154: My Durp Snark brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, it's better than yours

[Someone]

Guess which former Dad of the Year is now upset because his adult daughter and her husband don't put the correct amount of food on their plates at dinner ?

[Someone]

I wish more of you posters would get more involved over there, to be honest. It's just weird to see people on this message board not posting there while complaining that they don't have enough interesting posts over there.

Come on in, the water's fine.

[Someone]

I've only got my lurkin' sock over there now, and I don't want to out it. It was so much easier on vBulletin where as long as you posted sanely and weren't all like "OHAI IT'S MY FIRST POST GUISE" you could sneak under the radar. But Discourse's "let's give our newest poster a big ostentatious welcome!!!" makes it impossible because being a new poster who gets the board culture pings you as a sock right away.

Very annoying

And being a n00b who doesn't get the board culture gets you snarked on and/or patronized, which is even more annoying. Especially when they lament in ATMB that they can't keep new members.

[Someone]

No, the water is NOT fine. Which is why we're here posting because posting at the Durp has become a joyless, funless slog of tedious shitbirds we aren't allowed to tell off for being tedious shitbirds. Better idea is why don't you more interesting people come here and participate outside the snark threads? That sounds like much more fun.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Guess which former Dad of the Year is now upset because his adult daughter and her husband don't put the correct amount of food on their plates at dinner ?

I guessed that song in one note.

[Someone]

Such a weird thread. Detailed descriptions on the person, on how they shop, cook etc. Even their weight! And then, surprise! It's their daughter and son in law.

[Someone]

I bet the daughter got stuck sitting at the dinner table staring at a plate of food she didn't want for hours on end, then served a lot of last night's cold leftovers for breakfast, because she Disobeyed and didn't eat every morsel of food and lick the pattern off the plate.

[Someone]

Not that it makes Dinsdale any better, but it's his son in law and another friend. The female guest in the story is not his daughter.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Not that it makes Dinsdale any better, but it's his son in law and another friend. The female guest in the story is not his daughter.

But did you check out how he did describe his daughter in a subsequent post? "Not grossly obese, but a little soft." If the thread itself didn't make him father of the year, that comment sure did.

[Someone]

Dim_B gets modslapped in his own thread: Doctor's Thinking of Putting me on Zoloft :slightly smiling face:

From OP:

Anyway, I’ll cut to the chase. I have three main concerns: glaucoma, sexual side effects and (moderate) alcohol intake.

I asked my eye doctor about my preëxisting glaucoma. And she sees no problem. I trust her, she’s a good doctor. But she will monitor my eye pressure just in case. My plan: I will take the Zoloft for a week, and have my eye pressure checked then. If my eye pressure (which is already a little bit high—but being treated with Lumigan eye drops) gets higher, bye bye Zoloft I will say.

Anorgasmia is my main concern with Zoloft. How common is it? Is it a big concern?

Of course it doesn't go as planned so he pages the board's resident medic:

Then I have to ask: where is @Qadgop_the_Mercotan :slightly_smiling_face: ?

who sensibly replies:

Ask the doctor who’s thinking of prescribing it for you. They’re the expert on you and on how the med may affect you.

so he back pedals:

Just to be clear, despite the title of my thread, I’m not asking for medical advice for myself. My question is purely hypothetical: like I said, what are the percentages?

And after some back and forth, PuzzLegal steps in:

Moderating

It’s kinda being a jerk. Are you asking because your have personal concerns? Are you asking for a friend? Are you just curious? Saying you need help and calling out specific individuals is a strong ask. Then backpedaling to “just curious” makes it feel like your are jerking people around.

Maybe you have some private reason that it’s important to you that you don’t want to share. But don’t waffle between “this is very important to me, please help me” and “i just have a casual curiosity”. It’s rude.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I wish more of you posters would get more involved over there, to be honest. It's just weird to see people on this message board not posting there while complaining that they don't have enough interesting posts over there.

Come on in, the water's fine.

Nope, the water is toxic. As long as posters like Ultravires continue to have permission to post the repulsive misogynistic utter shit that currently pervades too many threads, I want nothing to do with the page views generated on the SDMB.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I guessed that song in one note.

I guessed wrong. I was going for the idiot who used to call his (now EX, for understandable reasons) mail-order-bride, joking, but insulting names, who thawed out the wrong chicken, once. SuperHal? Or maybe it was the one whose kid (or kid's spouse, I forget who was supposed to be the 'baddy' in his rant) poured ketchup on his 'wonderfully prepared, oh, so perfectly spiced' cooking. Anyway, I got it wrong.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He wants to know if he can still 'wank it' when he gets drunk, but is too emBareAssed to mention that.

ETA: I just looked up what Zoloft is for. Among other things, it's for treating OCD. Maybe he wanks obsessively, and doesn't want to stop.

[Someone]

Y'know, it's all fun and games until the degloving happens.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Y'know, it's all fun and games until the degloving happens.

You really have to do it 'Fast & Furious' for that to happen. If he's at that point, the Zoloft will probably save him.

