141: Everybody get all aboard, We’re gonna snark on the Straight Dope Board, And if that Straight Dope Board don’t durp, We’re gonna retrosnark until we urp

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yikes. What she's describing goes way beyond introversion or shyness into some kind of severe social anxiety thing that needs some kind of professional help to overcome.

Of course if you suggested that you'd just be a mean ol' extrovert bashing on the hapless introvert (even though I'm introverted myself, although I have zero trouble with social situations)

Yeah, I typed something to that effect, but thought better of it. I think she'd just interpret it as bashing.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Heh. DrDumbth is also plugging Norman Greenbaum's song, 'Spirit in the Sky' as 'Christian', failing to realize that a) Greenbaum's Jewish, and b) from a Christian perspective, those lyrics are extremely heretical. Why is it that the more certain he is that he knows something about a subject, the more certain you can be that what he says is wrong?

ETA: And when b) is pointed out, he of course doubles down.

Has he gone to great lengths to insist that he’s "totally not a Christian" himself yet? DrDerpth doth protest too much, methinks.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ulfreida is really going off the rails in the extrovert thread. It's really more sad than funny.

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-...u=larry_borgia

I'm rather introverted. I ain't fucking nuts like that. I checked her listing in my list. I had her listed as 'drooling moron'. She just got upgraded to 'massive drooling moron and genuine fruitcake'. Damn, that's some genuine fruitcakery, there.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Has he gone to great lengths to insist that he’s "totally not a Christian" himself yet? DrDerpth doth protest too much, methinks.

Naw, he acknowledges that he's a 'Christian', and is supposedly speaking up for his religion, although he won't say what denomination. Nevertheless, he thinks of himself as a 'subject-matter-expert' on 'Christianity', just like everything else he sticks his dick into. He gets it wrong, of course. Just like every other subject he presents himself as an 'expert' on. Nothing he says is accurate (what a surprise there! didn't see THAT coming). I can't read Hebrew. He could be right, when he talks about that, but I'm not in any position to know. I do read Greek and Latin. He's invariably utterly full of shit about what he says about those. I would be willing to bet cash-money that he's equally full of shit about the Hebrew language claims he makes. I'm just not in any position to say, one way or the other.

Anyone want to take a bet?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Naw, he acknowledges that he's a 'Christian', and is supposedly speaking up for his religion, although he won't say what denomination. Nevertheless, he thinks of himself as a 'subject-matter-expert' on 'Christianity', just like everything else he sticks his dick into. He gets it wrong, of course. Just like every other subject he presents himself as an 'expert' on. Nothing he says is accurate (what a surprise there! didn't see THAT coming). I can't read Hebrew. He could be right, when he talks about that, but I'm not in any position to know. I do read Greek and Latin. He's invariably utterly full of shit about what he says about those. I would be willing to bet cash-money that he's equally full of shit about the Hebrew language claims he makes. I'm just not in any position to say, one way or the other.

Anyone want to take a bet?

I am fluent in Hebrew but hadn't stumbled onto any of his claims about it. If you want to link one I'll take a look.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Has he gone to great lengths to insist that he’s "totally not a Christian" himself yet? DrDerpth doth protest too much, methinks.

Here's an incredibly dumb interpretation of early Christian theology to illustrate just how dumb he is:

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wh...ime/931720/114

"Note only two Churches still think it is heresy"... No, dumbass. Only two still have anything to say about an almost 2000 year old heresy. Because they were pretty much the only ones around when that heresy was current. That idea is considered heretical by every goddamned Protestant church, too. DrDumbth repeatedly tries, but utterly fails, to speak learnedly about subjects that he blatantly obviously does not understand. What a fucking surprise. Senility is my guess...

ETA: Heh.

Originally Posted by Someone

That add up to what, 60% of nominal Christianity worldwide?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I am fluent in Hebrew but hadn't stumbled onto any of his claims about it. If you want to link one I'll take a look.

