Vasectomy

[hajario]

I am getting one on Friday morning and I am dreading it like nothing before in my life. This is going to be awful.

[Chacoguy]

It's no worse than the dentist. The absolute worst part is passing through the Stubble Phase afterwards.

[Carolia]

My hubby said it was the easiest surgical procedure he'd ever had done. He said it was uncomfortable, but not really painful, except when he got overly optimistic about his recovery and hopped on the riding lawn mower too soon, so listen to your doctor.

As a side note, he decided that he liked his doctor when doc informed him that he had done HIS OWN VASECTOMY. This made me think the doc was off his rocker, but hubby decided that if he was confident enough in his skills to nip his own cahones, he was skilled enough to do other people's, too.

[Chacoguy]

Originally Posted by Carolia

As a side note, he decided that he liked his doctor when doc informed him that he had done HIS OWN VASECTOMY.

So, what did he do? Use a mirror like Annie Oakley?

[Carolia]

I assumed so, but I really, really didn't want to know the details. I was the wimp during hubby's surgery, since I informed the doctor that no thank you, I'd much rather be in the waiting room than watch the surgery his office.

[hajario]

Here are the possible side effects listed in the disclosure:

Hematoma: Bleeding in the scortal sac which requires an incision to drain the blood.

Abscess: Infection and then you need to drain pus from the scrotal sac.

Epididymo-orchitis: Where your balls swell up painfully and it can last for "several weeks or longer."

[Chacoguy]

I'd be more concerned with hitting five grand on your next post.

You'll be fine; folks have died at the dentist.

[stormie]

Originally Posted by Carolia

As a side note, he decided that he liked his doctor when doc informed him that he had done HIS OWN VASECTOMY.

Holy insanity Docman! I like that men like insane people that way.

[Dragonlady]

I have had experience with several men, post op. One went to work, as a bartender, the night after the surgery. He said it probably want the best idea, that reaching up for glasses and down for beer was a bit uncomfortable. It sure looked that way.
The other was medical staff, and had his whole OR team show up in the Drs office "to assist". He said the worst part was being up in stirrups.

[eleanorigby]

What kind of anesthesia are you having?

General--takes away everything, but is expensive and not risk-free. Takes the longest (have to factor in recovery time)

MAC (monitored anesthesia care or "twilight sleep"): knocks you out, but does not require life support as does general (intubation). Not risk-free; probably cheaper than general. 2nd longest-recovery time not as long.

Local: awake, but numb the whole time. Cheapest route, most risk-free (but not risk-free; no surgery of any kind is risk-free). Quickest in and out.

Go local if you can. You won't feel a thing and you'll actually remember your discharge instructions (always a plus).

Get a bag of ice, the remote, some painkillers and lots of water. Prepare yourself to lay on the couch for a day. Whining is optional (but seems to be mandatory to the guys I know who have had this done). Local tenderness and some minor swelling/bruising is expected to the groin area.

Be sure to make and keep the follow up appointments with your doctor. You not firing blanks until they say you are.

[hajario]

Local. I don't think that the doc that I am using does it any other way.

[brownie55]

Scream when your balls get to the size of plums, it's great practice as the go through the other fruit. If the get to cantaloupe seek medical attention.

[hajario]

Originally Posted by brownie55

Scream when your balls get to the size of plums,

When?

[brownie55]

Originally Posted by hajario

When?

Excuse me, you can scream at oranges.

[SmartAleq]

My ex had probably the worst possible vasectomy experience and it wasn't nearly as bad as my mini-lap tubal ligation. On him they went for the one incision in the middle method but his vas deferens were too short to pull up and out of the incision to be snipped and cauterized, although they certainly tugged for a very long time trying before admitting defeat and making two incisions, on on each side of the scrotum. Took an hour instead of fifteen minutes and he had an extra couple of stitches to recover from. He was off the couch the next day and having sex in a week or so. Said the worst part was the tugging, everything else was much easier.

My tubal required full general anesthesia, a complete shave (which sucked) and a couple weeks recovery in which every sneeze and giggle was an exercise in torture. Vasectomies are child's play compared to actual abdominal surgery. Get several bags of frozen peas and, well, sack up!

