Snark Sauce: Durpz 57

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

For the sake of efficiency they should merge Jinx in with them, too.

Would that raise or lower the average IQ of both accounts, I wonder?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What I'd really like privacy for is pooping. I really prefer to poop in private. Some people have a bashful bladder, apparently I have a bashful pooper. Unfortunately, the Other Half also has incontinence issues and we only have one toilet resulting in occasional interruptions. I will spare you all the gory details.

Too late bitch.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Too late bitch.

I don't know what's more horrifying... That there are gory details or what those details actually are?

I may have just answered my own rhetorical question.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Who?

I have something wrong with my brain which makes me keep referring to The Second Stone as Sam Stone. I'm very sorry for this. (Mostly to Sam Stone, who did nothing to deserve such a remark.)

[Someone]

Why is ralph124c a "Registered User"? I don't ever recall seeing that before.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I just figure it's typical Broomstick oversharing/TMI. No need to read anything into it beyond "she sure likes to talk about herself."

But that also encompasses all message board posters everywhere.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Why is ralph124c a "Registered User"? I don't ever recall seeing that before.

Sex offender.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Why is ralph124c a "Registered User"? I don't ever recall seeing that before.

Probably a side effect of combining those two accounts.

Originally Posted by Someone

Sex offender.

Scratch the above, this is better.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Probably a side effect of combining those two accounts.

Scratch the above, this is better.

Shouldn't he be required to leave visitor messages announcing his arrival?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Shouldn't he be required to leave visitor messages announcing his arrival?

"Pederast, Dude."

[Someone]

In the Captain America thread pkbites calls out *cough*JC*cough* about moving the thread so we can all call Cap. a stupid face and also uses the "t" word. Will this piece of vile be let to stand? Will the Honorable Judge Chance burst forth from the shadows to battle the ebil pkbites and save us all from ourselves? Stay tuned!

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...8&postcount=99

[Someone]

Tha hell? Jamie got warned for THAT? Bronchitis Boy really needs to chill the fuck out.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Tha hell? Jamie got warned for THAT? Bronchitis Boy really needs to chill the fuck out.

You could have a troll start a thread in GD called "Resolved: Hitler Was The Bestest (Especially That Holocaust Thing)" and the very first person who called that troll a naughty name would be warned. Doesn't matter how over the top it is, Thou Shalt Not Insult is written in goddamned stone.

[Someone]

I just don't think it rose to the level of an insult.

[Someone]

Hitler was the best in Mustache Douchebaggery.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You could have a troll start a thread in GD called "Resolved: Hitler Was The Bestest (Especially That Holocaust Thing)" and the very first person who called that troll a naughty name would be warned. Doesn't matter how over the top it is, Thou Shalt Not Insult is written in goddamned stone.

IIRC, we're not allowed to call posters "Holocaust deniers".

[Someone]

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...4&postcount=62

At the Dope, they must have seen the Never Nude on Arrested Development as an empowering role model.

[Someone]

Tardfight!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In the Captain America thread pkbites calls out *cough*JC*cough* about moving the thread so we can all call Cap. a stupid face and also uses the "t" word. Will this piece of vile be let to stand? Will the Honorable Judge Chance burst forth from the shadows to battle the ebil pkbites and save us all from ourselves? Stay tuned!

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...8&postcount=99

I nominate this one for the mod blooper reel.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I nominate this one for the mod blooper reel.

I can't help but think there is the possibility that moving it was his own form of snark. "I don't want this crapfest. You take it, Mucus Man."

I guess I just want to believe the very best of the newest crop of jack-booted thugs.

[Someone]

I've had my threads moved out of the pit, then been chastised for insults I posted before it was moved because it wasn't the pit.

[Someone]

Just another example of one of my pet peeves. READ THE THREAD!!!

Vaguely interesting thread about living next to historical sites.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=754495

kferr mentions in post #17 the old adage of 100 miles, 100 years.

Rand McNally responds WITH QUOTED SAYING in #20, relays anecdote.

Mrs.Goods replies WITH QUOTED SAYING in #21, relays anecdote.

BrotherCadfael, Post #22, five posts later of a one page, not wall of text thread says 100 miles, 100 years like he just invented it.

Now, I don't know BrotherCadfael from a hill of beans, but I can tell you which one has better reading skills.

Read the fucking thread, or stop posting. Seriously, why are you even there?

READ THE THREAD! READ THE THREAD! READ THE THREAD!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

READ THE THREAD! READ THE THREAD! READ THE THREAD!

In it's sister category:

DON'T LECTURE US ABOUT THE TOPIC IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

jsgoddess isn't usually such a sanctimonious moron, is she? If this is a one-off, I'll chalk it up to her trying to survive on 936 calories a day.*

Summary:

Gwyneth Paltrow is doing a "challenge" where she has to survive on $29 worth of food for a week. Her grocery list annoyed a lot of people for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that it only works out to 936 calories a day, less than half of what most normal people have to eat. Jsgoddess is lecturing us on how very reasonable Gwyneth's choices are, because somehow jsgoddess missed the memo that the food was supposed to last for a week. And she bitched at us for it.