[Someone]

The BigTurd 'finger-wag' is out in full gale-force:

I’m just now actually going through the thread, because I knew some responses would piss me off. And this is definitely one of them.

Wag that finger, BigTurd. I'm SURE it will eventually change someone's mind and they won't give you an emotional-ouchie, again.

ETA: It's a 'two-fer'. Second post, he wants you to feel the breeze from his wagging finger:

Obviously I want a chilling effect on deliberate racism. And if you can’t discuss the topic without being deliberately racist, then yeah, I want a chilling effect on that, too.

Keep wagging that finger. The breeze from it could cool down a crucible full of white-hot molten iron.

Late edit: Forgot to include the sig...

[Someone]

*shrug* Man really doesn’t like racists. Not gonna fault him for that.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

*shrug* Man really doesn’t like racists. Not gonna fault him for that.

I don't fault him for that. It's the 'finger-wagging' that he actually expects to do some good that amuses me. Helpful hint, dude. You're not teaching anyone anything. They're just enjoying the breeze. And making yourself look like the fool you really are. No one actually listens to what you have to say. Least of all the people you think you're 'teaching' with your ridiculous lectures.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I guessed wrong. I was going for the idiot who used to call his (now EX, for understandable reasons) mail-order-bride, joking, but insulting names, who thawed out the wrong chicken, once. SuperHal? Or maybe it was the one whose kid (or kid's spouse, I forget who was supposed to be the 'baddy' in his rant) poured ketchup on his 'wonderfully prepared, oh, so perfectly spiced' cooking. Anyway, I got it wrong.

I haven't seen SuperHal post in years -- but he was always good for snark. And I think the latter was Saint Cad.

[Someone]

What would your suicide note be? Just... no.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Y'know, it's all fun and games until the degloving happens.

"I'm currently in the hospital awaiting skin grafts for Little Jimmy. I'm wondering if it might have something to do with either ghosts or lesbians. I want to write to Zak Bagins about how 'orgone' and 'orgasm' look slightly similar therefore they must be related but I'm afraid some cardiac patient will attack me and steal the letter before I can mail it. So I'm going to track down his personal email and ask him repeatedly. What do you think? :slightly_smiling_face:"

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What would your suicide note be? Just... no.

Lissener, ugh...

I don't think I've ever read a post of his that didn't make me want to give him an

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

No, the water is NOT fine. Which is why we're here posting because posting at the Durp has become a joyless, funless slog of tedious shitbirds we aren't allowed to tell off for being tedious shitbirds. Better idea is why don't you more interesting people come here and participate outside the snark threads? That sounds like much more fun.

This board is much, much less active than that one. You can call people tedious shitbirds all day long in the Pit, and I'll be happy to join you. As you know, we have shitbird-specific Pit threads and general shitbird Pit threads. Snark away.

Originally Posted by Someone

Nope, the water is toxic. As long as posters like Ultravires continue to have permission to post the repulsive misogynistic utter shit that currently pervades too many threads, I want nothing to do with the page views generated on the SDMB.

Yeah, Ultravires is a toxic idiot, but there are lots of toxic idiots in these Snark threads as well. Just put him on ignore and enjoy the rest of the board.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What would your suicide note be? Just... no.

ECG just closed the thread, thankfully.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Better idea is why don't you more interesting people come here and participate outside the snark threads?

I would more often, but I always have trouble finding the tedious threads.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

ECG just closed the thread, thankfully.

Dammit, I'm here teetering on this unstable chair with a rope around my neck.

[Someone]

Before you go, tell us what your note said!

[Someone]

UUUUURFFGHHH

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Before you go, tell us what your note said!

By the time you read this note I shall be dead. If only you were a faster reader.

[Someone]

Yikes. Not only is that a very disturbing topic for a thread, sooner or later Broomstick would have come in to angrily denounce everything and create a train wreck. I think I can lead a satisfactory life without having read such a thread.

[Someone]

Good grief, yes. I've encountered Broomstick's opinions on suicide before

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

This board is much, much less active than that one. You can call people tedious shitbirds all day long in the Pit, and I'll be happy to join you. As you know, we have shitbird-specific Pit threads and general shitbird Pit threads. Snark away.

Yeah, Ultravires is a toxic idiot, but there are lots of toxic idiots in these Snark threads as well. Just put him on ignore and enjoy the rest of the board.

I'm not really the person you are addressing, since I am not a particularly active poster anywhere, including here. I do, however, regard the GB as my message board "home," and think of most of the posters here fondly.

I have a very long ignore list at the durp, because I do not like to be emotionally assaulted by my means of entertainment. It doesn't help as much as you seem to think. People like UltraVires (who, incidentally, is not on my list) bring down the atmosphere of the entire board, even if you have them on ignore. They pop up and derail threads, causing reasonable posters to stop talking about whatever they were talking about to address the idiots instead. They post objectionable threads that you cannot help but see any time you visit the boards. After my first glance, I never visited the "scientific racism" threads that used to be countenanced on the durp, but I knew they were there. They diminished my board experience by their very existence. The moderation over there has gotten a little better, but it is still far too tolerant of racism and sexism.