[eleanorigby]

Originally Posted by hajario

Local. I don't think that the doc that I am using does it any other way.

You'll be aces. You need a ride home. Check with Doc re driving-some limit you and it's a good idea for the first few days to avoid driving, digging, shoveling--stuff that uses your lower abdominal muscles.

TAKE THE PAIN MED BEFORE THE LOCAL WEARS OFF.

REPEAT: TAKE THE PAIN MED BEFORE THE LOCAL WEARS OFF. And then take it as directed around the clock for the first 24 hours. You'll never look back and you'll be a new man.


ETA: Smarty is correct. My tubal was hell-sick afterward and in bed. General anesthesia, shaved, crampy weird shit, nausea. Blech.

[hajario]

Believe it or not, my ex-wife is taking me there and back even though the doc said that I would be fine to drive home on my own. I'm not sure if I'm even getting a pain med. The instructions talk about Tylenol so I guess I'll just take that right away.

I'm supposed to shave myself on either side of my unit. It's definitely a two hole job where they use some kind of puncture thing to make the holes instead of a scalpel.

I feel sick.

[Wolf Larsen]

Tell them to get you some lortabs.

[hajario]

I went for a consultation right after my divorce like six years ago. Then I wussed out.

A good friend turned 50 last year and had been putting off his colonoscopy so we made a deal. He got his procedure a couple of weeks ago.

[WednesdayAddams]

Originally Posted by hajario

Believe it or not, my ex-wife is taking me there and back even though the doc said that I would be fine to drive home on my own. I'm not sure if I'm even getting a pain med. The instructions talk about Tylenol so I guess I'll just take that right away.

I'm supposed to shave myself on either side of my unit. It's definitely a two hole job where they use some kind of puncture thing to make the holes instead of a scalpel.

I feel sick.

It's actually better than a scalpel. Minimally invasive, you heal quicker and no incision pain. Get a bag or two of frozen peas. Better than ice.

[Veb]

Buck up, kiddo. It won't be nearly as bad as you're dreading. Not that I've had one myself but going from accounts from various friends, it's just not nearly as painful as you might think.

FWIW, one friend swore by a bag of frozen baby peas for his same-day icing needs. Whacked it on the counter to break up any lumps so all the itty bitty peas were loose in the bag, then just wrapped a washcloth around it for softness. I'd double-bag it in a baggie because I doubt you'd be in the mood to scavenge your crotch for errant produce in case the big leaked.

He didn't specify a brand.

Good luck. We'll be pulling for ya, metaphorically speaking, I assure you.

[Clothahump]

Originally Posted by hajario

I am getting one on Friday morning and I am dreading it like nothing before in my life. This is going to be awful.

It's no biggie. The injection for the local anesthetic was the worst part. That, and the fact that my doctor and I got to swapping jokes that were so bad, his nurse nearly dropped a tray full of instruments, she was laughing so hard.

[wring]

good for you

[Anacanapuna]

Originally Posted by Carolia

My hubby said it was the easiest surgical procedure he'd ever had done. He said it was uncomfortable, but not really painful, except when he got overly optimistic about his recovery and hopped on the riding lawn mower too soon, so listen to your doctor.

As a side note, he decided that he liked his doctor when doc informed him that he had done HIS OWN VASECTOMY. This made me think the doc was off his rocker, but hubby decided that if he was confident enough in his skills to nip his own cahones, he was skilled enough to do other people's, too.

Did hubby have his tubes terminated in Greeley, Colo.? 'Cuz that's what my doc said, too, and I figured it to be pretty much bullshit. He claimed he'd done it when he was in the military, had a couple of corpsmen prep him and hold the mirror so he could see what he was doing. I don't believe a word of it.

That same doctor, BTW, on pain management: "Get a bottle of Jack Daniels and a bag of ice. Put the ice on your crotch, use it to chill the Jack. When the whiskey and the ice are both gone, you're good."

Yeah, "Ooh-Rah!" ya' fuckin' jarhead. Gimme the goddamn Percoset.

