I hope Fareed Zakaria gets HIV

[Andrew Jackson's Hair]

Fuck you, Fareed Zakaria.

You’re like spam to me. You’re the otherwise unremarkable product of the intellectually bankrupt industry that is modern journalism, and like potted meat product you’re the lips and assholes of the same sad sack leftist crap that’s been spoonfed the hapless for decades.

See I used to have this girlfriend who liked folk music. She was so cute, always making me CDs and making me listen to them. And you know what? They all started the same way: a guitar strumming. EVERY FUCKING FOLK SONG STARTS THE SAME FUCKING WAY. Did you know that, Fareed? Every. Fucking. One. A guitar being strummed.

Oh look, Fareed’s on the cover of Time again. Let me guess, his article will start with his protests about how much he loves America, BUT. And after the “but”, a litany of how much this country sucks. About how stupid and fat we are. About how we’re on the verge of being swallowed by the rising third world, or some other spectre, and there’s nothing we can do about it, hahaha. Dare I? Yes. So I flip it open, waiting to be enraged, and sure enough

“I am an American, not by accident of birth but by choice. I voted with my feet and became an American because I love this country and think it is exceptional. But…”

Yep. As predictable as the sunrise. There it is, the little waiver that prefaces every Zakaria piece, a tiny hood ornament on the vile cuntery that is to follow. It's like gluing a Mercedes symbol on some festering, smoking piece of junk that your neighbor parks in your parking spot once a week. Fareed, who fucking reads your shit? Nevermind, I can guess. But as someone who has been sideswiped a number of times by your crappola in the national media, I’m fed up. I’m tired of reading you. I'm tired of seeing your name. And I’m speaking for my America, a vaguely technocratic aloof waspy asshole America, when I say: Get the fuck out. You’re terrible. We get it, we get your schtick. We get that college juniors around the fucking country nod along in time to your “oh it’s great but” hymn, a seemingly moderate and yet generally self-loathing bucket of complete horseshit.

So get the fuck out. Country going to hell, Chicken Little? Well guess who’s not going to save it: you. A McDonald's cup packed with comatose hamsters would literally be more useful than another Fareed Zakaria left wing Babelesque whinefest right now. And if a smoking crater is really all that awaits our civilization then at least we will have the comfort of ruin without your warbling commentary, you smug prick.

Please find whatever raft (or other mode of transport) was used to infect this continent with the plague that is you, and return to sender. Drowning optional but preferred.

[bufftabby]

Yeah, I don't like him either.

[Solfy]

I like the thought of a cup of comatose hamsters. Are they going to wake up? What happened to them? And how many comatose hamsters can one fit in a McDonald's cup? I bet they'd be soft and warm. It would feel nice to gently stick my hand down the middle of the cup. But if one of them were dead and oozing at the bottom, that would be really, really nasty.

[Borborygmi]

"I'd like a small cup of comatose hamsters."
"We don't have small. We only have medium and large cups of comatose hamsters."
"So, the medium is actually the smallest size?"
"Yes."
"They should call the medium 'small' and just not have a medium size."
"Look, I just work here."
"Okay, sorry. I would like a medium cup of comatose hamsters."
"Thank you, please pull around."

Bada bop bop baaaaaa...I'm loving it.

[Zeener Diode]

I can just imagine the confusion if that conversation ^ took place in a Starbucks.

[whirlingbladesofkick]

Originally Posted by Solfy

I like the thought of a cup of comatose hamsters. Are they going to wake up? What happened to them? And how many comatose hamsters can one fit in a McDonald's cup? I bet they'd be soft and warm. It would feel nice to gently stick my hand down the middle of the cup. But if one of them were dead and oozing at the bottom, that would be really, really nasty.

If you've had hamsters, you likely know what would happen to one dead at the bottom.

It wouldn't be there because it'd be all scarfed up nom by the other ones! Freaky cannibal rodents!

[Lord Blackmore]

I don't give a shit who this guy is, wishing AIDS and death on someone is just stupid.

[Hamadryad]

Originally Posted by Lord Blackmore

I don't give a shit who this guy is, wishing AIDS and death on someone is just stupid.

You're right. We should think of something benign to wish on him. And death.

