Need platitudes

[Gorgon Heap]

I need some help generating feel-good platitudes for a Thanksgiving toast.

I'm supposed to give it tomorrow just before dinner at my step-family's event. It's a tradition for them, but we have nothing in common as they are a bunch of squares. These people are simple and boring, Catholic and lame. At these family gatherings the height of humor has been been laughing at the same juvenile fart jokes for the past 25 years.

Whatever I say will be insincere, so please feed me some ideas worthy of Clark W. Griswold so I can get through this without actually insulting them.

[THespos]

I'm Catholic and I resemble that remark...

Can't you just memorize a bunch of dirty limericks or something?

[u wan buy dvd?]

somethingsomething remember what is truly important
yadda our many blessings yadda
God/family/food andsoforth
and maybe "here's to all of you" because why the fuck not?

[Gorgon Heap]

Can't you just memorize a bunch of dirty limericks or something?

I actually said something similar to my mom about a week ago (she married us into the family and is not Catholic and fully understands how square they are). Not having to perform this tast - ever - because only the men do it, she merely laughed at me.

Mentioning God isn't a bad idea, but as I'm not Catholic either they won't believe me. But turning it into a general "let's be thankful" is a good idea.

Did I mention I don't even like Thanksgiving?

Thanks for the help. Keep it coming.

[Turing Complete]

A Psalm for Thanksgiving. (Psalm 100)

Shout joyfully to the LORD, all the earth.
Serve the LORD with gladness;
Come before Him with joyful singing.
Know that the LORD Himself is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter His gates with thanksgiving
And His courts with praise.
Give thanks to Him, bless His name.
For the LORD is good;
His lovingkindness is everlasting
And His faithfulness to all generations.

[Solfy]

I'm missing how Catholic=square. My in-laws are Protestant and much more square than anyone in my family.

Anyway - standard non-denominational Thanksgiving platitudes:
We are gathered here to take time from our busy lives to express how grateful we are for our many blessings - especially the companionship of family and friends. For all that we have in our lives we give thanks and ask for continued blessings in the coming year.
ETA: Standard inclusion at in-laws include, "Thank you for this food and the strength it gives our bodies. Bless the hands that prepared this food." as well as, "We are grateful for those who traveled to be here with us today. Please keep them safe when they journey home."

[Jaglavak]

Good food
Good drink
Good God
Let's eat

[WednesdayAddams]

Italian Catholic or Irish Catholic?

Sometimes the most courageous thing you can do is offer a hug.
Sometimes the most loving words are the hard, honest ones.
Sometimes the best way to be there for someone is just to let them be.

Bleh.

[Jaglavak]

Yeah, though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death...

[Fish]

"Remember, there is no I in 'team' but there is an I in 'Oedipus.'"

[Islander]

Originally Posted by Jaglavak

Good food
Good drink
Good God
Let's eat

Hey, Space Cadet, it's supposed to rhyme.

Good food
Good meat
Good God
Let's eat

Or...
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.
He who eats the fastest gets the most.

[mlerose]

There's always my favorite church camp grace:

Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Yay god!

[Portia]

One day, I envision a world whose children only know peace and prosperity, (heavy pause) kindness and tolerance. And I can envision us attacking that world, because they'd never see it coming.

[Chacoguy]

Fornication.
Fornication!

::Clears throat::

For, an, occasion such as this, I should have prepared remarks, but I didn't, let's eat.

[Gorgon Heap]

HUhn.

I rather prefer those last two posts, but have decided - I think - I shall skip the whole damn thing.

I know of three dinners tomorrow - the one I already mentioned, where I will simply sit there and not talk to anyone; one with my ex step-mom where they are all Puerto Rican and I will have only a vague idea of what's going on and am super detached from extended family; and one where I sit outside my ex-wife's house where she, her parents and ours and her boyfriend's kids eat dinner.

There is no part of this day that I will be comfortable with, and so I now choose to stay home, do some laundry, watch and eat what I want and drink some been in peace and quiet.

Thanks, everybody. This should be the the best Thanksgiving ever.

And I will be thankful for it.

[elbows]

I'm happy to hear of your decision, I think it's very wise of you!

I humbly suggest you toast, yourself, with the following;

"The secret to life is enjoying the passage of time,
There ain't nothin' to it, any fool can do it!"

Have a Happy Happy Day!

[Gorgon Heap]

Thank you!


And of course I meant drink beer. Not "been."

[Clothahump]

Originally Posted by Gorgon Heap

HUhn.

I rather prefer those last two posts, but have decided - I think - I shall skip the whole damn thing.

I know of three dinners tomorrow - the one I already mentioned, where I will simply sit there and not talk to anyone; one with my ex step-mom where they are all Puerto Rican and I will have only a vague idea of what's going on and am super detached from extended family; and one where I sit outside my ex-wife's house where she, her parents and ours and her boyfriend's kids eat dinner.

There is no part of this day that I will be comfortable with, and so I now choose to stay home, do some laundry, watch and eat what I want and drink some been in peace and quiet.

Thanks, everybody. This should be the the best Thanksgiving ever.

And I will be thankful for it.

Gorgon, Happy Thanksgiving to you. I'll devour a turkey leg in your honor!

[BJMoose]

Originally Posted by Fish

"Remember, there is no I in 'team' but there is an I in 'Oedipus.'"

Yeah, but it's been gouged out. . . .



Platitudes. Hmmmmm.

"A penny saved is hardly worth the effort."