* jsgoddess isn't actually doing this. I'm just trying to come up with and excuse for her.

ETA: Oh great, she's continuing to lecture us without admitting that she was talking out of her ass before.

[Someone]

BigT has a girl getting all touchy-feely. You know, the way your sister would act.

I wish I was in Dixie . . .

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

BrotherCadfael, Post #22, five posts later of a one page, not wall of text thread says 100 miles, 100 years like he just invented it.

Some of us do that just to annoy the durpers. Not me though. I'm too high class for such shenanigans.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In it's sister category:

DON'T LECTURE US ABOUT THE TOPIC IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

That, my friend, is why we get such sage advice as "Use scaffold or a cherry picker to clean your gutters, it's the only way."

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In it's sister category:

DON'T LECTURE US ABOUT THE TOPIC IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

jsgoddess isn't usually such a sanctimonious moron, is she? If this is a one-off, I'll chalk it up to her trying to survive on 936 calories a day.*

Summary:

Gwyneth Paltrow is doing a "challenge" where she has to survive on $29 worth of food for a week. Her grocery list annoyed a lot of people for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that it only works out to 936 calories a day, less than half of what most normal people have to eat. Jsgoddess is lecturing us on how very reasonable Gwyneth's choices are, because somehow jsgoddess missed the memo that the food was supposed to last for a week. And she bitched at us for it.

* jsgoddess isn't actually doing this. I'm just trying to come up with and excuse for her.

ETA: Oh great, she's continuing to lecture us without admitting that she was talking out of her ass before.

Now she's breaking context and talking about what "worth" means in a "week's worth of food."

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

ETA: Oh great, she's continuing to lecture us without admitting that she was talking out of her ass before.

You misread that and you look like a crazy person. Obviously, "she did not say it was a week's worth of food" was a reasonable statement to make and absolutely does not "out her as having no idea what the challenge was about." You look like you're spoiling for a fight and misunderstanding the statement (which is open to interpretation but its intended meaning is pretty obvious) on purpose to manufacture one.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In it's sister category:

DON'T LECTURE US ABOUT THE TOPIC IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

jsgoddess isn't usually such a sanctimonious moron, is she? If this is a one-off, I'll chalk it up to her trying to survive on 936 calories a day.*

Summary:

Gwyneth Paltrow is doing a "challenge" where she has to survive on $29 worth of food for a week. Her grocery list annoyed a lot of people for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that it only works out to 936 calories a day, less than half of what most normal people have to eat. Jsgoddess is lecturing us on how very reasonable Gwyneth's choices are, because somehow jsgoddess missed the memo that the food was supposed to last for a week. And she bitched at us for it.

* jsgoddess isn't actually doing this. I'm just trying to come up with and excuse for her.

ETA: Oh great, she's continuing to lecture us without admitting that she was talking out of her ass before.

jsgoddess is usually quite sanctimonious like your high school girlfriend's drunken mother pretending to be sober and a figure of authority. But not a moron. The moron thing is new. I put her on ignore back in 2008 for I forget what, and haven't missed her. Spice Weasel (whom I respect, sorry about that SW) seems to think js is wonderful.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

jsgoddess isn't usually such a sanctimonious moron, is she?

Yes. Yes she is.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You misread that and you look like a crazy person. Obviously, "she did not say it was a week's worth of food" was a reasonable statement to make and absolutely does not "out her as having no idea what the challenge was about." You look like you're spoiling for a fight and misunderstanding the statement (which is open to interpretation but its intended meaning is pretty obvious) on purpose to manufacture one.

Sorry, honey, but she didn't know what the challenge was about, and now she's resorting to Clinton-esque attempts to fan-wank her statement into something that makes her not-wrong. I may be durping it up pretty good in that thread, but it's not crazy to call someone out on bullshit, especially when they're defending anything about Gwyneth Paltrow.*

If you want to quibble over the shades of meaning of the word "worth," you'll have to find someone else to do it with. I stay out of GD for a reason.

* Disclaimer: That last phrase was just a joke. Because if you're really that interested in the question of what "worth" means, I have to assume you require this disclaimer.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

BigT has a girl getting all touchy-feely. You know, the way your sister would act.

I wish I was in Dixie . . .

And he tells everyone likes it's no big deal.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And he tells everyone likes it's no big deal.

More matter-of-fact. In BigT's world, whose sister doesn't rub her hands all over your scintillating body any chance she gets?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Sorry, honey, but she didn't know what the challenge was about

Look, even if you think her points are poorly made or wrong, there's simply no chance she actually didn't understand the challenge. If you have some evidence other than a sentence you misinterpreted, offer it up.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

jsgoddess is usually quite sanctimonious

Ran into her at the Sanctimony Awards, eh?

By the way, I nearly fell out of my chair when you didn't win the Smuggy for Best Screed. You were robbed, my friend. Next year for sure.

