137-The snark o'clock whistle's on the blink. We haven't snarked and whadd'ya think? The durp is still on the S-D-M-B, so we don't know what the snark just happens to be.

[Someone]

A bit late but...why does Stoid not have a stove???

[Someone]

I'm kind of afraid to ask because I suspect I know the answer--that house she refused to sell and split with her ex has deteriorated and she doesn't have any money to fix anything hence the firetrap "kitchen" she's using.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm kind of afraid to ask because I suspect I know the answer--that house she refused to sell and split with her ex has deteriorated and she doesn't have any money to fix anything hence the firetrap "kitchen" she's using.

And she didn't try to cook anyway? *sniff* They grow up so fast.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/in...a-purse/690022

That's a real doozy.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That's a real doozy.

I love it when derpers do something utterly wacko and then run to the Dope to brag about it, like they're expecting high-fives and attaboys. That's my favorite kind of thread.

I'm on the fence about whether it's better if the OP puts up a fight or just abandons the thread out of sheer embarrassment.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And she didn't try to cook anyway? *sniff* They grow up so fast.

Oh no, she did try which is why she's asking about how to plug multiple 1500W appliances into a crappy power strip plugged into a 15A circuit but not have it trip the breaker. It's only by sheer luck she isn't asking how to keep it from burning her fucking house down.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Remember the lady who was going to poop in the purse she was selling on ebay? Good times.

Oh Minnit, I've missed you.

Whatever happened to that nutjob, April R? I feel like she left the Dope when she was planning to have an affair and her thread didn't go the way she expected, but I could once again be totally misremembering, as I'm wont to do.

[Someone]

Nope, you're right on the button.

The original thread.

Penis Pit thread ensues.

After she flounced from the durp, she ended up on some other board looking for a more receptive audience.

[Someone]

She went to City Scape (or whatever it's name is), where the people were more understanding and willing to accept her.

[Someone]

Well, you wont have Tomndebb to kick around anymore.

After 15 3/4 years as a Moderator, I am stepping down or out.
Keep the cheering down: I am not leaving, just getting out of the “keeping order” business.
It has been fun and educational, going all the way back to the AOL board in 1998, but with new blood coming in, I figured I’d give you folks a break.
Tom~

Now for all the insincere goodbyes and good lucks.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Nope, you're right on the button.

The original thread.

Penis Pit thread ensues.

After she flounced from the durp, she ended up on some other board looking for a more receptive audience.

The original thread is long but worth a read. So much cringe. Our own Smartie lays the smackdown later in the thread and it's fantastic.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm kind of afraid to ask because I suspect I know the answer--that house she refused to sell and split with her ex has deteriorated and she doesn't have any money to fix anything hence the firetrap "kitchen" she's using.

Yeah, I figured it's because it's a gas stove, and the gas has been shut off for years.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yeah, I figured it's because it's a gas stove, and the gas has been shut off for years.

Is she still in that house? I thought it had to he sold.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, you wont have Tomndebb to kick around anymore.

Now for all the insincere goodbyes and good lucks.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, you wont have Tomndebb to kick around anymore.

First, a global pandemic that's killed hundreds of thousands of people, ravaged the world economy, and may catalyze the complete and possibly irreversible slide of the United States into fascist autocracy... and now this?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Is she still in that house? I thought it had to he sold.

IIRC, the house was sold, but she took a bath on it due to the housing crash. She's in an even worse dump now.

[Someone]

That does make more sense--wherever the fuck she is it's obviously a place with some...deficits.

Oh man, that Alice the slutty Mormon thread, that was annoying AF. I think I got a trifle pissed off at her.

[Someone]

OK help me out fellow snarkers. Many moons ago there was a derp thread by a woman who had some guests at her house. Several days later she found that someone had wiped their ass on a clean bath towel, and then folded it up and put it back in the linen closet. Does anyone else recall that one?

[Someone]

I remember the thread vaguely. But, my search skills stink sorry.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

my search skills stink

So does that towel! Wokka wokka.

[Someone]

XKCD on messageboards

https://xkcd.com/2363/

Do the mouse over thing.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

OK help me out fellow snarkers. Many moons ago there was a derp thread by a woman who had some guests at her house. Several days later she found that someone had wiped their ass on a clean bath towel, and then folded it up and put it back in the linen closet. Does anyone else recall that one?

Here you go: Why would a person do this?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

XKCD on messageboards

https://xkcd.com/2363/

Do the mouse over thing.

Heh. It took me a second.

Originally Posted by Someone

Here you go: Why would a person do this?

Finally, the "I MADE BROWNS" tag is actually relevant.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Here you go: Why would a person do this?