[whirlingbladesofkick]

Hama, since you don't know me and it will seem gross to have some random internet stranger gush over you, I'll just do this in AJH's thread since I don't guess he'll care.

I've been a fan of yours since I started reading the dope, continued on the LJ communities and am tickled every time I see your name here.

You're a smart, clever, snarky poster who communicates your perspective and your points with dry humor and intelligence. I've always wanted to be a poster like you.

There, I've said it.

[bufftabby]

Originally Posted by Hamadryad

You're right. We should think of something benign to wish on him. And death.

Like outrage? Lots and lots of outrage!

[Uthrecht]

Originally Posted by Solfy

But if one of them were dead and oozing at the bottom, that would be really, really nasty.

Originally Posted by whirlingbladesofkick

I've always wanted to be a poster like you.

Stop grossing me out, guys. I'm reading about hand-wringing liberals with one foot in Canada.

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by whirlingbladesofkick

If you've had hamsters, you likely know what would happen to one dead at the bottom.

It wouldn't be there because it'd be all scarfed up nom by the other ones! Freaky cannibal rodents!

The other ones are comatose. No nomming while comatose!

[Andrew Jackson's Hair]

Originally Posted by Lord Blackmore

I don't give a shit who this guy is, wishing AIDS and death on someone is just stupid.

to the mounting pile of evidence that you are in fact a complete idiot, please add that you are unable to threadshit effectively or humorously

[Andrew Jackson's Hair]

what, no lame comeback?

the entire internet holds its breath, hoping against hope that Lord Fagmore has choked to death on the combined semen of his half dozen German Shepards

only time will tell

[mswas]

Originally Posted by Borborygmi

"I'd like a small cup of comatose hamsters."
"We don't have small. We only have medium and large cups of comatose hamsters."
"So, the medium is actually the smallest size?"
"Yes."
"They should call the medium 'small' and just not have a medium size."
"Look, I just work here."
"Okay, sorry. I would like a medium cup of comatose hamsters."
"Thank you, please pull around."

Bada bop bop baaaaaa...I'm loving it.

Actually that's how it is at Subway. The Small is 20 oz and the Medium is 32 oz, and they don't have a large. It's confusing. Small should be 16 oz or less.

[Borborygmi]

This is precisely why I seldom order a cup of comatose hamsters at Subway anymore.

Five... five-dollar... five-dollar foot-loooooong...

[Zeener Diode]

Originally Posted by Borborygmi

This is precisely why I seldom order a cup of comatose hamsters at Subway anymore.

Five... five-dollar... five-dollar foot-loooooong...

You should go to Burger King.

You can... have it your way.

[mswas]

Originally Posted by Borborygmi

This is precisely why I seldom order a cup of comatose hamsters at Subway anymore.

Five... five-dollar... five-dollar foot-loooooong...

I dunno, it's a pretty good deal for the 20 oz of comatose hamsters.

[Lord Blackmore]

Originally Posted by Andrew Jackson's Hair

to the mounting pile of evidence that you are in fact a complete idiot, please add that you are unable to threadshit effectively or humorously

No, chucklehead, it isn't even an attempt at threadshitting. It's calling you out for being such a monumental asshole as to wish HIV and death on someone.

AND if it was meant as "humor", it fails miserably.

I didn't need any more evidence that you're just another internet asshat.

Kiss my shiny metal ass, chucklehead.

Originally Posted by Andrew Jackson's Hair

what, no lame comeback?

the entire internet holds its breath, hoping against hope that Lord Fagmore has choked to death on the combined semen of his half dozen German Shepards

only time will tell

Me? Lame? Yeah, I'll cop to that. But at least I'm not GB's resident sex Walter Mitty who spins yarns about my alleged sex life. That makes you lame AND pathetic.

Here's the thing, dumbass. I'm sure you're trying to rile me up and get me mad. I have to inform you that I don't get upset or angry about message board posts. Especially from weak dick, lame pathetic douchebags like you

Rage more, asshat. It could be the highlight of my day.

Better yet, please give us another fake story about all of women you're banging. I'm sure I'll find that humorous too.

ETA: "Lord Fagmore". That's a whole new level of lame. I can do that too Andrew Jackson's Asshole.