[Mr. Buttons]

My dad had it done around '85, said it was no worse than minor dental work... but when they tell you not to lift more than 30-40 lbs the next couple weeks, LISTEN to them. He tore something a week or two later that was apparently 4x more painful than the procedure. Just a warning:

[Zweedo Rodriguez]

Originally Posted by hajario

Abscess: Infection and then you need to drain pus from the scrotal sac.

This can arrive like a kick in the nuts when you thought it was all healed. Actually, like a knife to the scrotum and a kick in the nuts.

Not fun: Ten days in hospital, another week off work.

Surgeon: "could be a torsion, might have to take em off'.

Me (zonked out on drugs): "Yeah, whatever, please hurry".

[Solfy]

When I had my wisdom teeth out the doc's standard pre-op instructions said to start taking 2 ibuprofen every 4 (6?)hrs 24hrs before the surgery. I'm not a doctor, nor am I suggesting you do anything that may be counter to what your doctor says, but I honestly believe pre-loading my system with anti-inflammatory meds helped mitigate post-op swelling.
He also recommended frozen peas or corn as ice packs, as have others here. Recovery was a doodle, but of course teeth are not nuts.
Just a thought. Good luck.

[eleanorigby]

Premedicating with Extra Strength Tylenol isn't a bad idea. I'd avoid Ibuprofen-it can enhance bleeding. And NO aspirin prior to.

I have never seen one vasectomy that didn't go home with Vicodin or its equivalent, but some docs aren't real great with the pain relief. What pisses me the hell off is women are sent home every day with 600mg of Motrin for endometrial ablations, tubals, you name it, but that's another thread. You are free to ask your doctor for a script for painkillers. If he jibes, insist on a script of 6 of them. That's enough for 24 hours or so (depending on dosage). That's reasonable and certainly not drug-seeking etc.

Anyhoo, the frozen peas work great-just don't try to eat them afterwards. Also, never put ice directly next to your skin. Use a pillowcase for the bag o' peas (put them in a ziplock first). You might want to wear boxers-more comfy. And don't wear your tight jeans--wear sweats or track pants. (MC Hammerpants? just kidding!)

IMO, the anticipation and anxiety are much worse than the actual event. I am glad you have a ride home. There is zero need to push yourself afterwards-just because you can drive doesn't mean you should.

[Wolf Larsen]

Originally Posted by eleanorigby

IMO, the anticipation and anxiety are much worse than the actual event. I am glad you have a ride home. There is zero need to push yourself afterwards-just because you can drive doesn't mean you should.

Bolded for truth. Plus, once you get the "guns are empty, weapons are free" phone call from the doc, you don't have to use barrier methods anymore.

[Turing Complete]

Mine was pretty easy. Local anesthetic only. The doc sent me home with Lortab, but I only took one of them the first night. After that it wasn't bad at all.

[Doyle]

Originally Posted by Solfy

When I had my wisdom teeth out the doc's standard pre-op instructions said to start taking 2 ibuprofen every 4 (6?)hrs 24hrs before the surgery....

My oral surgeon said he removed his own wisdom teeth.

[Argyle Sock]

Originally Posted by Doyle

My oral surgeon said he removed his own wisdom teeth.

My brain surgeon claimed he did his own lobotomy.

[Carolia]

'Puna, hubby's was in Nashville, TN. If I recall, the nurses vouched for him, but don't hold me to that!

[Mako]

I went for a vasectomy 13 years ago but was denied. Apparently, the NHS knows better than I do whether I want children.

[puttering]

It won't be nearly as bad as you think.

I had mine done on a Friday afternoon, local anasthetic, he shaved what he needed to; I drove myself home. The whole procedure took about 25 minutes, including waiting for the local to take effect. Took the prescribed Vicodin or Percoset, whatever it was. Sat on the couch with the frozen peas on my crotch and moaned for an hour. By dinner time, I was moving around slowly, but moving. Next day, took it easy, no more pain meds. By Monday, back at work (desk job).

By Tuesday, I informed my wife I was ready to hop back in the saddle. We took it slowly and gently; no pain from start to finish.