In post 27 of that thread, Cynic writes that he always asks for extra towels at his usual five star hotels because he expects to be able to clean his ass in the most comfortable way possible, and the towels don't belong to anyone, so it's perfectly fine.

Amazingly, very few posters comment on this practice.

[Someone]

If anyone is interested, in this Pit thread from 2005 I kinda get my ass handed to me.

If anyone STILL needs a 9/80 schedule explained to them, I'll be glad to do it AGAIN.

Featured players: TDN, Excalibre, The King of Soup, Xploder, and our own What Exit!

ETA: This post made me laugh!

Originally Posted by Someone

Ever consider that perhaps, in spite of your “seniority” you weren’t assigned the good days because either a) your performance doesn’t merit it, or b) your attitude is tiresome, whiny, and not appreciated by management?

I read this and the first question that pops into my mind is, “why is this woman 10+ years into a career and still not in a supervisory or management role? Something more is going on here.” That’s what stands out as a career coach, resume writer, and program manager for a nonprofit.

[Someone]

I was still pretty new to the board. I'm glad I didn't make much of an ass of myself.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I was still pretty new to the board. I'm glad I didn't make much of an ass of myself.

your answers were great!

Love to see Zoe's condescending answer, those were always fun.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

If anyone is interested, in this Pit thread from 2005 I kinda get my ass handed to me.

If anyone STILL needs a 9/80 schedule explained to them, I'll be glad to do it AGAIN.

Featured players: TDN, Excalibre, The King of Soup, Xploder, and our own What Exit!

ETA: This post made me laugh!

Didn't you post another thread about not inviting this dude to lunch and everyone freaked out too? Truly shocking that Dopers would stick up for an annoying guy with poor social skills.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Here you go: Why would a person do this?

That's the one. Classic stuff.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Didn't you post another thread about not inviting this dude to lunch and everyone freaked out too? Truly shocking that Dopers would stick up for an annoying guy with poor social skills.

Birds of a feather.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Surprisingly Urbanredneck isn't the most obnoxious poster in the thread. TriPolar shows his entire ass. (At least up to about post 60 or so. I stopped reading when Aji de Gallina or whatever the fuck his name is brings up the old sexist canard that "women dress for other women" at which point I stopped reading before I blew a gasket.)

Also in that thread, thickpancreas has managed to get an addition to his entry in my idiot list. I originally had him as: -massive drooling moron and obvious trumpkin troll

His posts in that thread have earned him an upgrade (downgrade?) to: -massive drooling moron, sexist troglodyte, obvious trumpkin troll, and transparent liar

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Birds of a feather.

You didn't properly complete that. It goes "Birds of a feather, durp together"!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

His posts in that thread have earned him an upgrade (downgrade?) to: -massive drooling moron, sexist troglodyte, obvious trumpkin troll, and transparent liar

Ya gotta have a proper bibliography for future reference.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Birds of a feather.

Yes! That guy was SOOO weird. I backtracked in the thread, but we were never best buds, to say the least. He also had two (!) semi-violent outbursts and never got let go. One almost came to blows, and the two guys had to be separated physically.

Before he got hired, there was a co-worker that knew him from another job, and told them they shouldn't hire him. Apparently, he had SLAMMED HIS BOSS'S HEAD INTO A DESK! I found this out much later than the time of the thread.

[Someone]

Classic Dopers. Don't want to spend your lunch hour with an off-putting, damaged weirdo? RAEG

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oh man, that Alice the slutty Mormon thread, that was annoying AF. I think I got a trifle pissed off at her.

You did, it was glorious:

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, if you can be forgiven for whatever you do, why not just go get fucking laid and stop whining about it? You decided to be part of a repressive sex negative religion,* you* decided to get married, you vowed it was forever and one person only,* you* decided to have kids and now you want to bitch and moan because (as is completely and mundanely and tediously usual for people who got married too young because their religion says that’s the only way they get to have sex) you’re wanting some strange but your own decisions are standing in your way. So of course it’s “society’s fault” you can’t get your itch scratched. Uh huh. Either shit or get off the pot, really, every single person in the world has gone through some version of this jejune plot twist at some time in their lives. You aren’t speshul or magical or in wuv or whatever it is you’re dressing it up with–you’re bored, you want strange dick but you’re too chicken to go for it so you play brinksmanship riiiiight up to the edge of what’s “forgivable” to your religion and whine about it all online. FFS, grow up. Or, y’know, get a journal.

This was after pages and pages of April whining about having the hots for her guy friend even though she's married but she's not considering cheating what are you crazy just because I posted cringey poetry in the thread about said guy friend doesn't mean anything you're all meanies wah.

