocodone, and I knew they would be coming back for it. So I was the nice guy and just gave them back.
the next day when they called frantically. But if you think they destroyed them, you better have your head examined, right now I have no doubt
other customers are getting what I gave back. If this wasn't a small-town pharmacy that has been doing a good job prior to this incident, I would
have kept them and gone to another place. But alas, this is not the case. I don't abuse my script, but if I was to lose a couple days worth, in the states
they couldn't care less if you go into convulsions from THEIR mistake. So yeah, I count every tab, every time upon getting them. But when I came up 2 short
one time, they ignored me. Here in the states where stupidity rules, followed immediately by greed, a war has been declared on opioids. A war is declared on
everything but wars and stupidity here. This means that people who really NEED pain control will lose it. I fear that could happen to me, though there is no good reason for it.
Screw the U.S. and all it NOW stands for.
Cheers!

[Someone]

Noob got disappeared.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Trump is a fool of his own making and actions; murder victims are not responsible for their murders. It seems to me like it only perpetuates their victimization. In the Natalie Wood case, the power and wealth of Wagner probably protected him from the justice that you or I would have received.

Oh just SHUT UP already, would you?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Probably gonna get the cornfield...

Gone already. I wonder who's sock it was?

[Someone]

No idea, but the username was awesome, which is why I copypastaed the whole thing.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

"Who is this Justin Timbersomethingorother?" bonus points as well!

This deserves quoting:

Originally Posted by Someone

I did watch Justin Timberlake with my spouse, because she wanted me to. So I got to see who Justin Timberlake is. He doesn't look or sound familiar, though. I kind of thought he was a New Kids On The Block type, but he looks older.

Didn't want to watch him, definitely had never seen him before, didn't recognize his sound, and is so determined to continue being clueless that he's refusing to grasp the concept of aging.

[Someone]

Timberlake is finally getting old enough to be interesting.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

This deserves quoting:

Didn't want to watch him, definitely had never seen him before, didn't recognize his sound, and is so determined to continue being clueless that he's refusing to grasp the concept of aging.

I had to look up Justin Timberlake to see if he was one of the "New Shits On The Cock" (spoiler: He's not, it was NSYNC, an entirely different, but utterly indistinguishable 'boy band'), but I don't take pride in, nor brag about not knowing that. It takes a 'special' kind of hubris to take pride in one's ignorance. A 'special' kind that's rather 'specially' common at the Durp.

"Hurr, Durr! I'm better than you because I'm old and can't understand what you young'uns are on about! Aren't I Special!!!"

No, Grandpa. You're not. Old farts like you have been proud of your ignorance since the first asshole that qualified as both 'Grandpa' and 'H. Sap.". You're not 'unique', nor 'smart'.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I had to look up Justin Timberlake to see if he was one of the "New Shits On The Cock" (spoiler: He's not, it was NSYNC, an entirely different, but utterly indistinguishable 'boy band'), but I don't take pride in, nor brag about not knowing that. It takes a 'special' kind of hubris to take pride in one's ignorance. A 'special' kind that's rather 'specially' common at the Durp.

Don't like his music, but he is actually pretty funny. He had some excellent appearances on SNL believe it or not. I think he was somehow connected with Britney Spears at one point too but I'm not sure.

Also I'm almost dead sure he was the other star for the most infamous of half time shows, yes, the Janet Jackson nip slip that scarred a generation.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Don't like his music, but he is actually pretty funny. He had some excellent appearances on SNL believe it or not. I think he was somehow connected with Britney Spears at one point too but I'm not sure.

Never said anything bad about his music. I've not actually spent much time listening to it, but what I did wasn't crap. Not my style, but I can't say anything bad about it, either.

Originally Posted by Someone

Also I'm almost dead sure he was the other star for the most infamous of half time shows, yes, the Janet Jackson nip slip that scarred a generation.

That was him. Got it in one. Don't like Janet Jackson, either, but she has a nice looking left tit.

[Someone]

That was her right tit, buster.

In three years Justin Timberlake will be forty.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Shags gets a little riled up when reminded of his "hot daughters" post:

The post ends with "Last edited by Shagnasty; Today at 09:05 PM." I'm guessing he originally included a threat, but chickened out at the last minute.

I think that we should leave his daughters out of it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

This deserves quoting:

Didn't want to watch him, definitely had never seen him before, didn't recognize his sound, and is so determined to continue being clueless that he's refusing to grasp the concept of aging.

Exactly, too hilarious.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I think that we should leave his daughters out of it.

Who's "we"? "We" didn't do anything. This is just a message board. We don't have meetings and vote on what we're going to do, or not do.

Shagnasty has talked about his daughters in a creepy, inappropriate way. He's the one who brought them into the discussion, not "us."

ETA: 2009 join date, and your first post is Shagnasty white-knighting? Hmmm.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That was her right tit, buster.

Left, right, who gives a fuck. It was a nice tit, regardless.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I think that we should leave his daughters out of it.

There is a not insignificant chance that they are fictional, like everything else he says. Besides, it's not the daughters that people are insulting and ragging on. It's him. No one is saying his daughters (if they exist) enjoy molestation, they're not even saying he does it. They're only saying he wants to do it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Who's "we"? "We" didn't do anything. This is just a message board. We don't have meetings and vote on what we're going to do, or not do.

Shagnasty has talked about his daughters in a creepy, inappropriate way. He's the one who brought them into the discussion, not "us."

ETA: 2009 join date, and your first post is Shagnasty white-knighting? Hmmm.

I don't think his posts about his daughters, specifically the one, are creepy or inappropriate in a pervy way so much as they highlight how immature and clueless he is. Like he doesn't understand why other adults aren't fun in the same way as children, and life experience is somehow a detriment as far as he's concerned.

[Someone]

I liked this bit from Wanky Chainsaw:

a war has been declared on opioids. A war is declared on
everything but wars and stupidity here.

minds me of this.

Originally Posted by Someone

but he is actually pretty funny. He had some excellent appearances on SNL believe it or not.

Yes.

I think he was somehow connected with Britney Spears at one point too but I'm not sure.

They dated, then suckled each others privates, then wrote songs about each other.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I went on a hike with my friend and considering the beautiful weather, the place was damn near empty.

Did you manage to find a spot that's not charred to cinders yet?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

There is a not insignificant chance that they are fictional, like everything else he says.

I've wondered the same thing. It's interesting that he has two daughters, just like Acey.

If they are fictional, at least Shaggy bothered to make them different ages. Acey was too stupid to do that.

[Someone]

Former high school science teacher: how do I post a link?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Former high school science teacher: how do I post a link?

A science teacher who focused his science classes on preparing them for the workplace.

[Someone]

I always read his name as Unbannedredneck. Then I think, not for long.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

There is a not insignificant chance that they are fictional, like everything else he says.

What - the 11-year-old who speaks fluent French is fictional? No way!

[Someone]

AND plays checkers.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

AND plays checkers.

Jeu de dames, s'il vous plaît.