Easy peasy.

[Doyle]

Try getting an epididymectomy like I have. Missed work for a week. My scrotum was the size of a softball. Fun.

[AuntiePam]

Originally Posted by hajario

Epididymo-orchitis: Where your balls swell up painfully and it can last for "several weeks or longer."

A co-worker said his balls got so big, they bounced against his knees. I think he was kidding.

Hope you have a quick and easy recovery, and good for you!

[Portia]

Good for you! Anecdotally speaking, pineapple juice drunk before the surgery's supposed to have some anti-inflammatory properties, plus you can start your day w/ a fuzzy navel. Or a shaved one, if you were really on the ball.

Wait, none of that came out right.

[Lucifer]

Originally Posted by hajario

I am getting one on Friday morning and I am dreading it like nothing before in my life. This is going to be awful.

It's pretty unpleasant, but totally worth it. I got snipped 5 or 6 years ago. It went ok. I did local anesthetic and a Valium. I was feeling pretty groovy when the sedative kicked in, and it made the whole thing much more bearable. I could feel the internal tugging when the doc was pulling on the vas on the second side. He had to give me another injection. I could smell the human bar-b-que aroma of the cauterization. After, there was some minor swelling and bruising. No biggie. I spent the weekend in bed watching marathon Star Wars DVDs and eating Vicodin. The worst part of the whole thing was that for about 2 years, my balls hurt like hell when I ejaculated. I was really worried that it was a permanent side effect but it eventually went away. Doc said it was an unusual but not unheard of side-effect. And you know what? I'd do it all over again, even with the sore balls for two years, because it was TOTALLY worth it.

[Jaglavak]

Screeeeeech! Back up the truck.

Originally Posted by hajario

A good friend turned 50 last year and had been putting off his colonoscopy so we made a deal. He got his procedure a couple of weeks ago.

So lie, hello? Like he's gonna check? Have you lost your entire mind?

Look, think about it logically. If you join the Peace Corp first thing tomorrow morning, you can be on a cargo plane to Rwanda by Friday. They'll never find you.

[SmartAleq]

Originally Posted by Jaglavak

Screeeeeech! Back up the truck.

So lie, hello? Like he's gonna check? Have you lost your entire mind?

Look, think about it logically. If you join the Peace Corp first thing tomorrow morning, you can be on a cargo plane to Rwanda by Friday. They'll never find you.

Except for, y'know, the endless parade of bastard children he leaves behind him.

[transcriber]

Originally Posted by SmartAleq

Except for, y'know, the endless parade of bastard children he leaves behind him.

If he sleeps with an endless parade of women, especially in Rwanda, I suggest he continues to wear a condom.

[tdn's penis]

I stand in solidarity with Majario's twig and berries.

[hajario]

No big deal at all! Of course the numbing medication probably hasn't worn off yet. I barely even felt the needle from the numbing med. Seriously, that was nothing.

Originally Posted by eleanorigby

I have never seen one vasectomy that didn't go home with Vicodin or its equivalent, but some docs aren't real great with the pain relief.

This guy just gave me two packets of Tylenol and an ice pack. I have more Tylenol and a couple of bags of Trader Joe's frozen peas as a back-up.

Thanks to the well wishers in the thread and via PM.

[Argyle Sock]

Originally Posted by hajario

No big deal at all!

Wait til your dick falls off next week, then we'll see how big a deal you think it was .

[Taur]

Originally Posted by hajario

Trader Joe's frozen peas

Nothing but the best for our haj!

Is it going to get itchy as it heals?

[Veb]

So nothing crucial has swelled and turned black and necrotic and fallen off, huh?

That's good, that's very good.

It's not very exciting but what the hell. "Boring" is probably excellent when it comes to gonadal surgery.

[Jaglavak]

:: confused ::

You posted this from a cargo plane via tapatalk, right?

[hajario]

Originally Posted by Board Taurus

Is it going to get itchy as it heals?

I'll keep you posted.

See my website for pictures before, after and during the procedure.

[Jaglavak]

:: hides in corner, covers eyes ::