Lastly, to whom are you referring when you say there are a lot of "toxic idiots" in these snark threads? We do get a couple of persistent trolls, but they aren't a "lot". Insulting the posters you are trying to recruit seems counterproductive.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I would more often, but I always have trouble finding the tedious threads.

Someone should catalog all the tedious threads in a spreadsheet.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Lastly, to whom are you referring when you say there are a lot of "toxic idiots" in these snark threads? We do get a couple of persistent trolls, but they aren't a "lot". Insulting the posters you are trying to recruit seems counterproductive.

There are the people who get permaboxed and sock up here and return. There are some of the same toxic idiots there that also post here. And, everyone of these threads ends up with a slap fight between a few of the same posters somewhere in the middle.

I'm not naming names.

The thing is, the moderation over there really has gotten better -- no more scientific racism, transphobia is stamped down pretty hard (usually...), no more casual sexism (gendered insults slowly are becoming a thing of the past).

I only really visit this thread on this board -- could I get away with a scientific racism thread in the debate forum? Could I call a famous woman a bitch or a harpy? I honestly don't know. The moderation here seems a lot looser.

[Someone]

The good thing about the derp is they have finally evolved out of those “what color should my poop be” threads.

[Someone]

Damnit - now I want to know.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I only really visit this thread on this board -- could I get away with a scientific racism thread in the debate forum? Could I call a famous woman a bitch or a harpy? I honestly don't know. The moderation here seems a lot looser.

The moderation is looser because anyone can call anyone out for anything in any thread so we're mostly self-policing over here. If you look at the Pit here you'll see it's the Dorian Gray portrait of the one on the Dope.

So if one were to let loose with a bigoted comment in a thread, or started a thread on a bigoted topic, one would be greeted with a chorus of "fuck the fuck off outta here with that shit" in no uncertain terms.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Someone should catalog all the tedious threads in a spreadsheet.

We should start an omnibus thread to discuss whether a given thread should be put on the spreadsheet.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm not really the person you are addressing, since I am not a particularly active poster anywhere, including here. I do, however, regard the GB as my message board "home," and think of most of the posters here fondly.

I have a very long ignore list at the durp, because I do not like to be emotionally assaulted by my means of entertainment. It doesn't help as much as you seem to think. People like UltraVires (who, incidentally, is not on my list) bring down the atmosphere of the entire board, even if you have them on ignore. They pop up and derail threads, causing reasonable posters to stop talking about whatever they were talking about to address the idiots instead. They post objectionable threads that you cannot help but see any time you visit the boards. After my first glance, I never visited the "scientific racism" threads that used to be countenanced on the durp, but I knew they were there. They diminished my board experience by their very existence. The moderation over there has gotten a little better, but it is still far too tolerant of racism and sexism.

Every. Single. Word.

I'm very happy that you and I reside in the same Message Board Home for Old(er) People.

[Someone]

Old enough to know better, and too young to resist.

[Someone]

Saw this in my facebook feed and it reminded me of our old friend Opal.

https://www.romanticwork.com/product...2pvF0DpNznnVSQ

[Someone]

It's been almost a decade since Opal passed, damn.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Saw this in my facebook feed and it reminded me of our old friend Opal.

https://www.romanticwork.com/product...2pvF0DpNznnVSQ

<opal>"That won't work! It will hang down in what I'm trying to work with! Why are you giving me such useless suggestions? Can't you read my mind and see what I'm after?" </opal>

(In fact, someone suggested exactly such a thing, and that was her exact response. I did paraphrase a bit, though.)

[Someone]

I wonder how Opal's true love is doing. I just Googled him (is it unseemly that I still remember his name?*) but he hasn't been active on line since shortly after Opal passed away. Maybe he's in prison.

* I can answer that: Yes, it is unseemly. It makes me officially a Bad Person. But hey, I own it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

(is it unseemly that I still remember his name?*)

I just remember him as 'Heroin Jack'. Can't remember his last name... Probably better for my sanity.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

It's been almost a decade since Opal passed, damn.

Wow holy shit, really?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Wow holy shit, really?

I was off a year but yeah, she passed in March 2013.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I just remember him as 'Heroin Jack'. Can't remember his last name... Probably better for my sanity.

It was something like "Cocholka" but not.

[Someone]

Of course I won't dox him but even if I did, you wouldn't find anything about him on the internet. His last social media forays seem to have been a lugubrious tribute or two to Opal, and nothing since.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Of course I won't dox him but even if I did, you wouldn't find anything about him on the internet. His last social media forays seem to have been a lugubrious tribute or two to Opal, and nothing since.

After he got sprung from jail that night, he probably went to one of his suppliers, scored a big bag, found the new 'love of his life' (which only took him a few days, or maybe hours) then died with her of an OD when they shot up his grossly-too-strong score.

He did post, just before his disappearance, about finding a new main-squeeze after he was released from jail, too late to attend Opal's send-off.