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#1
20th July 2012, 10:10 PM
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What do you do when you get a bad free sample
You've done it. You're at Costco or Tesco or the farmer's market and some cheerful, unthreatening person hands you dehydrated monkey vomit disguised as cheese on a cracker. 1 second after you pop it in your mouth you would, were you home, spit it out and run off to brush your teeth 40 times. But you are not home, you are Standing Right There in front of a smiling person who seems to feel they have just done something nice.
Me, I try to crush any remains in my hand and wander off nonchalantly, reserving the choking noises until I am at least 9 feet away. What do you do? 
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#2
20th July 2012, 10:32 PM
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Look! Is that Elvis!!!
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#3
21st July 2012, 03:54 AM
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If it helps any, the cheerful person is not in any way affiliated with Dehydrated Monkey Vomit, Inc. They're just making ten bucks an hour putting that shit out there for you to be grossed out by it. They get paid no matter what you think of the product and tomorrow they'll be passing out something else entirely. I know this because I've done this gig before and there's a company whose entire business it is to supply cheerful people in white shirts and black pants to hand out monkey vomit on a cracker. So go ahead and spit it out, they probably already know how bad it really is and are deriving a bit of job satisfaction watching people try to be polite about it.
ETA: This is true of Costco and Winco and the like--at the farmer's market you're probably SOL on this front. Probably made by their senile old granny and they'll sob if you spit it out. You monster.
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#4
21st July 2012, 04:48 AM
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Just say no. Don't take simulated food from strangers at supermarkets. Did you ever notice that they never give away free samples of fresh cantaloupe or cherries or anything actually good and tasty? You don't even have to be rude; just smile and say "No thanks, I don't eat that stuff."
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#5
21st July 2012, 04:53 AM
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Free samples of fruit at the farmer's market, pretty often. And at my local fruit company, they had mango and canteloupe slices out that were fantastic. But yeah, I pretty much only eat samples from Trader Joe's, the rest of it tends toward the naaaaasty.
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#7
21st July 2012, 07:30 AM
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There's usually a napkin or small paper cup involved, in which case I would discreetly spit out the sample into the napkin, crumple it all up, and toss it in the nearest trash can.
Daughters learned the hard way about free samples once. They tried some sugar-free energy bars that tasted fine initially but had a nasty after-taste. We found a water fountain to drown out the flavor a bit.
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#8
21st July 2012, 08:07 AM
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These things skeeve me out, so I never partake. Glad to know I'm not missing anything!
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#9
21st July 2012, 08:15 AM
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Quote:
I usually tell the sample people no, with notable exceptions for cheesecake: because cheesecake is expensive, damnit, to buy or to make! And after the expense, it's so rich I only want a bite, anyway, so free sample? Win! I get my bite without the high price tag. I do not, however, have any trouble telling the person if it wasn't good. As noted, they are not associated with the product, and they may or may not be gathering information about it. Either way, if I take a bite and I don't like it, I might wrinkle my nose and shake my head, and ask them if they have a garbage bin to throw it into, and say "no, sorry, I don't care for this." Occasionally, they will ask what it was: flavour, texture, wasn't what I thought it was (were they being clear in their presentation of the sample), etc. I'm never rude, but I am honest.
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#10
21st July 2012, 02:03 PM
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I don't get bad samples anymore, because my girl, who is tiny but will eat 24/7 if we let her, gets to them before me. If she doesn't like it, I won't like it. She tells me what she thinks, rather than the sample person, so I'm forewarned. Otherwise, I do most of my sample eating at Whole Foods, where I get fresh fruits, salsas, and lots of cheeses. Mmmm, cheese.
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#11
21st July 2012, 02:49 PM
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Free samples are worth exactly what you pay for them...
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#12
21st July 2012, 03:30 PM
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I just swallow it really, really quick and do my best not to gag.
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#13
21st July 2012, 03:58 PM
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Quote:
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#14
21st July 2012, 03:59 PM
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Quote:
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#15
21st July 2012, 04:47 PM
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<snort>
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#16
21st July 2012, 05:54 PM
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I will take a free sample if it looks interesting, but I don't bother telling the person who is handing it out whether I like it; as noted above, the person serving it doesn't necessarily care what you think. If I like it, I'll buy it; if I don't like it, I tell everybody I know about this horrible product to avoid.
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#17
21st July 2012, 07:09 PM
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I ask for a refund.
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#18
21st July 2012, 07:24 PM
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Interesting. I thought I was a hopeless oddball for not taking free samples at supermarkets. First, they're appeals to impulse shopping and that rarely works out well for me. Second, they always seem to be for stuff I'd never buy under any circumstances.
So I just smile at the person offering and say 'no thanks.' What a rotten job so no reason to make their lives worse. Honorable exceptions: oh yeah, farmers markets. And the local health food store. Their hummus is to die for.
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#19
21st July 2012, 11:53 PM
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Yeah, I rarely take samples, unless it's for something that couldn't possibly go wrong, like some kind of berry cobbler or something, and even then I have to be in a particularly optimistic mood. Generally, the presentation just kind of grosses me out. I'm sure your whatever is great, but smearing it on a miniature cupcake paper and thrusting it at me just isn't selling it. The Fred Meyer near our house does cheese samples pretty frequently, and occasionally I'll find myself not-disgusted-by-a-plate-of-cheese-samples-that-toddlers-may-have-pawed enough to take one, but the last time I took one, I liked it a lot and when I asked where to find the cheese, the helpful person pointed me at a half pound block of cheese that was $23. Uh, yeah, it's fine, but Jesus Christ, no thanks. I'll take another sample, though.
 At costco, I don't even try to get near the sample stations because they're just a feeding frenzy. My lovely wife, on the other hand, is a sucker for anything free, and can usually be counted on to brave the throngs of sample seekers, bring me one back, and then eat it when I don't want it.
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#21
22nd July 2012, 12:21 AM
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Patience. We'll be third world soon enough.
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#22
22nd July 2012, 12:27 AM
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I usually eyeball the sample table before I tell the sample-giver-outer yay or nay. I'll sample most cheese that's not moldy or doesn't have bits of stuff in or on them, any dessert that's not drowned in fake fruit, and any frozen pepperoni OR sausage OR cheese pizza. If it looks yucky I politely say "No thank you" and move on.
A couple of weeks ago there was a guy giving out free beer samples at the grocery store. Best. Sample. Kiosk. EVER.
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#23
22nd July 2012, 12:05 PM
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Anyone remember the scene with Adam Kesher (Justin Theroux) in *Mulholland Drive*? If it's a liquid sample, ask for a napkin, and let the fluid dribble out of your mouth. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fdj_0-kA_4k (try at 3:10 if you haven't seen the movie).
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#24
22nd July 2012, 01:18 PM
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Yeah, what is with these people who actually talk to me and try to give me stuff like I want to deal with talking people or something?
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