Never paid any attention, because I wouldn't know. He may not have actually made any. I wouldn't have been qualified to judge, so I wouldn't have actually noticed. Hell, I can't link his claims about greek or latin, either, simply because I'm not that invested in Durp Stupidity. See it, see it's stupid, and pass on... he's not even the worst durp in pushing stupidity. That would be mods like Chronos, who has a PhD in physics, but works as a fucking substitute teacher in his local school district. Damn, what a way to make use of your degree, dude. If the subject ain't physics, he's a drooling moron, pontificating beyond his actual ability.

[Someone]

Paul in Saudi posts a homophobic "joke" in a rant about his new phone.

Originally Posted by Someone

“The Kingdom is requiring you to get a new app, you need a smart phone.”

“What kind of app?”

“It tell you if you have been near anyone who has tested positive.”

“You mean Grinder?”

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ne...-phone/931990?

Grindr is a social networking app used by the GBTQ community. After being called out on it, he continues to double, triple, quadruple, and quintuple down.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Paul in Saudi posts a homophobic "joke" in a rant about his new phone.

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ne...-phone/931990?

Grindr is a social networking app used by the GBTQ community. After being called out on it, he continues to double, triple, quadruple, and quintuple down.

Skipping the 'joke', nothing else he says in that post bears any resemblance to actual current smartphone technology. That's genuine frontier gibberish.

[Someone]

Paul is so weird. All his responses in that thread read like a computer AI trying to mimic human speech.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Paul in Saudi posts a homophobic "joke" in a rant about his new phone.

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ne...-phone/931990?

Grindr is a social networking app used by the GBTQ community. After being called out on it, he continues to double, triple, quadruple, and quintuple down.

He probably watched the news coverage of the Pulse nightclub shooting with both hands down his pants, because HOOTCHIE MAMA NOW THAT'S A MASS CASUALTY EVENT!!!!!

I have that creepy fuck on ignore over here for reasons I don't remember, but it's not like there's not plenty of reasons to choose from.

[Someone]

Retrosnark from when Paul tried to use this board to confess to a road rage incident because he thought nobody could see his username.

[Someone]

I love it when the Anon-Giraffe skin claims another victim

[Someone]

The tags in that thread are all worthy of a place on a gas station men's room wall.

[Someone]

They are great, aren't they! Qatar Hero is my favorite.

I always forget to read tags unless someone mentions them.

ETA: Rebo OutFenrises Fenris! love it!

[Someone]

That one's mine

[Someone]

Aww! Thanks, Ratty.

I think...

[Someone]

I tease because I love

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He probably watched the news coverage of the Pulse nightclub shooting with both hands down his pants, because HOOTCHIE MAMA NOW THAT'S A MASS CASUALTY EVENT!!!!!

I have that creepy fuck on ignore over here for reasons I don't remember, but it's not like there's not plenty of reasons to choose from.

Heh, I did too and I also don't remember why. But his misspelling of Grindr increased his reputation in my eyes because I hate websites that are cutesy misspellings of actual words but aren't pronounced like they look like they're pronounced. That's why I give people a pass when they pronounced "Parler" as "Parlor" rather than "Parley" because once you know it is a web site/app, if you didn't know anything else about it you'd probably think they wanted you to pronounce it "Parlor".

[Someone]

Yeah, I wouldn't expect your average Y'all Qaeda mook to know much about that cheese-eatin' surrender monkey talk.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

pronounced "Parler" as "Parlor" rather than "Parley" because once you know it is a web site/app, if you didn't know anything else about it you'd probably think they wanted you to pronounce it "Parlor".

I thought the website name was pronounced "parlor", with a "parley" being their name for individual posts.

[Someone]

I originally pronounced it parlor, but isn't it Par-LAY? Like French parlez-vous? How are you pronouncing "parley". Par-lee?

And then the betting term is parlay, right?

Gah!