[Uthrecht]

Yes, but remember that your shiny metal ass was made in America, Blackmore.

Dozens of men in the west had a hand in your ass, mining the ore.

Many more men in Ohio and across the rust belt had a hand in your ass, first smelting the ore and then relentlessly beating your ass into shape.

All these men were Americans first, and they love their country. How can you turn your ass against them now?

Open your ass to these men, and love America again, Blackmore.

[mswas]

Saying that AJH is an asshat is like saying Acid burns.

[Lord Blackmore]

Sounds painful, Uth.

[The Futility of Nihilism]

I had no idea who Fareed Zakaria is but he sounds like a real tool. I love a good quality AJH rant.

Originally Posted by Lord Blackmore

... calling you out for being such a monumental asshole as to wish HIV and death on someone.

AND if it was meant as "humor", it fails miserably.

Man you are so far from getting it that galaxy UDFj-39546284 seems next door by comparison.

Originally Posted by Lord Blackmore

ETA: "Lord Fagmore". That's a whole new level of lame.

He's got you there, AJH. You can do better than that. In fact, that sounds like a challenge.

[Zeener Diode]

Originally Posted by The Futility of Nihilism

I love a good quality AJH rant.

His one-liners aren't bad, either. As long as I use my Official AJH Decoder Ring^TM to translate it.

[Lord Blackmore]

Man you are so far from getting it that galaxy UDFj-39546284 seems next door by comparison.

I'm not sure what's to "get". It just another AJH rant.

It's not really funny. He's done some really good rants, but this isn't exactly his best work.

ETA: if AJH is accurately describing this Fareed character's position, the Fareed dude has a point. The country isn't going to hell in a handbasket, but it ain't exactly in great shape either.

[whirlingbladesofkick]

Originally Posted by Lord Blackmore

But at least I'm not GB's resident sex Walter Mitty who spins yarns about my alleged sex life. That makes you lame AND pathetic.

Yeah, AJH! Quit making your stupid lame fake stories about anal sex! It's lame AND pathetic!

[McNutty]

Originally Posted by Lord Blackmore

at least I'm not GB's resident sex Walter Mitty who spins yarns about my alleged sex life.

Word to AJH: if you intend to spin yarns about your alleged sex life and you want taco's support, you should pose as a hottie hot girl and post undie pix.

[Sleeps With Butterflies]

Originally Posted by whirlingbladesofkick

If you've had hamsters, you likely know what would happen to one dead at the bottom.

It wouldn't be there because it'd be all scarfed up nom by the other ones! Freaky cannibal rodents!

This brings up a childhood incident!

My sister and I each had a hamster. Her hamster died so the deceased had to be buried. We had a small funeral and were sad for the appropriate 2ish days.

Many years later my sister mentioned our two hamsters and how it was weird that the one died (my mother found the departed, not us) and the other didn't. My father laughed and pointed at me and said "YOUR hamster bit HER hamster's privates off and apparently ate them. When your mother found them YOUR hamster was snacking on his entrails."

I could have gone to the grave without knowing that.

[Zeener Diode]

Instead of wishing HIV on Fareed, maybe we can let a couple hamsters slip inside his briefs.

[Doyle]

Originally Posted by Zeener Diode

Instead of wishing HIV on Fareed, maybe we can let a couple hamsters slip inside his briefs.

Time for a poll!

[Andrew Jackson's Hair]

i dont get it guys

durf durf

[Andrew Jackson's Hair]

Originally Posted by Lord Blackmore

if AJH is accurately describing this Fareed character's position, the Fareed dude has a point. The country isn't going to hell in a handbasket, but it ain't exactly in great shape either.

yes because the opinion of someone too shut in to know who a major political commentator is, and too stupid/lazy to look it up, matters alot to everyone

[Lord Blackmore]

Originally Posted by Andrew Jackson's Hair

]
yes because the opinion of someone too shut in to know who a major political commentator is, and too stupid/lazy to look it up, matters alot to everyone

I know who he is because I did look it up. I just can't be arsed to spend any more time on it.

And here's a clue, Walter, there are plenty of other sources of information besides this guy, so I don't need to spend any time reading his material to form an opinion.