[Someone]

Yeah, my pimp hand was itching mightily to smack her right upside her face and the cringe poetry just amplified it into a nuclear need to slap. People who play these dumb games just get right under my skin--I do not CARE how much sex someone is getting or from who they're getting it or anything else to do with bumpin' uglies. Do it, don't do it, just SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT. It's possibly the least important thing people do but they act like it's so crucial and interesting when it's 100% neither. Ye gods and little fishes.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yes! That guy was SOOO weird. I backtracked in the thread, but we were never best buds, to say the least. He also had two (!) semi-violent outbursts and never got let go. One almost came to blows, and the two guys had to be separated physically.

Before he got hired, there was a co-worker that knew him from another job, and told them they shouldn't hire him. Apparently, he had SLAMMED HIS BOSS'S HEAD INTO A DESK! I found this out much later than the time of the thread.

So whatever happened to this dickwad? I'd have been on your side if I'd been a paying member of the Dope back then, but after my free month of non-posting in 2004 I didn't have a paid subscription until 2006...when Vetbridge comped it for me. That guy was pretty awesome and I miss him.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Heh. It took me a second.

Yeah, I didn't notice the time stamps at first. Pretty good.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yeah, I didn't notice the time stamps at first. Pretty good.

Don't you ever get tired of coming off as an utter moron all the time?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Don't you ever get tired of coming off as an utter moron all the time?

Get a room.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yeah, my pimp hand was itching mightily to smack her right upside her face and the cringe poetry just amplified it into a nuclear need to slap. People who play these dumb games just get right under my skin--I do not CARE how much sex someone is getting or from who they're getting it or anything else to do with bumpin' uglies. Do it, don't do it, just SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT. It's possibly the least important thing people do but they act like it's so crucial and interesting when it's 100% neither. Ye gods and little fishes.

The most infuriating thing about the whole sitch, she refused to take any responsibility for either doing or not doing anything. She wouldn't even make a decicion to fuck or not to fuck.

It was her husband's job to keep her on the straight and narrow and forgive her all her sins. It was Hot Guy's job to stroke her ego without being attracted to frumpy little her, and to find a girlfriend before she came to visit. It would have been Hot Guy's Hypothetical Girlfriend to defend her man against April. It was Hot Guy's sister's job to keep them apart. It was Aunt Flo's job to make her feel so icky during her "momcation" that she wouldn't want to have her churn dashed. It was the Durp's fault she broke off communication with Hot Guy for a whole two days guise!!! even though it made her feel bad and go against her moral principles.

She was just an innocent adrift in a sea of whatever, a pawn of fate, helpless against the rising tide of horny. Like Candide, and doing everything as half-assed as the woman who can sit only on one buttock.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The most infuriating thing ...

That summary was sheer poetry.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

So whatever happened to this dickwad?

He went to business school on the company's dime, and got another job. We were sooo sad to see him go!

On a sad note, though, we heard he later got brain cancer and died.

[Someone]

I'm surprised that one one suggested that his dickwadness was due to to a brain tumor/ autism/ dyslexia/ being bullied in grade school/ being forced to eat mushy broccolli as a child.

[Someone]

I never updated the Durpers on that particular bit of info.

[Someone]

So I just noticed a poster who appears to have been on the Dope for ages, but is just a regular poster and seems to share Bone's avatar? Did Bone come back as a normal poster under a new name or is this just a coincidence?

https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hampshire/badges

[Someone]

Velocity again shows that he misnamed himself for the wrong speed.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

A bit late but...why does Stoid not have a stove???

I believe the most plausible hypothesis is that on losing her house following the epic loss in the court case, she is now in low-income apartment / studio apartment w/o actual kitchen...

Originally Posted by Someone

If anyone is interested, in this Pit thread from 2005 I kinda get my ass handed to me.

If anyone STILL needs a 9/80 schedule explained to them, I'll be glad to do it AGAIN.

I remember that from the day (non participant though me)

Originally Posted by Someone

He went to business school on the company's dime, and got another job. We were sooo sad to see him go!

On a sad note, though, we heard he later got brain cancer and died.

Huh - actually maybe the brain cancer (tumor) could explain some things.

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm surprised that one one suggested that his dickwadness was due to to a brain tumor/ autism/ dyslexia/ being bullied in grade school/ being forced to eat mushy broccolli as a child.

Well the brain cancer actually might have been a real explanation... (not an excuse mind you but a tumor could well explain the strange lack of control over violent behavior, I mean smashing an employers head on a desk is a wee bit beyond even dickwad rage monkey action)

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Velocity again shows that he misnamed himself for the wrong speed.

Well... technically he could be zero velocity....