137-The snark o'clock whistle's on the blink. We haven't snarked and whadd'ya think? The durp is still on the S-D-M-B, so we don't know what the snark just happens to be.

[Someone]

Umm, I thought I just made it clear that I would display such a plaque. So I guess 'that kind of idiot' is . . . me?

[Someone]

As long as you wear it with pride.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

More Stoid retro snark:

Praising that idiotic Dear Woman video that was making the rounds online almost a decade ago. It's a bunch of new age claptrap that she finds "amazing" and "moving", with the expected results.

I was kinda proud of the work I did in that thread.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

As long as you wear it with pride.

That would be my pimp pee cup.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I was kinda proud of the work I did in that thread.

Yeah, but it didn't work because you used logic instead of nurturing and empathy.

[Someone]

With apologies, Anti-Snark:

I'm organizing the Cafe Society Forum on the Straight Dope with Tags and catching people off guard as every time I tag a thread it notifies those watching the thread that the thread has changed.

I was expecting some bitching and moaning when people got the messages and emails. That was my general experience back in the Mello days.

Instead posters are taking it well and helping out. Refreshing.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I have my "Wiped my own ass" plaque displayed above my bed.

I am in awe. Still looking forward to getting mine. I am working on my "Didn't shit my pants today" merit badge.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I am in awe. Still looking forward to getting mine. I am working on my "Didn't shit my pants today" merit badge.

You have to send Colibri your drawers with a signed certification that you did not crap in them for 24 hours. He'll investigate.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You have to send Colibri your drawers with a signed certification that you did not crap in them for 24 hours. He'll investigate.

I found a soiled pair of iron pants in my yard. Will those do?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That would be my pimp pee cup.

That reminds me of the spreadable cheese called WisPride. Of course I will from now on think of it as WhizPride.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That reminds me of the spreadable cheese called WisPride. Of course I will from now on think of it as WhizPride.

What about Cheez Whiz?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

With apologies, Anti-Snark:

I'm organizing the Cafe Society Forum on the Straight Dope with Tags and catching people off guard as every time I tag a thread it notifies those watching the thread that the thread has changed.

I was expecting some bitching and moaning when people got the messages and emails. That was my general experience back in the Mello days.

Instead posters are taking it well and helping out. Refreshing.

You may want to skip the Mode elections this time.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You may want to skip the Mode elections this time.

LOL, that's for sure. I was actually against it that time too. But that was a long time ago.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I honestly don't know if you're being serious here. I can really see one of the Raffers having a plaque that actuallly says that on their wall.

I mean, I have a page from the Weekly World News on my bathroom door. The main article is "Haunted Toilet Claims Third Plumber In Eight Years!". I'd rather like a nice brass plaque reading "I Wiped My Own Ass" to go with it.

Weekly World News... ahh, memories!!!

Long story about to be told. Prepare yourself for much TL;DR:

ETA: Ok, now that I've written it, it's not very long at all...

Back around 1990, Tom Snyder used to have a late night radio show. I and several of my friends used to troll his show. We'd call in and spout some random bullshit that we made up on the spot, in an attempt to get on the air. We frequently succeeded. One night, I made up 'the Imminent Alien Invasion of 1992'. Tom kept me on for a good 15 minutes, and I kept making up stuff to fill the airwaves. About 2 months later, the Weekly World News had an article about the 'Alien Invasion of 1992'. It agreed, in exact detail, with the shit I had made up on the spur of the moment on the phone to Tom's show. I KNOW where the Weekly World News got THAT story... I made it up. They merely plagerized it. We kept calling back, and when 1992 rolled around and the invasion didn't happen, I attributed it to 'budget cuts' and pushed it back to 1994. I forget what year his show was cancelled, but the 'budget cuts' excuse worked to always put the 'Imminent Alien Invasion' into the next year. I was always amazed that I could get through his call-screener and get on the air with that bullshit. When his show was cancelled, I called in on the last night, just to talk to the call screener. I congratulated her on being a worthy adversary and told her about all the times I got on the air. She was rather shocked that I had been all those trolls. Yes she remembered me. All of my identities. Apparently, Tom reamed her every time I got on the air.

Trolling messageboards is worthless and weak. You're not truly a troll, until you troll a national radio call-in show.

My favorite bit of that was not mine. My brother told Tom: "You'll not last long in the uranium mines with THAT attitude, Tom!" and that actually made it on the air!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I found a soiled pair of iron pants in my yard. Will those do?

Were those from that time that Iron Man pooped in his armor?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Were those from that time that Iron Man pooped in his armor?

I think it was War Machine.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I think it was War Machine.

Why would War Machine poop in Iron Man's armor?
And was Iron Man in there at the time?
Inquiring minds and all that.

[Someone]

Okay, fess up someone to Zack Poppet. My favorite trock name yet.

[Someone]

Well, Trump's got the China Flu. Let's see what happens to enforcement of the "don't wish death on anybody"rule.

[Someone]

For a second I thought their relative harmlessness so far was a point in their favor, but then there's this tired gambit for knowing every detail about the board:

Originally Posted by Someone

Thanks. I’ve been lurking here for years, but just thought of signing up recently

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, Trump's got the China Flu. Let's see what happens to enforcement of the "don't wish death on anybody"rule.

Actually, I don't wish death on Trump. I do hope he has a bad case and recovers with all the severe long-term health effects so many suffer from. I hope his every remaining minute of life is agony.

He still wouldn't admit any of it is his fault.

[Someone]

I like presidents who don't die from hoaxes.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, Trump's got the China Flu. Let's see what happens to enforcement of the "don't wish death on anybody"rule.