And what I wrote is 100% correct, you fetid pile of steaming monkey poo.

[bufftabby]

I wanna see AJH, Blackmore, and Zakaria in a banana pudding wrestling battle royale. Losers have to make out. It's the only way.

[Lord Blackmore]

Originally Posted by bufftabby

I wanna see AJH, Blackmore, and Zakaria in a banana pudding wrestling battle royale. Losers have to make out. It's the only way.

TBH, at this point, I'm just busting AJH's balls for amusement.

And truth be told, I like AJH's posts in other threads where he's not ranting.

[Jeff]

Originally Posted by McNutty

Word to AJH: if you intend to spin yarns about your alleged sex life and you want taco's support, you should pose as a hottie hot girl and post undie pix.

I know this wasn't directed at me, but I am making detailed notes nonetheless.

[Jeff]

ps boo fakeera zaheed you loser yah i hate your political commentaries too. hijackers gtfo.

[bufftabby]

Originally Posted by Lord Blackmore

TBH, at this point, I'm just busting AJH's balls for amusement.

And truth be told, I like AJH's posts in other threads where he's not ranting.

None of your chatter lessens my desire for pudding mayhem.

[eleanorigby]

Originally Posted by Sleeps With Butterflies

I could have gone to the grave without knowing that.

I could have too. We had gerbils but none showed this interesting um, quirk.

[Sleeps With Butterflies]

Originally Posted by eleanorigby

I could have too. We had gerbils but none showed this interesting um, quirk.

Clearly gerbils are superior as they do not EAT EACH OTHER'S PEENERS!

Stupid hamsters. Stupid Dad.

[eleanorigby]

I dunno, Sleeps. It may be that we had moronic gerbils (very likely) or they were both female or something. Nothing like retroactive trauma, though--thanks, Dad!

[bufftabby]

We had gerbils, two brothers. Mine killed my siblings' gerbil, but I'm pretty sure there was no wang-eating involved. They looked exactly alike, so we told my siblings that theirs had killed mine. Later, when one of them started getting uppity about whether I could play with their gerbil, I gleefully told the truth.

[Lord Blackmore]

Gerbils like Lemmiwinks?

[Zeener Diode]

Originally Posted by bufftabby

Later, when one of them started getting uppity about whether I could play with their gerbil, I gleefully told the truth.

STOP TOYING WITH MY HEART YOU VIXEN

[Darmund]

I had gerbils too, and they are definitely vicious little fuckers. Although in my experience they tend to eat each others faces rather than the naughty bits.

[mswas]

Originally Posted by bufftabby

We had gerbils, two brothers. Mine killed my siblings' gerbil, but I'm pretty sure there was no wang-eating involved. They looked exactly alike, so we told my siblings that theirs had killed mine. Later, when one of them started getting uppity about whether I could play with their gerbil, I gleefully told the truth.

How do you know htat was the truth? Maybe it was YOUR gerbil that was killed?

[bufftabby]

I'm the one who found them. Clearly there was some small difference, as I knew which was which, but whatever that difference was has been lost to the sands of time.

[BlackNGold]

Originally Posted by eleanorigby

Nothing like retroactive trauma, though--thanks, Dad!

I was visiting a college buddy's house. Me, my friend, and his dad were having some beers and BSing. Friend tells numerous gushy stories about beloved childhood dog.

Friend: He must have been pretty old when you gave him away to Mr. X...
Dad: Naw, I took him out in the woods and shot him in the head.
Friend:

He believed the "going to live on a farm" type story until the age of 20. I still choose to believe a story about one of my own childhood pets (there are various reasons that it's probably true). I'm not gonna ask, though.

[Zeener Diode]

Originally Posted by BlackNGold

He believed the "going to live on a farm" type story until the age of 20. I still choose to believe a story about one of my own childhood pets (there are various reasons that it's probably true). I'm not gonna ask, though.

Instead, he "bought" the farm.

I used to believe my mom when she'd tell us the goldfish were returning to the ocean, as she flushed them down the toilet.

[Andrew Jackson's Hair]

fareed zakaria loves the industriousness of the japanese people and culture BUT theyve become decadent and soft in the face of 3rd world advacement and deserve to die of radiation poisoning :smug: