154: My Durp Snark brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, it's better than yours

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Every. Single. Word.

I'm very happy that you and I reside in the same Message Board Home for Old(er) People.

I also strong endorse the post by Monstera!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I was off a year but yeah, she passed in March 2013.

She didn't fucking 'pass'. Life isn't a high-school test. What are you, Holly the Bless Bot? She fucking DIED. That 'passed' shit is bullshit, that should have been killed with fire retired, long ago.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

She didn't fucking 'pass'. Life isn't a high-school test. What are you, Holly the Bless Bot? She fucking DIED. That 'passed' shit is bullshit, that should have been killed with fire retired, long ago.

Quit being a dick. It's just a phrase.

[Someone]

And of course the durp has just the *thread for that sort of thing:

Expressions I hate

*Probably several, actually.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

She didn't fucking 'pass'. Life isn't a high-school test. What are you, Holly the Bless Bot? She fucking DIED. That 'passed' shit is bullshit, that should have been killed with fire retired, long ago.

Don't come at me bro. We all have our ways. And don't ever compare me to fucking Holly and her brain dead antics.

[Someone]

Merged with the infinite.

[Someone]

As long as nobody uses 'popped their clogs,' we cool.

[Someone]

Alky's last few posts have been a bit, eh (checks spelling), belligerent. PUI?

[Someone]

Dirt nap.

[Someone]

ILMVI is soooooo clever…

Hatchie is lucky ILMVI entered into the fray. Otherwise, I might be snarking on him for making an obvious geographical error, mistaking the Caspian Sea for the Black Sea, and then doubling down when people point out to him (1) the thing happened on the Black Sea and (2) the Black Sea is accessible to the Mediterranean (and by extension the world's oceans) via the Dardanelles and the Bosphorus, with "Well, it’s like a lake to me, lol!" (Not an exact quote, just an impression).

Oh, hey! I manage to snark on both.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Don't come at me bro. We all have our ways. And don't ever compare me to fucking Holly and her brain dead antics.

Honestly. That's a "pistols at dawn" level insult.

Besides, the Blessbot would probably say Opal had been condemned to hellfire and damnation for being divorced and, like, having sex out of wedlock and stuff

[Someone]

Speaking of which: who was the female fundie (here or there) who was adultery-curious?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I was off a year but yeah, she passed in March 2013.

Dang, time flies.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Speaking of which: who was the female fundie (here or there) who was adultery-curious?

I think that was Vanilla.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I think that was Vanilla.

Wasn't there an April something?

[Someone]

I remember she created a lot of drama. Married, devout (according to herself( and some man shows up and turns her head. A cousin?

She asks the durp for advice and then wafts back and forth as the thread progressed. A masterclass in trolling.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Wasn't there an April something?

Oh, yeah, her. She was a Mormon, and there was this old friend of hers, and she was hot to trot for him, and she was all set to visit him, but NOTHING was gonna happen. Honest.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oh, yeah, her. She was a Mormon, and there was this old friend of hers, and she was hot to trot for him, and she was all set to visit him, but NOTHING was gonna happen. Honest.

YES! The Mormon.

[Someone]

April R. Long and dramatic thread about her crush on some high school friend of hers. Includes cringey poetry and a verbal ass kicking from Smartie IIRC.

[Someone]

That's the one! (thx 'Specto)

And you were right about Smartie, but Fenris was there as well, post #306 and 307 respectively:

Originally Posted by Someone

You guys don’t really believe this, do you? This strikes me as the same sort of elaborate…ahem…put on…that Pyjama Pants Girl was.

Look at how carefully timed the drama is. Each time, just as the thread’s winding down, some new, inflammatory, pathetic* stuff is posted.

My personal guess was that the next step (I’m probably spoiling the plot twist, so we’ll see something else) is that the sooper-dooper tolerant husband would have turned out to be srsly unhappy about his wife emotionally slutting it up with another guy and the new drama would have been “O hai gize! My hubby has teh sad :frowning: b’cuz I texted private stuff to some hot Metal Rock Musician guy and he pretended not to care b’cuz he lurvs me soooooo much but he’s hurt deep down! He lefted his computer-machine open and I saw him writing a journal about how sadddd he is :frowning: But I don’t want to lose my Hot Metal Rock Musician Guy! O What do I do???!?!?! ”

Since I spoiled that storyline, I’m guessing the next step could involve aliens. Perhaps space-squid. At least space-squid wouldn’t necessarily lead to the sort of endless teen angst you’d find in a Leslie Gore song

*in the “trying for pathos” sense

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, the “mercy mercy me society” pity party angle got fairly well derailed a page or so ago and the OP has at least four or five people calling her bluff to just go git the dick and shut up about it so that llama has lost its drama–I’m thinking you’re right and extraterrestrial tentacle porn is the likely next step.

Unless everyone wants to get into a marshmallow fight over an endless parsing of obscure religious doctrinal points, that could likely go a long ways assuming the OP is as implacable as the Mormons who come by on bikes.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I just remember him as 'Heroin Jack'. Can't remember his last name... Probably better for my sanity.

He had eyes like Ted Bundy. Or like the Dating Game serial killer. I do remember his last name, but the fact that most people don’t is at least an indication that he’s not on a wanted list.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I just remember him as 'Heroin Jack'. Can't remember his last name... Probably better for my sanity.

The guy who was in jail during Opal’s funeral and started a go fund me page to pay for him to attend. He had to hire a special security detail to keep him from escaping if he went. Does anyone know if he went?

Happy 4/20 everyone.

[Someone]

If someone does remember his last name, let’s not post it here and the same goes for any actual links to anything regarding him.

[Someone]

Let's all see how far we can flog our bigotry without getting mod-spanked!

[Someone]

I was thinking of this post of Smartie's in the April R thread:

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, if you can be forgiven for whatever you do, why not just go get fucking laid and stop whining about it? You decided to be part of a repressive sex negative religion,* you* decided to get married, you vowed it was forever and one person only,* you* decided to have kids and now you want to bitch and moan because (as is completely and mundanely and tediously usual for people who got married too young because their religion says that’s the only way they get to have sex) you’re wanting some strange but your own decisions are standing in your way. So of course it’s “society’s fault” you can’t get your itch scratched. Uh huh. Either shit or get off the pot, really, every single person in the world has gone through some version of this jejune plot twist at some time in their lives. You aren’t speshul or magical or in wuv or whatever it is you’re dressing it up with–you’re bored, you want strange dick but you’re too chicken to go for it so you play brinksmanship riiiiight up to the edge of what’s “forgivable” to your religion and whine about it all online. FFS, grow up. Or, y’know, get a journal.

Think she hit the bullseye with that one. April says as much in the post just after. I don't think she was making it up as Fenris seemed to be getting at. She was definitely an attention seeker but she made other references to cheating (she admitted to making an Ashley Madison account in another thread around the same time. Claimed she deleted it immediately without using it).

[Someone]

Oh look, all my sins remembered!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I was thinking of this post of Smartie's in the April R thread:

Actually, I would take issue with the first comma-delimited part of her second sentence:

Originally Posted by Someone

You decided to be part of a repressive sex negative religion,...

April was born and raised in that religion, and this may (or may not) have been the first time she ever ran into the issue. April's problem was not that she chose to join the religion, but rather that after being raised in it, she encountered one of the problems that it leads to. She was choosing to remain in it, despite the dilemma. And refusing to recognize that she actually had a choice. Remain in it, or leave. She was choosing 'remain' simply out of inertia. It was still her choice, sure, and she was responsible for that choice. But the problem was not a choice to 'be part of', but rather a refusal to understand and accept that she did have a choice. She was making a choice, without recognizing that she was making one. I have (bipolar, Hi, Mom) people in my life where that's an issue. We just got done with a shouting match as I was half-way through writing this, due entirely to Ma's dysfunctional way of dealing with the low end of bipolar, which on her part is primarily a refusal to accept that it might even be possible. "I ain't crazy, it's the world (including you) who's out to get me." Yeah. Whatever, Ma. I can't fix what you REFUSE to even address.

Nevertheless, Smartie's assessment from then, on, was spot-on.

ETA: rereading my post, and refusing to reread that clusterfuck of a thread, she may have been a convert, rather than a native. It wouldn't alter my analysis of her reaction to the situation she found herself in.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Oh look, all my sins remembered!

Not a bad book, but Haldeman is much better at writing strange aliens than writing intrigue.

[Someone]

It was a pretty cool line when Shakespeare wrote it for Hamlet too.

[Someone]

Who'd he nick it from, then?

[Someone]

Lol, your mom!

[Someone]

I really want to hear the other side of this story. Asuka wants to know why his friend is not cool with Asuka using his shower.

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fr...sonable/963036

[Someone]

Yeah, that was an odd one--the most benign explanation I could come up with is that friend's shower is a disgusting compost heap and he doesn't want to have to clean off the fungus to let someone else use it.

[Someone]

Earlier in the thread he mentions that friend's house is not disgusting. He doesn't mention the bathroom specifically, though.

[Someone]

Maybe he is known to be a source of athletes foot and has grotesque yellow toenails.

[Someone]

I dunt geddit either but the Sat On Cookie thread linked by Eyebr0ws 0f D00m is a classic:

A workman working at Cookie's house used the bathroom and did something so heinous (probably a stinky dump and maybe a skidmark) that she threw seven fits in a row about how she couldn't use that bathroom two days later and he was probably wanking off in there too and it's all his fault for eating greasy junk food and he should poop in his own house on his own time. Pitting does not go as she expects

Which itself contains a link to a very funny thread about decorative bathroom soaps and towels, which is a hoot until Liberal shows up

My mother had decorative soaps and towels, changed by the season. We were forbidden to use them. Of course, the soaps got dusty and cruddy from sitting out in the bathroom for months, so she would... wash the decorative soaps. That we weren't allowed to use for washing.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Maybe he is known to be a source of athletes foot and has grotesque yellow toenails.

I'm wondering if Asuka did something horrible in there last time; since Asuka's a known skeezeball it wouldn't surprise me.

I'm less than punctilious about cleaning my own bathroom, but I'd let a close friend use it after warning them that the drain is really slow and make sure the door is closed unless you want four cats in there staring at your nakedness.

[Someone]

Crane doesn't play well with trans discussion, and now he wants to bump it up a notch:

Originally Posted by Someone

There are several market studies showing that sex reassignment is a growth industry being promoted by cosmetic surgery companies. Growth is based on promotion rather than a pathology. Reporting is based on a market size rather than an epidemic.

I would like to start a discussion using links to market reports and Johns Hopkins analysis. Probably in GD or IMHO. Would that get me banned?

[Someone]

AKA "Can I start a trolling topic thread on a topic which I have already been topic-banned on?"

NO.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I really want to hear the other side of this story. Asuka wants to know why his friend is not cool with Asuka using his shower.

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fr...sonable/963036

Prior interaction with the same friend.

[Someone]

Where did Asuka fall on the foot washing debate?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Where did Asuka fall on the foot washing debate?

He only washes the well-heeled.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He only washes the well-heeled.

Is that his sole requirement?

[Someone]

That and toe jam.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Is that his sole requirement?

He won't wash his arch-enemies.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Crane doesn't play well with trans discussion, and now he wants to bump it up a notch:

Let's stop back here for a moment. Could it get him banned? Because it should.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Let's stop back here for a moment. Could it get him banned? Because it should.

I don't think so, unless he went ahead and did it, against WE's instructions and in defiance of his topic ban.

[Someone]

Are we gonna have a page of shoe&feet puns now?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Are we gonna have a page of shoe&feet puns now?

*tap dances around question*

[Someone]