They probably will, because it's the POTUS and they don't want any friendly visits from the Secret Service.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, Trump's got the China Flu. Let's see what happens to enforcement of the "don't wish death on anybody"rule.

Barron is gonna be an orphan.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Barron is gonna be an orphan.

Lucky kid...

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

For a second I thought their relative harmlessness so far was a point in their favor, but then there's this tired gambit for knowing every detail about the board:

Ever since his last little bitchfest in ATMB where he wanted n00bs redirected to a n00b thread because the "welcome n00b" announcements were annoying him, I've noticed whitesquare welcoming every n00b to the board. Nothing like a little passive-aggression to set the tone of the board.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I like presidents who don't die from hoaxes.

For want of a face mask the emperor was lost
For want of an emperor, the country was
in effing PARTY mood.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

They probably will, because it's the POTUS and they don't want any friendly visits from the Secret Service.

Like the time a doper got a visit from Homeland Security?

[Someone]

I genuinely don't want Trump to die. I want him to be visited by three spirits, awake the next morning a changed man, and do his best to atone and make the world a better place.

Can you imagine if he spread generosity and love instead of greed and hate? If he spread hope instead of fear mongering? It would be a beautiful thing.

I don't expect it will ever happen. But it would be a beautiful thing.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I genuinely don't want Trump to die. I want him to be visited by three spirits, awake the next morning a changed man, and do his best to atone and make the world a better place.

Can you imagine if he spread generosity and love instead of greed and hate? If he spread hope instead of fear mongering? It would be a beautiful thing.

A victorious Ebenezer Trump, on November 4th, 2020:

"HA! Fooled you!"

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ever since his last little bitchfest in ATMB where he wanted n00bs redirected to a n00b thread because the "welcome n00b" announcements were annoying him, I've noticed whitesquare welcoming every n00b to the board. Nothing like a little passive-aggression to set the tone of the board.

Whitesquare keeps claiming that discobot is ordering the welcoming and in fact quotes discobot when he does so. It shows up to me as a generic smiley face, is Discobot actually doing it in some theme, or is this just even more kaylas(poor kayla!)dad nuttiness?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Whitesquare keeps claiming that discobot is ordering the welcoming and in fact quotes discobot when he does so. It shows up to me as a generic smiley face, is Discobot actually doing it in some theme, or is this just even more kaylas(poor kayla!)dad nuttiness?

Actually, Discobot does pop up a temp message with something like "Newuser hasn't posted before, why don't you welcome him to the board"

[Someone]

I see the temp message, but no reason to call it discobot's doing as opposed to just a Discourse feature. It's a header with a generic picture of shaking hands that you can't actually quote, right?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I see the temp message, but no reason to call it discobot's doing as opposed to a Discourse feature.. It's a header with a generic picture of shaking hands, right?

That sounds right. I'm sure he thinks he's being funny.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That sounds right. I'm sure he thinks he's being funny striking a blow for Truth, Justice, and the American Way.

FTFY

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Like the time a doper got a visit from Homeland Security?

Haven't we all threatened to kill some public figure in our online private journals that nobody but our friends has any business reading?

Thank you for this lovely snark, by the way. Thin on the ground these days.

[Someone]

Dopers are super proud of themselves for inventing various commonplace phrases and expressions. Most of them grudgingly acknowledge that somebody else thought of it first, but a few are sticking to their guns. HoneyBadgerDC came up with "one stop shopping" all by himself, and he doesn't care what you say.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Dopers are super proud of themselves ....

I sometimes think the phrase 'smartest and hippest' they use is intended to refer to the neverending stream of trolls.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Dopers are super proud of themselves for inventing various commonplace phrases and expressions. Most of them grudgingly acknowledge that somebody else thought of it first, but a few are sticking to their guns. HoneyBadgerDC came up with "one stop shopping" all by himself, and he doesn't care what you say.

I’m gonna sock up so I can claim credit for ‘Got Milk’.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Sayings or phrases you thought you invented, but you didn’t

Starts out innocently enough, then of course turns into the Durps sharing their own made-up sayings that no one else uses.

Oh, sure, it's snarkworthy when stichomythia posts it

[Someone]

Kabong him right in the jewels.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oh, sure, it's snarkworthy when stichomythia posts it

Oh, jeez. Sorry! I don't have a good excuse. I didn't miss your post—I read it, then promptly forgot about it. I'm old.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Sayings or phrases you thought you invented, but you didn’t

Starts out innocently enough, then of course turns into the Durps sharing their own made-up sayings that no one else uses.

Hey, the title didn't specify famous sayings you thought you invented

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Dopers are super proud of themselves for inventing various commonplace phrases and expressions. Most of them grudgingly acknowledge that somebody else thought of it first, but a few are sticking to their guns. HoneyBadgerDC came up with "one stop shopping" all by himself, and he doesn't care what you say.

But claiming to invent “day after tomorrow” as a unique phrase tops them all!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

But claiming to invent “day after tomorrow” as a unique phrase tops them all!

All your yesterdays are belong to us.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

All your yesterdays are belong to us.

I invented that 'all your base' thing. Last March. Look how fast it spread so people are even parodying it...

[Someone]

I know "poop deck" was named after Fenris.

BTW, is he okay? Sort of miss the little devil.

[Someone]

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I know "poop deck" was named after Fenris.

BTW, is he okay? Sort of miss the little devil.

I hope something terrible hasn't happened to him, like becoming a Durp mode.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I hope something terrible hasn't happened to him, like becoming a Durp mode.

That's like handing someone in a sinking boat a 16 ton weight and telling them to use it to plug the leak.