[Someone]

Did I miss the Smuggies again this year? Damn my DVR!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Tardfight!

I checked out the Dope this morning and there it was:

When is a -tard not a -tard?
[Last Post] by BigT

It was a thing of beauty.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ran into her at the Sanctimony Awards, eh?

By the way, I nearly fell out of my chair when you didn't win the Smuggy for Best Screed. You were robbed, my friend. Next year for sure.

You should have pulled a Kanye.

[Someone]

Why does every thread that has anything to do with popular entertainment get immediately moved to Café Society?

I'm looking for a number, not a discussion of how bad SNL sucked in the early '80s. Jesus.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ran into her at the Sanctimony Awards, eh?

By the way, I nearly fell out of my chair when you didn't win the Smuggy for Best Screed. You were robbed, my friend. Next year for sure.

There are awards for sanctimony and best screed? Well I am disappointed. Will you please nominate me next year?

[Someone]

I've already nominated you for "Best new permanent member in the Box."

[Someone]

I'm waiting for his manifesto at the Dope. He could be in the running for 2 awards at the Bannies: Best Original Manifesto and Banned by Misplaced Martyrdom.

We're rooting for you TSS... Make it a sweep!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Why does every thread that has anything to do with popular entertainment get immediately moved to Café Society?

I'm looking for a number, not a discussion of how bad SNL sucked in the early '80s. Jesus.

Did you initially put in in GQ? Because unless you have a SERIOUS GODDAMNED question or are trolling with retarded questions it gets booted because derp.

[Someone]

Uh oh. Shit's getting real in the tardy-tard thread. Measure for whaterver has thrown down the gauntlet.

Expect a sternly written post.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...1&postcount=49

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Did you initially put in in GQ? Because unless you have a SERIOUS GODDAMNED question or are trolling with retarded questions it gets booted because derp.

Yeah, I did. I emailed engineer_comp_geek asking why he moved it. Got the usual "'cause it's about TV" response, but he offered to change the time-out on it so it stayed visible in GQ a little longer AND found a partial answer for me. That was cool.

In my message to him, I said something about how the Café people would just complain about how much it sucked. And the next post after the move was someone complaining. And then some guy saying "yes, I watched it." Um, thanks? The question was how many people were watching, not whether you watched it.

Not that I care if people hijack it into a discussion of the SNL of my era. It was just funny that it went EXACTLY as I anticipated once it got to Café Society.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In it's sister category:

DON'T LECTURE US ABOUT THE TOPIC IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

Gwyneth Paltrow is doing a "challenge" where she has to survive on $29 worth of food for a week. Her grocery list annoyed a lot of people for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that it only works out to 936 calories a day, less than half of what most normal people have to eat. Jsgoddess is lecturing us on how very reasonable Gwyneth's choices are, because somehow jsgoddess missed the memo that the food was supposed to last for a week. And she bitched at us for it.

* jsgoddess isn't actually doing this. I'm just trying to come up with and excuse for her.

ETA: Oh great, she's continuing to lecture us without admitting that she was talking out of her ass before.

So, as an avid Gwyneth Paltrow hater, I have to say, I think 936 calories a day is not much of a stretch for her from a calorie standpoint. She's very thin, and I'm not sure she actually does much of anything other than stand around being annoying. Yes, yes, she does yoga, but it's possible to do that and burn almost no calories at all (ok, it's a crappy way to do it, but I can't imagine the child pose takes a lot of energy).

So, with that out of the way, I didn't think jsgoddess was all that unreasonable - i.e. the diet seems fine for Gwyneth Paltrow and absolutely nobody else. But then you sort of lost your shit and she kind of doubled down on the 'This is tots fine for everyone! Just not for a week!' nonsense and then you doubled down on the rage and honestly both of you come across as a bit unhinged.

That being said, you are my favourite bean, so whatever.

[Someone]

There is one thing you can count on is the durp being derp. If there is a popular thing for them to complain about you can bet money some of them will just because.

Also I googly searched for a couple of minutes to try to find an answer but I couldn't.

[Someone]

Thanks, pickle berry. I was surprised that the info wasn't easy to find.

Originally Posted by Someone

So, with that out of the way, I didn't think jsgoddess was all that unreasonable - i.e. the diet seems fine for Gwyneth Paltrow and absolutely nobody else. But then you sort of lost your shit and she kind of doubled down on the 'This is tots fine for everyone! Just not for a week!' nonsense and then you doubled down on the rage and honestly both of you come across as a bit unhinged.

That being said, you are my favourite bean, so whatever.

Gwyneth Paltrow just makes me stabby.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Gwyneth Paltrow just makes me stabby.

Oh, c'mon----how could anyone hate an abnormally thin, blonde, gorgeous, rich, famous, sheltered, oblivious, elitist, snooty chick that has fucked at least 4 guys that could eat potato chips in my bed without negative repercussions?

[Someone]

My last post was in response to Green Bean.