[Someone]

The closest I can approximate it is PAR-luh. It wouldn't be pronounced par-LAY unless the e had an accent aigu (é). Also, the a sound is more like "flat" than in "bar."

First person who mentions IPA (the phonetics thing, not the beer) gets kabonged right in the diacriticals

[Someone]

From the deep dark web

The service takes its name from the French verb parler, meaning "to speak" (or sometimes, "to talk") as in the examples "Parlez-vous français?" or "Je veux parler avec ton gérant." However, the app does not take the French pronunciation of the word—par-lay—and is instead pronounced "parlor," as in a sitting room where ...

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/...king-about-it/

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

First person who mentions IPA (the phonetics thing, not the beer) gets kabonged right in the diacriticals

Yep: If we were able to talk about pronunciation, we wouldn't be Derpers, would we?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Skipping the 'joke', nothing else he says in that post bears any resemblance to actual current smartphone technology. That's genuine frontier gibberish.

Hmm? I have an app called WA Notify, that is supposed to notify me if I was near anyone else who uses the app who tests positive. I don't know how many people actually have the app installed, though. Or, of those people, how many people actually bother to mark 'positive' in the app after they get a positive test.

[Someone]

Apt description of Paul in Saudi regarding his mass shooting threads.

Originally Posted by Someone

The cops aren’t going to trust information by some random dumbass on the internet who’s all the way in another country.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hmm? I have an app called WA Notify, that is supposed to notify me if I was near anyone else who uses the app who tests positive. I don't know how many people actually have the app installed, though. Or, of those people, how many people actually bother to mark 'positive' in the app after they get a positive test.

Apple and android added that this summer. Not the app but the ability of the phone to do it. I think it's an opt in. And I don't know where the information comes from. It's buried in the settings.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Apple and android added that this summer. Not the app but the ability of the phone to do it. I think it's an opt in. And I don't know where the information comes from. It's buried in the settings.

My understanding of it is that your phone uses Bluetooth to send anonymized tokens to other mobile phones in range that are using the app. If a user self reports a positive COVID-19 test the application looks back in its memory 14 days and uses the strength of the Bluetooth signals and the duration of the interactions to establish an exposure risk for all phones using that app that the user was in Bluetooth range of. If the risk exceeds some threshold the other users are notified by the app and advised to get tested.

A really strong signal for three hours, like you rode in the same car? That's a test. A brief interaction for 10 seconds like you passed on the street, probably not, although I haven't seen those algorithms assessing risk.

Each state has their own version, but there's some protocol that's supposed to let them interact and work anywhere in the country. The version I use is SlowCOVIDNC. I'm sure that there aren't enough people using it to make a dent in exposures, but if everyone used it it would, and there's a small chance it would help, so I run it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Apple and android added that this summer. Not the app but the ability of the phone to do it. I think it's an opt in. And I don't know where the information comes from. It's buried in the settings.

Most states have an app for it. Go to the appropriate store for your phone and download it for free. Mine is COVID alert NJ.

[Someone]

A lot of states, maybe most, haven't allowed it to be turned on there. CA wasn't active until November or December.

[Someone]

Alright, fess up - who is socking as SleepyJoe?

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ch...iant/932222/23

[Someone]

Jtur88 is too fancy to be going through drive-thrus. Especially since the dumpster is just right over there.

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wh...?u=enjoy_slurm

[Someone]

Also while you're 'fessing, how about mrmrmrmrmrmmrmrmrm:

Fuck you you fucking fuck.
As a 6’4” biker I have a tee shirt with that printed on it .
Guess how many people gave me shit .
By biker I mean a person who rode Harley Davidson motorcycles, no outlaw affiliation.

Gee, who have we seen random aggression and biker boasting on single lines from before? So, either a sock of him, or a trock pretending to be him.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Alright, fess up - who is socking as SleepyJoe?

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ch...iant/932222/23

I dunno, but he's suspended for 3 days. Maybe he can catch up on his sleep.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Also while you're 'fessing, how about mrmrmrmrmrmmrmrmrm:

Gee, who have we seen random aggression and biker boasting on single lines from before? So, either a sock of him, or a trock pretending to be him.

Skimming the dozen or so posts above that post gives me no idea at all what "that" is or who the fucking fuck he's addressing is.

[Someone]

"That" is "Fuck you you fucking fuck", and who has got to be Guns N Pot. When did he get banned?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

"That" is "Fuck you you fucking fuck", and who has got to be Guns N Pot. When did he get banned?

Not banned, but hasn't posted since before the move.

[Someone]

Interesting developments in Superdude's "Pitting my future sister-in-law" thread.

OP discovers that his fiancee's sister has been using his ATM card to steal from him, proven through bank security camera footage. Lots of debate over how to approach his fiancee's family, pressing charges, etc. No mention of past issues with this sister.

Then along comes stretch who points out the "my girlfriend was carjacked" by the same OP, and in that thread, the sister turned out to be the villain. And the OP disappeared from that thread entirely.

Just hmmmmm.

[Someone]

Well he's getting attention, which is the point I guess.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well he's getting attention, which is the point I guess.

No kidding. I tend to be skeptical of people who post the seamy details of their life online and then proceed to ask for "advice" when the solution is obvious from the get-go and the rest of the thread just consists of them coming up with reasons to reject it.

I mean, just posting the seamy details of one's life online is one thing--I do it all the time. But asking for advice? That's right out.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Then along comes stretch who points out the "my girlfriend was carjacked" by the same OP, and in that thread, the sister turned out to be the villain. And the OP disappeared from that thread entirely.

stretch may have been the first person to mention it, but he probably wasn't the first person to notice it. When I saw that thread, my first thought was "Oh, hey, I bet this the same sister who was involved in the alleged carjacking." I'm sure I'm not the only one. I wasn't about to say anything, given the way the carjacking thread went.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Then along comes stretch who points out the "my girlfriend was carjacked" by the same OP, and in that thread, the sister turned out to be the villain. And the OP disappeared from that thread entirely.

Just hmmmmm.

to the post, please, for those who don't wish to scroll through 154 posts?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

to the post, please, for those who don't wish to scroll through 154 posts?

Do you mean the carjacking thread? This is the post where Superdude abruptly announced that everything's fine now, it was the sister, kthxbye (followed by about 70 additional posts where Dopers try to figure out what the hell just happened).

[Someone]

I'd vaguely remembered the carjacking thread, but hadn't remembered it was the same OP until stretch piped up (post in case that's what you were looking for, Cochrane).

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

No kidding. I tend to be skeptical of people who post the seamy details of their life online and then proceed to ask for "advice" when the solution is obvious from the get-go and the rest of the thread just consists of them coming up with reasons to reject it.

The Superdude situation is basically Mister_Rik redux: a guy in a toxic relationship who is trying to "rescue" a woman, while ignoring more red flags than a communist parade. He's not going to listen to any advice unless it aligns with what he's already decided to do.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I mean, just posting the seamy details of one's life online is one thing--I do it all the time. But asking for advice? That's right out.

Well sure. We don't believe a word you say anyhow, so why not?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

No kidding. I tend to be skeptical of people who post the seamy details of their life online and then proceed to ask for "advice" when the solution is obvious from the get-go and the rest of the thread just consists of them coming up with reasons to reject it.

"Opal, is that you?" The durp just hasn't been the same since Opalcat accidentally snuffed herself. So many morons are trying the same shtick, but none of them are as good at it as she was.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well sure. We don't believe a word you say anyhow, so why not?

Personally, I start out with the assumption that everything everyone says is bullshit. You never wind up disapointed that way. Sometimes you even wind up pleasantly surprised.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

So many morons are trying the same shtick, but none of them are as good at it as she was.

How could they possibly? Socks aside, we all have but one life to give to the cause of internet drama. And she literally gave it her all.

Which is sad from a human standpoint, but a hard limit from an interwebs POV.